I don't trust people

[Introverted1293]

Trust has to be earned. Of course, it can't be earned if you don't give people a chance to earn it. It takes time. In my men's group, there's a high level of trust with those of us who have been in it a long time, but it took some of us over a year to really open up about some things. It might take two or three years before you can really open up to someone who has shown himself to be trustworthy. That's not wrong. It is incumbent on us to allow people into our lives to give them a chance to earn that relational capital, though. And since we're Christians, we do need to give other Christians that chance.

I get it.

It's just hard to give people chances though.

 

[Introverted1293]

Maybe it is not just an issue of trust, but of unforgiveness. From things you have said in past posts, you have been very hurt by family and those in the Church, probably others. You have some disabilities and the very sad truth is that those with disabilities are more likely to suffer abuse than those without them. So they get a double dose of suffering.

I would start to practice turning your mind away from thoughts about those who have hurt you, about any negative feelings at all, and drench your mind in the Word and ongoing informal conversation with the Lord, as well as "formal" praise and prayer. This will help you get into His Presence and that is where healing is. I pray for that to happen for you. It takes practice over time!

Here are some resources I have personally found useful to speak or sing along with.

In Psalm 1, and other places in the Bible, we are told that those who meditate on the Word day and night will be blessed in all they do. Forget about those who have hurt you. You can do nothing to change them. Anger is bad for our health. But the Bible is "life to those who find it and health to all their flesh."

Psalms sung by Sons of Korah. Soothing.
sons of korah - YouTube

Integrity Music's Scripture-only songs on a great many verses. The verses are usually about 3 to a song with repetition to get them down into your mind and heart.
integrity music scripture songs - YouTube

Jump Start 3 - peppy and youthful Bible verse songs.
jump start 3 music - YouTube

Bible promises and wisdom verses. You can say them as you go about your daily activities, not feeling that you have to repeat every word on them, just saying them as it is practical to do so while they play in the background. These are called verses to play with sleep but are good for any time.
Peaceful Scriptures

There are many resources like those shown above, this is just a sampling.

Thank you very much. That is very useful.

 

[Introverted1293]

Hey Jesse,

When I was in 4th grade I learned pretty quickly that people can be evil for no good reason at all, even if I did everything I could to avoid it. To this day I don't trust people overall, it is super hard to care about the people around me even though I am suppose to "love my neighbor". Then things change, I received my salvation and just like you I feel more comfortable sharing my journey with my fight with sin online than in person. I been fortunate to met true believers that actually cared about my walk and I met people frustrated me that they were even in the church.

Realistically the church is full of sinners, and we are sinners at the root of our soul till the day we leave this earth. Some have been softened in their hearts because of the pain and trials they been thru. Many including myself fall into the trap of trying to remove the speck in their brother's eye, but totally ignorateof the tree in their own.

It was a brother in Christ that I first hated in our church group for getting in my face about things, to challenge my beliefs. I wanted to leave the church group so many times. Finally the Lord humbled me, to help me see what a religious monster I become. I am so thankful for my brother for what he did for me, and the gifting that God gave him in the body of Christ. I became his encourager after that, doing my part to remind him it was OK to be the person who goes against the grain of things.

This comes to the main thing I want to share with you. My wife and I lost our church, and just like you we stream valuable teachings, lectures, and sermons from our beloved teaching ministry. They gave a series on the Church, and thru it we were convicted to go back to the church on some level. God never designed his church, the set apart ones, to be isolated and separated. Each one of us are a part of a greator whole, and we are meant to serve, learn, and worship together. Please don't give up on the church, take your time and let the Lord reveal the next place of learning he wants to put you.

Thank you

 

[Introverted1293]

I would not become too dependent on non-Christians regardless of my experience with other Christians ("Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers" 2 Cor. 6:14).

I know you are on a hiatus for now, and that's okay. Just take it slow in moving towards resuming fellowship with other believers.

Thank you

 

[Introverted1293]

If you're a child of God, if you're a disciple of Christ, a Christian, how is this okay? What if God made the decision you have toward you? He certainly has had good cause to do so. He has good reason to shut all of us out. Godly love, though, keeps the heart open - even when it hurts to do so.

1 John 4:7-11
7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
9 In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.
10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.



Maybe they don't. But how does this make the right things they are saying to you wrong? If Hitler said to you, "2+2=4," would he be wrong because he's a genocidal maniac who'd like to stuff you in an oven and burn you to ash? No. The truth is the truth no matter who says it.



I think we all have at times.



This is a recipe for spiritual and moral disaster. And it makes you very easy prey for the devil.



