Is it wrong, even sinful, to withhold sex from your spouse?

[NothingIsImpossible]

It should also be mentioned (probably already was) that sometimes a spouse doesn't give alot of sex because of health issues. In our case we both have medical issues in the way so our sex life is barley there. But its fine, we haven't fallen out of love. But outside of health issues, yes holding back sex is a sin and a really good way to destroy a marriage.

And while sex isn't the only factor in a marriage, it is pretty much at the top since after all its really the only thing you can't do when not married. Though In have seen some who say "Well if sex is the only difference between married or not I'll remain single and have the same benefits of being married by loving with my GF. Which is REALLY non-sensical because of you...WILL... have sex at some point with them. The body can only hold back so long, unless of course your parts don't work. Still you shouldn't live together anyways.

---EDIT---
I forgot to mention its funny seeing much younger people arguing over whos right and calling each other names. Its funny because I remember being that young and thinking I knew the correct answer to everything as a christian. Not saying anyone is wrong/right. Just saying, to be young and nieve about how smart we are when that young is always funny to me. I've grown ALOT since I was a young adult and looking back I see how argumentative and "I'm right!" I was then.

 

[mindlight]

Is it wrong, even sinful, to withhold sex?
You know, it would make your spouse disappointed of you.

Is it a sign that marriage love have declined?

Not sure the best way to restore intimacy is to make it an issue of right and wrong. Why is the spouse not comfortable in the arms of the other any more is the more pertinent question. Also in certain circumstances e.g. long term illnesses with the fatigue and bodily damage that it can cause the interest in sex by the ill person can decline. You cannot simply desert someone simply cause they are no longer able to muster the energy to get that excited anymore. Sometimes a spouse needs to find new reasons to stay with someone and to keep on loving them in order to honour the promise they made to love them in sickness or in health, in riches or poverty till death us do part.

 

[Slytherina]

I know of a couple who had sex every single day till they were like 75. "Illness" isn't really an excuse. What could be so severly serious? If it's not, No need to use it as an excuse. After all, Sex makes everything better anyway, Even illnesses. God knew what he was saying when he commanded it.

It's all about one partner not loving the other and thus withholding it.

 

[Monna]

"Illness" isn't really an excuse. What could be so severly serious?

Slythenia, perhaps you should be very grateful that you are not among the 43% of women who experience sexual dysfunction. "research suggests that sexual dysfunction is common (43% of women and 31% of men report some degree of difficulty)"... (Female Sexual Dysfunction). Show a little grace towards those that do. They - both men and women - probably wish they didn't.
That website (and others like it) will inform you on some of the medical, physiological, and psychological reasons why some people, no matter how much they love their partner, cannot have or enjoy sex.

That said, there are other ways of being physically and emotionally intimate.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I know of a couple who had sex every single day till they were like 75. "Illness" isn't really an excuse. What could be so severly serious? If it's not, No need to use it as an excuse. After all, Sex makes everything better anyway, Even illnesses. God knew what he was saying when he commanded it.

It's all about one partner not loving the other and thus withholding it.

There are actually lots of illnesses that can make a sex life hard. Such as the posted above said about how many people have sexual dysfunctions. Such as my wife who has pain instead of full pleasure. Then there is the case of those who take heart/blood pressure meds. It means the guy can't get "Excited" easily at all, so its frustrating and makes it harder to get excited because theres alot of pressure to do so. Then there are people who are paraplegics (for example missing legs) who have numbness down there so sex doesn't do anything to them. Granted at least they can still have sex, well if a woman.

If both people in a marriage have no health issues that affect sex, then thas great. But as time goes on things do change ever for those couples.

 

[Maria.V.H]

Is it wrong, even sinful, to withhold sex?
You know, it would make your spouse disappointed of you.

Is it a sign that marriage love have declined?

I think you should ask yourself if you love your spouse, and work on your marriage or end it. I don´t think you should have sex against your will if that is the case. I can only speak for myself, it would make me feel raped and like a prostitute to have sex against my will, it would mess up my emotions, i would not know where my boundaries were. Sex is for two people to enjoy not just one...

 

[Rajni]

Not rape. But them sacrificing themselves for you, To make you happy, Even thought, For whatever reason, They've originally said No and would still say No - If they wouldn't love you so much.

People make sacrifices for each other all the time in relationships and especially marriage. It's nothing new.

It's interesting how one is expected to be self-sacrificial when it comes to agreeing to sex when one doesn't really want it, but there's little talk of being self-sacrificial in not getting it when one wants it.

1 Corinthians 7:5 - "Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

It doesn't stop with verse 5.
Verse 6: "But this I say by way of concession, not of command."

 

[RDKirk]

It's interesting how one is expected to be self-sacrificial when it comes to agreeing to sex when one doesn't really want it, but there's little talk of being self-sacrificial in not getting it when one wants it.

Yes, there has been. You're not seeing it.

 

[Rajni]

Yes, there has been. You're not seeing it.

Where are you seeing it? The only mentions of "sacrifice" in this thread I've come across have been in the context of providing sex when one would prefer not to.

