Is Paul right about singles.

[Tony B]

Oftentimes fellowship involves study or another form of learning and most people have enough on their plate. I don't need another class! Connecting with Christians pursuing similar aims has been helpful. We support and encourage one another and feel comfortable sharing openly. Sometimes the right ones aren't in your backyard. That's been my experience.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

Exactly.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

So I just listened to a guy on YouTube going over a study that said 50% of singles have no desire to marry and even stranger this 50% are not even looking for a date! He rattled off a number of reasons. From men and women don't really need each other today to selfishness as stated above. An other reason is that women have a lot of debt from college and are working to pay that off and have little energy to pursue relationships.

Personally, I did marriage and have no plan to fail at it again. SO I'm more than willing to be in a relationship with women and have long term relationships as long as 7, 8 and 12 years plus more casual relationships with a bunch of men and women. The commitment comes because we want to be with each other and we want to keep up with how the other person is doing and be there to help each other out if needed. This works so much better for me than the marriage escalator.

But I do have to give my church a lot of credit. We have an younger and an older adult ministry at my church. The older one I go to has anywhere from 60 to 100 people attend before Covid19. It is going completely against what other churches are doing as far as I hear.

I have been meeting quite a lot of divorced women, usually in the 40+ arena that simply have no desire to marry again. Men, even women, try to convince them, "Nah, you can't really mean that!" But it was their martial experiences, usually negative, that turned them away from ever marrying again. Some interested men would kind of talk them out of it, but they wouldn't budge.

I know this one woman that goes to social gatherings, with men trying to get her number or ask her out, and she'd have none of it. She even avoids spending time alone with a male friend.

She's content with spending time with her daughter and 3 gal pals. A lot of divorced women get their needs met via spending time with their nieces/nephews..family members.

They actually dislike whatever they had to put up with whatever they had to sacrifice or the difficulties that come with marriage. And I'm not talking about an abusive or cheating spouse either...it's the lack of freedom and the annoyances that come with marriage they don't want to deal with.

Some even mentioned how they get tired of cleaning up after a guy all the time. Kind of thought that was a petty reason, but it's true. They felt it was a form of disrespect when trying to leave a clean home, and then the husband tends to mess it up again.

Basically, they don't want to deal with the work that comes with marriage.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Wanted to add...I had a conversation with a never married, single woman over 50 that had attended a church program regarding grieving. She had lost her mother at the time, so she was taking grief courses at said church.

A married woman there made a rather off-putting remark when she found out that she'd never been married, and assumed she was a fornicator. Went from boyfriend to boyfriend, without ever landing one in holy matrimony. Pretty presumptuous of her. But I think that's how some married people view us 30 or 40+ single people. That we are just significant other hopping, without said relationship winding up a marriage.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, I had a date with a woman last weekend .. she had been divorced for 10 yrs, not desire to get married again.
Has her friends and children, tho they are getting older now. So she would like a guy to spend time with. Told me she hadn't had sex in 28 years, as she and and her husband hadn't had sex since their last child was born. Yup it was work for her, as her husband did nothing about the house, didn't make enough month to pay much on the bills. I think I was her first date.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Ya, I had a date with a woman last weekend .. she had been divorced for 10 yrs, not desire to get married again.
Has her friends and children, tho they are getting older now. So she would like a guy to spend time with. Told me she hadn't had sex in 28 years, as she and and her husband hadn't had sex since their last child was born. Yup it was work for her, as her husband did nothing about the house, didn't make enough month to pay much on the bills. I think I was her first date.

Oh man, I hear ya. You sound like some of my situations. Women who have been boyfriendless/dateless since their divorce for decades even.

I met a woman on a dating site, local. Was rather ideal since she was my age, and no kids. She had no real life other than her work place, that's it. The manager had her open, and be the last to leave, close...due to her life situation. (All the other employees were married with children). She actually kind of helped her manager "nanny" their child.

