I had some negative experiences with pastors and ministers

[wr2]

Hello,

in the past I had a few negative experiences which are dragging me down and I don't know what to think about this and I'd like to hear what others think about this.

A few months ago I emailed a pastor and asked for advice on healing. He replied and then I replied back with more questions and then for many weeks he did not reply anymore and I did not know why and I thought he had just gotten annoyed by me and wasn't going to reply anymore which really upset me and also sadened me and so I wrote him an email where I was bitter and told him that I have experienced this before that christians simply let me down and didn't reply to me anymore, which is probably why I now always think the worst when people don't reply anymore.
And then this pastor replied back telling me how impudent I am and that he also has other things to do and that he had no time to reply yet.
But I think that this argument isn't really convincing because he could at least have sent me a short note that he is busy and will reply when he has time. This would have taken only a few seconds.
And then he said that actually he had already written an answer for me and was still waiting for a friend who was trying to see wether there are churches in my area which he could recommend to me.
Okay, I did not know that and I did him wrong with my bitter email.
But due to my past experiences I simply always expect the worst. I have been let down and was promised help and then got no help or pastors simply stopped replying which is really sad.
But I also think that at least letting me know that he is busy or that he has already written a reply should have been possible. I was waiting for many weeks without knowing what was going on. I can't read minds and if I had known that he has not forgotten about me I would not have been upset.

But here comes the really upsetting part. After he had told me that he had already written a reply he did not send it to me because he was now angry at me. Is this okay? I mean even if I did him wrong then is it okay to withhold help from somebody who needs help simply because you're angry at this person? What do you think about this? I found this really immature and personally I wouldn't want a pastor who is like that. Do you think that God would approve such a behavior?

And what also totally angered me was his hypocritical "I still pray for you" or something like that at the end of his email. He is withholing his answer from me which could have helped me and then he acts like he cares about me how hypocritical and disgusting is this?

And this is not the only negative experience I made. These experiences really make me doubt most christians. I have a very hard time now to trust pastors who come across like they are okay because I always think that even if they act like they're nice you can never know how they really are and how they'd treat someone like me.

And another thing I wanted to ask: Let's say you make a negative experience with a pastor who is well known or on TV then should you simply forget about this and "cover" it or should you warn others about what happened to you? Personally I think that such things should not be kept silent and that other christians have a right to know about such things. If everybody who makes bad experiences with christians who are in public then nobody will ever know if they are okay or not. How can this be good? Many christians have the stance that you must not talk about such things and simply forgive the people and move on but if everybody does this then ministers could mistreat people and nobody would find out about it. This cannot be good.

 

[wr2]

And what also totally angered me was his hypocritical "I still pray for you" or something like that at the end of his email. He is withholing his answer from me which could have helped me and then he acts like he cares about me how hypocritical and disgusting is this?

 

[AmplifiedHeart]

And what also totally angered me was his hypocritical "I still pray for you" or something like that at the end of his email. He is withholing his answer from me which could have helped me and then he acts like he cares about me how hypocritical and disgusting is this?

I don't think god would approve of his behavior at all and your right, I wouldnt want him as a pastor anyway. There are people out there that do care despite what you have been through with these other imposters. I do know that not a friend, family member , or pastor can comfort me better than the lord can though. Just give it all to god and he will see you through. Pray on it and ask god to help you with this , ask him to send someone into your life that WILL CARE.

 

[arj1981]

It sounds like he really didn't write a reply - period. He just said he did in order to make you feel bad. If he had written you a response prior to being angry with you, he could've just sent you that email and then said I will follow up with another email once I hear back from my friend. The excuse that he won't send it now bc he's angry with you is just that. A tired lame excuse. I mean, ego is something else. A lot of people succumb to it. Sorry that happened to you.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I'm starting to feel bad for all the emails I ignore.

 

[znr]

Very jerky behavior on his part.

Give me his email and I'll send him 500 GIGS of cat photos.

 

[BFine]

I don't think either of you behaved properly, you say the minister should of wrote you back to tell you he was too busy and it would be awhile before he could help you.
In the same respect, did you write that minister back and apologize for your bitter email? If you haven't, then do your part.

You have been hurt but you are also allowing that hurt to affect not only your faith walk but it is messing with your perception as well.
Learn to forgive because by not forgiving you are allowing bitterness to gain a
foothold in your life and the longer it's allowed to be there, you will become less and less tolerant. A tiny offense will loom like a giant. Please don't continue in being bitter--purge it from you ASAP.

Christians--
We aren't perfect...the only righteousness we have is what Jesus imparts to us.
We stand on his good record not our own.
Sure it would be nice if people responded the way we think they should but that isn't always the case.

