I neglected my wife... now she has an internet love intrest...

[redemption song]

the following's going to infuriate some people, but so be it.

aside from the "i'll pray for you" or "have faith in God" answers, i'm gonna be blunt. there's probably a good reason why she's found someone online. it takes hours upon hours to find someone online to connect with in such a way that two people decide to make a habit of chatting endlessly. therein lies not the problem, but the remedy she found for the hours alone. you are the problem and i'm glad you admitted as such. however, with that said, she isn't lost, i hope. for two people to connect across vast differences, whom've never met face to face, there has to exist the conditions that made the situation possible. you've obviously neglected her needs. she's connected with the other man on a deeply personal level where they're probably sharing intimate details of their lives. you've let her mind to wander through neglect where she was lonely and probably wasn't feeling wanted. reestablish your presence in her mind. it's the best start. because you're already there in physical presence, but you've receded to the back of her heart through hurt.

 

[bliz]

Man, you really don't get it!

I don't believe than anyone here has suggested that you drop out of ministry. Any number of of have bluntly said that you need to get it in proper perspective, but not find another line of work. In part, or at least in my case, I don't suggest dropping out because I'm sure the same temptations would be there in your life no matter what you did for a living.

...Like I have said from the beginning of this thread I know what it means to repent and I truly believe that I have... and I am repenting of my old way of neglecting my family.

Hmmm - I read a whole lot about you defending how you spent your time, not about how you have changed your life. What exact changes have you made?

The only question for me is where is that place of balance. Fore example... Like I am over sensitive and jealous when it comes to cyber boy, she seems to be over sensitive and jealous with the other lady in my life (in my wifes eyes) and that is "doing" ministry.
I have certain minimal ministerial duties that requires my attention during the week... and the only way to not do those would be to resign. My wife knows i have greatly limited those activities but even so... the look in her eye still says "other woman".

All very understandable... but why is your oversensitivity OK and hers is not? Since when have you limited those activities?

To add fuel to the fire the ladies in here sugest "wife above all"... well... in order to do that I would have to quit. If even for a season... wouldn't that tell our enemy that all he has to do is stir this all up again if I ever tried to be a minister again?

Whenever you feel under attack you make this a matter of spiritual warfare and not about the health of your marriage. It's as if you suddenly hold up a stop sign and protest "You can't attack me! I'm on a mission from God!" Guess what? All Christians are opn a mission from God! Has it not occoured to you that while you were focused on "ministry" Satan has been attacking your home life? You don't need to go hang out with troubled teens to battle the Evil One, he's in your house! In your bed!

And then when I see what their views of ministry is...
It causes me to question what in the world is going on in their worlds to have such a dim view of the ministry. And if that is how I am viewed for putting on that coat then is anything I say or do going to really make a differance?

In all of this... it is almost as though some are saying... "see... I knew it.. none of those ministers are worth anything".. .

You really are clueless! My opinion that ministry can be ego stroking is not a low view of ministry! It is a low view of some of the men who go into ministry and are way too motivated by the ego stroking. That becomes the motivation. Christians should have healthy egos! Nothing wrong with that. People in ministry are not better than the rest of us, they do not have inherently superior spiritual lives, they do not have the answers to every question, they are not necessarilly more intellegent or well read. And, people in minstry to not have a higher calling than those called to unclog plumbing to the glory of God. You have no special niche in the Kingdom.

And I can't help but notice that you got a very similiar responses over on the ministry thread. This is not a matter of us not understanding the call of ministry. This is a matter of you not understanding the responsibility you have to your family. (And no, I did not go seeking you out on another thread! I have a number of threads is check on a regular basis and there you were - venue shopping.)

Sure... I know now I made mistakes, I know now I hurt my wife, but it wasn't becuase I'm a "self centered dirty old man that only wants his ego stroked"... it was out of short sightedness...

How would you classify "short sightedness" if not an extension of being self centered? Why didn't you see as far as you should have? Becasue you were looking at something else closer to you. Yourself.

If you knew me at all you would know that I am anything but selfish. I give even when I have nothing left to give. That has been another "thorn in my wife's side" becuase I am so giving and so accepting of people that she see's it as weak and being taken advantage of. Not so. I willingly give becuase it is in my heart to do so. The thing is she brings balance to my life in that area... keeps me in check... which is good... but... at some point in there she still has to say... ok... he has heard me, I believe he hears from God... so I now submit to his decision. Sorry if that is not "PC".. but it is "BC".

