Is it okay to date another Christian whose been divorced?

[chilehed]

I know the bible says that if a man divorces his wife and marries another, then he and that new woman are adulterers. But in this day and age, it is extremely hard not to meet someone who is divorced. Especially when you are older. Are there any exceptions? I don't want to commit adultery!

Marriage is dissolved only on the death of one of the spouses. There are no exceptions.

Nobody makes rules for you that you must follow.
Not nobody.

I don't fancy standing in front of Jesus someday and telling him that.

 

[FireDragon76]

Nobody makes rules for you that you must follow.
Not nobody.

Yeah, sin boldly.

Just be careful whoever you are dating is not making bad marriages a habit. Divorce is not a trivial matter spiritually, and if the person you are dating is not aware of that and taking steps to do better, that is a bad sign.

 

[wayfarersoul1978]

Depend on what grounds did he give the reason why? Was he unfaithful or was she? Has he grow and change. Listen yo your heart and pray in it. You know the right answer and just follow your gut. I truth in you and if have bad feeling follow your gut.

 

[Norbert L]

We live under the age of Grace.
Yo are not bound by any laws or rules
found in the Old Testament as they were.

As a response to what Jesus taught we are to remain
faithful to our spouses....if at all possible.

It's important to understand grace, what it is and what it is not. Grace does not mean that all choices are without consequences. Remember Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5:1-10. Besides, on one hand being not bound by any laws or rules of the OT and on the other hand where it talks about the subject of being faithful to spouses. It's the kind of subject people need to be careful about picking and choosing and how it should be applied now.

 

[sunnynyc]

Proverbs 3:5 | Holy Bible KJV
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Visit OFFICIAL KING JAMES BIBLE ONLINE: AUTHORIZED KING JAMES VERSION (KJV) for the preserved word of the living God.

Please read all of proverbs in the Holy Bible KJV. It will help you with this question. Meditate on it daily. Read the book of Genesis to see how the serpent deceives Eve. Read the Book of Revelation for a special blessing. Read the gospel of John for the good news. Read proverbs for god's wisdom. read Psalms to praise the lord and God almighty.

 

[nomadictheist]

I know the bible says that if a man divorces his wife and marries another, then he and that new woman are adulterers. But in this day and age, it is extremely hard not to meet someone who is divorced. Especially when you are older. Are there any exceptions? I don't want to commit adultery!

A few thoughts on this.

First, Jesus also says that whoever lusts after somebody in their heart commits adultery. That means that unless the only person you've ever looked at and seen as sexually attractive is your spouse, you're already an adulterer/adulteress.

Second, the matter of divorce. Jesus' teaching on divorce shows us that adultery is not limited to sex outside of a marital relationship (fornication). Adultery is the breaking of the marriage vow, and that is a very serious thing in God's eyes. When we are married to somebody, we make a covenant with that person that we will stick with them through the good times and the bad. When we divorce somebody, we break that covenant, even though God has stuck with us through much worse.

The mainstream church takes a light view of certain brands of adultery these days, divorce being, perhaps, the primary. You will find many on this and other forums telling you why certain brands of adultery are acceptable. There are 'bible' scholars who have devoted much of their lives to finding 'alternate' meanings of verses to excuse what God says is inexcusable.

However, I think we often take Jesus' statement of 'except for fornication' to mean that if fornication occurs, go ahead and get those divorce papers ready. But a closer look at the passage reveals He doesn't actually say that. He says that whoever divorces his wife, except for fornication, 'causes her to commit adultery'.

This is where people often get mixed up. Fornication is sexual sin. If fornication is committed within the bounds of marriage, it is adultery. Therefore, two homosexuals who practice homosexuality, whether it be only with each other or with many others, commit fornication, not adultery. However, a man or woman who commits any sexual act outside of that bond of marriage commits fornication and adultery. Jesus doesn't say that whoever marries a divorced woman commits fornication. He said that person commits adultery. Adultery is the breaking of a marriage bond, which is a one-time act and not a perpetual one. Adultery is not unforgivable: that is to say, Adultery, like any other sin, may be forgiven. However, because of the nature and grievousness of this sin, it is wise to be cautious when considering relationships with those who have committed it, and should be an inspiration to be careful not to commit it yourself.