Anyways, she told me she hadn't been with a man, or a date, since she was divorced for 10 years. I was the only guy she met and that's it. She quickly took down her ad, said she just preferred it this way. She was just making a half-hearted attempt, nothing more.

Sadly, she has no kids, nor family nearby to keep her company. She lives a sad life of solitude, so her work at a low paying, salon, is all she has going for her. Apparently, she had no motivation to even have a man enter her life to liven up her situation. Heck, she hadn't even been to the beach even though it's near by. She doesn't "go out" either. Has NO friends to hang out with. Yep...not even a social life!

If she didn't have a smart phone, I could almost swear she would star at the floor and count the number of tiles there. lol.

She goes to bed super early.

And it really had nothing to do with cleaning up after anyone or whatever. I think she stayed in single-hood for too long and it kind of ruined her in a sense...at least ruined her for future romantic prospects. it's a shame as she was smart, beautiful, healthy, and lived close to me. Most women like her, I have to travel a good distance to meet.

It's like some single women have become completely desensitized to romance.

 

[bèlla]

Most women don't have the relational needs men have in respect to the opposite sex. Our closest connections are often with women and we're usually more considerate and less demanding. In the past home and family were the central themes in our lives. That's no longer the case. We work, travel, pursue hobbies, develop friendships and date. Our lives are full.

My happiness isn't dependent on a man's presence and I don't feel the sense of emptiness men express. Singleness is opportunistic for the most part. While I want to marry because the Lord desires me to do so. I don't need to marry.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[bèlla]

Some even mentioned how they get tired of cleaning up after a guy all the time. Kind of thought that was a petty reason, but it's true. They felt it was a form of disrespect when trying to leave a clean home, and then the husband tends to mess it up again.

I would qualify that statement with 'him'. What a woman finds intolerable in one man may be permissible or welcome in another. It depends on how much she values him and the measure of deposits in her emotional bank.

There's the idea of compelling that's more complicated. It isn't based on feelings. It's a natural response of womanliness to his essence. The behavior is unforced and isn't driven by duty. It's a fundamental quality of servanthood from a woman's vantage point. Duty is its nemesis. It compartmentalizes the heart and creates an automaton.

You never want a woman to do something because she should. When delight is absent and desire wanes the light goes out. Forming relationships with men who don't compel you is a slog. It wears you down after a while.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I would qualify that statement with 'him'. What a woman finds intolerable in one man may be permissible or welcome in another. It depends on how much she values him and the measure of deposits in her emotional bank.

There's the idea of compelling that's more complicated. It isn't based on feelings. It's a natural response of womanliness to his essence. The behavior is unforced and isn't driven by duty. It's a fundamental quality of servanthood from a woman's vantage point. Duty is its nemesis. It compartmentalizes the heart and creates an automaton.

You never want a woman to do something because she should. When delight is absent and desire wanes the light goes out. Forming relationships with men who don't compel you is a slog. It wears you down after a while.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

This, I like the way you put this...

Just now, I recall a woman I went out that said she actually went over to her boyfriend's house (now ex) (they've been together for a year), and cleaned and organized for him. I thought it was the sweetest thing...but he complained about it saying that he was upset that he moved his stuff around or whatever.

I was like "What? You're a keeper! lol"

She was compelled to do it, because she cared. Not out of obligation.

In counterpoint, just now I saw a post about why "men don't marry", and about half of it entailed him loosing most of what he earned financially, pensions, etc.

The opening sentence stated, "Because there's nothing in it for them"...which is disturbing. Who marries because there has to be something "in it for them"?

When people now speak of staying single and never marrying or whatever. It's a cold, callous and refers to more of a transactional thing.

Ah here it is:

https://www.amazon.com/Men-Strike-Boycotting-Marriage-Fatherhood/dp/1594037620

 

[bèlla]

She was compelled to do it, because she cared. Not out of obligation.

