Is it wrong, even sinful, to withhold sex from your spouse?

SkyWriting

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Is it wrong, even sinful, to withhold sex?
You know, it would make your spouse disappointed of you.
Is it a sign that marriage love have declined?

The rule of thumb is "Do unto others"...
So there ya go.
 
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Rajni

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the reason why there is an emphasis on that side of the issue is because the thread is about that side of the issue. is it sinful to withhold sex, not whether it is sinful to demand sex.
And as has already been pointed out (though perhaps I should have been more clear), it isn't sinful, because it's not violating a command.

Being manipulative in any context, however, not only sexual, would be wrong.

The other thing people need to understand is that certain physiological conditions need to be in place in order for sex to be carried out halfway pleasurably and painlessly. Those conditions don't need to be in place where no sex is being conducted. Therefore, to expect someone to be sacrificial in providing sex when they're not physiologically prepared to is, at the very least, unhealthy.
 
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Pedat Ebediyah

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Enlightening thread.

Marriage is the context where sexual activity is sanctified and boundless, and for good reason.

This is nothing personal to or about anyone here, but in my opinion, there are more people than not who want to be married with the hopes of receiving as much benefit from the marriage without fully surrendering to all the things that make such bonds meaningful.

If people don't want to have sex, they should simply remain single. Or they should yoke up with others whose sex drive, or lack thereof, matches their own.

One example, based on men I've counseled and worked with...

...women are just as sexual/lusty/frisky as men are - if not more. If a man, later in life, loses his sex drive due to adropause or some other health issues that cause his testosterone levels to drop, it's his OBLIGATION to do something about it. Testosterone Replacement Therapy is extremely popular and effective nowadays. It does wonders for libido, weight loss, and even well-being (confidence). I've had strong words for men whose pride will not allow them to seek help for their condition. When their wives cheat (they will and do in great numbers), they cannot say they performed their due diligence to their women.

One thing to do is think long and hard about what marriage really entails and not enter into it lightly. Becoming one flesh is no joke; it's not a pinky swear - it's serious business. If one is not serious about living up to the precepts of the godliest earthly covenant that exists, then one should remain unattached.

The marriage rate is high for a reason. People (saved and unsaved) don't know that they are doing...
 
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inkaboutit

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I don't think it's right to withhold sex if your doing it to in some way 'hurt' your spouse. That shows a problem with the heart I think which probably indicates it's sinful. If there is a more sympathetic reason why the two aren't having sex I don't think it's sinful (1 Corinthians 7:3-6 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command. -- I have always interpreted the last sentence to mean it is not a command, but that it's not good to deprive one another.) If there is an agreement between the two parties then it's not sinful.

*************inkaboutit4u.com reply ******************
1 Corinthians 7:3-6 is very clear and to the point.

Clearly your body is to meet your spouses sexual needs.

Also sexual needs are important to God.
God says he meet all our needs, that includes sexual needs.

In the OT they clearly would go and get a second or third wife to help meet his sexual needs.

The only reason they did not have Godly polygamy in the NT was because the Pagan Romans forced the Hebrews and Christians to only have one wife because they feared that they would multiply or reproduce too fast and over power the Romans and take over.

God is very pro-polygamy.

You clearly see that all over the OT when ever Hebrews ruled over Hebrews they always had massive polygamy.

God himself promoted polygamy and ever forced it at times. Exodus 31 , Genesis 8:8-10

In Exodus 21:4-10

A master loans one of his wives to his servant to meet his sexual needs. When he leave, the servant must return the loaner master's wife back to his master along with the children they created back to the master who owns his master's loaner wife.

Master never divorce his wife and the servant never married the master's loaner wife, because she is only a loaner.

This is not adultery and not fornication of any kind. She is loaned to the servant to meet his sexual needs with the masters permission.

Why would the master do this? Many reasons. One reason may be Read Exodus 21:10-11.

