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I want God to just understand me and what I'm going through...

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Neostarwcc, Feb 21, 2020.

  1. Neostarwcc

    Neostarwcc Eternal life is a free gift. Amen. Supporter

    +2,414
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    I've been alive for almost 34 years now. I've been close to death at least three times in my life. When I was born I was born blue (I wasnt breathing for several minutes) it got so bad that doctors were about to pronounce me dead but by some miracle I started breathing and they were able to get me breathing again. Then when I was about three years old I nearly choked to death on a penny. I remember this one. If my sister didnt scream and my mom didnt come bolting down the stairs and got the penny out of my windpipe I wouldnt be talking to you today. And lastly there was the time I stopped taking my antipsychotics cold turkey and they were such poison that I nearly died. It was by far one of the worst experiences of my life. So clearly? God wants me alive. But my question is, why?

    34 years I've been miserable. As some of you know for most of my life I was physically and verbally abused by my dad. I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder at the age of 24 and I've had panic disorder ever since my dad started hitting me as a child. I've technically never gotten over it. I've gotten and tried therapy but none of it works. I just si mply cannot do the mindfullness meditation that they try me on for my anxiety/mental illness and medication doesnt help. And before you say I havent tried it enough I've tried it for many years. Even my therapist admits that it doesnt work for me and she doesn't know how to treat me. Every mental hospital and I've been to doesnt know how yo treat me and just fills me up with sleeping pills to cure my bad episodes. So its like... why even go to therapy? Why do I keep pushing everyday for Christ and to improve other peoples lives when my my life has been such complete crap?

    I've lived my entire life in complete isolation from the world with pretty much zero frends. Nobody really liked me or wanted to be around me so I clung to my mother the only parent I really had for over 27 years. Then I found Christ back in 2013 or so and by 2014 God answered my prayers and gave me a girlfriend and then a few months later a fiancee and a year later a wife. I love my wife more than anything and anyone else in the world. I think about her constantly and I would do anything for her.

    I dont care that We're ALWAYS arguing and shes been physically abusive to me several times now either. She was sent from God. Several people would tell me to divorce her and move on but I don't want to give up. All I've ever wanted for her since we met was for her to be happy. She wants the likewise for me but I dont think I could ever be happy. Or.. ever will be happy. Maybe God doesnt want that from me?

    What can I do to get through each passing day? Will my life get any better? Does Christ understand what I'm going through or does he even care? What can I do to make my wife happy? What can I do to make ME happy? Just so many questions hence why this is in Christian answers and not the prayer section but.... I don't know if people can answer. Maybe I'm just wasting everyone's time.... I'm sorry...
     
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  2. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

    +5,591
    Australia
    Christian
    Married
    i feel deeply for you brother and also had a crappy upbringing and was diagnosed with schizo affective disorder and P.T.S.D from a sexual assault in which i almost lost my life at the age of 11.

    i know how terrible life can be for people like us. It is so hard to overcome the demons in our closet isn't it?

    Yet i found help. Great help. Help from God. He does understand suffering really well brother. He suffers all evil, we only a little, but He everything, and yet He conquers it all and is above it. This is what He has been teaching me as well. To be stronger than my illness can throw at me.

    This He can do for you as well brother. He can make your life truly a worth while experience even when you go through a lot of bad times He can get good things out of it.

    Faith in God's love grows us a new life brother. Faith in God's love brought me Jesus and His good life within. Sure it took year building a temple in my heart for Him to dwell in but it is awesome to Have God as King of the heart instead of those pesky voices.

    Sure i use anti-psychotic medications as well, i have to otherwise i'm always psychotic and that is no fun at all. Yet having learned to trust God to love me true has paid off big time. Jesus is growing me stronger than my illness can throw at me. He is a great and awesome God who truly saves us from our sin and misery.

    Be of good courage.
     
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  3. Norbert L

    Norbert L Well-Known Member Supporter

    +663
    Christian Seeker
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    If the idea is becoming a Christian is easy and your life is going to be better then wouldn't the whole world become Christians? 1 Peter 4:12

    One Pastor related his experience with numerous new converts. Some of them said they decided to become Christians only to find that their problems became worse.
     
  4. Neostarwcc

    Neostarwcc Eternal life is a free gift. Amen. Supporter

    +2,414
    United States
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    I'm sorry but how can I trust God to love me? I trust that he'll save me I trust that he has a wonderful eternity waiting for me by how can I just get through each and everyday? Pray to God more? But all I ask him for is relief from this pain and disease. R
    For my wife to be happy and gor him to continue to help and guide me each day that passes. I...just want a normal BBC and happy family again. It doesnt bother me anymore that my wife and I have been trying to make a baby for five years now. I just want my family bvb to be happy again and not so... dysfunctional. I guess I dont want yo be dysfunctional either.
     
