but I always committed apostasy due to the close knit community of gulenists and other muslims and turks i heavily relied upon for social interaction, and the fact that due to my autism, borderline, possible bipolar, adhd, and anxiety, (and they say OCD but i doubt) i could not form friedships with americans or others in school and i sort of fell apart after high school and things got worse for my borderline. i often explored christianity, but as true to my disorder, i could not tolerate the idea of absolute isolation. and being too different. i also held certain beliefs, such as islamic dream interpretation, which i used to cope with my insatiable need to predict the future, (which even dream interpretation often did not satisfy), the miracle of the quran, scientific miracles in the quran, theology, etc. i also need some emotional support, as this is rather tough. i had many dreams, until i drove away from a mosque with a uber driver telling her i became a christian (the same driver that had a daughter that converted to islam) but then felt turmoil and drove back, and started to have more and more dreams, and things got worse, but the dreams remained few, although i did see joan of arc in my dream.