What should be and what is are two different things.
Church is a hospital and not a safe haven.

It has all the equipment and medicine to "make" people "right" with God.
All we have are 2 commandments to follow. Only 2, not 10, not even 613.
But in order to love MY neighbor AS MYSELF I need to start by "cleaning myself up" at least once a week to go to church.
There are 3 "yeasts" the Bible refers to that destroy the church. Slow type of a cancer ... since you guys are Baptists I do not need to show you verses ...
Yeast of Pharisees - false teachings
Yeast of Sadducees - lawyers, legalism,
Yeast of Herod - politics (external and internal), being #1
These 3 kill the church.
These 3 types of yeast, keep people from following the 2nd commandment.
And when the 2nd is not followed, the 1st is definitely not followed regardless of how much we claim we love God.

We love theology, or liturgy, or coffee hour ... but not God.
Cannot love God without loving your neighbor.
Concerning forgiveness. There should be no forgiveness in church when people willingly break these 3.
The world forgives, the church should not. Otherwise the yeast will make everyone ill and even kill some.
Concerning the hypocrisy of having 2 sets of rules.
It is a hypocrisy, yet we must embrace it, because confession is the best medicine.
I am a hypocrite because I smile at church and yell at people outside of it.
Embrace it. Confess it.
Then gradually our life will adjust to the way we "try" behaving in church.
Thanks,

In Christ,
Ed