Exodus 21:10-11


When a man gets a second wife by law he is to meet 3 very important needs of the first wife:
1.)food needs,
2.) clothing needs
3.) SEXUAL NEEDS

If he does not meet all 3 needs she is free to go without having to pay him any money.

Exodus 21:10 (DBY) If he take himself another, her food, her clothing, and her conjugal rights he shall not diminish.
Exodus 21:10 (GW) If that son marries another woman, he must not deprive the first wife of food, clothes, or sex.
Exodus 21:10 (NCV) If the man who bought her marries another woman, he must not keep his first wife from having food or clothing or sexual relations.
Exodus 21:10 (NIRV) "What if he marries another woman? He must still give the first one her food and clothes and make love to her.
Exodus 21:10 (NLT) “If a man who has married a slave wife takes another wife for himself, he must not neglect the rights of the first wife to food, clothing, and sexual intimacy.

Exodus 21:11 (BBE) And if he does not do these three things for her, she has the right to go free without payment.
Exodus 21:11 (CJB) If he fails to provide her with these three things, she is to be given her freedom without having to pay anything.
Exodus 21:11 (GNT) If he does not fulfill these duties to her, he must set her free and not receive any payment.
Exodus 21:11 (GNTA) If he does not fulfill these duties to her, he must set her free and not receive any payment.
Exodus 21:11 (GW) If he doesn't give her these three things, she can go free, without paying any money for her freedom.
 
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Grandpa2390

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And as has already been pointed out (though perhaps I should have been more clear), it isn't sinful, because it's not violating a command.
and has already been pointed out (though perhaps we should have been more clear... not sure how though). It is sinful because it is violating a commandment.

But I'm guessing you are one of those "christians" who only believes in the Ten Commandments. The Christian part of the the bible (aka the New Testament), is optional.
 
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OldWiseGuy

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Women today do not understand their role and place.

At the risk of being perceived as a sexist or misogynist I agree 100 percent. What is worse men don't know what a woman's role and place is.
In the words of Donald Trump........so sad. :sigh:
 
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Rajni

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and has already been pointed out (though perhaps we should have been more clear... not sure how though). It is sinful because it is violating a commandment.
Which commandment?
 
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Grandpa2390

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Which commandment?

As many have already posted
1 Corinthians 7:1-5

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
 
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inkaboutit

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*************inkaboutit4u.com reply **************

What command???

First off the second most important command of all:

1.) Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Super important command in God's eyes.

Your super close neighbor is your spouse. If you can't love your spouse then who.

2.) Ephesians 5:21-24

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

3.) 1 Corinthians 7:3-6 is very clear and to the point. This greatly supports Ephesians 5:21-24 . Yes Paul said this is NOT a command from God but it is very wise teaching Paul clearly point out how important this is in real life. If you do not do this you can open the door to Satanic activity.

1 Corinthians 7:3-6
3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.
4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.

4.) Exodus 21:10-11 Moses Law
10 If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights.
11 If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money.

This clearly shows that , first sexual needs are real and very important needs. These verses points out that a first wife needs to get her SEXUAL NEEDS meant or she is free to leave without having to pay any money at all.

5.) Polygamy. God clearly promotes and at times force polygamy. Numbers 31 Genesis 38:8

When a wives rebels and refuses to meet the man's sexual needs, the man get another wife to meet his sexual needs. As in Exodus 21:10-11 .

Church has false teaching on polygamy.

They copy the pagan Romans marriage dictates (Not Godly polygamy) which commanded both Hebrews and Christians under Pagan Romans Rule, to only have one wife because they feared they would over multiply and over reproduce and over power the pagan Roman Empire. Always, when Hebrews Ruled over Hebrews, they always had Godly polygamy.

God and the Bible always promoted polygamy. Church does not, they do the opposite.

False "tradition of men" teachings of the Church. God greatly condemned the Hebrew for their "tradition of men" teaching. But even God/man, Jesus , could not get them to give up their false, "tradition of men" teachings.

