Introduction Thread

[glo1]

He is not supportive of any church or religion. He even makes fun of me and my Bible study calling us Bible bangers. I try to mention religion as cautiously as I can due to this. On Sundays, he is really mean to me after church. I think it is subconcious. When we are away & I cannot attend church, he is fine. I guess I will end - sorry for the book!

My husband is very similar, Lisa.

And I also often experience tension at home when I return from church.
I try to pray for peace as I walk home from church, and to continue to hang onto the effects the worship and the preaching had on me.
And I remind myself that I don't go to church just to come away 'feeling happy', but to strengthen my faith and my desire to serve God.
I guess keeping the peace when there is tension at home or my husband mocks my faith, counts as serving God ...

glo

 

[rainbowpromises]

Everything for rainbowpromise is rainbowpromises information.

 

[Zoomer]

New to this area, unfortunately...

My name is Zoomer, and I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember. My husband was raised in a Christian environment for part of his childhood, and an athiest environment for another part. He waivers back and forth between being a Christian and Agnostic. I ready doubt if he will ever be able to come to a solid decision. To complicate matters, he is bi-polar which I believe is part of the issue.
We have been married for 6 1/2 years. For the last 3 years my husband has been Christian, and recently decided to label himself agnostic again. He is very supportive of my beliefs, and even goes to church with us still. We have two children, 6 and 4, who we are raising Christian.

 

[free4all]

Welcome, Zoomer!

 

[pete56]

Hi Zoomer,

And welcome to UY at CF!

It sounds to me that you are in a very difficult place and having a bi-polar husband must be very hard to cope with.

Personally my only experience of people with bi-polar disorders has been on this forum since I became a Mod, and I know how difficult they can be to deal with and understand.

Why not join us on the Check in thread. We may not have any direct knowledge to offer but we can provide [rayer, comfort and fellowship for this lonely and rocky path you have found yourself upon.

Pete

 

[cristianna]

Welcome Zoomer!

 

[telika]

Hi Everyone,

My husband and I have been married for 23 years and have five children. I was became a christian in 1990 but after a short time drifted away. A few years ago I re-dedicated my life to christ and at that time had never known such joy could exist. My husband bacame a christain about a month after that. He has slowly became bitter toward the church(due to a certain member) and it has really caused a strain on our marriage.

 

[rainbowpromises]

Hi Everyone,

My husband and I have been married for 23 years and have five children. I was became a christian in 1990 but after a short time drifted away. A few years ago I re-dedicated my life to christ and at that time had never known such joy could exist. My husband bacame a christain about a month after that. He has slowly became bitter toward the church(due to a certain member) and it has really caused a strain on our marriage.

That certainly sounds like a difficult situation. Are there others who have had a problem with this same member? Could your husband go to the pastor for a chat about it?
It is always best to deal with things before bitterness sets in.

 

[free4all]

Hi Telika,

Welcome!

Is it an issue he could discuss with the other member? Or as Rainbowpromises suggested, with the Pastor or elders of the church?

I don't advocate running from problems, but if it's something that can't be fixed, is it possible to consider another church? If it's causing a strain in your marriage, something needs to be done.

Feel free to post wherever you like. This section is generally for those in an unequally yoked marriage, i.e., one saved and one not, but feel free to post wherever you feel comfortable.

If there is anything we can do to help you learn your way around the forums here, don't hesistate to ask.

 

[telika]

Thank you for your kind words. In some ways it does feel like we are unequally yoked as I am very eager to study God's word, attend church more frequently, and study God's word with him while he will not discuss it and gets angry when I bring it up. I am beginning to feel like he is giving me a choice, him or church.

 

[free4all]

Thank you for your kind words. In some ways it does feel like we are unequally yoked as I am very eager to study God's word, attend church more frequently, and study God's word with him while he will not discuss it and gets angry when I bring it up. I am beginning to feel like he is giving me a choice, him or church.

Ugh, rough choice! Well, whether he is a Christian or not, he (and we all) certainly needs prayer. You are welcome in this forum anytime. Keep in mind that sometimes it moves slowly, as people get busy. We often use the check-in thread for keeping up to date with each other, but again, feel free to post where you like.

I've got to run. Nice meeting you!

