If you think someone has wronged you a long time ago, what should you do?

[ClearPerspective]

Quite a few years ago, I was discipled by someone but later I felt some things were really off.

I did try and speak on one occasion to them, but was told I ought to forgive.

So much time has passed, but honestly I still think that relationship and some things about the teachings I was exposed to have left me with difficulties for a long time.

The person left the church and so did I. I tried to speak to a church elder after wards but to be honest I didn't agree with their stance which was that their church was apostolic. (It was an independent revivalist church).

I caved in when I spoke to the new elder and omitted to say I was still angry.

The thing is, this has been a wound I feel that I've been left with. I haven't successfully settled anywhere since. It was my first real experience of church. I heard of others who were hurt there too.

How can i resolve this?

 

[sandman]

Quite a few years ago, I was discipled by someone but later I felt some things were really off.

I did try and speak on one occasion to them, but was told I ought to forgive.

So much time has passed, but honestly I still think that relationship and some things about the teachings I was exposed to have left me with difficulties for a long time.

The person left the church and so did I. I tried to speak to a church elder after wards but to be honest I didn't agree with their stance which was that their church was apostolic. (It was an independent revivalist church).

I caved in when I spoke to the new elder and omitted to say I was still angry.

The thing is, this has been a wound I feel that I've been left with. I haven't successfully settled anywhere since. It was my first real experience of church. I heard of others who were hurt there too.

How can i resolve this?

Keeping this wound open hurts nobody but you.

We are to forgive others as spoken of in Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Col 3:13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

You need to find a way to drop it … Let he who is without sin cast the first stone …..maybe that is one way….. Or just because ...God for Christ sake hath forgiven you.

It is only hurting you to rehash this thing in your mind …. those other people don’t even think about it ….

I have been burned a few times after bending over backwards for some believers …and it hurts. In my old man days, I would have settled the score …. But I had to find a way to eliminate the hurt because it was injurious to me.

You can do this…. because you have been given the spiritual ability to do so…..let it go!

 

[seeking.IAM]

Forgiveness is not something we do for someone else; it is something we do for ourselves. By allowing someone to continue to live in our head, we allow them to hurt us over and over. Forgiveness is letting go of it, a decision moving on with one's life and put away that other thing. It doesn't change what happened, but it is a decision to not let it affect us anymore.

I am sorry you had that experience with that person and that church. Please don't let one person or one church's response turn you away from the faith. All of Christianity is not like that.

 

[ClearPerspective]

Keeping this wound open hurts nobody but you.

We are to forgive others as spoken of in Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Col 3:13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

You need to find a way to drop it … Let he who is without sin cast the first stone …..maybe that is one way….. Or just because ...God for Christ sake hath forgiven you.

It is only hurting you to rehash this thing in your mind …. those other people don’t even think about it ….

I have been burned a few times after bending over backwards for some believers …and it hurts. In my old man days, I would have settled the score …. But I had to find a way to eliminate the hurt because it was injurious to me.

You can do this…. because you have been given the spiritual ability to do so…..let it go!

Thanks very much for taking the time to respond to my OP. I appreciate it and am grateful for your advice.

 

[ClearPerspective]

Forgiveness is not something we do for someone else; it is something we do for ourselves. By allowing someone to continue to live in our head, we allow them to hurt us over and over. Forgiveness is letting go of it, a decision moving on with one's life and put away that other thing. It doesn't change what happened, but it is a decision to not let it affect us anymore.

I am sorry you had that experience with that person and that church. Please don't let one person or one church's response turn you away from the faith. All of Christianity is not like that.

Thank you for kindly responding and for your encouragement to persevere, I appreciate it.

 

[justme6272]

Other than continue to avoid them, nothing.

 

[Hazelelponi]

Quite a few years ago, I was discipled by someone but later I felt some things were really off.

I did try and speak on one occasion to them, but was told I ought to forgive.

So much time has passed, but honestly I still think that relationship and some things about the teachings I was exposed to have left me with difficulties for a long time.

The person left the church and so did I. I tried to speak to a church elder after wards but to be honest I didn't agree with their stance which was that their church was apostolic. (It was an independent revivalist church).

I caved in when I spoke to the new elder and omitted to say I was still angry.

The thing is, this has been a wound I feel that I've been left with. I haven't successfully settled anywhere since. It was my first real experience of church. I heard of others who were hurt there too.

How can i resolve this?

Honestly I don't understand why something that happened years ago still upsets you.

I was physically abused years ago to the point of physical disability and I'm pretty much over it at this point.

Thing is, such is life. People are fallen. They hurt other people, whether intentionally or not.

As we go through life we gather many scars, but scars don't do anything but add character.

If you can't forgive, go to God in prayer and learn how to from the One who forgave you.

As far as potentially learning Scripture incorrectly in some way, this is a learning process. Study Scriptures from different theological perspectives and come to understand the various issues etc. There are many books on systematic theology etc written by excellent scholars - just continue to learn and keep your beliefs centered on Scripture.

Learning is a lifetime process, it doesn't happen overnight.

 

[look4hope]

It can be challenging to let go, even if it happened years ago.
I still have some resentment for some things that has happened in the past. I can’t let it go, and I’ve tried.
So I can say I understand, although we will be advised to let that go, it’s best to move on and forgive. It is not easy peasy for some.

Hoping I was able to share my perspective clear enough.

 

[anetazo]

I don't know what the circumstances are or situation. If its fellow Christians, we must forgive. Mark chapter 9, if its a outsiders, cut them off. You can go to different church if friction continues. Any church who doesn't teach sound doctrine or manipulation or abuse, move on. If it's your fault, take responsibility and forgive.

 

[Paidiske]

It's one thing to know intellectually that you need to let it go, it's quite another to do that emotionally.

One thing a spiritual director of mine suggested to me once - and I've found it effective - is to write an account of whatever it is that has wounded you; pour out your hurt and grief and anger and so forth. Then, take that account outside, and, praying that God will heal what needs healing and allow grace to grow from the experience, dig a space for a new plant, and bury your writing beneath its roots, planting the new plant in the same hole as you bury the writing. As the plant grows and flourishes (ideally; at least one of mine I did this with died!) you will be reminded of the grace God is growing in answer to your prayer.

Sometimes these symbolic things do help us process and let go of something when simple intellectual ideas don't quite get us there...