I always felt like there was a dark cloud on me. I feel suffocated and heavy in spirit. Everything I do, especially things that I feel that will edify myself, never succeeds. It just never happened or fails. For instance, I cannot seem to be able to finish school. Not because I am dumb but because there is always something or circumstance that makes me go backward. I feel like God is trying to reach out to me, there is a message, a blessing for me but I just seem to not be able to access God. There is something that blocks me from him.
In the bible it says that if you are Christian then you should not lack. Things should not go bad. But why does this happen to me?
This week I read Deuteronomy 28, it was the first time I read this part of the bible. And EVERYTHING that appears there concerning disobedience IS happening to my life. I mean everything from feeling confused, infectious disease, I cant see I cant hear. I have even sought medical assistance with that, and obviously they see nothing wrong. Everything I do is motive of laughter, people see me as a joke I am constantly humiliated by my actions. I have moved countries, literally, from continent to continent in the hope of starting a new life and the cycle repeats itself. ALWAYS FAILING. I feel like there is no end to this, i never seem to go to the next chapter, i am always revolving around the same place. I am spiritually blind and deaf. I have considered suicide, I have thought in the middle of despair, that maybe I am not cut to be christian I should choose something else. But, I understand that all of that is against God.
Sorry for the long essay, but I have tried talking to priests, pastors, deacons and nothing. I am looking for guidance in order to solve this issue.
Many thanks
In the bible it says that if you are Christian then you should not lack. Things should not go bad. But why does this happen to me?
This week I read Deuteronomy 28, it was the first time I read this part of the bible. And EVERYTHING that appears there concerning disobedience IS happening to my life. I mean everything from feeling confused, infectious disease, I cant see I cant hear. I have even sought medical assistance with that, and obviously they see nothing wrong. Everything I do is motive of laughter, people see me as a joke I am constantly humiliated by my actions. I have moved countries, literally, from continent to continent in the hope of starting a new life and the cycle repeats itself. ALWAYS FAILING. I feel like there is no end to this, i never seem to go to the next chapter, i am always revolving around the same place. I am spiritually blind and deaf. I have considered suicide, I have thought in the middle of despair, that maybe I am not cut to be christian I should choose something else. But, I understand that all of that is against God.
Sorry for the long essay, but I have tried talking to priests, pastors, deacons and nothing. I am looking for guidance in order to solve this issue.
Many thanks