Is it wrong, even sinful, to withhold sex from your spouse?

[SolomonVII]

Well, These are just words on the internet. To think that all these people in this post (especially the females) do actually deliver to their partners so often, Is hillarious, To say the least.

Maybe everybody is a liar, except the cynic.
The problem with cynicism though, is that there is nothing left worthwhile in her world to be able to lie about. Ergo, the cynicism.

What is heartening to me is not that I am naive enough to think that everybody posting are in perfect marriages. What is heartening is that they are striving to be more perfect spouses to their significant others, and are looking to the wisdom of the ages, the Bible, to set them on the right track.

 

[Monna]

There is an interesting corollary to the thread's question. When I was much younger the logic that church people presented to me ended up with "the only real reason for marriage is sex." Sex was not allowed outside of marriage, but if any one made the statement that the only reason for marriage is sex, they would be attacked with extreme vigour. That any Christian would actually marry for sex was preposterous! What about building a family, etc etc. they would argue?

Well, my sister remained single, adopted two children, raised them as her family. She had close friends of various genders, always someone to do things with, very close friends with whom she shared deep emotional and spiritual intimacy, and there was no lack of a social life. And she is not alone in this route.

So besides sex what does marriage give that you can't have without marriage? (In the country I live, in fact the only difference now remaining between cohabitation and marriage, are some minor details on inheritance, and the possibility of a married person to contine receiving his/her deceased partner's pension until his/her own death. That possibility is not available to unmarried couples.)

 

[NJM24]

If your spouse doesn't feel like having sex, and you have sex with your spouse any way, I'm sorry, but that kind of seems pretty textbook rape to me.

I agree. If you force yourself on your spouse once they have said no it is rape but if they don't feel like it but go ahead and do it even though you know they don't really feel like doing it that is just wrong on your part but not rape.

 

[Slytherina]

I agree. If you force yourself on your spouse once they have said no it is rape but if they don't feel like it but go ahead and do it even though you know they don't really feel like doing it that is just wrong on your part but not rape.

Why is it wrong? It's their duty, It's not like it's something that'll last 10 hours. We all have to sacrifice ourselves for our partner at times.

 

[NJM24]

Why is it wrong? It's their duty, It's not like it's something that'll last 10 hours. We all have to sacrifice ourselves for our partner at times.

Are you asking why it is wrong to force yourself on someone?

 

[Slytherina]

Not rape. But them sacrificing themselves for you, To make you happy, Even thought, For whatever reason, They've originally said No and would still say No - If they wouldn't love you so much.

People make sacrifices for each other all the time in relationships and especially marriage. It's nothing new.

 

[NJM24]

Why is it wrong? It's their duty, It's not like it's something that'll last 10 hours. We all have to sacrifice ourselves for our partner at times.

I'm not saying never give in to your partner but there are times when you just don't feel like it and shouldn't be forced into it. People also have different sex drives and the amount of time varies. I don't agree wit abstaining for an extended period of time if you're married but again there are times when you just don't feel like it.

 

[SolomonVII]

To be clear, the voices on this thread that I am agreeing with are not advocating forcing oneself on one's spouse. They are advocating submitting oneself to the happiness of one's spouse.

 

[PollyJetix]

Love is an action word.
We tend to think Love is a feeling. But it is actually an action.
God defines real love by what we do, not by what we feel.

He commands us to love. But feelings cannot be created on command.
Not even your own feelings on your own command.
Feelings... just happen.

Real love is doing to others what we would have them do to us.

And in a marriage context, that means giving sex when the other wants it, even if the self doesn't feel like it, necessarily.
But in a marriage context, it also means not demanding sex, ever, on a purely selfish level.

To be biblically loving, you would allow the other person to fulfill your own needs, without feeling weird about asking... even asking for it from them, without expecting them to just "know" somehow (as if they were omniscient, like God) what you want or need.

After all... that's how we want to be treated. We want people to ask for what they need. We aren't God. We can't know, unless they ask.