Funny - what we know of you is largly what you have told us about you and what you wife said in her post. If we have formed an opinion that you are selfish, we reached that conclusion from your own statements. You give until you have nothing left to give.... Well, that's part of where you are doing wrong! You are always to have something left to give your wife and kids! In fact, your wife and kids deserve some of your very best stuff, too, not just your leftovers! You want to get spiritual? You are to be to your wife as Christ is to the church. What did Christ do for the church? He gave everything he had for the church - His very life. They are not asking for your life, just your attention.

There is NOTHING that I would not do for my wife... for my family...

OK - so how about eat with them after church on Sunday... someplace where all the other church folk don't go? How about sitting with your family at sporting events? You said your duties are limited during the week... so, do you get the kids up and dressed and off to school in the mornings? Make them breakfast? Help them with their homework? Are you willing to stay off the phone at certain hours in the evening? Why don't you stay off the computer?

I have even seriously considered stepping down from ministry even knowing that I would never be allowed to do it again. If I truly believed in my heart of hearts that was the best thing to do for my family then I would do it in a heartbeat. The thing is I know better.

Why would you be unable to go back into ministry if you stepped out for a few years? That makes no sense at all.

Everything I say in here gets twisted into.. "he is saying this but he really means that"... how unfair is that!? ...sorry.. but you all have been wrong trying to second guess me from the beginning.

So we all have you wrong, and the people on the full time ministry thread have you all wrong... why do you keep posting? Nothing we say to you could possibly be of any help or even of any interest if we had you all wrong... but you keep hanging on. Is it just becasue you love a good argument? Tell you what... print up all these posts and take them to a Christian mentor - someone you trust and someone who will pull no punches. Ask them what that have to say.

True... I am devoted to the calling on my life... but not any more so than the calling I have to serve my family. I use to not be that way.. but I am now... becuase I understand what it is to repent.

And when did this repentence take place? As of September 20 when you wife posted her very angry comments she did not think that your "repentence" had been for real becasue nothing had changed in you life - according to her. Seeing as she is a rather important part of your marriage, I'd have to say that her opinion carries a great deal of weight. And, even if you had truly repented on, say the evening of September 20, there simply has not been enough time go by to see if you really mean it. Verbal repentence is easy... actually changing how you live is another matter. That is where the proof of repentence will be revealed.

I understand that ministry is serving God... In whom ever He sends me to... whether it be my wife, my kids, or into Africa or South America...

You don't get it! It is not a matter of whether God will send you to minister to your wife and kids, he HAS sent you to minister to them - and so far, based upon what you have said about your own life, you've blown it!

My wife is the second best thing that has ever happened to me... and I hope that I am the second best thing that has ever happened to her...

Hopefully she knows that... and hopefully she sees how much I do love her and that I am really trying to get all of this right. I know I will make mistakes... but hopefully she sees my heart in all this... and that being second to God... is a good thing

Your wife does not resent being second to God - she resents being second to all the kids in the youth group and on the phone and on the computer.

No one here on this site is out to get you or try and prove you wrong. We are really trying to help you. You posted here -you had, and still have, a poroblem. Maybe we got some of it wrong; we are dealing with limited information and electronic conversations. But I know for a fact that we all did not get it all wrong. I know that none of my longer posts go out unless there has been considerable prayer and thought and I am sure that is true for many others here.

Here you have encountered a number of people who are not impressed by your position, training or calling and whatever personal charm you have doesn't make it through this medium. You also have here people who have seen pastors and youth ministers come and go and we've seen Christian marriages come and go, too. This really is a good opportunity for you to get some very direct, very honest responses, which you've been getting, and which you have been turning away. My guess is that you are not accoustomed to people telling you where to get off and calling you on your claims. You are blessed in that you have a wife who is willing to do that - a true partner, a woman who loves you and is willing to have your back and labor beside you. But you now see her honesty and forthrightnes as a matter of her not understanding ministry. How insulting!

If you can, set aside your considerable ego and please think about what you have at risk here. If your marriage fails, you really will be out of ministry, and be without your family, and have kids with whom you will have a hard time maintaining any kind of a relationship, let alone a loving one. This is not about being right! This is not about ministry! This is about what kid of husband and father you are going to be.