TIM,

That's an example of compelling but it isn't service. Not in the manner I've known and lived. She performed a task based on personal belief. But she never asked him what he wanted. Service is a combination of query, observation, and anticipatory actions. You can't start with the latter. You have to know his routine and understand his preferences and nuances when he's unwell and out of sorts. Each has its own degree of service and attentiveness.

It isn't a projection of my interpretation of his needs. Its exacting. Fulfillment opens the door for influencing areas of struggle or reluctance. It has a coaxing effect.

In counterpoint, just now I saw a post about why "men don't marry", and about half of it entailed him loosing most of what he earned financially, pensions, etc.

Relationships must be mutually fulfilling. If either fears the possibility of being taken advantage of they'll erect walls and stumbling blocks for the other person. Or test their loyalty in ways that may sabotage the union.

We all have areas of discomfort but if they're identical they may be difficult to surmount. A person who fears a loss of income may be better suited with a traditionally minded partner whose frugal. It could silence the alarm and help him move forward.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

Most women don't have the relational needs men have in respect to the opposite sex. Our closest connections are often with women and we're usually more considerate and less demanding. In the past home and family were the central themes in our lives. That's no longer the case. We work, travel, pursue hobbies, develop friendships and date. Our lives are full.

My happiness isn't dependent on a man's presence and I don't feel the sense of emptiness men express. Singleness is opportunistic for the most part. While I want to marry because the Lord desires me to do so. I don't need to marry.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

I went out a couple of times with a local Christian woman. She has a number of women friends and an active social life with them. Collectively they have some guy friends that serve as dance partners when they go dancing. She seems very content with that arrangement. I always felt that she would go out with me if she had a free night from all her girlfriend activities. She never offered to include me on any of her mixed group events. She claimed to be looking for something long-term but I never got that vibe. She was happy to let me pay for everything but I quit asking her out when I got to feeling like I was never a priority. I think she's happy with her social circumstances and I wasn't adding much. That's fair.

For whatever reason I've always preferred having women friends. I've never had many guy friends. I never felt like we had much in common. Seems ironic but true. I don't hunt, fish, play golf, drink beer, work on cars, live for football, etc. I like football but only the teams I grew up with which are far from where I live now so I'm not into the local teams popular here. I'd rather talk about theology or history than sports or work. I just never clicked well with most guys. Churches try to promote same sex friendships. Men's groups are all about getting the men together. I get that. I am single though and the women I am friends with are too. I don't try to befriend a married woman. I hate men's groups. Too stereotyped and too much focus on marriage and parenting neither of which apply to me now. They put on an annual car show at the church (yawn). They have an annual men's banquet and the guest speaker is always someone talking about faith but in the context of fishing, hunting, or football. It's pathetically stereotype.

I don't feel empty though. I've lived most of my life without a woman's presence. I've learned to be my own best friend. I travel alone, go out to eat alone, ride alone, hike alone, kayak alone... I will often go days at a time without conversing with another human being. I've gone two weeks without leaving the house except for bike rides. I don't know what I would do with a wife! Companionship is not a big need. I don't care to sit and talk for hours. I eat to live, not live to eat so spending time on meals and sitting and talking over meals is not my thing. I prefer to sleep alone unless my wife was way over on her side. I can't sleep with anyone too close to me. I'm just not cut out for relationships. A little social contact now and then does me just fine. Women are wonderful but as much as they have to offer, I don't know that I have any need.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I went out a couple of times with a local Christian woman. She has a number of women friends and an active social life with them. Collectively they have some guy friends that serve as dance partners when they go dancing. She seems very content with that arrangement. I always felt that she would go out with me if she had a free night from all her girlfriend activities. She never offered to include me on any of her mixed group events. She claimed to be looking for something long-term but I never got that vibe. She was happy to let me pay for everything but I quit asking her out when I got to feeling like I was never a priority. I think she's happy with her social circumstances and I wasn't adding much. That's fair.