A biblically loving marriage is humble, kind companionship.
Even in the bedroom, it's 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 put into action.

No matter how we feel.
Because feelings come around eventually.
If we want them to.

 

[dqhall]

If is against the law for a man to rape his wife. Withholding sex might result in incompatibility and may result in divorce, if the two cannot be reconciled to each other. Not all couples practice birth control, they refrain from sex if they do not want to have a baby.

 

[Bluerose31]

Is it wrong, even sinful, to withhold sex?
You know, it would make your spouse disappointed of you.

Is it a sign that marriage love have declined?

I think it is not a sin to withhold sex if the partner is not feeling well or there is an argument- but I think that should be healed. I think marriage partners should try and give each other intimacy so that neither feels neglected.

 

[DarthNeo]

I CANNOT believe no one has posted this...

1 Corinthians 7:5 - "Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

So yes, it is a sin unless agreed up and then only for a short while...

 

[RDKirk]

I CANNOT believe no one has posted this...

1 Corinthians 7:5 - "Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

So yes, it is a sin unless agreed up and then only for a short while...

That was mentioned a while back, by Pollyjetix, I think, whose handle I just now got.

 

[SolomonVII]

That was mentioned a while back, by Pollyjetix, I think, whose handle I just now got.

As long as her handle doesn't have anything to do with your wife's feet, we're all good here.

 

[Grandpa2390]

I CANNOT believe no one has posted this...

1 Corinthians 7:5 - "Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

So yes, it is a sin unless agreed up and then only for a short while...

That was mentioned a while back, by Pollyjetix, I think, whose handle I just now got.

yeah. I and THE W are at least two people who have mentioned the scripture. I explained it.

 

[JMH]

I don't think it's a sin at all, it's not a woman's duty to blindly submit to doing anything she doesn't want to married or not, nor is it a mans duty either, you are not duty bound to have sex with anyone.

Now if you're withholding sex as a tool of manipulation then perhaps there are deeper problems in your marriage that it's come to that and that's your own issue to deal with, but I read somewhere in this thread that "women today don't know their place and role" and I'd just like to say that is a truely backward and idiotic thing to say to be honest.

I for one see women as my equal and I do not believe it's any woman's role to blindly serve her husband and anyone who thinks it is needs their head examined.

Sex for me is all about the mood, sometimes it's up to the man to act like a man and make his wife feel like a lady, make an extra effort, treat her with dignity and respect and maybe she'll want to engage in romance, married or not nobody owns you.

And people can quote all the verses they want, but the lord did not intend for women to be treated that way.

 

[SolomonVII]

The Bible doesn't talk about being blind (except to say that there are none so blind as those who will not see). It does go into what love means in marriage, and that definitely does go against a lot of the secular wisdom of today.

 

[dqhall]

I CANNOT believe no one has posted this...

1 Corinthians 7:5 - "Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

So yes, it is a sin unless agreed up and then only for a short while...

I think this coming together may be more for fellowship and joint activities than intercourse. They did not have birth control back then. To constantly procreate might have resulted in lust, family size of 20 or more and poverty.

 

[DarthNeo]

I think this coming together may be more for fellowship and joint activities than intercourse. They did not have birth control back then. To constantly procreate might have resulted in lust, family size of 20 or more and poverty.

WRONG...

 

[SolomonVII]

I think this coming together may be more for fellowship and joint activities than intercourse. They did not have birth control back then. To constantly procreate might have resulted in lust, family size of 20 or more and poverty.

Not really. The threat of disease and death in ancient times, especially in childhood and birth, was such that the threat of under-population was much more real than the threat of human populations rising and crashing like so many fruit flies in a jar.

The Catholicism of the first fifteen hundred years also had built in restrains on constant sexual demands being placed on the less motivated partner. Built into the liturgical calendar are a large number of holy days which are to be dedicated to the various saints, etc,. and on those days people were expected to exercise sexual restraint in deference to the saints being honored.