 

[sweatpea_ishere]

I think he believes our opinions are not good "GODLY" answers for they are not actual quotes from the bible itself. Our experiences and what we see as outsiders mean nothing to him for it is him we are trying to change and not his wife. I am sure your wife did not wake up one morning and say "hmm feels like a good day to turn to another man....no reason I just feel like it." Something made her do what she did....
If he really believes what he did was hurtfull and neglectful and has taken his wife for granted he will change and do things differently. How would he feel if his wife and kids eventually left him out in the cold to survive on his own without the love, companion ,and security of another....he too would eventually turn to someone else. Then how would he react if they let him back in and said they would change and treat him better and he was always worrying about being put out in the cold again for there wasnt enough proof or reassurance they would not repeat what they had done?

 

[isaiah5213]

after my last post on this forum, i prayed long & hard. i really felt saddened by this thread.. for several reasons..

bliz had it right. it stinks broken arrow, that 45 minutes after i asked you if you thought that as a minister, we didn't have the right to challenge (which is not what scripture says, by the way) you left this board, go to another board, and you write how we lay persons don't understand the calling.. at first, i laughed at this. then i became more concerned.. really concerned, for your ministry. what version of the Bible are you reading here??? i have about 7 versions in my house, and all of them indicate that when we become Christians, we ALL have a calling. to seek & save the lost. we ALL are responsible for a personal relationship w/God. we ALL are responsible for loving one another--whether we want to or not...

i stepped back, & i went thru, and i studied out, and rerouted my quiettimes, to basics. i realize this: you are in the category of people who hop on this board, and say "advise me, tell me what to do" and we talk, till we are blue, and then you hop on and say "let me tell you what i did..." and it is NOTHING as we advised.. and we sit here and go..."why did he/she ask?? why did i waste my time?? i had precious pearls!! i threw them all to the swine!!!" sigh.

your wife is hurting. she is desperately hurting. she is feeling so lost. so lonely. so...hurting. she feels so totally & utterly alone. she is truly grieving. & you are knocking her grief. you have for a long time. in the old testament, when there is a loss, the people were allowed to grieve. the widows wore black for a year. & she is going thru the loss of her marriage, and the loss of her husband, to an excuse called "the ministry", and you are trying to order her not to grieve. you invalidate her feelings by hopping onto a public board and saying "my wife messed around on me" & you insult and cajole us when you don't like what we have to say. sigh. you have itching ears. did you even read those scriptures i left for you, in my last post?

if we were in the old testament days, she would have torn her clothes, shaved her hair off, then put ashes on her head, and she would be refusing to eat...her tears would be more bitter than hannah's. and from her posting, and her actions, and your postings, especially, this is to YOUR shame, not hers. let's go to job, shall we?? his 3 friends sat there in silence w/him for 7 days, before they spoke. i remember this, & i picture you wife. i want to find her, in her burlap bag and ashes, and sit down w/her, and grieve w/her for 7 days & 7 nights. i feel so sad & achy for her. she must be broken, and bent and bleeding right now, because she has been beating her head against a wall. she tried to love you w/all she had, & w/what she knew God to give her, and you have taken it and misused it, and spent it, and abused her love and herself.. & you don't want to face what you did. maybe because when you glimpse it, you feel ashamed. maybe you think you will die from the grief yourself--i only think that, because when i faced my sins, i felt like that before.. it hurt so much, not just because i had hurt my friends and my family, but because i had hurt God..

why do you refuse to face that??? you tell us verbally, you have repented, yet you talk about .."the calling" you tell others we don't understand. you tell others "we're lay people" you tell others "i don't have to listen to them, because they don't know me, and they called me ...." ... & you actually told others you sinned in one breath, and then, said "if only my wife would understand, so she could help me w/"the calling"... aaaahhhhh!!!

we told you to love your wife. you know it's not a feeling. it's action. you gave us excuses as to why you should not love your wife. you accused us of telling you to step down from the ministry... we protested that we had never said that. we told you to love your wife. your itching ears went other places.. you wanted someone to tell you something else besides: love your wife. stop neglecting her & your kids. & no one says anything different. no one changes "the story." the "outcome" the "event".. my Bible says: "love your wife." --

i thought for a moment, that you thought maybe you were Peter..he is the only apostle that we know of, that was married...& Jesus chose Peter to build the first Church after Jesus ascended into heaven... i thought: maybe he has a Peter complex??...but no. i don't think that is it.. i think you don't want to love your wife. i think you keep making excuses, because it is uncomfortable for you. and you don't want to face her, nor forgive her. and what are you having trouble forgiving her for?? your lack of forgiveness goes way way way deeper than "she got a cyberboyfriend".. why can you not forgive your wife?? because she knows you?? & she challenges you? & you don't like what she says about your "calling" ?? i see you are having trouble forgiving us, when we challenge you, when you don't like what we say..

