I wish I was never born...I know I should return to God but don't know how to

[Mitch3322]

I understand your grim outlook but it’s not the way we are supposed to have to live. Please try turning off all media. If there is music that you listen to that helps you focus on Christ, maybe listen to that. Definitely cut out the news. Please consider The Word of God that follows and ask yourself if you have been trying to follow it.

Phil.4

1. [8] Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

 

[Mitch3322]

I do wish I never existed. in fact, if I was given the choice right now to go from this life to never had existed, it be a no brainer...Never existed! Yeah I'd grab that in a second now!! Why
not? What do you have to lose? Who cares what to gain when it's not much anymore in this world, and then it's heaven or eternal Hell on Judgement day. and that's 50-50.
If I never existed who cares, I do. I was born into a bad family with a narcissist father who verbally and emotionally abused me and a incompetent mother, and a brother and sister who never gave gave 2 *** if I lived or died. Because of that familh, or really the lack of a fsmily, I got into por N addiction, low self esteem. Once you are born you have the chance of being in Hell for ever!! Why take that chance? I wouldn't if I could but I can't sadly.
But I'm here so that's that. All in saying here is that being born is a curse to any human. You're gonna die anyway and then you'll be thrown in Hell most likely or may be luck y if you had a good loving upbringing and maybe you'll have the faith to go to Heaven, but it's my real belief that most humans will not make it to Heaven and they'll really wish then they were never born and agree with me.

 

[Noxot]

I do wish I never existed. in fact, if I was given the choice right now to go from this life to never had existed, it be a no brainer...Never existed! Yeah I'd grab that in a second now!! Why
not? What do you have to lose? Who cares what to gain when it's not much anymore in this world, and then it's heaven or eternal Hell on Judgement day. and that's 50-50.
If I never existed who cares, I do. I was born into a bad family with a narcissist father who verbally and emotionally abused me and a incompetent mother, and a brother and sister who never gave gave 2 *** if I lived or died. Because of that familh, or really the lack of a fsmily, I got into por N addiction, low self esteem. Once you are born you have the chance of being in Hell for ever!! Why take that chance? I wouldn't if I could but I can't sadly.
But I'm here so that's that. All in saying here is that being born is a curse to any human. You're gonna die anyway and then you'll be thrown in Hell most likely or may be luck y if you had a good loving upbringing and maybe you'll have the faith to go to Heaven, but it's my real belief that most humans will not make it to Heaven and they'll really wish then they were never born and agree with me.

Most Christians have a supremely static understanding of the afterlife. The best that they can come up with is that hell means annihilation. Annihilation would certainly be better than Eternal torture.

people are full of more pride than they realize when they read the Bible and believe they grasp it. it is the norm to have a foolish understanding of God in this world. I base my beliefs on God as infinite love and wisdom. An Omnimax God couldn't be defeated. One would simply have to figure out his character. In some measure we can, but a measure of God is simply not enough. I think that it is the experience of this world that makes people so blind to the nature of God. Sadly most Christians do not realize how bleak a understanding of God they have. at least you can see some of the emptiness and horror to it.

 

[lsume]

I do wish I never existed. in fact, if I was given the choice right now to go from this life to never had existed, it be a no brainer...Never existed! Yeah I'd grab that in a second now!! Why
not? What do you have to lose? Who cares what to gain when it's not much anymore in this world, and then it's heaven or eternal Hell on Judgement day. and that's 50-50.
If I never existed who cares, I do. I was born into a bad family with a narcissist father who verbally and emotionally abused me and a incompetent mother, and a brother and sister who never gave gave 2 *** if I lived or died. Because of that familh, or really the lack of a fsmily, I got into por N addiction, low self esteem. Once you are born you have the chance of being in Hell for ever!! Why take that chance? I wouldn't if I could but I can't sadly.
But I'm here so that's that. All in saying here is that being born is a curse to any human. You're gonna die anyway and then you'll be thrown in Hell most likely or may be luck y if you had a good loving upbringing and maybe you'll have the faith to go to Heaven, but it's my real belief that most humans will not make it to Heaven and they'll really wish then they were never born and agree with me.

If you are putting any faith in yourself, give it up realizing that only Christ can carry you to salvation. My understanding about one aspect of God’s Word follows; we are sinful by nature. Christ taught us that to have an abundant life we need to be obedient to God’s Word. Until Christ moves in to teach and purify, we can do little. He makes it possible to live in Him.

 

[Mark Quayle]

I do wish I never existed. in fact, if I was given the choice right now to go from this life to never had existed, it be a no brainer...Never existed! Yeah I'd grab that in a second now!! Why
not? What do you have to lose? Who cares what to gain when it's not much anymore in this world, and then it's heaven or eternal Hell on Judgement day. and that's 50-50.
If I never existed who cares, I do. I was born into a bad family with a narcissist father who verbally and emotionally abused me and a incompetent mother, and a brother and sister who never gave gave 2 *** if I lived or died. Because of that familh, or really the lack of a fsmily, I got into por N addiction, low self esteem. Once you are born you have the chance of being in Hell for ever!! Why take that chance? I wouldn't if I could but I can't sadly.
But I'm here so that's that. All in saying here is that being born is a curse to any human. You're gonna die anyway and then you'll be thrown in Hell most likely or may be luck y if you had a good loving upbringing and maybe you'll have the faith to go to Heaven, but it's my real belief that most humans will not make it to Heaven and they'll really wish then they were never born and agree with me.