Sounds like a crappy female friend, no offense, but you're a sucker for paying. She was using you, and it was a double slap in the face when she wouldn't include you in any of her reindeer games.

Hardly fair.

But we've all been that sucker one time or another in our lives. Been there myself. Men are accessories to women now...at least from your experience. You'd think these guy partners would try to actually...you know, date them?

I think this is when people start to think others are "gay" if they are out dancing with members of the opposite sex, with no inclination to date their dance partners. If not gay, then asexual.

I dunno, your whole scenario is confusing. lol

Heck, maybe I'm even getting to that point, but it's being driven by fatigue and giving up trying. A woman would have to ask ME out for me to consider dating...or just give me very obvious signals. lol

 

[bèlla]

For whatever reason I've always preferred having women friends. I've never had many guy friends. I never felt like we had much in common.

NUAG,

I'm the opposite. I don't have male friends. My closest relationships are with married women. They're all believers. I value their company and wisdom.

I want to share my heart with people who don't have agendas. Not those seeking a problem-solver or someone to make their life easier. I don't need that. I prefer to befriend married couples. I like the balance and absence of concern. I can relax and enjoy myself. The conversations are richer and we have more in common.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

I don't have any local married friends. I don't have many friends in general. I never really share my heart. Maybe in email sometimes. A different life....

 

[bèlla]

I don't have any local married friends. I don't have many friends in general. I never really share my heart. Maybe in email sometimes. A different life....

NUAG,

My closest companions aren't local. God put me in relationships with people whose character and lifestyle complemented my own. We each have qualities the other needs and bless one another through them. I prayed for them. I needed a support network. It took a while but the Lord answered.

It's okay if you prefer a quieter life or time alone. I'm an ambivert. I move in both directions as needed. But I'm not a loner. I appreciate quality time with my partner but I'm equally stoked by an evening with 4-6 couples who come over for dinner. We feast on great food and conversation and enjoy each other's company.

I'm a social butterfly.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

I would say I am a loner but when I am social I don't come across as one. It's more that I choose to be alone most of the time. A dinner party with several couples would be beyond my comfort zone. I am not the sit and talk type and I am not into food. Talking over a meal is one of my least favorite things to do. I like to eat quickly and get away from the table. Needless to say, I hate holidays. I just don't do well in social settings. One on one is best.

 

[bèlla]

I would say I am a loner but when I am social I don't come across as one. It's more that I choose to be alone most of the time.

NUAG,

Were you always that way? Even during your youth? You're not alone. I don't talk to anyone on a daily basis save my daughter and companion and I live with her.

Gibran said, "let there be spaces in your togetherness" and I agree. Too much familiarity isn't good. Few conversations can withstand daily exchanges without veering into complaint and gossip. By reducing exposure it keeps things on the right foot. That's edifying for each.

A dinner party with several couples would be beyond my comfort zone. I am not the sit and talk type and I am not into food. Talking over a meal is one of my least favorite things to do. I like to eat quickly and get away from the table. Needless to say, I hate holidays. I just don't do well in social settings. One on one is best.

There are women who feel the same. They don't want a crowd or spotlight. Have you met others like yourself?

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

NUAG,

Were you always that way? Even during your youth? You're not alone. I don't talk to anyone on a daily basis save my daughter and companion and I live with her.

Gibran said, "let there be spaces in your togetherness" and I agree. Too much familiarity isn't good. Few conversations can withstand daily exchanges without veering into complaint and gossip. By reducing exposure it keeps things on the right foot. That's edifying for each.



There are women who feel the same. They don't want a crowd or spotlight. Have you met others like yourself?

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

I had to laugh when you quoted Gibran as my Mom used to always say that!