yours is not a ministry of God, when you make excuses not to do the basics that God teaches us thru the scriptures.. yours is not a ministry that will succeed.. your ministry will come crashing. & i will grieve, and i will mourn, because you are taking people w/you, when it falls. people will get hurt. & that's the saddest part of all. unless you repent, how can God bless this? how can he bless you?? unless you repent??

 

[bkg]

after my last post on this forum, i prayed long & hard. i really felt saddened by this thread.. for several reasons..

Snipped for size...


Wow... all I can say is very well said. Upfront, blunt, honest... Good post.

 

[mghalpern]

after my last post on this forum, i prayed long & hard. i really felt saddened by this thread.. for several reasons..

bliz had it right. it stinks broken arrow, that 45 minutes after i asked you if you thought that as a minister, we didn't have the right to challenge (which is not what scripture says, by the way) you left this board, go to another board, and you write how we lay persons don't understand the calling.. at first, i laughed at this. then i became more concerned.. really concerned, for your ministry. what version of the Bible are you reading here??? i have about 7 versions in my house, and all of them indicate that when we become Christians, we ALL have a calling. to seek & save the lost. we ALL are responsible for a personal relationship w/God. we ALL are responsible for loving one another--whether we want to or not...

i stepped back, & i went thru, and i studied out, and rerouted my quiettimes, to basics. i realize this: you are in the category of people who hop on this board, and say "advise me, tell me what to do" and we talk, till we are blue, and then you hop on and say "let me tell you what i did..." and it is NOTHING as we advised.. and we sit here and go..."why did he/she ask?? why did i waste my time?? i had precious pearls!! i threw them all to the swine!!!" sigh.

your wife is hurting. she is desperately hurting. she is feeling so lost. so lonely. so...hurting. she feels so totally & utterly alone. she is truly grieving. & you are knocking her grief. you have for a long time. in the old testament, when there is a loss, the people were allowed to grieve. the widows wore black for a year. & she is going thru the loss of her marriage, and the loss of her husband, to an excuse called "the ministry", and you are trying to order her not to grieve. you invalidate her feelings by hopping onto a public board and saying "my wife messed around on me" & you insult and cajole us when you don't like what we have to say. sigh. you have itching ears. did you even read those scriptures i left for you, in my last post?

if we were in the old testament days, she would have torn her clothes, shaved her hair off, then put ashes on her head, and she would be refusing to eat...her tears would be more bitter than hannah's. and from her posting, and her actions, and your postings, especially, this is to YOUR shame, not hers. let's go to job, shall we?? his 3 friends sat there in silence w/him for 7 days, before they spoke. i remember this, & i picture you wife. i want to find her, in her burlap bag and ashes, and sit down w/her, and grieve w/her for 7 days & 7 nights. i feel so sad & achy for her. she must be broken, and bent and bleeding right now, because she has been beating her head against a wall. she tried to love you w/all she had, & w/what she knew God to give her, and you have taken it and misused it, and spent it, and abused her love and herself.. & you don't want to face what you did. maybe because when you glimpse it, you feel ashamed. maybe you think you will die from the grief yourself--i only think that, because when i faced my sins, i felt like that before.. it hurt so much, not just because i had hurt my friends and my family, but because i had hurt God..

why do you refuse to face that??? you tell us verbally, you have repented, yet you talk about .."the calling" you tell others we don't understand. you tell others "we're lay people" you tell others "i don't have to listen to them, because they don't know me, and they called me ...." ... & you actually told others you sinned in one breath, and then, said "if only my wife would understand, so she could help me w/"the calling"... aaaahhhhh!!!

