I am a christian that literally cannot stand going to church any more

[LoricaLady]

And P.S. You can certainly gather with other believers, in homes or elsewhere, so that you are not forsaking fellowship assembly.

 

[tulipbee]

why would I want to share the same communion cup with 500 people???
if I do, I'll be the first in line and hope the priests hasn't been kissing unknown people

 

[TheSeeker2014]

I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

Well don't give up trying to find a Church. Not all of them are like this and I would try to find one that is smaller maybe one that gets involved with the community.
Also I would choose a church whose theology aligns with the bible more and perhaps even Christianity historically. Look into other denominations.
It is important to meet with other Christians weekly in some way.
And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. Hebrews 10:25
Also Communion is immensely important and kinda cannot be done unless you gather with other Christians.
Its easily to work as a group because burdens are lighter whether it is about community hardship or individual. Prayers, or physically trying to help others such as the poor. Being together also helps with encouraging, edifying and learning. Its an opportunity to build up each other (err suppose to). not a concert club or light show.
Keep Searching and remember there is no such thing as a perfect church.

 

[faroukfarouk]

There is a blessing in meeting with those who cherish the same faith: Acts 2.42.

 

[I Am That]

I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

 

[I Am That]

I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

 

[I Am That]

It seems, like many today, you are looking for authenticity in your relationship with the Christian faith.
You are seeking to have the light of God shine upon your questions so that you can "see" what is real and what way you are being called to follow. You should not feel guilty about not "fitting in". Perhaps you are being led to something of the Spirit, something beyond the form and appearance of piety. The following book might help you in discovering what that is: https://www.amazon.com/YES-THAT-ENL...sr=8-1&keywords=the+yes+that+is+enlightenment

 

[Isaiah60]

I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

Your words are not strange to me. I know what you are talking about. Now there are some good things to say about some Pentecostal churches. They are big churches and have lots of people to meet in them. And where else should you meet Christians friends and a future spouse than in a church, right? But my advice is to keep your options open. If you are not truly happy then this church is not for you. I've stood exactly where you are standing. My advice is gonna be really super simple. If you want true worship become an Anglican (of the Anglican Continuum which goes by the 1928 Book of Common Prayer, and no other sect). You will find the Anglican worship service quiet and ordered. Now if you are young and your local Anglican church has too small of a congregation for you to meet new Christian friends, then go the Wednesday night Bible studies at the Pentecostal church and on other days the Anglican church. I do caution you that if you do not listen to my advice careful carefully you will end up being very disappointed. Again, I've stood exactly where you are now standing. But I am now an aging man and soon will die. But you are most likely a younger lad who wants to skip the slowness of my life and move forward into something better. So make sure to check out you local Anglican Catholic Church. Make sure their prayer book is the 1928 Book of Common Prayer and that the church is of the Continuum. If the Anglican church is not part of the Continuum you will be very disappointed. Set up meeting to talk to the parish priests about why you are interested in finding a good church. I think that once you learn more about the Anglican church you will, in time, leave the Pentecostal church. But in the meantime, continue to attend events at the Pentecostal church. Make friends there. We Anglicans have friends from our local Pentecostal churches as well as the local Roman Catholic churches and Lutheran churches. We even organize community events together. So we all get a chance to meet people. But for me, personally, speaking only for myself, I am not out to meet friends. I need to find a church I could grow in. The Anglican church is just such a place.
Make sure whatever church you commit yourself to that it reveres Mary. All anti-Mary churches have super high divorce rates. Mary is the mother of our Lord (the word made flesh) and she deserved reverence. This is not worship, but an outwardly show of respect for Jesus' mother. I've seen terrible things happen in churches that did not show reverence to Mary. Also, learning how to pray the rosary will help bring you closer to Christ.
This is my advice.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

I don't think 29 is so old... it's a great age to be...not too young/not too old...
just right.

Not all churches be like that, but you going to go searching for it if you want
to find that out for yourself....that's what I did a long time ago.
So commit it to God in prayer as you go about.

I share this on here a few times... me and my husband be connected with other
ministries not just the one in our local community. I find this be a blessing to be
connected with others who be in the body of Christ... nothing like having good
supporters and seasoned advisors. We keep in touch with the other churches on
Facebook and when we are able we go be with them in person... these ministries be in other states.

 

[Blade]

WHY do you go to Chruch? Is it for HIM or yourself or to make friends? The CHURCH is of GOD. We should always gather together. For when we do in HIS NAME He is there. HE gave you something that SOMEONE in some Church needs. They have something you need. Since there are over 300k Churches.. lets not lump them all together

Tell HIM how you feel Ask HIM to lead you guide you to the Church HE wants you to go to. Or some home church where just a few meet. As it org was. Its NOT what WE WANT..but what HE wants. It may not make us happy at the moment. But.. what does HE want? Trust me.. do it HIS way.. and EVERYTHING will work out.

 

[Dorothy Mae]

I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

You havent mentioned if you asked God about any of this. If not, I suggest you start there. I would in general suggest you change churches. Not all churches are like this but more and more of them in the US seem to be. I am an American but havent lived there for 30 years but have noticed the culture has changed. For one, it has become more superficial. The "how are you" and not caring how you are is an old example but it has grown. Apparently, this is come into the churches as well. In a word, fake.

How to find a non-fake church (one where people there want to know God not merely have a good "spiritual" time of some sort once a week) is probably not easy. You could listen to a few sermons on line from local churches and see if God speaks to you through one of the pastors. THe church will not be able to rise above its pastor. If he is superficial and showman, you can tick that one off. So I would be praying asking God to guide you. I would spend some time with Him each morning. I would also recomment you get some good teaching on line. The best teacher I ever heard is John Alley from Peace Apostolic church in Australia. Nice accent too. God speed to you, my friend.