It is also important to note that breaking a marriage bond is adultery whether you are a party to the marriage covenant or not. Otherwise a man who marries a woman who has been divorced could not be guilty of adultery, since he was not initially a part of that marriage covenant.

It is, no doubt, true that finding older men (or women for that matter) who have not been divorced is hard. But ultimately, you must decide what is most important to you. If following God is most important to you, you should act in faith that God will (a) provide the right person to fulfill your needs without causing you to sin or (b) give you the strength and grace to live as a single person.

I will not claim that I, or any other for that matter, have been perfect in regard to the marriage bond. I trust in the name of Jesus for my salvation just like any other Christian. But I do find that it is very dangerous to choose to commit a sin knowing that it is a sin because of God's grace. Grace is something that should be begged for after we make mistakes, not something that we rely on beforehand so we can choose to make mistakes.

 

[ers34393]

What's the difference between marrying somebody who has divorced and somebody who is still single but slept with many women? Isn't both adultery?

 

[BukiRob]

I get what you are saying. Marrying divorced guy would be continuous sin. However, what if he had no control in the matter because the wife was determined to leave him and didn't want to work it out? He didn't want the divorce but it was forced upon him?

Okay, look at G-ds nature. Let us assume for a moment that the man divorced his wife because of her adultery. Scripture also makes clear that an acceptable reason for divorce is this particular sin.

Does it now mean that the man who was faithful to his wife but was injured by her sin is now forever forbidden to remarry? Does that sound like G-ds reasoning???? Especially when HE specifically created men and women to be in a marriage relationship that is HIS plan for us?

Part of this is looking at the cultural context in where Yeshua was speaking. Men could at that time easily get a divorce and they OFTEN remarried. Yeshua was showing that the intent of the Torah was not just merely dont commit adultery but rather what is going on when you are strongly lusting over a woman.

 

[nomadictheist]

What's the difference between marrying somebody who has divorced and somebody who is still single but slept with many women? Isn't both adultery?

Biblically speaking, no. Fornication is any kind of sex outside of the marriage covenant. Adultery is the breaking of the marriage covenant. Both are sins, but there is a difference.

 

[nomadictheist]

Okay, look at G-ds nature. Let us assume for a moment that the man divorced his wife because of her adultery. Scripture also makes clear that an acceptable reason for divorce is this particular sin.

Does it now mean that the man who was faithful to his wife but was injured by her sin is now forever forbidden to remarry? Does that sound like G-ds reasoning???? Especially when HE specifically created men and women to be in a marriage relationship that is HIS plan for us?

Part of this is looking at the cultural context in where Yeshua was speaking. Men could at that time easily get a divorce and they OFTEN remarried. Yeshua was showing that the intent of the Torah was not just merely dont commit adultery but rather what is going on when you are strongly lusting over a woman.

Yes, let's look at God's nature. God's nature is to be faithful, even when we are unfaithful.

Now translate that to the marriage covenant, and you will see why Jesus never says that divorce and remarriage is not committing adultery. People draw this conclusion from the phrase 'whoever divorces his wife, except for fornication, causes her to commit adultery...' In this example, the woman who is divorced for fornication has already committed adultery.

In both other recorded examples where Jesus talks about divorce, he makes no exceptions. He says that "whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery..." and "if a woman divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery..." (Mark) and "Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery..." (Luke)

A marriage relationship is God's plan for our sexuality. That doesn't mean that's His plan for us. If it were, why would Jesus tell His disciples that there are some who make themselves Eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven? Also, why would the apostle Paul say that it is better for a man not to marry in order that he may focus on the things of God?

The example God gives us through His word is of one who will remain faithful even when a covenant is broken. If adultery is 'righteous' grounds for divorce, then every man and woman in the world can righteously divorce his or her spouse based on the definition of adultery that we are given by Jesus.

 

[AlexDTX]

I know the bible says that if a man divorces his wife and marries another, then he and that new woman are adulterers. But in this day and age, it is extremely hard not to meet someone who is divorced. Especially when you are older. Are there any exceptions? I don't want to commit adultery!

Kudos to you for caring! If you are born again, then the law does not apply to you. This passage you refer to comes from Romans 7 and Paul is not making a law, but referring to the OT law in explaining how Israel is no longer bound to the Mosaic Covenant when they accept the salvation of Jesus Christ.