we told you to love your wife. you know it's not a feeling. it's action. you gave us excuses as to why you should not love your wife. you accused us of telling you to step down from the ministry... we protested that we had never said that. we told you to love your wife. your itching ears went other places.. you wanted someone to tell you something else besides: love your wife. stop neglecting her & your kids. & no one says anything different. no one changes "the story." the "outcome" the "event".. my Bible says: "love your wife." --

i thought for a moment, that you thought maybe you were Peter..he is the only apostle that we know of, that was married...& Jesus chose Peter to build the first Church after Jesus ascended into heaven... i thought: maybe he has a Peter complex??...but no. i don't think that is it.. i think you don't want to love your wife. i think you keep making excuses, because it is uncomfortable for you. and you don't want to face her, nor forgive her. and what are you having trouble forgiving her for?? your lack of forgiveness goes way way way deeper than "she got a cyberboyfriend".. why can you not forgive your wife?? because she knows you?? & she challenges you? & you don't like what she says about your "calling" ?? i see you are having trouble forgiving us, when we challenge you, when you don't like what we say..

yours is not a ministry of God, when you make excuses not to do the basics that God teaches us thru the scriptures.. yours is not a ministry that will succeed.. your ministry will come crashing. & i will grieve, and i will mourn, because you are taking people w/you, when it falls. people will get hurt. & that's the saddest part of all. unless you repent, how can God bless this? how can he bless you?? unless you repent??

You laid your heart bare for all of us to see. Thank you so much. You have articulated the thoughts of many of us who have tried unsuccessfully to reach this man. I have been a pastor ("not just lay person" as OP calls you) and he doesn't listen to anyone. My pride has been so huge and strong that I too wouldn't listen to anyone about my marriage; now I've been separated since January 2004 and regret more than anything that I didn't listen to "lay people" in my life. I hope it isn't too late for brokenarrow.I hope all you "lay people" will pray for the softening of my wife’s heart, and a restoration of our marriage now that I have truly seen my sin, faults, insecurities, hurts, habits, and hang-ups. Thank you all. I know that through Christ nothing is impossible. I just pray that I may have just one more opportunity to show my wife how precious and special she is to God, and to me...Michael

 

[FranklinNoble]

Snipped for size...


Wow... all I can say is very well said. Upfront, blunt, honest... Good post.

Ditto.

 

[brokenarrow]

I am a minister. A husband. and a father.

In my zeal to win the world my wife is telling me that I have lost her.
I love my wife dearly... even though I have poorly demonstrated it.
Now I find that she is less interested in me and more interested in some man she has met online... that she is not wanting to try to love me anymore.
I have repented... I have asked for forgiveness... I am changing the way I treat her.
I have even told her that I forgive her for this "online affair"...
Still all she wants to hold onto is the things I have done.. or not done to hurt her.
She wants to meet him.
I have never and would never cheat on her. I fear God too much. I love her too much. I love our three kids too much to see the look of betrayal on thier faces.

My heart is breaking... I am nothing. I have failed.

Pray for me.

looks like i was asking for prayer... even my name says so.. but then we as "churchigans" can't just pray for someone and trust that God see everything involved and can actually answer them.. we have to help him out and put alll of this judgemental " I think he is doing this and that" stuff in here... which by the way is hurting.. not helping at all.

So again... just like the original post ask for...

Please pray for us... dont try to analyze us... just pray for us.. please...

I am sorry for trying to "correct" your missunderstandings of how you see me in here... that really isnt important... and i shouldnt have posted anything else in here at all... I am not who you say I am... not at all...

brokenarrow

 

[justreading]

Had to say something here....just too amazed at this whole thing. Brokenarrow I went to a Bible college and you totally remind me of a ton of people there. Not dissing on you but man you are missing the boat in my opinion....just my little ole opinon here. They were all on a mission from God and sang the songs and didn't drink alcohol and they "really knew how God wanted to reach the world" all the while never really having any relationships with each other much less people that were hurting. It's easy to be spiritiual but not relational and that my friend is what I believe minisitry is about.

Your wife is wrong to do what she did but man do you really blame her with your idea that you must sacrifice your family time for kids in your church and ministry. Look man you need to chill with the "I'm a warrior" stuff...we are ALL warriors for Christ so stop overdoing the broken lines and stuff. Get into weight lifting or boxing and get some of that angst out of you. Seriously!

I'll pray for you as I'm sure everybody else here is but you aren't making a DECISION to change from what you've told us....or atleast that's what it seems like to me from your responses so it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel from my end. Don't quit ministry, just stop hugging kids...I have little sisters that I don't want you to hug, once again I'm serious! The affection to these kids is and will possibly always hurt your wife's feelings. Affection does not equal love at least that's not what it says in the Bible, but I am not above reproach so if you know where that is at please feel free to show me. Young girls love your attention regardless of wheather you are "blameless" or not, and that I don't believe is appropriate.