Well, who enjoys being told they are wrong and need to change? No one I know of. But we all need to hear this when we are, in fact, going off the rails. It's when we close off all avenues through which others might point out our blind spots and challenge our sin that we get into really serious trouble. This is why a man who has made himself an island quickly becomes a very dark and strange person. God intends His children to be "members one of another" and to act in community with one another in part to prevent this from happening.



You show wisdom in doing so, I think.



Loving people doesn't require that you trust them. But it does require that you engage with them, despite their selfishness and faults. We've all got our nasty spots, you see.

Thank you very much.

 

[Introverted1293]

Simply, no - it isn't wrong. The Most High God told us to be as wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove. He also demands you put your entire trust in Him - not humans who lie, kill, steal, covet or have letters in front of or behind their names (academics). You do that at the risk of your own sovereign thought and freedom as an individual.

Put all trust in the Most High God, not a man.

Thank you

 

[Introverted1293]

Nope, it ain't wrong. If you get burned enough times, you tend to stay away from the fire. I generally don't trust people until I know how they operate. Christian, non-Christian...it don't matter. For some reason, some folks think non-Christians don't have any scruples, and I've met far too many Christians that seem not to have any, either.

Thank you for understanding

 

[aiki]

Thank you very much.

You're welcome. I hope what I wrote helps you.

 

[Introverted1293]

You're welcome. I hope what I wrote helps you.

It did help. Thank you

 

[Sketcher]

I get it.

It's just hard to give people chances though.

Why, in your case?

 

[Introverted1293]

Why, in your case?

I have given people chances in the past.

I will explain something to you.

I live in a small town that is very conservative. I have a disability that people just can't understand. I have an extreme fear of wide open spaces, and wide open spaces causes vertigo, so I use compensation like mobile scooter with a canopy that encloses me in to help me get around. People are nasty and cruel sometimes about it because they don't understand. I have had friends tell me that they think I'm faking it and they think I'm taking advantage of the government. I am going back to school and I will be going back to work, so I am using the system to help me get back on my feet. In fact, I have no choice but to use the system to get me back on my feet because no one else would help me. My town is not disabled friendly. Christians will also say that I'm wrong because I should be depending on God.

Also, my town does not have transportation system, or even Uber or a taxi. I would have to depend on myself to get back and forth to work and that it's extremely difficult for me because I have vertigo. But people don't understand that at all. Wide open spaces are the causes of me getting dizzy. People have seen me walk up the stairs. I am able to dance around in my house. So, that is why people think I am faking it. Even my former friends think I'm faking it. I say former friends but they don't know that I am dumping them as friends. I still have a few friends that want to help me, and I still consider them friends, and no they are not Christian.

I do not expect a handout, but I do get disability and I get loans to help me with school and help me to live. I have never expected a handout but I would have liked help to get back on my feet. So unfortunately I had to get on disability, which most conservatives hate, and they have no problem voicing their opinion about that, which they have towards me.

I have a hard time getting around due to my disability until recently since I bought a mobile scooter.and the mobile scooter has a canopy surrounding it, so that it can close me in. This helps a lot.

I am actually meeting with DVR services so I can try getting a job in my small town. And even though I use my little scooter people have a problem with it.

These people make no sense whatsoever. They get upset with me for being on social security, but then when I do everything I can to get off of social security, they don't like how I am trying to get off of social security.

So, it has upset me. The only people that have offered to help me get me back on my feet are my non-Christian friends. They offered but they live far away and I would have had to move in with them. They are single women and I don't know if that would have been wised, so I never moved in with them.

Christians also get upset and they tell me that I am depending on the government instead of God. Well, will they be willing to help me get back on my feet? Probably not

That is something that I don't understand. So many of them have a problem with people who are on disability and yet they don't help them. I have no problem being on disability as long as I'm using the system to get back to work and not using the system to lay around and watch TV. This is what I am doing right now. I am in school and now that I have a scooter, I will do what I can to get back to work. But people don't like the fact that I have the scooter.

So, I have been hurt as a result of people not approving of me. And it makes me want to say you know what I am done with people. But I know that I can't be a follower of Jesus Christ and hate people just like @aiki said.

It hurts to talk to people sometimes when they don't really try to understand me and they are calling me fake. It hurts when they think that I am lying about something simply because they think that I am taking advantage of the government so that I can be lazy. I have 5 more classes until I graduate from college, well Junior college. So, I never laid around and did nothing. I'm doing what I can to get back on my feet.

 

[DamianWarS]

I hope I am not developing the attitude that everyone is wrong but me. I don't think I have that attitude. But I can understand why it appears that way.

then don't let the pendulum swing out too far, bring it back and start developing some deeping foundation within a community.

 

[Introverted1293]

Why, in your case?

