Is it wrong, even sinful, to withhold sex from your spouse?

[Na Nach Oi!]

Is it wrong, even sinful, to withhold sex?
You know, it would make your spouse disappointed of you.

Is it a sign that marriage love have declined?

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

yes,

1 Corinthians 7:3-5

 

[Armoured]

Is it wrong, even sinful, to withhold sex?
You know, it would make your spouse disappointed of you.

Is it a sign that marriage love have declined?

Are you with holding sex with an agenda, or just don't feel like it? I don't think it's ever a sin not to have sex, but if you're not having sex as a form of manipulation, that's not really healthy...

 

[Solomons Porch]

Do not withhold sex.
No, I dont think its a sign of your love fading. (its probably other things)
In EVERYTHING I DO, may I do it unto the Lord.

It is NOT GOOD for man to be alone.
SO I will make him a helper (tada and there she is)
Women today do not understand their role and place
In humility we are to understand a much bigger picture
Its not even about the sex, its about "doing" as unto the Lord (in everything)

 

[OldWiseGuy]

If sex is withheld by either spouse it signals big problems in the marriage. Sex is probably the best indicator of trouble in the relationship (been there, done that).

 

[Slytherina]

There's no reason for anyone to withhold sex from their partner. Whether you do have an agenda, Or not. Yes, It is a sign of love fading. Sex is basically what keeps the relationship alive, Even when you're together after a long time.

And when sex begins to dissapear, 10/10 of the time it's because the one who begins to withhold it, Is losing interest (or has secretely found someone else to fulfill this need). Whenever couples divorce etc. They always say that their partner didn't have sex with them. I'm not saying that this is 100% why they've divorced, But, Coincidence? I think not.

As for it being a sin... If you withhold sex because you want to manipulate your partner into something.. My personal opinion is that it's a form prostitution. You give them sex, If they give you what you want. I can't say for sure, But it sounds like prostitution. And since this ''prostitution'' isn't commited from a single woman to a man she doesn't know (or vice vera) but to their spouse in something as sacred as marriage, I could actually see God punishing this alot more harshly than ''real'' prostitution.

It's basically as if a man becomes a priest and then starts shouting verses from a Satanic Bible in front of many people in the church.

I think you shouldn't withhold it because for 1.) it ruins the relationship, and for 2.) if you do it to manipulate them, it's a sin.

 

[Northern Star]

I don't think it's right to withhold sex if your doing it to in some way 'hurt' your spouse. That shows a problem with the heart I think which probably indicates it's sinful. If there is a more sympathetic reason why the two aren't having sex I don't think it's sinful (1 Corinthians 7:3-6 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command. -- I have always interpreted the last sentence to mean it is not a command, but that it's not good to deprive one another.) If there is an agreement between the two parties then it's not sinful.

 

[Grandpa2390]

yes,
1 Corinthians 7:3-5

As for it being a sin... If you withhold sex because you want to manipulate your partner into something.. My personal opinion is that it's a form prostitution. You give them sex, If they give you what you want. I can't say for sure, But it sounds like prostitution. And since this ''prostitution'' isn't commited from a single woman to a man she doesn't know (or vice vera) but to their spouse in something as sacred as marriage, I could actually see God punishing this alot more harshly than ''real'' prostitution.

agreed. It is very much like prostitution in this regard.


@OP
I want to add that even if you are withholding because you just don't "feel" like it. that too is wrong. Paul says the husband's body belongs to his wife and hers to him.

If you disagree that, you are inviting powerful temptation into his/her life. You withholding is not an excuse to go commit adultery, but you are partly responsible because according to the Bible, it is a need that is a spouse's duty to fulfill. and if you refuse to fill that need, for whatever selfish motive, and some girl (or guy) out in the world is...

if your spouse is weak in that area he could fall into adultery. and you are partly responsible for causing his fall just like you would be if you caused an ex-alcoholic to start drinking again by bringing him to a bar or something.
Imagine if your husband was, for some reason, unable to cook and unable to learn to cook (not just too lazy to cook), and you decided to stop cooking for him. Sooner or later, he is going to find somewhere else to get food.

The same goes for every aspect of your relationship. If you start giving your spouse the silent treatment, chances are that your spouse is going to start talking to other people more. And depending on your spouse, your plan to withhold intimacy may backfire in a rip your life apart kind of way.

And this is not equivalent to rape. If you feel like you are being raped in fulfilling this responsibility to your spouse, you need counseling. because there are more serious issues going on than just "I don't feel like it".

 

[Armoured]

I want to add that even if you are withholding because you just don't "feel" like it. that too is wrong. Paul says the husband's body belongs to his wife and hers to him.

Marital rape FTW!

 

[Grandpa2390]

Marital rape FTW!

I don't think so. Marital Rape is wrong. We are not talking about Rape. We are talking about fulfilling a responsibility to your spouse. Not attacking someone and forcing them to do it against their will.

If it is rape, then there is an issue. No one should be forced to have sex. Saying something is a husbandly duty or a wifely duty, doesn't imply rape. A man providing for his family is a duty. And a woman providing a clean home is a duty. but it is not slave labor.

If you read the verse and think that this means your spouse is given a pass to rape you or is raping you by this, then you need to seek counseling.

 

[Solomons Porch]

As for it being a sin... If you withhold sex because you want to manipulate your partner

May I just add to what you have written, and I agree with you btw. Anything that is of a controlling nature, is the spirit of witchcraft. To control things is not of God, to deceive and manipulate, is not of God. This is from the devil and its for self gain and control. Even a prostitute is doing the act for an exchange. An exchange of money for the act. So if withholding sex from a spouse, for the purpose of "having power" and "control" it is not from God. The hearts intentions is purely evil and the evil is, that I will keep this from him/her so that "I" can get what "I" want and so that "I" can control what happens around me. Thus the spirit of witchcraft operates in this manner.