 

[Pepperoni]

I’ve posted here in this forum enough lately that it’s been suggested to me that I might want to introduce myself. So of course I prepared my rough draft (and now final copy) ahead of time, and now that I’m reading some of these posts, I see that I went into a little more detail than many of you—OK most of you!—did. But I also see that my story is not all that unusual and I have quite a bit in common with many of you. My excuse for my wordiness is that I have a degree in Journalism. I hope you will allow me to be candid, and I apologize in advance if my bluntness offends anyone.

I’m not sure where to start, so I guess I’ll start at the end and work back (since I’m a little backwards sometimes).

I have been married for almost 16 years to a self-proclaimed atheist, and we have three children (all girls): a freshman in high school, a fourth-grader and a first-grader. In my defense, my husband was raised Catholic and did not tell me he was an atheist until after we were married. Still, the question begs to be asked: how did I miss this? But in his defense, I was not exactly living the Christian life when I met him so he had no reason to believe that faith had ever been important to me or ever would become important. I met him at a bar one night in January 1989, and after a night of drinking and a one-night-stand I saw him again about a week later—I knew he went to the same college I did, but it turned out he had a class in the same building, right across the hall from where I did. I finally got up the nerve to approach him, and we began a relationship. We married in April 1991.

Like most people, some experiences in my past have shaped who I’ve become and it’s only been over the last couple years that I’ve come to terms with any of it. This is a polite way of saying that I am fairly messed-up and have more issues than can be addressed in one post. But who doesn’t, right? More specifically, when I turned 40—which was not quite a year and a half ago (please check out my pic and tell me I look much younger than that. LOL!)—is when I started taking my personal inventory. Those of you my age and older may know that a milestone birthday is often a trigger in becoming reflective about one’s life and the choices that have been made. The truth is, anything that you can think of that’s bad, I’ve probably done it. I’m not proud at all to say this, but there was a period in my life where drug use and promiscuity were rampant (in fact, I post frequently in the “Abortion Recovery Room” here on CF . . . I won’t say anything more than that, draw your own conclusions). At the same time, this dark period was so long ago and so far removed from where I am today that it almost seems as if it must have happened to someone else. Was it due to a repressive and restrictive (and often emotionally, verbally and physically abusive) childhood? Partially. But that’s not an excuse—I take full responsibility for the choices I’ve made. Including the decision to marry a non-Christian.

When my oldest daughter was born in 1992, that’s when I evaluated my childhood and determined which parts I would take with me on my journey into parenthood, and which parts I would leave behind. To my parents’ credit, they made my brother and I attend church (even though they chose not to), and it was the best thing they ever could have done for me. I accepted the Lord at a very young age—seven years old. Even though I ended up straying from my faith in my late teens and early twenties, I’m grateful for the foundation that was laid. The verse Proverbs 22:6 holds especially true for me. Ultimately I decided I wanted my children to have the same religious background that I had growing up. What I didn’t count on was how much I, personally, would benefit from my decision to return to the Church. My husband had no objection (fortunately for him, because I made it very clear this was non-negotiable) and to this day he doesn’t object but he is not supportive either. For example, he will not help out on Sunday mornings when I’m trying to get everyone around, and when there’s an activity (such as our oldest daughter’s baptism last summer) and his presence is requested, I’m routinely treated to such comments as, “is there going to be preaching and praying going on?” To which I sarcastically reply, “I don’t know. It’s church. What do you think?”

I am fundamentally against divorce, and I have no desire to ever get one. But do you ever wonder if you had the chance to do it over again, would you marry the same person? I’ve wondered that. Sometimes I’m not sure I would. The difference in faith has been a bigger obstacle than I ever would have thought. Yet I can’t say that I have any true regrets. I have all I ever wanted—I have a nice life and a beautiful family, and I'm proud to say that as of last fall all three of my children have come to know the Lord. Believe me when I say it’s much more than I deserve.

And I now know that, in spite of my past—or maybe because of it—God can use me for good. I believe that God has brought me back to Him for a reason.

(end of self-psychoanalysis)

 

[free4all]

What an honest and open post. I'm glad you feel welcome enough to share it. No one's going to throw stones. We've all made our fair share of mistakes. It's satisfying to see how God can use even difficult circumstances in our lives to continue drawing us to him.

.... can't help but commenting on a few things....

My excuse for my wordiness is that I have a degree in Journalism.

At least you have an excuse.

I hope you will allow me to be candid

Uh, I thought it was a requirement.

and I apologize in advance if my bluntness offends anyone.