Religion leaders get caught up in their false "tradition of men" teaching and everyone goes along with the false teaching. Why? Fear they lose their job and be fired, So the lies keep being taught. Similar to Catholic Church that burn people at the stake that disagree with the Church. Martin Luther was not killed because the German Gov't protected him.

Some have , a Christian Pastor of 38 years being a pastor, wrote the Book, "Divine Sex" free copy is on my web site for all to have and read. See the other side of the story. Judge for yourself.

From page 155 of the Book "Divine Sex"

Don’t go to your preacher and ask him if this statement is true. Preachers are honest but blind about some things just like the rest of us.

In sexual matters especially, religious leaders have much to gain by NOT questioning the status quo and many will NOT even seriously consider any alternate viewpoint on any sexual matter.

They have been trained by their mentors, pressured by their peers, and threatened by their financial insecurity to give nothing but the “majority report” on sexual issues.


So if you want to be confident that you are getting close to

objective Bible truth, look for yourself.



You will be amazed, even flabbergasted at what you find

when you look for yourself, with eyes that want to see what is in the Bible.

You may even be angry at what has been kept from you by those who were responsible to tell you “just the truth ma’am,” but who, for many reasons, could not even find the truth for themselves.

Read the appendix to this book, Divine Sex Book





4.) James 2:12 - So whenever you speak, or whatever you do, remember that you will be judged by the law of love, the law that set you free.

 
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Grandpa2390

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3.) 1 Corinthians 7:3-6 is very clear and to the point. This greatly supports Ephesians 5:21-24 . Yes Paul said this is NOT a command from God but it is very wise teaching Paul clearly point out how important this is in real life.

1 Corinthians 7:3-6
3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.
4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.


you just took vs 6 out of context
verse 6 is referring to what he said in 1-2 and is about to say, not what he said in 3-5

6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

Verse 3-5 are commands. It is an aside. the language is that of a command. not a suggestion.

verse 1-2 and 7 onwards, however, He is not commanding us to be single like he is. and he is not commanding us to be married. He is advising it, but recognizing that it isn't possible for everyone. And it isn't possible for the same reason that he commands husbands and wives to not withhold from their spouse.

Paul is preaching a sermon, and it goes like this:

verse 1-2 "it is good for a man to remain single and celibate. but because of temptation, he should get married."

verse 3-5 "and by the way, when you get married, do not withhold yourself from your spouse, because temptation could cause your spouse to fall"

verse 6-7 "now back to what I was saying about it being good for a man to remain single and celibate, but that he should get married.

this is not a command, but a common understanding. To remain celibate and single without temptation is great. I recommend it, but it requires a gift from God. and if you can remain single without temptation, then you are fine to do so if you choose.

But otherwise, it is understood that you need to get married. I'm not commanding you to get married either, but if you can't remain single without temptation, then you it strongly advised that you get married.

you are not sinning either way. But it is in your best interest to get married if you have a problem with celibacy."
 
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NothingIsImpossible

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I find many who think its not a sin usually think it because they deny sex or have no real interest in sex. Or they just don't think they should have to deal with sex like the bible says. In other words "You can't make me do it!". Again, some, not all.
 
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inkaboutit

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I find many who think its not a sin usually think it because they deny sex or have no real interest in sex. Or they just don't think they should have to deal with sex like the bible says. In other words "You can't make me do it!". Again, some, not all.


***************inkaboutit4u.com reply ***********************

This is why God promoted polygamy in the Bible.

When a wife rebels and refuses to meet the man's sexual needs he goes and gets another wife. The church has the wrong teaching on polygamy. The only option the Church has is Divorce.


4.) Exodus 21:10-11 Moses Law
10 If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights.
11 If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money.

This clearly shows that , first sexual needs are real and very important needs. These verses points out that a first wife needs to get her SEXUAL NEEDS meant or she is free to leave without having to pay any money at all.

5.) Polygamy. God clearly promotes and at times force polygamy. Numbers 31 Genesis 38:8

When a wives rebels and refuses to meet the man's sexual needs, the man get another wife to meet his sexual needs. As in Exodus 21:10-11 .