Yes I have always been like this. My Mom was an alcoholic from the time I was a baby until I was 17. My Dad was pretty quiet and reserved except around his friends so I think I got a combination of his personality and the effects of growing up in a highly dysfunctional home. By the time I hit high school I suffered from severe stress issues. I simply could not handle stress. That alone kept me from dating. I was also shy and introverted. Sports was my refuge. I was a long-distance runner and those hours running helped me deal with the stress. By the time I went off to college I didn't even want to be around alcohol. Naturally college is full of drinking. I had a few friends and mostly studied and rode my bike. By then I had switched to bicycle racing.

Later in life, I would get sick to my stomach before going to a fellowship group. A few times I couldn't go. I was heading for the door the second it ended. I never stuck around to talk. At church I slip out the back when the pastor is giving the final prayer. I worked for a company for 36 years and skipped just about every social event for all those years.

One on one I do fine. I have times where I can do ok in a group but it's very draining. My ex-wife was not very social but the few times we got together with other couples I hated it. I found nothing to talk about with the other husband and I was antsy the entire time. I've been divorced for 12 years and rarely dated. The thing I hate most about dating is thinking up things to do on a date. I don't go out much and can't think of much beyond dinner. I also have a hard time breaking the ice with affection. I am ok once the ice is broken but breaking it is torture. Earlier this year I met a woman who made it all easy. We really hit it off. Then she suddenly ended it saying she wasn't ready for a relationship. Like that she was gone. As amazing as that experience was, I was starting to feel the stress of coming up with things to do. Most of the time I do quiet things at home. I am a photographer so I spend a lot of time taking and editing photos. I read and bike ride. I do home projects. There is not much I do that I'd want to do with another person. I'm afraid with me there would be more spaces than togetherness. I just never learned to share life with another. I've been told I have attachment disorder. Maybe. I just know that being around other people too much stresses me. Both growing up and in marriage home was never a peaceful place. I know that's why I prefer to live alone. Having the house all to myself is very peaceful. I don't have to talk to anyone and there is no possibility of conflict.

We all know relationships take effort. You have to work at them. You have to make time for each other. I've never experienced enough benefits from relationships to want to work at them. Working at them often means forcing myself to do things I don't want to do. I know God created us for fellowship and that it's "not good for man to be alone." I also know we live in a fallen world where sin affects God's perfect order. I've tried to overcome this through counseling, prayer, ... but to no avail. Since it started when I was a child, it's all I've ever known. I can't think back to a time when it was different. There is a sense in which you can't miss what you've never known. When I see happy couples together, it's a mystery to me. I don't understand how they can enjoy being around each other so much. I can't imagine going to bed with someone each night and waking up next to them. I don't want to have to get up in the morning and engage in conversation. I might love the person to death but being around them so much would be stressful. It would be nice to have an occasional activity companion and travel companion. Something where I felt no obligation and didn't feel I had to spend frequent time with them. Maybe it would change in time but so far it never has.

When you don't care to talk a lot, that pretty much kills relationships. Activities are fun but often are things to do while talking. Same with dinners out, meals at home, go to the farmer's market. These are things we do that provide a setting in which to communicate. Going out for coffee, going for a walk, sitting on the deck... Not that you have to talk every second but much of life as a couple is talking. If you are a quiet person that's hard. As you can tell, I love to write. I almost prefer writing to talking even though I am a great public speaker and teacher. I keep a Christian blog and love to write much to the consternation of others! My emails have often been described as books

I don't think the magic of love (as in man and woman) will ever happen for me. I will likely live out my life single living alone. I will take vacations alone. I've learned how to be content alone. I mostly seek peace. I don't think in terms of happiness. I rarely say something is fun. I always feel some stress and anxiety. I've not found life fun. I just take it one day at a time and try and find peace. Things like romance and fun are beyond my scope of existence. I don't really have the emotional range for that. Yet I am a very giving and loving person. Just in ways I can handle.

 

[bèlla]

I had to laugh when you quoted Gibran as my Mom used to always say that!