Others may not respond properly but you should do what is
right even though others may not. Like Christ, we too will share in suffering for
doing what is right.
Our role model is Christ...he was treated unjustly by the ones closest to Him--
we shouldn't think it won't happen to us. Christ kept doing what is right and in the end his disciples became bold in preaching the Gospel and upholding the standards Christ modeled.

 

[theWaris1]

Sorry I didn't read the entire message you wrote which may have given me this answer.

Do you know this pastor in the real world?
I don't think you should be seeking help from virtual pastors. find one that would speak with you up close and personal. That is my suggestion.

People can be very disappointing.
Sorry If I disappointed you.


shlama

 

[wr2]

No, I didn't know him in real life. I wrote him because of a sermon he preached which made me think he might be able to answer some of my tough questions.

Apologizing made not much sense because already from his email it was clear to me that he was now punishing me by withholding his answer. I really didn't feel like apologizing when I realized that. I mean he replied telling me how impudent I am and that he has other things to do and that he already had a reply written and so on but then of course he did not attach the reply and only finished with something like he wishes me the best and that I really need God. He tried to make me feel bad and guilty like I was the worst, most unfriendly christian out there.
And then I replied back to him telling him that it looks like he's now withholding his answer from me and I was right. But what really upset me was this hypocrisy. If he had at least called me something and let out some anger but no, he acted like he's totally pious and cares sooo much about me and wishes my best and at the same time he's punishing me in a totally childish way by not giving me his answer.

Actually I don't want to think about this because it really upsets me. I am just sad and sobered that there are christians who would act in such a way and especially a pastor!
Even if I did him wrong and "misbehaved" should he as pastor not have given me some credit? I think this was really disappointing. But it wasn't the only time when I made bad experiences.

Just recently I wrote another person who preaches and is out there in public and I wrote a pretty long email where I tried to describe my problems which is why the email got pretty long and also the title of the email showed that I'm in bad shape and then I sent the email to this person.
I had sent the same person an email a few days before from a different address and also under a different alias and he replied promptly. Because of this, when I sent my longer email about my issues, I expected him to reply promptly, too.
But after I had not gotten any reply after 1 week I was already starting to think that he probably didn't care. I simply always think so negative, I know this is a problem but unfortunately in many times when I thought negative I was right.
So I sent a second email saying something like It's sad that you didn't reply I thought you could help me.
Again he did not reply!

And then a few weeks later I wanted to see if he might be away and sent him an email from a different address with a different topic about donating money to him and he replied directly!

Now that really upset me.
He did not reply to my email which clearly indicated that I am looking for help and also not to my second email. But when somebody writes him an email about donations he directly replied.

So I confronted him. I told him that this was just a test and that I wanted to see if he checks his emails and I told him that I sent him 2 emails asking for help and he did not reply.

And his reply said something like that my email was very long and that he doesn't think it's appropriate when you do not know someone else to write such long emails.
Isn't this a joke? I was searching for help and tried to describe all my issues that is why it got so long.
And then he went on and said that usually he only replies to "very encouragng" emails or to sincere theological questions!
And then he said he was actually going to reply to me but that he is also busy but after he read second email where I had written that I'm sad that he had not replied he decided not to reply because I was trying to make him feel bad or something like that.

That was also a very disappointing experience. And this guy came across so sincere and caring in his teachings. I was really kind of shocked. I really feel like I can't trust anyone any longer. If christians can appear so loving and caring on TV or in a sermon and then in reality they are so cold and unloving and unemphatic then this is really disturbing.

I don't even know if he was saying the truth and if he was going to reply.
If he really had read my first email which I also doubt he would have known that I'm in bad shape and then he should not have acted in such a ridiculous way and felt so offended when I wrote him that I'm sad that he did not reply. But instead of simply giving me some credit and trying to help me he rather decided not to reply. I really don't know what to say about this. This is an impossible behavior. Imagine if doctors or psychologists acted in such a way how many people who are in bad shape and risk of hurting themselves would be refused help because they did anything which offended their therapist.
I don't think that it's okay at all to simply refuse to help someone even if this person might have been unfriendly or done you wrong.

 

[theWaris1]

Again I think you should find someone live and in person to talk with.

We all take things wrong at times with written words. It's so easy to misjudge what is being said.


hope you find the answers you're seeking

be blessed

 

[wr2]

I have noone and I'm also not interested in going to anybody anymore. I have been to christians in real life and also wasn't really helped. It simply makes no sense.

 

[paul1149]

I thought he had just gotten annoyed by me and wasn't going to reply anymore which really upset me and also sadened me and so I wrote him an email where I was bitter and told him that I have experienced this before that christians simply let me down and didn't reply to me anymore, which is probably why I now always think the worst when people don't reply anymore.