You aren't doing a very good job of making God look bad.

Btw, it is not 50-50. It is 100% whichever way God decides, and he decides according to his own purposes --not yours-- and by the counsel of his own will --not yours. Your life was planned before the foundation of the world. It is going to happen precisely as planned.

Your pain is for God's good. You may not see the end he has in mind, and I do sympathize with you, but if not for pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, I would not have come to know that God loves me, and wants me to grow up, and know him better.

You seem to have asked for wisdom --or maybe you are just complaining, I'm not sure. Either way, wisdom comes at a cost, though given freely, because our minds need reworked. And God doesn't hold our stupidity against us, for some reason.

 

[Neostarwcc]

You are NOT alone in this. When I was born I was born blue (Zero oxygen in my body I wasn't breathing at all) doctors thought I would die but decided to try to save my life anyway. After several minutes of me not breathing or so they were about to call it but then by some miracle I started breathing. That's only once in my life that I stared death in the face and I hated God for my very existence. Not at that moment, of course not I wasn't even 10 minutes old then but, now.

When I was about two or three years old my father let me play with some pennies out of a jar and being the curious child that I was, I stuck one in my mouth. I remember this like it happened yesterday, I remember gasping for air, trying to tell my father what had happened but of course no words could come out. My sister noticed me stick the penny in my mouth and suffocating so she screamed really loud. My dad was reading the newspaper at the time and looked up from his newspaper and did nothing. My mom came running down the stairs wondering what was wrong and my sister told her what was going out, she managed to pull the penny out of my throat and I gasped for air. From what I do remember, I was pretty close to passing out. I was frantically trying to get my mom to do something and it... just was not a good time. Had my sister never screamed and cared about me, I would have died.

I've talked about my dad a few times on these forums before, but he physically and verbally abused me from the age of six or so until I was in my late 20's. There was one time when I was in high school that my father picked me up from school. We argued all on the way home but I can't remember what for. The argument escalated into my bedroom and I was sitting on my bed. My dad wanted to get me to confess to whatever the heck I did (I can't remember and I don't even remember if I did something or not.)

So my dad pushed me on the bed, picked up one of my pillows and tried to strangle me to death with the pillow to get me to talk. I don't know what came over me, because my entire life pretty much I've regretted being born and alive and I could have died right then. But, I ended up screaming out from the pillow "okay, okay I'll tell you!" he released his grip I gasped for air and I remember making up a bogus story because I'm pretty sure I was innocent.

My life has been full of nothing but pain and misery especially from before Christ came to me and saved me. I still to this day regret existing and I have no clue why God chose me out of any other people in existence. It wasn't based on anything I did or could have done, it was based on his grace.

Throughout my entire life I didn't hate God for all of the physical, psychological, and emotional pain he caused me. I blamed him for my very existence. I... hate to admit it? I still sort of blame him.

I mean, I was born ugly with a sister being little miss popularity throughout all of our schooling. She was my dad's favorite and I always wanted to earn my dad's love but, it still to this day hasn't happened. Nor will it ever. I've learned to accept that.

It's a miracle that I'm alive and I wish God would have just killed me from the moment I was born. I could go on with the things that I dislike about my very existence. But, the point is? You're here. God wants you here. He put you here for a reason and it might take your entire life to figure out why. When it's time for us to go home we go home but, there's a reason for our existence. I may regret it, you may regret it but, we're here. And God is going to work on that. Have faith.

 

[aiki]

I know that God created me because He loves me. However, I can't help but grief about my own existence - I always wish I never existed, or that I died at a very young age, so that I never have to go through the sad things I've encountered in this life.

God did not make you for a happy life but for a meaningful, holy, eternal life centered on Him. "Man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upward," Job said (Job 5:7). He was right. Sin has cursed our world, flooding it with danger, disease, suffering and death. But God will one day burn up this world and create "a new heavens and earth in which righteousness dwells." (2 Peter 3:11-13) Until then, God wants you to focus upon Him, get to know Him, find meaning and joy in fellowship with Him. This is what you were made for.

I see no hope in the world nor my future. I even think it is better to die young than live longer because look at the world today - the economy is bad, the political environment feels like WW3 is coming, the environment is getting worse, virus is spreading...My home country is getting increasingly hostile to Christianity and I'm seriously afraid. I really think it's better to die young so that I don't have to face the horrible future (I'm 22).

The more you look upon the sin-cursed world around you, the less you are looking at the Lord. And the more the corruption and darkness of the world fills your view, the larger and more terrible it grows, blocking out even the light and love of God. So it is in Scripture we are told to be very careful about what we think about, what we allow to preoccupy our minds:

Psalm 1:1-3
1 How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night.
3 He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers.