 

[RevChristoph]

My first wife was like me a Bible School Graduate and ordained to the ministry. But a couple weeks after the wedding she started to withhold sex and or other exchange of caresses (kisses, french kisses, hugs,...) from me. She had no sexual dysfunctions. She had a controlling side that I and nobody else saw before getting married. Only her mother knew and she didn't tell me. She started to use it as a system of rewards and punishment.
Sometimes we did not have sex or other exchange of caresses for several weeks. Up to 2 or 3 month. And we were young. Between 21 and 25. That went on for 4-5 years. Then she left me and we got divorced. She refused marriage counselling or even reading marriage books. Those years where REALLY bad!!!! I'm glad they are gone. I would not have left her. I loved her and that meant forever to me! I believe that behaviour, especially on a continuing basis is sinful!

My second wife had/has real sexual dysfunctions. Pain during intercourse, etc. For the first couple years sometimes we didn't have sex for up to 3 or 4 weeks at a time, because of the pain etc. That didn't bother me that much. Because the reason behind it was different. Then we started experimenting and found other fun sexual things to do... ;-)

We also started working on the sexual dysfunction. (Still working on it). And it became more frequently!

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

My first wife was like me a Bible School Graduate and ordained to the ministry. But a couple weeks after the wedding she started to withhold sex and or other exchange of caresses (kisses, french kisses, hugs,...) from me. She had no sexual dysfunctions. She had a controlling side that I and nobody else saw before getting married. Only her mother knew and she didn't tell me. She started to use it as a system of rewards and punishment.
Sometimes we did not have sex or other exchange of caresses for several weeks. Up to 2 or 3 month. And we were young. Between 21 and 25. That went on for 4-5 years. Then she left me and we got divorced. She refused marriage counselling or even reading marriage books. Those years where REALLY bad!!!! I'm glad they are gone. I would not have left her. I loved her and that meant forever to me! I believe that behaviour, especially on a continuing basis is sinful!

My second wife had/has real sexual dysfunctions. Pain during intercourse, etc. For the first couple years sometimes we didn't have sex for up to 3 or 4 weeks at a time, because of the pain etc. That didn't bother me that much. Because the reason behind it was different. Then we started experimenting and found other fun sexual things to do... ;-)

We also started working on the sexual dysfunction. (Still working on it). And it became more frequently!

Same with my wife. If not for the fact she has legit pain issues I would probably be very upset. Though it isn't always easy since I have a high drive. But things are getting better. And if a spouse has pain there are still other ways to "do things" for pleasure.

 

[noam burde]

Is it wrong, even sinful, to withhold sex?
You know, it would make your spouse disappointed of you.

Is it a sign that marriage love have declined?

yes. unless one just can't physically. because one expects his wife to have sex only with him.

 

[RevChristoph]

Same with my wife. If not for the fact she has legit pain issues I would probably be very upset. Though it isn't always easy since I have a high drive. But things are getting better. And if a spouse has pain there are still other ways to "do things" for pleasure.

Is there a way here to contact you privately?

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Not sure off hand. It used to be easy to private message each other. Now its confusing. I also think your not able to until you have like 30 posts or something. Now you just "have conversation" which is like private messaging.

 

[JMH]

Is there a way here to contact you privately?

If you click the envelope at the top, it gives you an option to start a new conversation, then you just have to select the person you want to talk with, and I think that's it

 

[Grandpa2390]

Where are you seeing it? The only mentions of "sacrifice" in this thread I've come across have been in the context of providing sex when one would prefer not to.

the reason why there is an emphasis on that side of the issue is because the thread is about that side of the issue. is it sinful to withhold sex, not whether it is sinful to demand sex.

that said. I, myself, and others have pointed out on numerous occasions that we are not advocating rape. Not advocating that a spouse shouldn't respect the others feelings if the other is ill or otherwise incapable. What we are speaking about is not denying your spouse once or twice, but for periods of time, or for the purpose of manipulation.

if you said no last night. fine. but if you said no every night for the last couple of weeks or so... there is an issue that needs to be resolved.

Start a new thread and title it, is it wrong for a husband to demand sex... and you'll find the same people saying no. The thread is not about how one should respond to rejection, but how would should respond to invitation.

 

[little1]

Can some one explain what with holding sex is? I'm confused? What if I have my period? or one time he says he tired? is he with holding? its only happened twice but is it bad?
I don't seem to be able to delete this. please have mercy on me. I have learning disabilities. only kind people explain plese

 

[little1]

To the person who told a story of a couple having sex every day for 75 years.
that's scary and disturbing on so many levels.

 

[Dave-W]

Can some one explain what with holding sex is? I'm confused?

It is chronic avoidance of sex. 1 Corinthians 7 specifically forbids it "Except by mutual consent." Some manuscripts add "for prayer and fasting."

What if I have my period?

There is scriptural evidence that sex during that time is prohibited.

or one time he says he tired? is he with holding? its only happened twice but is it bad?

Like I said - it has to be chronic; An on-going pattern.

 

[little1]

It is chronic avoidance of sex. 1 Corinthians 7 specifically forbids it "Except by mutual consent." Some manuscripts add "for prayer and fasting."

There is scriptural evidence that sex during that time is prohibited.

Like I said - it has to be chronic; An on-going pattern.

oh great thankyou that makes sence