But when we give as giving unto the Lord, and lay our bodies out as a sacrifice, we are in fact doing as unto the Lord. Because we are recognizing that the power of our sacrifice, will in the end, have power over satan, because satan knows the power of sex, and if he see's you sacrificing yourself as unto the Lord, setting aside your emotions and feelings, and saying Lord I am here to serve you in every way. At that very moment satan see's his defeat. Because we rendered our "control" to the Lord. To be completely honest, yes even sex in the marriage can be seen as Spiritual Warfare, you are laying aside the lusts of the flesh and coming together as God has commanded. When all the while satan was hoping you would hang onto bitterness and strife. Instead you became intimate with your spouse, not giving into evil emotions, you are taking up your cross and following Him. Satan is defeated when we give someone a drink if they are thirsty. Satan is defeated when we turn the other cheek.

 

[Armoured]

I don't think so. Marital Rape is wrong. We are not talking about Rape. We are talking about fulfilling a responsibility to your spouse. Not attacking someone and forcing them to do it against their will.

If it is rape, then there is an issue. No one should be forced to have sex. Saying something is a husbandly duty or a wifely duty, doesn't imply rape. A man providing for his family is a duty. And a woman providing a clean home is a duty. but it is not slave labor.

If you read the verse and think that this means your spouse is given a pass to rape you or is raping you by this, then you need to seek counseling.

If your spouse doesn't feel like having sex, and you have sex with your spouse any way, I'm sorry, but that kind of seems pretty textbook rape to me.

 

[Grandpa2390]

If your spouse doesn't feel like having sex, and you have sex with your spouse any way, I'm sorry, but that kind of seems pretty textbook rape to me.

Yeah that's not what I said. I never said anyone should force themselves on their spouse. Don't put words in my mouth and attack a straw man.

If your spouse says no, then you should respect that. I am not talking about what you should do if your spouse says no. I am looking at it from the perspective of this thread. from the perspective of the person who is saying no.

I don't believe anyone here is saying that a spouse should automatically feel obligated to do it whenever they are wanted. What everyone here is saying, is that there should never be any period of separation. saying no once or twice or whatever is different than saying no for a week, 2 weeks, a month. whatever period of time would be considered extended in relation to your relationship.

I said providing a clean home and a meal is a responsibility a wife provides to her working husband in a traditional marriage. Responsibility is not slave labor. You are twisting my words to be the equivalent of a man beating his wife because she did not cook dinner. I am not saying that at all. I am saying a wife should provide a meal and a clean house because it is a responsibility she does willingly out of love for her husband. likewise the way he goes out and works everyday to provide her wth the things she wants and needs... and wants

and if she refuses to clean the house and cook dinner, his responsibility is to continue being a good husband (or be a good husband if he isn't one already), and seek counseling or something. Not beat her and bend her to his will. Likewise with sex and every other aspect of a relationship.

 

[SolomonVII]

I am very heartened by the general tone of the answers here. It sounds as if many Christians have put a lot of thought into this, and are committed to making their marriages work by giving themselves, mind body and soul, to each other.
Feelings are no longer in the driver's seat when the relationship is defined as thus.

 

[Slytherina]

I am very heartened by the general tone of the answers here. It sounds as if many Christians have put a lot of thought into this, and are committed to making their marriages work by giving themselves, mind body and soul, to each other.
Feelings are no longer in the driver's seat when the relationship is defined as thus.

Well, These are just words on the internet. To think that all these people in this post (especially the females) do actually deliver to their partners so often, Is hillarious, To say the least.

 

[RDKirk]

If your spouse doesn't feel like having sex, and you have sex with your spouse any way, I'm sorry, but that kind of seems pretty textbook rape to me.

I don't usually feel like rubbing my wife's feet, yet she plops them into my lap and I rub them anyway. Did she just rape me?

 

[Slytherina]

I don't usually feel like rubbing my wife's feet, yet she plops them in my lap and I rub them anyway. Did she just rape me?

Indeed the Bible verses presented by others say that the partner should give up and do it, Unless they've made an agreement. And they can't make this agreement for silly reasons. It's simply something they have to get used to, That, If they marry someone, ''Making love'' is their responsibility.

 

[Solomons Porch]

I don't usually feel like rubbing my wife's feet, yet she plops them into my lap and I rub them anyway. Did she just rape me?

LOL yes she did, that is just brutal, file a report and call for the forensics team. This is not tolerable on any level. We should demand quick justice.

 

[Grandpa2390]

Well, These are just words on the internet. To think that all these people in this post (especially the females) do actually deliver to their partners so often, Is hillarious, To say the least.

I don't have any problem believing it. I don't believe anyone here says they jump absolutely every time they are asked. And if they do, I'm sure it is because they have a spouse who is sensitive enough to recognize when it is not a good time...

But I am sure they never refuse out of manipulation, and agree to come together often enough to not be placed in the category of spouses that withhold.

 

[Monna]

There can arise situations where sex is no longer an easy option - health issues, physical disabilities, and the like. But where that is not the case, perhaps the follow-up questions can help reveal where the real issues lie. Is there physical intimacy, even without sex? Even more important, is there emotional and spiritual intimacy? A couple without sex can still be growing closer together if these other forms of intimacy remain. Without them a marriage is pretty well only a hollow, legally formal shell. Possibly held together for economic reasons, the hassle of going through a divorce and all its social implications, or simply the fear of living alone for the rest of you life.