Philippians 4:8-9
8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
9 The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Hebrews 12:2-3
2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

2 Corinthians 3:18
18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.

My dad was a Christian when he was younger but in recent years he have became extremely hostile to Christians and after he learnt that I was baptized he always asks and talk about difficult Christian topics to challenge my faith and try to make me stop going to Church (he have read a lot of Christian books and philosophies so it was really difficult to convince him otherwise because he knows the Bible more than I do). It feels like it is impossible for my parents to return to God and it makes me guilty to want to give up.

Your relationship with God is YOUR relationship with Him and does not in any way rest on the opinions and conduct of your parents. Give Him control of you every day, all day. Submit yourself to Him at every turn and rest in His power and promises to you. No matter what your parents have decided to do, you stay close to your Lord, giving him authority over you moment-by-moment. Who knows? Perhaps God will use you to lead your parents back to Himself. Whatever happens, you are to be an ambassador for Christ wherever you are.

I also struggles to be moved by sermons. Due to past and ongoing family issues, I learnt to mute my emotions so that I wouldn't be heartbroken. As a result I lost most of my ability to feel emotions. Most of the time I don't have any emotions at all.

Well, you do have emotions; you've just bottled them up. But, they are there, waiting to be released at some point. It is not healthy to stuff down what you feel. You shouldn't let your emotions dictate to you your thinking or behaviour, but they do have a place in your life. They are from God, after all, and so shouldn't be cut off entirely. God intends that you should allow Him to control your feelings and make them the good thing He meant for them to be.

This makes me question the point of going to Church and listening to sermon sometimes because they are like lectures to me and I just can't "connect" or feel repentance or faith like others do. Sometimes I doubt if I really do have faith because honestly all I feel in my heart are emptiness and void and I feel nothing when I repent.(I do sincerely acknowledge I have sinned but again I feel nothing when praying for forgiveness). This makes me worried that I'm just a pretend believer, that I'm not truely repenting, and therefore not forgiven. I have to admit a large part why I believe in God is because I don't want to go to hell, but I don't know how to change this mindset.

So, what about God's love for you? What do you know of it? Have you allowed the truth of His deep, awesome love for you to saturate your mind and heart?

The First and Great Commandment isn't to fear God, or to obey Him so you don't go to hell, but to love Him with all of your being (Matthew 22:36-38) All of the Christian's obedience begins at, and flows out of, the First and Great Commandment. But we love God, we obey the First and Great Commandment, because we "know and believe the love God has for us." (See 1 John 4:16-19) Do you know and believe the love God has for you? It's the key to enjoying Him.

Surely God would have known all these pain I have to endure and surely He would know I wish I never existed - Why did He still create me?

He made you for Himself. To know, and love, and enjoy Him and in enjoying Him to glorify Him. God also made you, not for time, but for an eternity with Him. Your life is at bottom all about Him. He's at the beginning of your life, creating you; He's sustaining you to the end of your life; He's waiting for you when you cross the door of death into eternity.

I don't know what to do - I strayed away from God early last year after some family crisis which broke me apart (This happened a year after I became a believer and started to grow spiritually). I became angry to God, went back to sinning and eventually went to the point where I was seriously considering suicide. Deep down I know I SHOULD go back to God but mentally I'm so exhausted and tired and is not at all motivated to even pray. What can I do? I did try to return to God several times (by praying or reading the Bible) but again the SEVERE feeling of exhaustion from within prevents me from getting close to God again. The thought of praying instantly makes me mentally exhausted. Aside from that I guess my anger towards God is also one of the factors pushing me away.

Why would you return to a God you think has only done you bad turns? You've got a very distorted view of God and it is keeping you from Him. God loves you. Very, very much. So much, in fact, that He took on flesh and died a horrible death on a cross that you might be redeemed from your sin-debt and made free to know and walk with Him in joy and peace. God loves you so much that He has offered to you as a gift the very greatest thing in all of the universe: Himself. Salvation is not just a "get-out-of-hell" card, but is the doorway through which you come to know and delight in the Almighty Creator of Everything. He is waiting to make you a holy, peaceful, joyful, stable, wise woman who shines brightly for Him wherever she goes. But making you such a woman begins with you knowing and truly believing, not just in your head but in your heart, that He loves you deeply, and powerfully, and always - even when you've played the wandering sheep and gone off into the wilderness of sin. He's the Good Shepherd and will find you and bring you again into the fold of his love and light.

1 John 4:9-10
9 By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.
10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

John 10:10-11
10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
11 "I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep.

 

[John Helpher]

Any advice or insight is appreciated.

I recently spoke to someone who watched a 60 minutes documentary about a woman named Bianca who has perhaps the worst documented case of touretts syndrome in the world. She's had a very difficult life. The guy telling me about it was impressed, though, because Bianca came to believe that she had this problem for a reason, and that reason was to overcome the problem, and perhaps even be a comfort to others struggling with it.

The conclusion this person reached was that perhaps this is how it is for all of us; our purpose here is just to faithfully keep trying to overcome the various problems we experience. I think many of us understand what it's like to feel hopeless in different ways. We all have our own inner demons that we struggle with and we stand as individuals before God, but we're united in that we all are faced with the same challenge; to overcome those problems.

Hang in there, Margaret. Keep trying.