What is this word, "bluntness"? Is that Spanish?

This is a polite way of saying that I am fairly messed-up and have more issues than can be addressed in one post.

Yep, yep, this is the right forum for you.

When my oldest daughter was born in 1992,

Hey, that's when my oldest (and only) daughter was born... realizing she needed to be in church was what led me back to church also.

The verse Proverbs 22:6 holds especially true for me. Ultimately I decided I wanted my children to have the same religious background that I had growing up. What I didn’t count on was how much I, personally, would benefit from my decision to return to the Church. My husband had no objection (fortunately for him, because I made it very clear this was non-negotiable)

But do you ever wonder if you had the chance to do it over again, would you marry the same person? I’ve wondered that. Sometimes I’m not sure I would. The difference in faith has been a bigger obstacle than I ever would have thought.

Yet I can’t say that I have any true regrets. I have all I ever wanted—I have a nice life and a beautiful family, and I'm proud to say that as of last fall all three of my children have come to know the Lord.

Okay, I'd better quit before I get accused and convicted of hijacking your intro thread!

I hope you always feel welcome here.

 

[free4all]

Oh, BTW, you look MUCH younger than 40!

 

[rainbowpromises]

My daughter guessed you early 30s.

I guess my 40 year old personal inventory came while at a Scout camp. I was trying to do a Scouts Own on Sunday morning and it hit me that I was missing out on something most Sunday mornings.

 

[pete56]

Pepperoni

Thank you for such a candid cameo of your life.

I know what you mean about the milestone birthdays (and no you dont look your age! And neither do you look worn out enough to be the mother of three girls!!!)
I remember the reflection and introspection I journeyed through after my 40th!

I look forward to getting to know you better.

Bless you

Pete

 

[cristianna]

...

 

[SarahCarlene]

I'm engaged to a wonderful man who I assumed was saved, as he'd spent his childhood attending a Methodist church and he talked about being baptised and stuff.
He admitted to me recently when I told him I was saved and going to try to change my lifestyle a bit and get closer to God that he'd never been saved.
He says he was alot of questions. That he believes there's possibly a higher power, but he doesn't want to just jump into something blindly. He's a very factual, logical man, not big on faith.
I can see an interest however, and he very much enjoys going to church.
I'm just praying. Alot. And could use more prayer and support.

 

[Pepperoni]

I'm engaged to a wonderful man who I assumed was saved, as he'd spent his childhood attending a Methodist church and he talked about being baptised and stuff.
He admitted to me recently when I told him I was saved and going to try to change my lifestyle a bit and get closer to God that he'd never been saved.
He says he was alot of questions. That he believes there's possibly a higher power, but he doesn't want to just jump into something blindly. He's a very factual, logical man, not big on faith.
I can see an interest however, and he very much enjoys going to church.
I'm just praying. Alot. And could use more prayer and support.

I'm not on the official welcoming committee . . . . . . but, welcome!!

The fact that he has questions and is showing interest is a good sign. I would be encouraged by that. And it sounds like you're being a good example and an excellent witness.

 

[free4all]

I'm engaged to a wonderful man who I assumed was saved, as he'd spent his childhood attending a Methodist church

he doesn't want to just jump into something blindly.

Sarah,

I don't mean to be cruel, but how much time does he need to make up his mind? He sounds similar many of the husbands of wives who are in this forum: their husbands are very logical, and not big on faith. Now the wives are living with unsaved husbands who aren't interested in church. You say your fiance is interested. I hope his interest remains. Often a husband's interest in church will wain after marriage.

Have you two discussed issues of faith, such as: where you will attend church, how you will raise your children concerning the faith, will you have family devotions, will your fiance mind if you go to church without him if he loses interest, will he mind if you give money to the church, or volunteer time? It's better to discuss these issues before marriage.

He's a very factual, logical man, not big on faith.
I can see an interest however, and he very much enjoys going to church.
I'm just praying. Alot. And could use more prayer and support.

If your fiance continues to reject Christ after marriage, you will need more support than you need now.

I encourage you to read some of the other threads in this forum. You may find stories of wives similar to yours, how their fiances showed an interest before marriage but changed afterwards.

Are you prepared for a life with your husband if he doesn't choose to follow Christ, if he never chooses to put his faith in Christ but continues to trust in fact and logic?