I'm getting very bitter and angry

[BigRed009]

Over being on my own. I've brought this up to the forums before but I need to vent.

I'm 29 and I've never been in any relationship. Never heard a "yes" when I asked a girl on a date. Of all the girls I liked, they were either taken or didn't have any interest in me. Never held hands, shared a kiss, etc.

I have a disability and emplyment is tricky for me. I have a plan for my future but I've got major surgeries coming so my life is on hold again. So I feel very disadvantaged.

I get very envious, angry, and depressed sometimes seeing young couples holding hands, hearing friends talking about their girlfriends, seeing TV shows where everyone has someone or seeing romantic scenes on TV. I hate it because its always in my face and I feel like I'm getting mocked.

I have prayed for a long time and still pray, but I'm losing hope. I don't understand why God hasn't let me be with someone and it makes me very angry. No one ever helps me with this. No one seems to care at all that I'm lonely and can't find anyone. I don't think anyone cares at all and I don't have anyone I can even relate to. I'm nearing my 30's and I don't even know what it's like to have a significant other. It's completely foreign to me.

I know a lot of people's experiences have just been breakups and disappointment. But that honestly doesn't make me feel less alone, because those people can still say they had a relationship. It makes me feel valueless and undesired.

I hate dealing with this rejection and there's no sign that it'll end. I'm very confused about why this has been and what God's plan is.

I know to keep my focus on God, but it's still my desire to spend my life with someone right for me. But I'm scared that I'll be 60 one day and still be where I am now. I don't want that to happen to me. I think it's a terrible thing to be spend so much time alone and single when I desire companionship. If you're happy being single then my hat's off to you, but this isn't what I want.

Can anyone even relate to this?

 

[Danielwright2311]

O'k, real advise here.

Be something a girl wants, I'm not talking about looks, I'm talking about passion for something.

I know this one guy who was in the same boat, but he had a passion for horses, Even crippled he went out and volunteered at a horse ranch, Not the best looking guy. He always made sure he smelled good and dressed nice but had more passion for the horses. he feed them, helped brush them every day.

Then one day meet a real pretty girl who only cared for the horses, she was not looking for love, but found love in him because he has so much love and passion for the horses.

Wemon are not looking for a man with money or looks, in there heart of hearts, there looking for there passion, what ever that might be.

What is your passion? find it, then go out and live it daily, then one day, the lord will send some one who loves what you do and you will meet.

You will never find love sitting alone every day doing nothing with your life.

No one falls in love with you, they fall in love with what you love.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Over being on my own. I've brought this up to the forums before but I need to vent.

I'm 29 and I've never been in any relationship. Never heard a "yes" when I asked a girl on a date. Of all the girls I liked, they were either taken or didn't have any interest in me. Never held hands, shared a kiss, etc.

I have a disability and emplyment is tricky for me. I have a plan for my future but I've got major surgeries coming so my life is on hold again. So I feel very disadvantaged.

I get very envious, angry, and depressed sometimes seeing young couples holding hands, hearing friends talking about their girlfriends, seeing TV shows where everyone has someone or seeing romantic scenes on TV. I hate it because its always in my face and I feel like I'm getting mocked.

I have prayed for a long time and still pray, but I'm losing hope. I don't understand why God hasn't let me be with someone and it makes me very angry. No one ever helps me with this. No one seems to care at all that I'm lonely and can't find anyone. I don't think anyone cares at all and I don't have anyone I can even relate to. I'm nearing my 30's and I don't even know what it's like to have a significant other. It's completely foreign to me.

I know a lot of people's experiences have just been breakups and disappointment. But that honestly doesn't make me feel less alone, because those people can still say they had a relationship. It makes me feel valueless and undesired.

I hate dealing with this rejection and there's no sign that it'll end. I'm very confused about why this has been and what God's plan is.

I know to keep my focus on God, but it's still my desire to spend my life with someone right for me. But I'm scared that I'll be 60 one day and still be where I am now. I don't want that to happen to me. I think it's a terrible thing to be spend so much time alone and single when I desire companionship. If you're happy being single then my hat's off to you, but this isn't what I want.

Can anyone even relate to this?

Yeah. And at least you have the red highlighted portion going for you. A lot of people don't even have that..Much less, faith in God. By the way, I love the country song they made out of your user name. Rock on!

 

[bèlla]

I’m sorry you’re hurting. How can we help?

 

[dzheremi]

Post #2 is really good advice. Women (and people more generally) pick up on when a person has something they're really passionate about, and that tends to be very positive, in terms of getting people to take an interest in you. While I've never really been swimming in the ladies or whatever, I have noticed in my life that when I have been most successful it has been in these sorts of situations that bring people who already have the same interests together, whether it's at some kind of class, or a party, or whatever else. Find what excites you intellectually and go for it, and hopefully there will already be people involved in it that you can connect with.