You're going to be a lot happier if you shift your expectations off man and onto the Lord, and start looking for what He wants you to do.

 

[whatfor]

I don't think either of you behaved properly, you say the minister should of wrote you back to tell you he was too busy and it would be awhile before he could help you.
In the same respect, did you write that minister back and apologize for your bitter email? If you haven't, then do your part.

You have been hurt but you are also allowing that hurt to affect not only your faith walk but it is messing with your perception as well.
Learn to forgive because by not forgiving you are allowing bitterness to gain a
foothold in your life and the longer it's allowed to be there, you will become less and less tolerant. A tiny offense will loom like a giant. Please don't continue in being bitter--purge it from you ASAP.

Christians--
We aren't perfect...the only righteousness we have is what Jesus imparts to us.
We stand on his good record not our own.
Sure it would be nice if people responded the way we think they should but that isn't always the case.

Others may not respond properly but you should do what is
right even though others may not. Like Christ, we too will share in suffering for
doing what is right.
Our role model is Christ...he was treated unjustly by the ones closest to Him--
we shouldn't think it won't happen to us. Christ kept doing what is right and in the end his disciples became bold in preaching the Gospel and upholding the standards Christ modeled.

I tend to agree with this post, maybe you should forgive him rather than judge him.
I am not trying to put you down as I am guilty of this sort of thing too.

Think about what Jesus would do.

None of us are perfect.

I am sitting here wondering if this is the answer to another of the threads you started.

 

[arj1981]

And then he went on and said that usually he only replies to "very encouragng" emails or to sincere theological questions!

Based on everything you are sharing with us, it seems like this is a matter concerning theology or uncertainty in regards to your faith. Now, if you are seeking out medical advice, like should I forgo my prescriptions bc I believe in God type of thing, I can see why they wouldn't be comfortable responding back. Afterall, they don't know you. However, if you are asking questions about the bible, you feel some things conflict, you need help understanding certain passages and whatnot then I feel they should've attempted to help you. Now, if these are strictly personal struggles like alcoholism, abuse, finances, etc then I could see it going both ways. They might hesitate to respond bc they don't know you or your character that well or the extenuating circumstances involved. I recommend the suggestions made by others. Go to church and get acquainted with some real people and maybe they can offer you support, companionship and answers.

 

[homeofmew]

Welcome to my world, I have been always mistreated by Christians, and many people, people think they can do things and then poof it's over no; it doesn't happen like that.

I was a victim of Christians who like to make up extraneous rules, like you can't say words like "[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed off" or you got a demerit or something lame like that. I got even in trouble for saying "damn". And on top of that some teachers kid next to me said the F word and they didn't get in trouble at all.

It was mental torture after the public school nightmare I went through being picked on and being beaten up by bullies.

My suggestion is to post here what your problem here is and we will try to help solve it.

 

[briareos]

Wr2

I think you need to find a good local church and seek the Lord for your needs, The Lord is our shepherd not pastors and ministers.

 

[briareos]

The Lord will lead you to people who you need in your life and he will never forsake you, if you seek him honestly, faithfully and are faithful to him he will meet your needs.

 

[wr2]

Another disturbing experience.
I emailed with someone who claims he's into healing and asked him some questions and he didn't really have answers, maybe he also didn't really take much time to even try to help me, but then I wrote him that I feel really hopeless now because no matter who I ask nobody has answers even if they claim to understand God and understand healing and so on.
And his reply was that he's not into pity parties.
Seriously, I can't even grasp how someone could be so cold and insensitive when you know that there is another person which is desperate and hopeless and then you reply to her something like this. This is beyond me. And this is coming from someone who acts like he cares about people and wants to see people get healed. This is totally disillusioning.

 

[briareos]

Your help comes from the Lord brother, he will move heaven and earth to come to your aid all you need to do is ask and believe.

 

[LoricaLady]

Yeshua warned us that many wolves in sheep's clothing would come into the body of believers so what you have experienced is not too surprising. Though many people have had good experiences in Churches & with pastors, the truth is you do not have to go to a Church, per se, to be obedient to what Scriptures teaches.

I know that sounds strange, but the word "Church" in English Bibles is a translation of the word "ecclesia" which simply means "group of believers."

There were no Churches in the 1st century or for a few centuries thereafter. People met in homes or in the Synagogues. You can find this out by simple research on the net.

Maybe Yeshua would like you to draw closer to Him, one on one, and count less on "intermediaries". It's a thought.

I will be praying for you to grow close to Him and for all good things for you and your family.