NUAG,

It isn't a common sentiment for women. Let alone one who enjoys their company like I do. But I know my sex. We recount everything. By the time the call is over you're agitated and worked up just like her. But you were calm before she rang.

To preserve the dignity of my mindset and valuation of the opposite sex I maintain a perimeter around my thoughts. The crawlspace is sacred. Once you take in nonsense it's difficult to get rid of it. If I subject my ears to complaints and negative talk I'll echo the same. I'll cease to see the wonder and make mountains out of molehills. Discontented women aren't loved for long.

I'm afraid with me there would be more spaces than togetherness. I just never learned to share life with another. I've been told I have attachment disorder. Maybe. I just know that being around other people too much stresses me. Both growing up and in marriage home was never a peaceful place. I know that's why I prefer to live alone. Having the house all to myself is very peaceful. I don't have to talk to anyone and there is no possibility of conflict.

Given your background it's understandable why you struggle in this area. Oftentimes we see replications of the past. But you haven't done that. You abstain from alcohol and didn't become abusive. This is your coping mechanism. You'd need a companion who'd honor those challenges and give you the space you want without feeling unloved or unimportant. She'd need to fill the gap with relationships and interests that met her needs and respected your bond.

When I see happy couples together, it's a mystery to me. I don't understand how they can enjoy being around each other so much.

I don't experience that all the time. Some men make me warm to them. My desire for their company isn't dependent on attraction. I like being around them and would feel the same if we weren't dating. It's a different energy. We could talk for hours and hangout. They make me laugh and we usually have a lot in common.

It's rare. I've experienced it on three occasions. Two I dated and the third I encountered on CF. They bring out a different side of my personality. I'm relaxed and in my element. I don't feel constrained. For the rest, that isn't the case. We take the usual course of acquaintanceship and so on.

When you don't care to talk a lot, that pretty much kills relationships.

Maybe for some. But not all. Silence doesn't mean you're being ignored. It doesn't mean the other person isn't listening. Words have their place. But regard and actions speak loudest. It's like the song; More Than Words.

As you can tell, I love to write. I almost prefer writing to talking even though I am a great public speaker and teacher. I keep a Christian blog and love to write much to the consternation of others! My emails have often been described as books

There's nothing wrong with that! How many can say the same? Writing and public speaking are hard work. You excel where others struggle. How long have you been blogging?

Things like romance and fun are beyond my scope of existence. I don't really have the emotional range for that. Yet I am a very giving and loving person. Just in ways I can handle.

There is nothing too hard for God. Our limitations are minuscule in His eyes. He knows how to bring the things we lack and place us with others who nurture and support our challenges.

I don't have it all together either. I'm very driven and my mind is always going. I sleep with a tablet and notepad to capture the ideas as they arrive. I'm on the mountain and moving steadily towards the top. And I love the climb. I was born for it and it excites me in ways I can't explain.

But its troubling for some. They'd hold me back and say not so fast or not so high. They can only receive me in one guise. Reigned in. Singleness allows me to gallop like a mustang. Unimpeded. Just me and the mountain. Nothing in my way.

I told someone not too long ago that I needed a four story closet. He was taken aback and paused a while. Then he repeated the words, "four story closet?" I said, yes. One floor for every season. I could hear him processing the words. LOL

I was serious. He laughed for a moment and said, that's crazy. I described what I wanted and reminded him I could write most of it off including the clothes. He said, let's start with two. We had a little banter and joked.

I knew his standard when I made the comment. I understood his approach to the mountain too. But I wanted to gauge if he truly saw me as I am. Not in the capacity that's comfortable or appeases the ego. But in the raw. I didn't need his funding or approval. I wanted to know if he'd hold me back.