 

[CatherineElizabeth251]

Hey Op,

Sorry that you are going through all of this. It is definitely not fun at all and can feel your pain.
I would say this, keep praying to God about it. I know you feel that He has abandoned you but He hasn't. If He has put it on your heart to be married then you have to trust him to follow through with that plan. In my experience and seeing different Christian friends, He will not put something on your heart without fulfilling that desire. In fact, most of my Catholic / Christian friends are in their 30's and met someone like last year, and are married six months later. It happens very fast, especially for Christians or Catholics I find because if you have someone within the faith, it's on your heart to just know. So don't lose hope.

Enjoy this life. Figure out something that you can learn to not just be contented in the season of singleness but thrive on it. Because if it is a season, seasons do not last forever, and you have just got to trust Him. The post #2 is great but I would recommend changing the focus. Don't just do something to get attention from a girl or seek her out, yes that might be in the back of your mind, but find something you love to do simply because you love to do it. Not because of another human being. Because as much as you may want someone in your life, it is not all roses. It comes with sacrifice, it comes with hardship, it comes with responsibility. It is not all roses trust me lol. Enjoy and appreciate what you have now. (Maybe keep a gratitude journal that you write in every single night, about all of the things that you are appreciative of. Trying doing 7 things a night for 40 days and see how you feel at the end of that. Commitment and work, but worth it).

All the best OP. Said some prayers for you to find contentment and peace in the now, present moment.

All the best,

Catherine

 

[cloudyday2]

I can relate. Of course I am 30 years older than you, so I no longer care as much, but I can remember how I felt about the situation when I was in my 20s and 30s.

Up until recently, most marriages were arranged, so it wasn't left to chance.

Maybe speed dating would work for you? Interested singles sit at tables getting 5 minutes one-on-one with every other single. Then each single picks the top N candidates and people are matched-up such that there is mutual interest.

 

[Akita Suggagaki]

What is your passion?

Some never find it. That also takes patience sometimes.

But it is the best advice of a lifetime.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

My response to stuff like this is always the same...

You got two options:

Learn to be content being single

Or

Do what is necessary to make yourself relationally valuable and romantically desirable to the opposite sex.

As far as your employment issues and disability, I got two words for you ...

Nick Vujicic

Google him.

It is my theory that the LORD puts obstacles in our lives for us to overcome them in order to be an inspiration to others. We are not meant to live our lives for ourselves and to ourselves.

 

[BigRed009]

O'k, real advise here.

Be something a girl wants, I'm not talking about looks, I'm talking about passion for something.

I know this one guy who was in the same boat, but he had a passion for horses, Even crippled he went out and volunteered at a horse ranch, Not the best looking guy. He always made sure he smelled good and dressed nice but had more passion for the horses. he feed them, helped brush them every day.

Then one day meet a real pretty girl who only cared for the horses, she was not looking for love, but found love in him because he has so much love and passion for the horses.

Wemon are not looking for a man with money or looks, in there heart of hearts, there looking for there passion, what ever that might be.

What is your passion? find it, then go out and live it daily, then one day, the lord will send some one who loves what you do and you will meet.

You will never find love sitting alone every day doing nothing with your life.

No one falls in love with you, they fall in love with what you love.

Yeah. I think that's good advice.

I mean, as far as passions go, I want to be a disciple-maker. And the only other things that I have an interest in is contra dancing and making a career in e-commerce in the near future (hopefully). That's pretty much what I have going.

 

[Danielwright2311]

Yeah. I think that's good advice.

I mean, as far as passions go, I want to be a disciple-maker. And the only other things that I have an interest in is contra dancing and making a career in e-commerce in the near future (hopefully). That's pretty much what I have going.

Ok, now, go out and set something up, enjoy the life God gave you and live your passion out, then, When you go out and start to meet others and they see your passions, everything else will fall into place.

 

[Danielwright2311]

Some never find it. That also takes patience sometimes.

But it is the best advice of a lifetime.

We all have passions, its not about finding it, its whats in your heart.

 

[bèlla]

Since this hasn’t been mentioned, I’ll address it. Bitterness and anger are repellants. They push people away rather than draw them near. It seeps out in your conversation and attitude. Don’t hold on to that. You don’t want to isolate yourself or end up surrounded by people who feel the same. That’s what happens.

I lost a close friend over this when our situations reversed. She’s married with children and I’ve raised a child. But unlike you, her feelings spilled out one day and it changed everything.

I could set aside the anger. But her disgust with my ‘perfect life’ was another matter. She couldn’t be happy for me because we weren’t in the same boat. She couldn’t delight in the blessings I’d been given.