  5. Neostarwcc

    Neostarwcc Eternal life is a free gift. Amen. Supporter

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    I like what Peter says in 1 Peter 4:19. Its nice.
     
  6. Norbert L

    Norbert L Well-Known Member Supporter

    +663
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    Focusing on well doing in my view helps alleviate the pressure and suffering that often happens in life.
     
  7. YesMe

    YesMe Active Member

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    I am too 24. My story is similar with yours, born very very thin, almost close to die because of starvation caused by my irresponsible parents, my grandma saved me. Years later I fell from a moving train and survived without a scratch, I've been living with an alcoholic father who abused me emotionally for my entire life, I became depressed and suffered for 6 years of it, all in all, I could easily say that I was tormented my entire life.

    I prayed, I fasted, I did many things, God never came to take the pain away, the pain stayed there every single day.

    Let me tell you what made me to feel better, while meditating I realized this: God can help only if you help yourself!

    How it works? You, firstly, start helping yourself, and so by doing this action, you allow God to help.

    Let me give you an example: A depressed person is in a state where she/he feels always like being the victim and so there's no way for she/he to heal, no way, but when a depressed person understands that the healing can only come when she/he changes the way he/she thinks, then the real miracle happens and God is able to offer healing. This happened to me, 6 years of depression cured in an instant by using meditation and affirmation to rewire the subconscious mind, this is how I allowed God to help me.

    Jesus could heal the whole world but He did not do it, why? Only few acted, only few decided to be healed and by doing so, Christ healed them, remember that He even healed centurion's servant, remember, the centurion was one of those who attacked and captured the Jews.. Jesus offered healing he, the centurion, wanted his servant to be healed, it's a shift in one's mind...
     
  8. Greengardener

    Greengardener for love is of God Supporter

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    I read these posts with interest. I wonder, YesMe, if you've got something there. By acting on what God said, you believed Him, and that's faith at its core, isn't it? Neostarwcc, Jeshu, and anyone wanting to read this, it is challenging to act on God's commandments when you doubt His love, but I think you will find those changes you want in your life when you just start doing what He says, speaking like He speaks, and you might even start to glimpse how much love He has for us in Christ Jesus. My upbringing sounds like a song in comparison, but even if our childhood managed not to do it to us, we can often find ways to torment ourselves when we refuse His ways. I highly recommend continuing to draw near to Him because He loves us and told us what would work best for our lives.
     
  9. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

    +5,591
    Australia
    Christian
    Married
    Yes i understand that you want illness and its misery to go away, with me illness stayed but my misery went away. With you? Who knows God might heal you but He will always help you through your suffering and stand by you when you down and carry you when you can't walk no more.

    God is love! God is your heavenly Father. God loves all His offspring but hates it when they drift away from Him and get court up with the wicked. The wicked try to do two things 1) make you not care about God or other people or 2) if that doesn't work make you care a lot about what God and other people think about you, telling you lies about what they think and so making your reality miserable. Ask yourself this question, if i had faith in God's love would i still be so miserable? The answer is no, you will be significantly better equipped to fight those depressive lies and live out of the joy of your salvation.

    God is the truth as well, now the truth you can trust for the truth is always the truth and doesn't change. In John 3:16 it is written that God loved the world so He send His Son to die for their sins so that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. That is how you know the truth which you can trust. The truth is God loves all people to be saved you as well. He will gift you with faith if you decide to believe that God wants to save you through Jesus Christ.

    Build with God's goodness a better life. i cultivated love, trust, faith, long suffering, endurance, patience, kindness, faithfulness, honesty, joy and fearlessness in my heart and have not looked back since. Honest you can climb out of your pit as well. You can believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ and be saved from your misery as well.

    Faith in God's love brings eternal hope for better. So cultivate faith love and hope first and the rest will come automatically in place.

    in the link below i explain how i build my life with Scripture and into Scripture to find safety from my depressive and psychotic lies hurting me so much.

    Building a new life through Scriptures.
     
  10. nicholas123

    nicholas123 New Member

    56
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    Some questions don't have answers, we falsely assume the way to spiritual knowledge is raising questions because it is what we do in the natural sciences.
    A happy life can only come through constant remembrance of Christ's victory over death and corruption, for we necessitate greater blessings than any man can give and God alone does not need to count his alms.
     
