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Isolation, intrusive suicidal thoughts

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by J0SHUA, Jul 29, 2018.

  1. J0SHUA

    J0SHUA

    671
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    Single
    US-Republican
    Sorry I really am not sure if this is the most appropriate section. But I just need some help and advice. Quick background: I'm 23 and I work 45 hours a week at a construction job where I work by myself. I moved to the city I currently live in to get closer to my girlfriend about a year ago. We broke up mutually a couple months ago after a year and a half of being together and are on good terms and no contact. I have made no friends in this city. I live with a few family members who I almost never speak to as they all do their own thing.

    I'm alone every second of every day. I hardly speak to anyone. The loneliness at my job is killing me but it pays well. I tried searching for weekend guitar classes at a local college, nothing. I go to church alone but it's very big, I pretty much walk in and walk out and no one even knows I'm there. I know I need to get involved, but I don't even know how or what I would do there, and my severe social anxiety makes that sort of thing a living nightmare.

    Anyways... I'm completely isolated 24/7. I have no one. The pain of constant loneliness and emptiness has overwhelming waves of suicidal thoughts floating in my mind constantly. I've been in this situation before years ago and thank God he got me out of that situation. And I try my best to be grateful and believe God will get me out of this again. I try not to think negativity but sometimes it completely takes over. But now I'm here again and I don't know how much longer I can be patient and strong. I need someone. I need friendship and community. If anyone has advise on what steps I can take to meet people and take some action here let me know. I'm so desperate for a human connection. I'm considering quitting my job and getting a job where I would have coworkers, but that would make my life financially more difficult.
     
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  2. Emli

    Emli Growing daughter of God Supporter

    +3,053
    Sweden
    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    I'm praying that God will put other Christians in your life, not only fellowship, but also friendships. And that He will strengthen you and overcome your social anxiety for you.

    If you ever need someone to talk to, send me a PM. I know what you're going through, because I have been there. I still am to some extent. And I'm sure that there are lots of other people on CF who can talk to as well.

    God bless you!

    In Christ,
    Em
     
  3. Dave L

    Dave L Well-Known Member Supporter

    +5,787
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Try looking for the positive aspects of your job. It is a blessing from God most would envy. The Israelites complained during the wilderness and all dropped dead in their tracks except a few. This was an 11 day journey that took 40 years....
     
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  4. FireDragon76

    FireDragon76 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +14,231
    United States
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    You mention going to a big church, why not find a smaller church where you can get to know people?
     
  5. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

    +2,876
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    I can definitely relate to you in many ways.
    Being alone is the worst.
    I pray God will give you Christian friends
     
  6. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting The Librarian Supporter

    +7,147
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    You have the option to be the best friend to each person in the city you live in.
    Most people just want someone who listens compassionately.
    I'll bet you have the skills to listen.
    Start listening to one person and they will warmly greet you each day.
    You will become their best friend.
     
  7. Odetta

    Odetta Thankful for grace

    914
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    In big churches, you need to get involved in smaller groups to really connect with people - Sunday school class/lifegroup, choir, singles department activities, that sort of thing.
     
  8. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

    +2,876
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    Exactly . I actually switched churches this sunday. went to a bigger one that offers groups and ministries to be a part of so I second this comment.
     
  9. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

    +1,221
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Constitution
    Go back home to your family, is the first thing that came to mind.

    You walked off the path, and you need to get back to the path. You have to have solid footing, before you can start walking again. Does that make sense? You need to get yourself back to where you are stable, before trying to move on.

    That's my first thought.

    Second, never move to a city to get closer to a girlfriend. Either marry, or don't. I would never move to a city unless we were already engaged, and getting married soon. Because what you describe happens to a ton of people. They have a 'friend'... and the move to be closer to the friend, and then it turns out they are only a friend. Then they are far far away, all by themselves, and don't know what to do.

    Get married, and the move together somewhere. If you are not married, or getting married soon, don't move someplace.

    If you wish to stay where you are, then you are going to have to be even more intentional, about getting involved in the church. That's the only thing I can think of, as a way to find people to be around. You are just going to have to be determined in your own mind, to place yourself into something at the church. I would pick one thing. Just one thing, and dive into it. Maybe find someone in that church who can give you guitar lessons.

    But the bottom line is, especially when you are isolated away from your family, and without any connections where you are... you are just going to have to really put in some effort to be part of a group there.

    AND.... generally speaking people don't always find a good fit the first time around. You may have to try one thing, find out it isn't for you, and try another thing. Just keep going into you find a place where you fit.

    Again, my first thought is go back home, and get yourself stable again.
     
