Is it wrong, even sinful, to withhold sex from your spouse?

SkyWriting

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RDKirk

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Agreed.

The question in this thread could just as easily be "is it wrong, even sinful, to demand sex from your partner when he/she doesn't want to have sex."

Sometimes people don't feel well. Sometimes they have something on their mind. Sometimes they have just had a bad day. It certainly isn't wrong or sinful for them to not want to have sex if they don't feel like it.

The plain concept of "withholding sex" does not include "don't feel well" or physical inability or any of the other rabbit holes this discussion has tripped into. "With holding" is a deliberate agenda-driven act.

Sex tends to be a polarizing subject, but in this case it's no different from any other show of affection in marriage.
 
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Archivist

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The plain concept of "withholding sex" does not include "don't feel well" or physical inability or any of the other rabbit holes this discussion has tripped into. "With holding" is a deliberate agenda-driven act.

Sex tends to be a polarizing subject, but in this case it's no different from any other show of affection in marriage.
Actually "withholding sex" doesn't specify a reason.
 
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RDKirk

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Actually "withholding sex" doesn't specify a reason.

The very word "withholding" is not without implication. "Can't have" and "withholding' are very different concepts.

The OP:

Is it wrong, even sinful, to withhold sex?
You know, it would make your spouse disappointed of you.

Is it a sign that marriage love have declined?

Does that sound like the intended implication is of a person who is unable to have sex?
 
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Archivist

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The very word "withholding" is not without implication. "Can't have" and "withholding' are very different concepts.

The OP:

Does that sound like the intended implication is of a person who is unable to have sex?

Look at what I wrote. I didn't necessarily say someone who is unable to have sex. Someone who has had a bad day isn't unable to have sex. They just don't want to have it. And their partner should respect that.
 
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RDKirk

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Look at what I wrote. I didn't necessarily say someone who is unable to have sex. Someone who has had a bad day isn't unable to have sex. They just don't want to have it. And their partner should respect that.

That is still not the implication of "withholding."
 
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Fantine

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I think problems that occur in the context of a relationship need to be solved within the context of a relationship. People are individuals and their reactions don't always fit neat stereotypes.

We belonged to a Marriage Encounter group for a number of years which helped our communication about all sorts of issues across the board. There are lots of ways to learn how to communicate better instead of following the ways our parents used to communicate, which were often wrong.
 
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RDKirk

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That depends on the reason why it is being withheld.

1. A bribe?
2. A punishment?
3. Due to infidelity?

So you seem to agree that the term "withhold" is excluding non-discretionary reasons such as medical conditions?
 
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Radrook

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So you seem to agree that the term "withhold" is excluding non-discretionary reasons such as medical conditions?
If the reason for denial of conjugal rights is justifiable due to illness then denial isn't a sin. Insisting that the wife or husband give in despite the illness is a sin.

Matthew 7:12
New International Version
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
 
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RDKirk

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If the reason for denial of conjugal rights is justifiable due to illness then denial isn't a sin. Insisting that the wife or husband give in despite the illness is a sin.

So you couldn't just say, "Yes."
 
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Radrook

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So you couldn't just say, "Yes."
I am assuming that the illness is severe enough to incapacitate the person from having sex or making the sex extremely uncomfortable at that moment. In such a case we as Christians should exercise empathy and compassion instead of demanding what we might wrongfully conclude is our right. The Bible repeatedly tells us that we should show love towards our spouse. Attempting to force ourselves on our spouse despite the condition of illness isn't love.

Ephesians 5:25
New International Version
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Colossians 3:19
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

1 Peter 3:7
Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives with consideration as a delicate vessel, and with honor as fellow heirs of the gracious gift of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
 
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Fantine

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I think about couples whose faith beliefs do not allow them to use birth control.

I am sure that fear of another pregnancy could play a big part in one partner's refusal to have sex in these instances.

Yes, being Catholic, I have heard what strong marriages people who practice NFP have, but the sampling is very small....and I tend to think they are couples whose marriages were very strong to start with, partially because of their traditionalist beliefs.
 
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Rajni

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Yes, being Catholic, I have heard what strong marriages people who practice NFP have, but the sampling is very small....and I tend to think they are couples whose marriages were very strong to start with, partially because of their traditionalist beliefs.
In some cases it could also be that they're the types of people for whom sex isn't such a huge priority that abstaining from it for periods of time would be a deal-breaker.

-
 
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