.... And just what does everyone mean when they say to forgive. You are asking the victims to say "Look I know you were evil, perhaps still are...I know you did me and my family terrible harm.... but thats Ok dont worry about it... dont feel bad your forgiven." I just dont know how that can be expected or achieved...and to add insult to it all if its not achieved then THATs the sin.
I get the point about about not hanging onto anger. But thats work the victim does on themselves in order to move forward, and doesnt have to involve some sort of absolving of the perpetrators sin.... surely the absolving part is Gods job. And what if the victimization is ongoing... is a wife being physically abused expected to forgive her husband every time he does it?
I think there are 4 concepts that are getting mingled in this discussion.
1. Forgiveness. This is not holding anger, pain, and bitterness in your head and heart and ongoing thoughts. It is releasing any owed debt so that it no longer has hold of you.
2. Restoration. This would be in the case the perpetrator has actually changed and proven it over time. A relationship could possibly be restored; or it might not be. If the perpetrator has not changed, an ongoing business as usual relationship should probably not exist with the victim. Sometimes separation and removal from the situation is called for.
3. Justice. This is a societal approach where people are protected from the perpetrator in some manner, be it separation, rehabilitation, or punishment. This is where calmer heads with authority can prevail.
4. Revenge. This is "I am consumed with anger toward you and I want you to suffer as much as your victims have."
Forgiveness is for the victim's good to move on with their lives. Holding on to pain, anger, or bitterness is not healthy emotionally or spiritually. In my opinion, it is in our own best interests to seek to forgive in all situations. As long as what happened occupies our thoughts and emotions, it still has a hold on us.
Restoration is where wisdom and discernment are called for. Sometimes complete separation and having nothing ever to do with the perpetrator is the wisest course of action. Sometimes a partial or complete restoration of a relationship might be called for. There is no one size fits all course of action here. It depends on the circumstances. If victimization is ongoing, some change in the relationship (be it temporary separation or a call for outside help) is needed.
Justice is where police, the court system, a group of friends, or some type of social group applies pressure of some sort on the perpetrator to make good, apologize, be imprisoned, whatever might be appropriate. This is also where a victim can seek protection from ongoing attacks. I think the key here is letting people with insight, experience, and authority address the issue.
Revenge is where we let our anger run rampant and potentially turn us into monsters.
When God tells us to forgive others, he is not necessarily commanding us to trust them nor give in to ongoing victimization nor to forgo restitution nor to forgo justice. To me, this is an act of cleansing and healing where the pain and anger and @#$% from the past is released. One may or may not ever have a relationship again with the perpetrator and things may or may not be "made right", but the key is that whatever happened no longer consumes us. We can move on with our lives. To me, this is about living in freedom and liberty from things that would bind us. The consequences of what happened may continue on, but our attitude toward them determines if they constitute ongoing shackles on us or costly experience that allows us to help others.
