"It is not good for man to be alone..."

Godcrazy said:

It is even more nightmarish to have someone sleeping in the same bed, that is for an introvert even. They`ll be kicked out

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Sharing a bed is hard but if the bed is big enough and they keep to their side and let me have a fan on next to me then I am ok.

ozso said:

The last time I shared a bed was with my cousin about thirty two years ago. We were on an expence paid interstate moving expedition, and there were three guys and two beds in the motel room. These days I would get my own room out of pocket. No offense, bro.

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I was referring to when I was married and sharing with a woman. I have not shared a bed with another guy in forever.

ozso said:

Yeah I was just chiming in with an anecdotal story I thought might be considered humorous. Sorry.

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It's all good! I can picture that!

I think the hardest part for me now is that I have zero social skills with which to find a wife even if she was a fellow loner and a good match for me. I live in a smallish town and there is not much to do other than hang out at bars. There are some single women around but not a lot. Not being social, I am not going to meet them. I have tried online dating and hate it. I am just living my life, making no effort to meet anyone. Given my lifestyle, it's not likely I will meet anyone. It could happen, but odds are it won't. When I do engage with women, they always think highly of me and say I am good looking, intelligent, super nice, etc, but they never seem to feel a romantic attraction toward me. I am sure I don't give off the right vibe or say or do the right things. Whatever "it" is, I lack it. Other people have no trouble finding dates and partners, although many don't last and are painful. So I am saving myself that. I have now traveled all over alone, although sometimes I meet up with people where I go, but I am not traveling with them. Today is my second-to-last day in Paris before flying home on Thursday. I was in Paris for 4 days, the Czech Republic for 5, and now 2.5 days in Paris. I was with some fellow photographers in the Czech Republic but alone both times in Paris.

Godcrazy said:

It is like a disturbance, not having yourself to yourself even when you sleep. I guess they did something smart in old times when they had their own rooms. I snore, so that is another one. It would feel like too much interference not being able to sleep alone.

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I know some people sleep better with someone else nearby. It makes them feel secure. I can see that. I know a woman who has been married for over 50 years now. She has a hard time sleeping when her husband is away. She is so used to him being there. She says the house feels empty without him. Clearly, she is not an introvert and is very used to his company.

There are some things I wonder about. I have never been in love. I don't know what that feels like. When I was married, I never found sex all that exhilarating, but I know some people do. I have never known passion. Some people say I am passionate about my hobbies, but I mean passion in the emotional sense. I rarely say something was fun. It's more like it was nice, but nothing ever rises to the level of strong emotions. Buddhists try to avoid strong emotions. I was born a Buddhist! Yet, God gave us emotions. Maybe not me, but most people. He created marriage to be a picture of Christ and the Church. He created us for intimate emotions. Many people adore family and good friends. I think churches sometimes go overboard in putting the family and marriage on a pedestal, but it is what most people are called to. It takes courage to be different. To swim upstream, but maybe not. What choice do we have? How can we be other than what we are?

I am very attracted to women, but relationships have never worked. I like the idea, but not the reality. I won't claim I am 100% at peace with who I am. I no longer expect to ever reach 100% peace this side of heaven. I accept that I will always feel some regret, some pain, some lack of peace. I am a flawed sinner. That said, I can't complain. I live a good life. I love the Lord and others. I need to keep working on myself. I am far from perfect. I don't always handle my situation in the best ways.

I do think the church misses out on a lot by avoiding divorced singles. How many churches today would hire a single pastor? Especially one who was not a young man? They would think the married couples in the church would not relate to him. They would think he could not understand them. They would worry there might be a scandal if single women in the church showed interest in him. Yet Paul was a single church planter. He wished more ministers could be like him - single-minded. Today, Paul would be scorned. He would have a hard time being a pastor. They would argue that in his time there was need for men like him but today the church needs men who exemplify the Biblical husband and father. It is hard to find any man on staff at churches today except maybe a youth pastor but even most of them are married.

bèlla said:

The church‘s position on singles exists for several reasons. There are positions where it isn’t an issue like youth ministry and possibly young adults. But the greater issue is dating and the fallout that could occur in the church. Most couples don’t marry the first people they date and it can take a few tries. Can you fathom the problems that might ensue? Never mind the gossip.

Add in the fact we’re very litigious in America, plus the gender wars, #metoo and social media. They‘d be foolish not to have a policy in place. Married couples are an insurance policy of sorts. It isn‘t perfect but the alternative could be worse. We’re entering new territory with sexual assault allegations being tried in civil court which could be costly to defend and destroy their reputation. This is a new period and caution is best.

~bella

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Reasonable concerns. Perhaps a policy they can't date within the church. They would have to seek a spouse from outside the church (that church). What if they are not sure they want to marry or don't feel ready? Are they to be shunned from ministry until they marry? What if they decide to stay single? Marriage should not be a requirement to minister. It is not in the Bible.