The answer to your question is found in 1 Corinthians 7. The question is not whether it is all right, but what does the Lord want for you? We are to die to self and remain content in what ever state of marriage or singleness we are in and seek the will of the Lord. I don't believe seeking a spouse is the way of the Lord. We seek the Lord and let the Lord bring us a spouse. Will the Lord bring you a divorced person as a spouse? I don't know.

I came to Christ when I was 32. I desperately wanted to get married, and failed miserably in seeking a spouse on my own. I had been told by others that I had to die to my desire to marry so God could resurrect that desire at the right time, which turned out to be correct. I stopped dating and went to Bible school. A few months before graduating (I was 37 at the time) the school hosted a marriage seminar. While listening to the speakers, the Lord dropped into my spirit a realization. Adam was not naming the animals in the garden of Eden. He was being tested to see if he recognized an appropriate mate. By saying the name of each creature he was seeing the spirit of the creature and saying the same word God used to speak them into existence. He passed the test, which is why he was put to sleep for Eve to be taken from his side. As soon as he saw her, he recognized that she was bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh. The fact that her shape was different from his did not prevent him from seeing her spirit.

I realized that I was too shallow in my assessment of women. I only saw surface features, never the heart and spirit of the women I had met. A few months later I met my wife to be. When I met her I had the sense of rightness that made me want to be with this woman always. The next day I came to visit her and the Lord spoke to me and said, This is it. In my heart I said, But I don't know this woman. He replied, Just as Isaac grew to love Rebecca, so too, would I grow to love her. So I told her that she was going to marry me. We married six months later.

She had never married before, so I was not marrying a divorcee. But the point of my story is to encourage you to not seek a spouse, but let the Lord bring you that spouse in his time and choosing. My wife and I have been married for 25 years now, nor am I saying it was easy. We had many obstacles to overcome, but the foundation of our marriage never changed: we are God's will for each other and we both know it. Knowing your spouse is God's will is what makes giving up not an option. Sadly, I know believers who knew God's will, but disregarded that knowledge and made wrong choices. Those people do not esteem God more than themselves. Those people never understood what it means to die to self and to wait upon the Lord. But the very nature of your question tells me that you are a person who esteems God above your self, so I say to you, do not seek, but wait on the Lord.

 

[Ray Blick]

I know the bible says that if a man divorces his wife and marries another, then he and that new woman are adulterers. But in this day and age, it is extremely hard not to meet someone who is divorced. Especially when you are older. Are there any exceptions? I don't want to commit adultery!

Hi Lybrah

It is not the unpardonable sin.

 

[ers34393]

Hmm...ok. I see. Thank you. But both are actually breaking the holiness of the Temple of the Lord--which is the body itself where Holy Spirit dwells.

 

[Kenny'sID]

The answer to this question has a simple ending. When a divorced(or any other man) asks her out, the Spirit will give her an answer. She just has to listen. I do not pretend to know what it will say. Perhaps it will convict her to say yes. And perhaps it will convict her to say no. In either case, she will be making the right choice because it is what God has lead her to do.

So I can start the first stages of a sin like adultery, and at a critical moment, the Holy Spirit will lead me on whether to proceed or not? I think I'll go with the Bible which makes things clear from the start. And the bible is not just a basic guideline, it contains solid, forthright rules and restrictions....adultery is one of them.

Your take on this verse, or my take on that verse; tells her nothing.

My take? What part of what Jesus said on adultery/divorce, is not clear? There is no confusion as you seem to claim. there are folk saying we can do whatever we want to do, but it doesn't sound like the OP subscribes to that, else why bother coming here.

 

[Bible Highlighter]

I get what you are saying. Marrying divorced guy would be continuous sin. However, what if he had no control in the matter because the wife was determined to leave him and didn't want to work it out? He didn't want the divorce but it was forced upon him?

While a person can remarry if a spouse dies, the only exception to the rule that Jesus gives us to remarry as a result of a divorce is fornication (Which is if the other partner had lied about their faithfulness in being a virgin or if they have cheated on them after marriage). While God's Word distinguishes between the words "adultery" and "fornication" and while "adultery" is a word that appears to be primarily used in relation to sexual unfaithfulness after being married, we see the word "fornication" used in Ezekiel 16:26 used in reference to unfaithfulness after a marriage or covenant (Note: Please compare this verse with Ezekiel 16:8). In other words, if the person divorced somebody that they found out whereby they lied about their previous faithfulness or if they cheated on them after having been married, then you have biblical legal ground to date them. If they divorced for any other reason, it appears that you are out of luck. Oh, and do not be discouraged by being too old in finding your life mate to marry. I recently married and I am in my mid 40's. Both me and my wife had never been married before or had intimate relations with anyone prior. We believed in waiting for that special someone as a part of our belief in God. Pray for God to bring somebody Godly into your life and wait upon the Lord.

