I feel the same because I refuse to believe in a god that's all powerful and just watches people, get hurt and go crazy. Why make someone that can't enjoy a quality life who's mind will only deteriorate? Why?
I remember watching a lisaling episode about faith healing...and this man that was in a wheel chair( he had 2 accidents starting when he was 18 and it paralyzed him and he stays in a wheelchair) god told him he would heal him...but when they tried to heal him..they couldn't...and it was the saddest thing I saw. Why couldn't god heal him and make him walk like he promised him? Did he not have enough faith?
And it doesn't make me happy that it wasn't me, because no one knows what life holds it could be me... Down the line .... Its just like wow.
I just wonder how God decides in his mind to heal some and not others, do for some and not others...
Playing favorites is so wrong on so many levels I don't care if you're God or not.
(((HUG))
I feel your pain, really I do.
I wish I had an answer as to why some people are healed and others aren't, but I don't. I do know that my life has a purpose and so does yours. You are valued and you are a daughter of the living God.
I have MS and have seen another women healed from it, just not me. I have an autistic daughter and a bi-polar son. I have had major depression that put me in the hospital. I have been stabbed nine times by a unhinged young man. I grew up with a verbally abusive father. I too, have been hurt by other Christians. I am blind in one eye. I'm sitting here right now waiting for a broken foot to heal. I could go on and on about my life, my wishes, my dreams and desires.
Here's another part of me:
I love music and am able to still play my instruments. I love to putter in my garden. I like to draw and I love learning new information and skills. I love hiking when I can and kayaking, also. I love to show kindness to others and I am determined to serve those around me because it keeps me from being too inward. Life at this moment in time is good...the sun is shining, the music is playing in my head.
Right now you are in a dark place and that is not the place to make big decisions. Wait.
For fear of sounding no new agey, you need to heal and focus on a healthy you right now. Part of that health may be inward.....allow the Spirit of God to softly and tenderly lift away the layers of hurt as you assign them names and give them over to your Father. Pain and hurt are not yours to hold onto. Part of your health will be outward....without expecting anything in return, be kind to strangers. Purposefully look for a way to spread kindness; nice haircut, you look in red, maybe just a smile. Start to be aware of one positive thing each day and keep hold of it, then the next day think of another positive thing and so on.
I choose to look and seek out wonder and beauty and hold on to even a glimmer of it. I have learned to see the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships and how to create healthy boundaries. It has taken years to come to this point. I big part of my peace and joy come from allowing God to do the driving and realizing that my life has a purpose.
I am prone to depression when I start to look inward, compare myself to others and ignore the boundaries. The Spirit of God has been the best teacher because He formed me and knows me better than any other could and he has my best interest at heart.
You can do this.....don't give up. It's a bump in the road.
I'm really sorry about what happened with your friend.. That would have freaked me out too.. It will take time to process that and also the bad church experience also will take some time to process (i too had a bad church experience and lost God for some years due to my rejecting Him over it all which those dark years i would not wish on anyone and hope you dont have that happen) so maybe just be careful about automatically rejecting God over these things as He seriously is the only one who will never leave or forsake you. He did intervene in my life later as even though i had rejected Him out of hurt He did not reject me and in His mercy did reach into my life and saved me from the mess I had made of my life.