All that she saw was everything I had and could do that she could not. And the problems she faced that weren’t an issue for me. She focused on the lack often.

I understood, if she was unable to handle where God had brought me. She could never accept where I was heading.

This is a challenge for you to love in spite of your situation. Friends are a blessing from God and we can’t make comparisons. It impacts our heart negatively after a while.

Take your eyes off what’s lacking. And follow the good advice you’ve been given. God bless.

 

[Sketcher]

Over being on my own. I've brought this up to the forums before but I need to vent.

I'm 29 and I've never been in any relationship. Never heard a "yes" when I asked a girl on a date. Of all the girls I liked, they were either taken or didn't have any interest in me. Never held hands, shared a kiss, etc.

I have a disability and emplyment is tricky for me. I have a plan for my future but I've got major surgeries coming so my life is on hold again. So I feel very disadvantaged.

I get very envious, angry, and depressed sometimes seeing young couples holding hands, hearing friends talking about their girlfriends, seeing TV shows where everyone has someone or seeing romantic scenes on TV. I hate it because its always in my face and I feel like I'm getting mocked.

I have prayed for a long time and still pray, but I'm losing hope. I don't understand why God hasn't let me be with someone and it makes me very angry. No one ever helps me with this. No one seems to care at all that I'm lonely and can't find anyone. I don't think anyone cares at all and I don't have anyone I can even relate to. I'm nearing my 30's and I don't even know what it's like to have a significant other. It's completely foreign to me.

I know a lot of people's experiences have just been breakups and disappointment. But that honestly doesn't make me feel less alone, because those people can still say they had a relationship. It makes me feel valueless and undesired.

I hate dealing with this rejection and there's no sign that it'll end. I'm very confused about why this has been and what God's plan is.

I know to keep my focus on God, but it's still my desire to spend my life with someone right for me. But I'm scared that I'll be 60 one day and still be where I am now. I don't want that to happen to me. I think it's a terrible thing to be spend so much time alone and single when I desire companionship. If you're happy being single then my hat's off to you, but this isn't what I want.

Can anyone even relate to this?

I'm older than you are, and no woman has ever reciprocated my feelings, at least not long enough to have it progress to a relationship. Which as you may know, seems to make me less attractive as this continues.

Most of my friends are married and have kids. Not just little kids either.

I'm definitely not happy about it, and if I had a way out, I wouldn't be in this situation, and I'd be able to tell you what it is. What I can say is:

1) Becoming angry at God is pointless and only gets me further away from where I want to be anyway, so I avoid it. I want and need to be positioned to receive blessing from him, rather than punishment (Luke 15:11-16, Hebrews 12:5-11).

2) At least I'm not divorced. I do not envy the friends of mine who have gone through a divorce with the pain, the shame, the custody battles, and the financial disasters. If I just married anyone off the street, I could easily also become divorced.

 

[BigRed009]

Since this hasn’t been mentioned, I’ll address it. Bitterness and anger are repellants. They push people away rather than draw them near. It seeps out in your conversation and attitude. Don’t hold on to that. You don’t want to isolate yourself or end up surrounded by people who feel the same. That’s what happens.

I can keep my composure in public just fine. These feelings are something I keep to myself. And I don't always feel this way anyway. Most days I'm perfectly fine and don't feel any of that resentment. I'm not always like this. But when I do I keep it bottled up and I don't know what to do.

To the few people I've mentioned this to, they apparently had no clue I felt this way.

 

[BigRed009]

1) Becoming angry at God is pointless and only gets me further away from where I want to be anyway, so I avoid it. I want and need to be positioned to receive blessing from him, rather than punishment (Luke 15:11-16, Hebrews 12:5-11).

Yeah, I agree. I was having a moment of weakness when I wrote this. I never want to be angry at God. I don't know if I was angry at God or just my situation but I asked Him to forgive me.

2) At least I'm not divorced. I do not envy the friends of mine who have gone through a divorce with the pain, the shame, the custody battles, and the financial disasters. If I just married anyone off the street, I could easily also become divorced.

Yeah. I agree.

 

[J Daniel]

'm 29 and I've never been in any relationship.

You should be doing cartwheels!

 

[bèlla]

I can keep my composure in public just fine. These feelings are something I keep to myself. And I don't always feel this way anyway. Most days I'm perfectly fine and don't feel any of that resentment. I'm not always like this. But when I do I keep it bottled up and I don't know what to do.

I’m glad to hear you aren’t plagued by these feelings all the time. But it isn’t good to keep them bottled up.

Do you have a prayer partner? Having someone to turn to who’ll listen and pray is very helpful.