Now, do not misunderstand me, I think couples that had previously remarried while they were unbelievers should not divorce after having become believers because they committed sin in the past as a part of their old lives. Remember, God hates divorce. But I believe God can also forgive us of our sins, too. This does not mean we charge ahead and date divorced people hoping God will forgive us. No, no. Once we know the truth, we are without excuse. In other words, that would be like an axe murdering saying it is okay to murder after he knows murder is wrong by God's Word.


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[lastofall]

[for me anyway] The Holy Spirit of Truth speaking through the Apostle Paul clarifies the matter which the Lord knows has troubled many who have felt they are in a "straight betwixt two" in (1 Corinthians 7:8-9)
"I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."

[again for me anyway] the unmarried are those not married, which must include the divorced as well as those single; and in v9 if we cannot be without companionship (contain) then get married, because it is better to marry than to lust for (burn).
Anyway this is how it is for me, it is not a scholastically achieving matter, but practical, common.

 

[dqhall]

I know the bible says that if a man divorces his wife and marries another, then he and that new woman are adulterers. But in this day and age, it is extremely hard not to meet someone who is divorced. Especially when you are older. Are there any exceptions? I don't want to commit adultery!

When Joseph and Mary were engaged to be married, Mary became pregnant and it was not Joseph's child. Joseph wanted to leave her. God caused Joseph to remain with Mary.

In the Old Testament it was legal for a spouse to give the other spouse a written statement of divorce and inform her she was free from her marriage - Deuteronomy 24:1-4.

Jesus taught a married couple should not part company, but love each other, unless one of the two commits an act of marital unfaithfulness.

If a woman's husband leaves her to move into another woman's house and lets her know he is divorcing her and will not be back, what should she do? You might tell her she is not allowed to remarry for it is sin. She may or may not agree with you. If God tells her to seek a new mate, she may seek.

One is advised against marrying a promiscuous person who abandons partner after partner, for such is adultery and not love.

 

[Kenny'sID]

[for me anyway] The Holy Spirit of Truth speaking through the Apostle Paul clarifies the matter which the Lord knows has troubled many who have felt they are in a "straight betwixt two" in (1 Corinthians 7:8-9)
"I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."

[again for me anyway] the unmarried are those not married, which must include the divorced as well as those single; and in v9 if we cannot be without companionship (contain) then get married, because it is better to marry than to lust for (burn).
Anyway this is how it is for me, it is not a scholastically achieving matter, but practical, common.

I almost said you may have something there until I realized an unmarried divorcee is still considered married in Gods eyes, they are one and always will be, with the few exceptions mentioned here many times. They don't actually meet the criteria for being "unmarried".

 

[joshua 1 9]

I know the bible says that if a man divorces his wife and marries another, then he and that new woman are adulterers. But in this day and age, it is extremely hard not to meet someone who is divorced. Especially when you are older. Are there any exceptions? I don't want to commit adultery!

Paul says: "But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you." There were lots of men in the Bible with multiple wives and for the most part they all had more problems than the men with just one wife. Remember the story of Leah and Rachel. Leah was unloved and Rachel was barren.

 

[Bible Highlighter]

A good case where I see unfaithfulness (cheating, adultery) as a part of the Biblical grounds for divorce is in Hosea. Hosea married a wife of a people idolatry (Note: God did not tell Hosea did not marry a prostitute; Such a notion is ridiculous). Anyways, in Hosea 2 we learn that he says to Gomer's relatives that he is not her wife anymore. This suggests that Hosea may have had legal grounds according to Scripture to divorce his wife. Marital unfaithfulness. He found an uncleanness in her. So I am holding out the possibility that the word "fornication" used by Jesus could also potentially refer to "adultery" (i.e. marital unfaithfulness after one has been married). In any event, I will continue to pray on this some more.


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