I cannot be less than I am. God made me this way. Honoring the dignity of His workmanship means embracing the truth. I'm not a pretzel. In like fashion, you are who you are. No amount of contortion will change that. Only the Lord can rebuild your person. A companion can smooth rough spots and help you feel comfortable in situations that may be difficult but they can't change you. You won't make lasting changes without God's involvement.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

NUAG,

It isn't a common sentiment for women. Let alone one who enjoys their company like I do. But I know my sex. We recount everything. By the time the call is over you're agitated and worked up just like her. But you were calm before she rang.

To preserve the dignity of my mindset and valuation of the opposite sex I maintain a perimeter around my thoughts. The crawlspace is sacred. Once you take in nonsense it's difficult to get rid of it. If I subject my ears to complaints and negative talk I'll echo the same. I'll cease to see the wonder and make mountains out of molehills. Discontented women aren't loved for long.



Given your background it's understandable why you struggle in this area. Oftentimes we see replications of the past. But you haven't done that. You abstain from alcohol and didn't become abusive. This is your coping mechanism. You'd need a companion who'd honor those challenges and give you the space you want without feeling unloved or unimportant. She'd need to fill the gap with relationships and interests that met her needs and respected your bond.



I don't experience that all the time. Some men make me warm to them. My desire for their company isn't dependent on attraction. I like being around them and would feel the same if we weren't dating. It's a different energy. We could talk for hours and hangout. They make me laugh and we usually have a lot in common.

It's rare. I've experienced it on three occasions. Two I dated and the third I encountered on CF. They bring out a different side of my personality. I'm relaxed and in my element. I don't feel constrained. For the rest, that isn't the case. We take the usual course of acquaintanceship and so on.



Maybe for some. But not all. Silence doesn't mean you're being ignored. It doesn't mean the other person isn't listening. Words have their place. But regard and actions speak loudest. It's like the song; More Than Words.



There's nothing wrong with that! How many can say the same? Writing and public speaking are hard work. You excel where others struggle. How long have you been blogging?



There is nothing too hard for God. Our limitations are minuscule in His eyes. He knows how to bring the things we lack and place us with others who nurture and support our challenges.

I don't have it all together either. I'm very driven and my mind is always going. I sleep with a tablet and notepad to capture the ideas as they arrive. I'm on the mountain and moving steadily towards the top. And I love the climb. I was born for it and it excites me in ways I can't explain.

But its troubling for some. They'd hold me back and say not so fast or not so high. They can only receive me in one guise. Reigned in. Singleness allows me to gallop like a mustang. Unimpeded. Just me and the mountain. Nothing in my way.

I told someone not too long ago that I needed a four story closet. He was taken aback and paused a while. Then he repeated the words, "four story closet?" I said, yes. One floor for every season. I could hear him processing the words. LOL

I was serious. He laughed for a moment and said, that's crazy. I described what I wanted and reminded him I could write most of it off including the clothes. He said, let's start with two. We had a little banter and joked.

I knew his standard when I made the comment. I understood his approach to the mountain too. But I wanted to gauge if he truly saw me as I am. Not in the capacity that's comfortable or appeases the ego. But in the raw. I didn't need his funding or approval. I wanted to know if he'd hold me back.

I cannot be less than I am. God made me this way. Honoring the dignity of His workmanship means embracing the truth. I'm not a pretzel. In like fashion, you are who you are. No amount of contortion will change that. Only the Lord can rebuild your person. A companion can smooth rough spots and help you feel comfortable in situations that may be difficult but they can't change you. You won't make lasting changes without God's involvement.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

You would be fun! I would say, "Are you sure 4 stories are enough? We can go bigger."

Actually, I do drink now. I started at age 47. Not in any abusive way of course. Could never do that.

 

[bèlla]

You would be fun! I would say, "Are you sure 4 stories are enough? We can go bigger."

NUAG,

Four will do. I'd design a space for my companion and his wardrobe too. I wouldn't neglect him.

Actually, I do drink now. I started at age 47. Not in any abusive way of course. Could never do that.

I think I recall you saying that. You drink spirits right? I want to say scotch or bourbon but I'm not sure.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella