- Jan 18, 2018
- 96
- 85
- 26
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
Hi. I’m going to be honest, I have autism and I have struggled with this for years. See, if someone intimidates me or scares me, I just can’t love them. I can’t control it, it just can’t coexist in my mind. If I really love someone, I can’t fear them. I just can’t. It’s either one or another. I used to only love God but I never really feared him. As a result, I sinned so much less, I was satisfied with God, I wanted to spread the Gospel, everything was great. Now, however, ever since I learned you are supposed to be afraid of God, I can not love him. As a result, I am now unable to function because of this fear, I pretty much gave up on trying not to sin because what’s the point if God doesn’t care if I love him and only wants us to fear him, and I lie awake at night thinking of what hell will be like because I can’t love God anymore because I fear him now. I can’t do anything about it. I pray and pray but to no avail. How is it fair that I should be condemned because of something I can’t control. This thing I’m describing isn’t something I can just turn on and off. It happens with people in my life too. If I’m afraid of someone, I can’t love them. If I love someone, I can’t fear them. It’s just the way I am wired. What should I do now? Will God still love me? I feel like God doesn’t love me anymore because I can’t love him. I fear him way too much and all the people telling me that I’ll go to hell because of something I can’t control only makes it worse. I can’t love God anymore because of the fear of him and(mostly)the fear of hell I have now.
My question is, will God condemn me for something I can barely control at all. Will I be doomed because I have autism and can’t love and fear at the same time?
My question is, will God condemn me for something I can barely control at all. Will I be doomed because I have autism and can’t love and fear at the same time?