  10. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

    +2,876
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    Great advice pineapple :)
     
  11. J0SHUA

    J0SHUA

    671
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    I definitely see what you're saying. I've been over a lot of what you said in my head. I've thought about moving back with my parents, but it would be such a huge step backwards. I would have to give up my job because the commute would be too much. And it's hard to find good jobs out there. I would feel like I did right out of high school at the age of 23. But at the same time I want to do absolutely anything I can to get out of this misery... I really don't know what to do. I would like to get involved in some small group thing, I'm just afraid it would go terribly bad. You can see the emptiness and depression in my face. It would just be so awkward.
     
  12. AnglicanPeace

    AnglicanPeace Member

    158
    +104
    United States
    Anglican
    Single
    I would love to be alone 24/7 and not feel this paranoid sense of being "hunted" down. For example, I have an intrusive daydream where Zen Buddhists invite (read: drag) me to some overpriced meditation retreat where we don't even meditate, but instead eat lunch and go to posh spas. I have another intrusive daydream where X denomination members drag me to their Bible study and their denomination seems conducive to raucous, hyperactive anger.

    Relish in your solitude. Pretend you're on a beautiful island. Send a message in a bottle. Start a Christian blog. Write a book. Paint. Greet well wishers from the shores. Sit out in nature. Walk with Jesus.
     
  13. J0SHUA

    J0SHUA

    671
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    Severe social anxiety/panic attacks in some social settings. It's a work in progress, trying to simply stand stable on my own two feet right now.
    I've been over this idea in my head so much. And I became set on it. And now it's falling apart and I feel stuck. My parents are moving next year to have privacy in the mountains. It's so shocking and depressing to me. I have so many memories in the house they're leaving behind. They also have my dog so I will probably never see him. On top of that, even more scary, I don't have that security to fall back on. I feel like I truly have no one. The thought of it almost feels unreal. This is literally unbelievably painful. My heart races and burns with physical pain everytime I try to think of someone I could turn to for comfort just to realize I'm facing all of this alone. I feel completely crushed, scared, and hauntingly vulnerable. Every day I go through feels so long and painful. I'm sorry for complaining so much. This website I feel is all I have. The only outlet for my misery besides begging God give me hope. Thank you everyone who took the time to reply or message me. It really meant a lot to me and brightened my day that strangers on the internet cared to personally write me a message. I feel empty and an extreme vulnerable feeling but I'm hoping God will soon give me a day that leads to a path of things getting better. Please God give me this and forgive me of everything I've done wrong, amen.
     
  14. Milos

    Milos Member

    58
    +61
    United States
    Eastern Orthodox
    Private
    I go to a large Church as well, hundreds of people. I would go find someone who would be willing to study with you, you can begin to create a friendship with them.

    Sometimes you need to seek out friendship, it doesn't always seek you. Most people are introverted or shy, it might be good to learn to take the first step. You do mention you have social anxiety, but to get better at your social skills you need to try it won't get better by itself if you continue to isolate.
     
  15. yuppers

    yuppers Active Member

    414
    +214
    Canada
    Christian
    Single
    I can’t give to much advice about how to overcome your struggle with loneliness. I have struggled with feelings like that off and on for the last several years. If you’re not willing to move back to your home town again could you maybe travel there for a weekend? It might feel good to see your friends and family back home again. If that’s not an option maybe you could try calling someone? I think it would be important for you to find someone who can pay attention to you and remind you that you matter! It might take some time and effort for you to find some new friends in your new community. Just don’t give up and keep trying!
     
  16. Dan61861

    Dan61861 7 days without God, makes one weak.

    839
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    All I have in heaven is God, all I have on earth is God. Pour yourself in His word, in prayer. It will truly change your life. Humble yourself before God, He has never left you. As you build your relationship with our Lord, everything else will begin to fall into place. Take refuge under His wing, rest in Christ. You are dearly loved.

    In Christ
    Daniel
     
  17. J0SHUA

    J0SHUA

    671
    +50
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    Thanks for the replies. I've been a lot better than when I started this post. I've decided to give up on my job. I thought my dad would be disappointed but he was surprisingly supportive. I'm also going to go to school while I work and plan to see a therapist through my school and work on my mental health. Money will be tight but I'm looking forward to putting an end to the isolation and working on my mental health. Also my ex called and we are now working on rebuilding a relationship but focusing more on our personal lives.

    Thanks again for the advice guys. I still have the scary depressive thoughts, but they aren't obsessive or intrusive. I remind myself of the goals and changes I'm making and it gives me hope. If anyone reading this doesn't mind praying for me, please pray that God helps me to build every aspect of my life around Him.
     
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