Church has false teaching on polygamy.

They copy the pagan Romans marriage dictates (Not Godly polygamy) which commanded both Hebrews and Christians under Pagan Romans Rule, to only have one wife because they feared they would over multiply and over reproduce and over power the pagan Roman Empire. Always, when Hebrews Ruled over Hebrews, they always had Godly polygamy.

God and the Bible always promoted polygamy. Church does not, they do the opposite.

False "tradition of men" teachings of the Church. God greatly condemned the Hebrew for their "tradition of men" teaching. But even God/man, Jesus , could not get them to give up their false, "tradition of men" teachings.

Religion leaders get caught up in their false "tradition of men" teaching and everyone goes along with the false teaching. Why? Fear they lose their job and be fired, So the lies keep being taught. Similar to Catholic Church that burn people at the stake that disagree with the Church. Martin Luther was not killed because the German Gov't protected him.

Some have , a Christian Pastor of 38 years being a pastor, wrote the Book, "Divine Sex" free copy is on my web site for all to have and read. See the other side of the story. Judge for yourself.

From page 155 of the Book "Divine Sex"

Don’t go to your preacher and ask him if this statement is true. Preachers are honest but blind about some things just like the rest of us.

In sexual matters especially, religious leaders have much to gain by NOT questioning the status quo and many will NOT even seriously consider any alternate viewpoint on any sexual matter.

They have been trained by their mentors, pressured by their peers, and threatened by their financial insecurity to give nothing but the “majority report” on sexual issues.


So if you want to be confident that you are getting close to

objective Bible truth, look for yourself.



You will be amazed, even flabbergasted at what you find

when you look for yourself, with eyes that want to see what is in the Bible.

You may even be angry at what has been kept from you by those who were responsible to tell you “just the truth ma’am,” but who, for many reasons, could not even find the truth for themselves.

Read the appendix to this book, Divine Sex Book
 
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Rajni

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As many have already posted
1 Corinthians 7:1-5

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Okay, that's what I thought. I already addressed that, in post 47 where I stated that this passage doesn't stop with verse 5. Verse 6: "But this I say by way of concession, not of command." In other words, it's not a command that it would be violated.
 
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Rajni

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you just took vs 6 out of context
verse 6 is referring to what he said in 1-2 and is about to say, not what he said in 3-5

6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

Verse 3-5 are commands. It is an aside. the language is that of a command. not a suggestion.
Except that a statement starting with "I wish" wouldn't need to be distinguished as not being a command. However, the previous verses would need that clarification.
 
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Rajni

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I find many who think its not a sin usually think it because they deny sex or have no real interest in sex. Or they just don't think they should have to deal with sex like the bible says. In other words "You can't make me do it!". Again, some, not all.
The same argument could be made, though, in the other direction, that those who insist that sex is a command have a very real interest in sex.
 
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Rajni

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***************inkaboutit4u.com reply ***********************

This is why God promoted polygamy in the Bible.

When a wife rebels and refuses to meet the man's sexual needs he goes and gets another wife.
I do see a lot of wisdom in this approach. Perhaps that's why adultery is considered so wrong from a biblical standpoint, is because husbands are supposed to have enough wives to be able to satisfy them within the parameters of their married state. They'd be less likely to seek satisfaction outside of marriage, what with all the wives they've got already. If one isn't in the mood, surely another one would be on any given day.
 
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***************inkaboutit4u.com reply ***********************

This is why God promoted polygamy in the Bible.

When a wife rebels and refuses to meet the man's sexual needs he goes and gets another wife. The church has the wrong teaching on polygamy. The only option the Church has is Divorce.

My good Lord, you read that totally all wrong.

God's purpose for polygamy in the OT was for the protection and provision of widows. An elderly widow depended on her own son for support. That is illustrated in the story of Ruth. That's why Jesus on the cross specified that John was to consider Mary his own mother. That was the point of Onan's crime--he refused to father a son for his widowed sister-in-law. That was the center of the drama surrounding Tamar and Judah, who would not allow his other sons to impregnate his widowed daughter-in-law.