  11. Nancy Hale

    Nancy Hale Member

    217
    +149
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    I'm 55 and my entire life has been pretty unbelievable. I'm only here because my mom thought she couldn't get pregnant while breastfeeding, my sister is 16 months older than me. One of my earliest memories is trying to make my own breakfast because my mom wouldn't get out of bed. My sister tells me of an entire day we spent staring out the window while she sat in the car outside deciding if she was going to leave. It would have been pretty bad, my dad was a cross country truck driver and gone for days. His beatings were fierce, I remember those, welts every where.
    I can't remember which came first; some strange man taking me into my backyard and sexually abusing me or when my grandfather started sexually molesting me. I was about 5, I think. I was 11 when I finally got up the nerve to tell my grandfather "no" it was 1976. We were camping, I needed his help fixing my tangled fishing line and he used his cigarette to burn it. He told me I should take up smoking so I'd never need anyone's help (and I still struggle with smoking to this day)
    Sadly, my dad started messing around with me and a friend the year before. Then he took naked photos of my friends at my slumber party, which was the last birthday party I ever had. I was in 5th grade. It goes on, but you get the gist.
    I started getting migraines around 11, mainly from hotdogs, but my parents made me eat them anyways because they didn't believe me. It was torture.
    About 20 my heart started racing, scared me into a panic attack. Even though the ekg showed I was consistently having arrhythmias, the Dr said I needed a shrink and threatened to take away my kids because of the panic attacks, which had become daily.
    Therapy didn't help me at all, and neither did any of their meds. I couldn't handle any psych med they tried. Finally, the head cardiologist of a huge university listened to me, believed me and figured out I had this crazy heart defect. He taught a class on me.
    To get to that Dr required a divorce and moving to a different state, which was heartbreaking but who would want to stay with a person having panic attacks everyday that left her exhausted. Also, while I was away the church I was in had a group where I learned what "flashbacks" were and instantly stopped being afraid of the dark. I developed my firm belief in the truth setting you free.
    My husband and I ended up back together, but just a few years. He stopped believing in God and started using drugs.
    A few years later my period starts and doesn't stop. I'm a single mom, working all the time and I ignore it until I get a headache that won't go away for anything. Just a mild headache, I still got chronic migraines, but it wasn't that. Who would guess the only symptom of bleeding mostly to death is a mild headache. I was used to being tired, I didn't even think twice about it.
    The next 10 years of my life are one failed surgery after another. I had a hysterectomy, but it failed. I was still working all the time, raising my kids.
    Oh, and it's not just psych meds that don't work right on me, morphine actually causes me pain! Most opiates do. Everything works wrong on me.
    A couple years ago I started growing benign tumors all over my body, and they gave me fentanyl at the hospital; every inch of my body hurt for a solid week.
    The tumors are actually common for late stages of EDS, a genetic condition that would explain my heart problem and a few things I didn't mention.
    I feel like I'm telling this all wrong. It's really hard to believe someone loves you when you get a scrambled concept of love as a child.
    And, trust! The father you could see and touch certainly wasn't trustworthy, trust is so hard for some of us. I believe. I believe God can not lie. I believe everything He says is true. He says He loves me. And then once I had this experience where I really felt it, Jesus loves ME. And, I felt this incredible feeling, outside me, surrounding me. It was amazing. Nothing else mattered.
    I suggest asking him. God does promise He knows how to give His children good gifts.
    Lastly, don't give up on doctors, but don't stay with one to long that isn't helping. I have been to so many Dr's, so many specialists. Sometimes the nice ones are terrible Drs and the ones you can barely stand actually know what they are doing. It's rare you get one that's kind and can figure things out, but it does happen, so don't give up.
     
  12. longwait

    longwait Well-Known Member

    861
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    We go through horrible things in our lives for a reason. It doesn't turn out the way we think. But its all for the greater good.
     
  13. faroukfarouk

    faroukfarouk Fading curmudgeon

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    @Nancy Hale Prayer and the Scriptures are used by the Lord to keep the believer going, aren't they, in spite of sometimes impossible seeming circumstances...
     
  14. Nancy Hale

    Nancy Hale Member

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    Most definitely! When I was very young it was Sunday school songs, Bible stories, and the personal relationship (which seems to wain at times)
    When I was very small and scared, I'd sing "Jesus Loves Me" or "Jesus Loves the Little Children"over and over in my head. In my older teens/young twenties there was a song "You Are my Hiding Place" (you are my hiding place, you always fill my heart with songs of deliverance whenever I feel afraid I can count on you) and I'd sing that over and over when i had flashbacks or night terrors. It happened so much i stopped having to sing it, i could just hear the entire church singing it in my brain whenever I wanted. It got me thru many long nights.
     
  15. faroukfarouk

    faroukfarouk Fading curmudgeon

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    @Nancy Hale So important to keep the mind and memory fresh with prayerfully appreciated Scripture and Biblical lyrics! :)
     
  16. Marumorose

    Marumorose Member

    88
    +72
    South Africa
    Christian
    Single
    When problems come we usually say "God what have i done to deserve this?" instead of asking "why is the devil attacking me?"
    Take a look at your life right now and try to find out if there is something that you are doing that God is not pleased about.
    I used to complain a lot to God and i finally learned to be happy after i decided to help someone who was in need. The more charitable you are, the more good things come to you. DO NOT FORGET TO BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE. That is important
     
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