I forgot to add some other things. Also, my brothers and sisters who are supposed to be very loving treat my mother like dirt. My dad just died and they still treated her like dirt. If people who are supposed to be your loved ones treat people this way, how can we trust those outside of our loved ones?

My sister told my mom that my dad was a saint for staying with her. That is a horrible thing to say to your mother after her husband dies. My twin brother and I no longer talk after we had a disagreement over Mom. I stood up for Mom while my brother was being nasty to her. He even blocked me on Facebook.

That is not even the gist of it. My own family members think that I am also faking my disability. They have given me a hard time about it and not in a playful way. I do not live with them anymore, actually I haven't lived with them for years. But when I come there and help them as much as I can, they have gotten upset with me because I was not able to do some things. I have nephews who treat me like dirt as well, and they tell me that I am pathetic because I have a hard time walking across the parking lot. My nephew who is 12 years old. He likes coming to visit but then he is very disrespectful when he is at my place. I don't know how to handle him. My other nephew will probably do the same thing. I have been hurt by my family members left and right. I sometimes don't even want to have a relationship with them, except for my mother.

 

[ChicanaRose]

Christians also get upset and they tell me that I am depending on the government instead of God. Well, will they be willing to help me get back on my feet? Probably not

"Familiarity breeds contempt." I am scared to know people sometimes. I now keep my conversation with strangers in the church brief.

We don't need anymore "spectator critics" in life. It sounds like that's what those people are in your life.

I think you are doing well by attending school and working towards your goal.

 

[Introverted1293]

"Familiarity breeds contempt." I am scared to know people sometimes. I now keep my conversation with strangers in the church brief.

We don't need anymore "spectator critics" in life. It sounds like that's what those people are in your life.

I think you are doing well by attending school and working towards your goal.

Thank you very much @ChicanaRose. God bless

 

[Introverted1293]

then don't let the pendulum swing out too far, bring it back and start developing some deeping foundation within a community.

I know what you are saying is true. I just get so bitter sometimes.

 

[LoricaLady]

I think it is great that you have a scooter. What a wonderful use of tax dollars. It beats the heck out of other ways, innumerable harmful ways and anti Biblical ways, that the government takes tax dollars. How cruel, insensitive and nasty of people to tell you that you are faking. Maybe some of those people will be true Christians some day, but I wouldn't bet a dime that they are now.

I wonder if some day it would help you to move out of that small town where it seems a lot of people have small minds. Something to pray for maybe.

 

[LoricaLady]

I know what you are saying is true. I just get so bitter sometimes.

P.S. Bitterness, and its associate, hatred, can make you sick. Turn your mind away from bitter memories, bitter thoughts in general. Please. Lift up the Word instead.

 

[Introverted1293]

P.S. Bitterness, and its associate, hatred, can make you sick. Turn your mind away from bitter memories, bitter thoughts in general. Please. Lift up the Word instead.

Thank you very much.

I just started a plan to read the whole Bible in a year. And I think I am going to start memorizing scriptures as well. I am also going to try adding praise and worship, which you and I discussed in the past. I just get so distracted by the things in this life. I get distracted by TV. I get distracted by what other people think about me. But I am not going to let those things distract me any more.

Thank you for your encouragement.

 

[LoricaLady]

I forgot to add some other things. Also, my brothers and sisters who are supposed to be very loving treat my mother like dirt. My dad just died and they still treated her like dirt. If people who are supposed to be your loved ones treat people this way, how can we trust those outside of our loved ones?

My sister told my mom that my dad was a saint for staying with her. That is a horrible thing to say to your mother after her husband dies. My twin brother and I no longer talk after we had a disagreement over Mom. I stood up for Mom while my brother was being nasty to her. He even blocked me on Facebook.

That is not even the gist of it. My own family members think that I am also faking my disability. They have given me a hard time about it and not in a playful way. I do not live with them anymore, actually I haven't lived with them for years. But when I come there and help them as much as I can, they have gotten upset with me because I was not able to do some things. I have nephews who treat me like dirt as well, and they tell me that I am pathetic because I have a hard time walking across the parking lot. My nephew who is 12 years old. He likes coming to visit but then he is very disrespectful when he is at my place. I don't know how to handle him. My other nephew will probably do the same thing. I have been hurt by my family members left and right. I sometimes don't even want to have a relationship with them, except for my mother.

Sounds like you are in a family where people abuse one another a lot. That is sad. The good part of it is that it seems that you - maybe you alone - realize it is not right, so you have risen above it. Not everyone is like your family, or like the unpleasant people you mention in your tiny community. On the other hand, there is a ton of dysfunction and abuse in the world. Naturally you are leery and hurting. I pray for you to be healed - and your family too.