This post isn't really that thought out so I apologize if it has holes or seems rude at all b/c I don't mean it too be but it's late I just had to say something after your last post. I suggest you keep posting and honestly try and sort this thing out b/c I really don't think this thing is going to go away unless something big happens. By the way, all the PK's I've ever known were either very very healthy emotionally b/c their father was truly there for them when they were growing up or they were the exact opposite, it's about 50/50. Just a thought. I hope things work out for you and your wife b/c your kids are ultimately the ones that are going to suffer if it doesn't.

 

[TheRickster]

I saw your post over in the "Minister's thread"...

I am a youth pastor too...

In one of your original post, you brought up this scripture, seems like a good one to reflect on.

1 Corinthians 13
1. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become as sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.
2. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
3. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
4. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
5. does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
6. does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
7. bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.
9. For we know in part and we prophesy in part.
10. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
11. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
13. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

 

[pegatha]

Please pray for us... dont try to analyze us... just pray for us.. please...

I am sorry for trying to "correct" your missunderstandings of how you see me in here... that really isnt important... and i shouldnt have posted anything else in here at all... I am not who you say I am... not at all...

As Christians, don't we have a duty to speak up against injustice? Do your wife and children not deserve a defender? Besides, all we know about you is what you yourself have chosen to post, plus one single post from your wife. Why, oh why, are you so keen to defend your reputation to a bunch of strangers on the Internet? Why not take the time and energy you're using to vent at us, and use it to play a game with your kids or take your wife out for a cup of coffee, or maybe round up the whole family and go out for some ice-cream together? All they want is some uninterrupted time, attention, and affection from you on a regular basis... how is that a threat to your ministry?

 

[bkg]

As Christians, don't we have a duty to speak up against injustice? Do your wife and children not deserve a defender? Besides, all we know about you is what you yourself have chosen to post, plus one single post from your wife. Why, oh why, are you so keen to defend your reputation to a bunch of strangers on the Internet? Why not take the time and energy you're using to vent at us, and use it to play a game with your kids or take your wife out for a cup of coffee, or maybe round up the whole family and go out for some ice-cream together? All they want is some uninterrupted time, attention, and affection from you on a regular basis... how is that a threat to your ministry?

I have to agree with Pegatha on this one. It's hard to expect a group of strangers, especially Christians, to not ask questions or hold a believer accountable. That's our call - to lift each other up and speak the truth. The truth cannot be hidden behind prayer, and asking strangers for prayer but in turn attempting to justify your position, well, you open Pandora's box in that move - and it's hard to get Pandora back in her box once she's out.

I think there are two types of responses you can have to this: pray about everything with no action of your own, hoping that God will just magically make it all better... or you can pray about everything and ACT in line with God's Word. I think this is an istance that requires action. All of the issues have already been brought to light and many, MANY opportunities and potential solutions identified. Please take the advice of the Godly people on this board....

 

[selune]

In line with all going on, how can you be so sure that comments are not an answer to the prayers? If the comments lead you to correct erroneous behavior, couldn't that be part of God's answer? Not trying to sound arrogant, but this reminds me of the guy in the flood who turned down a car, boat and helicopter to evacuate from his predicament. "God why didn't you save me?" "I sent a car, boat, and helicopter, what more do you want?" Nobody here wants anything more than for your family life to be God centered and happy for everyone.

 

[tobeproverbs31]

my heart hurts for you and your wife. She must have felt very lonely to reach out to someone else. I am sure that this is difficult for her as well. We have to fight for our marriages. SHOW her how much you cherish her. As you are faithful to Him, God will do a mighty work in your marriage.

 

[Leanna]

I think they say it, "the dog who yelps is the one who got hit"

 

[Jennifer615]

Broken Arrow, I have just read the post from your wife.

Please, please, change before it is too late. I really feel on my heart to tell you this.

What would your ministry be worth if you lose your wife and children? Nothing!!

We are commanded to put God first, our family second and our ministry third. Your family is much much more important than your ministry. If your ministry is affecting your family, it must be put on the backburner while you reconcile your family.

I can see alot of my ex-husband in what your have said in previous posts. You have alot of pride, broken arrow. I would truly advise you to join a Christian men's accountability group.