For ancient people, the specific term for "marriage" (as opposed to "betrothal") was synonymous with "getting her pregnant." In fact, the Roman term for "marriage" was in matrimoniam ducere, which literally means "to lead into motherhood."

God permitted a woman to divorce a husband who would not get her pregnant because he was denying her an opportunity for support in her old age--basically saying, "I hope you die."

That is also why God commands men to remain especially faithful to "the wife of your youth." That would be a man's first wife, the one arranged by his parents, not a later wife that he chose after he became well-to-do.
 
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NothingIsImpossible

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The same argument could be made, though, in the other direction, that those who insist that sex is a command have a very real interest in sex.
While it does exist, my argument is at least biblically based. Deniers of sex have no grounds to stand on.
 
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Grandpa2390

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Except that a statement starting with "I wish" wouldn't need to be distinguished as not being a command. However, the previous verses would need that clarification.
You obviously didn't read my post. Verse6 is referring to 1-2 and 7. It ends at 7 not 6. In fact commentators set 6 and 7 apart as a pair. 3-5 is a command.

This is pretty well understood by now. If you disagree, that's your right. just don't twist our words to make it seem like we condone rape ;)
If you disagree with us on this, there are probably deeper issues that we disagree on
as long as you agree not to vow celibacy from your spouse or manipulate/revenge by withholding. To do so is in neither of your best interests :)
 
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inkaboutit

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you just took vs 6 out of context
verse 6 is referring to what he said in 1-2 and is about to say, not what he said in 3-5

6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

Verse 3-5 are commands. It is an aside. the language is that of a command. not a suggestion.

verse 1-2 and 7 onwards, however, He is not commanding us to be single like he is. and he is not commanding us to be married. He is advising it, but recognizing that it isn't possible for everyone. And it isn't possible for the same reason that he commands husbands and wives to not withhold from their spouse.

Paul is preaching a sermon, and it goes like this:

verse 1-2 "it is good for a man to remain single and celibate. but because of temptation, he should get married."

verse 3-5 "and by the way, when you get married, do not withhold yourself from your spouse, because temptation could cause your spouse to fall"

verse 6-7 "now back to what I was saying about it being good for a man to remain single and celibate, but that he should get married.

this is not a command, but a common understanding. To remain celibate and single without temptation is great. I recommend it, but it requires a gift from God. and if you can remain single without temptation, then you are fine to do so if you choose.

But otherwise, it is understood that you need to get married. I'm not commanding you to get married either, but if you can't remain single without temptation, then you it strongly advised that you get married.

you are not sinning either way. But it is in your best interest to get married if you have a problem with celibacy."

******** inkaboutit4u.com reply *************

As i read many different versions, i think these other versions may help clarify this issue.

1 Corinthians 7:6 (GW) What I have just said is not meant as a command but as a suggestion.


New International Reader's Version
1 Corinthians 7:6 (NIRV) I say those things to you as my advice, not as a command.


1 Corinthians 7:6 (MSG) I'm not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence - only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.

New Century Version
1 Corinthians 7:6 (NCV) I say this to give you permission to stay away from sexual relations for a time. It is not a command to do so.


English Standard Version
1 Corinthians 7:6 (ESV) Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.

1 Corinthians 7:6 (BBE) But this I say as my opinion, and not as an order of the Lord.
1 Corinthians 7:6 (CEBA) I'm saying this to give you permission; it's not a command.

The Complete Jewish Bible

1 Corinthians 7:6 (CJB) I am giving you this as a suggestion, not as a command.

GOD'S WORD Translation

1 Corinthians 7:6 (GW) What I have just said is not meant as a command but as a suggestion.
1 Corinthians 7:6 (TMB) But I speak this by permission, and not by commandment.

The Message Bible

1 Corinthians 7:7 (MSG) Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me - a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.
 
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