Please, broken arrow, get your priorities right before it's too late. It would be tragic for your marriage to end up the same as mine did. I will pray that your eyes will be open and you will be the husband and father that God created you to be.

 

[CDN Red Raider]

i'm suprised the following passage has not been brought up. you seem so caught up in the fact that your ministry is the center of your life and everything must fall in place around that. i'm not sure that you can tell us you treat ministry as Christ treated the lost while on this earth and that is why it takes all you time and there is none left for your wife so she needs to join you in it. remember that after all the Lord did to serve the lost, He ate dinner with those closest to Him then gave His life, all that He had, for those who will form His bride.

Here are the verses i planned on posting though. i know its deacons, but i dont think your above these qualifications.

1 timothy 3:10 "Let these also first be tested; then let them serve"
1 timothy 3:12 " let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and the own houses well"
1 timothy 3:5 "for if a man does no know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?"

I think the Bible is pretty clear about what is to come first. Church or family and household. It appears to me we must be able to have our own houses in order before we dedicate all our time to the Lords house.

 

[FranklinNoble]

i'm suprised the following passage has not been brought up. you seem so caught up in the fact that your ministry is the center of your life and everything must fall in place around that. i'm not sure that you can tell us you treat ministry as Christ treated the lost while on this earth and that is why it takes all you time and there is none left for your wife so she needs to join you in it. remember that after all the Lord did to serve the lost, He ate dinner with those closest to Him then gave His life, all that He had, for those who will form His bride.

Here are the verses i planned on posting though. i know its deacons, but i dont think your above these qualifications.

1 timothy 3:10 "Let these also first be tested; then let them serve"
1 timothy 3:12 " let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and the own houses well"
1 timothy 3:5 "for if a man does no know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?"

I think the Bible is pretty clear about what is to come first. Church or family and household. It appears to me we must be able to have our own houses in order before we dedicate all our time to the Lords house.

Excellent point.

 

[mghalpern]

I'm not convinced that brokenarrow really wants any of our help. I sent him a PM offering to talk with him by telephone and I haven't heard from him yet. If I were in his shoes (which I do have some similarity in my experience), I’d be doing whatever it took to save my marriage. Then again, maybe he really doesn't want his marriage to work out. You have all given him godly/scripturally/biblical advice that he continues to ignore. It breaks my heart that a person won't drop everything (except their relationship with Christ) to restore their marriage and move in the direction of God's will...Michael

 

[juliegirl]

"Broken Arrow...," my husband refuses to post in this forum anymore. Obviously, he doesn't like things that have been said in this thread. Here's an update...I would like to say that we are doing much better. It seemed that for a couple of weeks that we were. BUT, I goofed up and "talked" to "cyber boy" again as he calls the guy I met over the Internet. I have blocked and deleted the guy from my MSN, AOL, etc...But, because I messed up and said hi to the person, it has caused weeks of fights, accusations, and downright mean things being said....things he's said to me, and things I've said to him...I don't want anything to do with this other guy...I've thrown his phone number away...and the guy has tried to instant message me several times, and I've either ignored it, or blocked it...I have told my husband that I repented for what I did...by having an "online affair" with somebody else...The "ministry" part has not changed...he's still doing "what God has called him to do..." We had another huge fight a couple of days ago, and he told me that if "the ministry is going to destroy our marriage, then fine, because I'm not quitting it..." I told him I still want a separation. I don't want a separation because of "cyber boy" as he calls him...I never wanted a separation because of him...I've tried to tell him that things with that guy are OVER WITH...I regret ever having talked to the guy...I was wrong in what I did..I want a separation because I can't stand this constant arguing, yelling, accusations, mistrust, and not believing in one another...I don't know where to go from here...but all this fighting is no good...and I'm no innocent....I have not been nice at all for a while now...it takes very little for me to go off on him...and as far as me getting involved with "his ministry.." It's extremely difficult for me to want to get involved in ANYTHING he's doing when we have spent several hours screaming and arguing with one another...I can't just walk in a church and put on a happy face and pretend I'm just all fine and I can help save the world...In fact, I feel like I'm living a lie to walk in a church and act like a "happy, Christian family..." when this stuff goes on at home...Broken Arrow" sees that I posted this, and I'm sure it will cause a lot more discussion and fighting...(nothing unusual, had 2 to 3 hours of fighting yesterday) but I had to get this out...still hurting, and still in need of a lot of prayer...