I am a christian that literally cannot stand going to church any more

[North90]

I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

 

[FireDragon76]

I go to a small, traditional church, and I struggle with going. Not because I am shy, but because I am more liberal and I live a more bohemian lifestyle. I just don't feel like I fit in.

I think a great many people in the US go to church simply because they like the social contact and the entertainment. I don't value either at church, however.

You probably would like a smaller church in a traditional denomination, actually. The seeker sensitive watered down religion is one reason I don't like going to church, it has seeped into even large, mainline denominations. It panders to the lowest common denominator. But it's worst in the big churches.

 

[Drought of the Heart]

I have gone to churches for 55 years and for the first time in my life God has me out of those man made buildings. I have a life time of stories about churches. I will go if it is community but will no longer go to the divided denominations. We should be able to meet as they did in Acts ...I pray God lets you know what to do...

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

I went out on date with this guy
he was a jerk
therefore all men are jerks

this is a non-sequitur


you need to find another congregation to be apart of.

I left the last church I was attending because I found out the pastor was a racist. i'm now sitting in at a congregation more local to me. i'll probably never become a member because of theological issues I have with the church but i'm just there for the fellowship, or at least the chance to have fellowship. I don't talk to anybody either but the people at this congregation are friendly. I have Asperger's syndrome and would rather stay home but I do need to get out more so I go.

try focusing on serving at the place you're at or wherever you decide to go. friendships happen for those who make a difference in the lives of others.

 

[SkyWriting]

I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

People are indeed becoming less tolerant of others and avoiding the company of groups.
My wife and I attended dozens of denominations and found most of them very welcoming.
Good thing, since recently construction workers set our home church on fire.

Think Christianity is dying? No, Christianity is shifting dramatically

 

[salt-n-light]

I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

How important is it to find a job? Very.
Why, because you need money in order to buy things you need for at least survival.
Would you stop looking for one, if something went wrong with your job? No, when a job doesn't work out, you go find another workplace.
Why? Because despite your experience, your need to survive is more important.

If we have learned anything from any history, or science, even with just the Word, is that community is important. We need to be among other Christians to spiritually survive. Being part of an assembly provides that.

So how important is it to find an assembly? Very.
Why, because you need to be spiritually strengthened, sharpened, and supported in order to survive in this world.
Would you stop looking for one, if something went wrong with the one you're in now? No, if it doesn't work out, go find another assembly.
Why, because despite your experience, you need to survive in this life is more important.

 

[FireDragon76]

How important is it to find a job? Very.
Why, because you need money in order to buy things you need for at least survival.
Would you stop looking for one, if something went wrong with your job? No, when a job doesn't work out, you go find another workplace.
Why? Because despite your experience, your need to survive is more important.

If we have learned anything from any history, or science, even with just the Word, is that community is important. We need to be among other Christians to spiritually survive. Being part of an assembly provides that.

So how important is it to find an assembly? Very.
Why, because you need to be spiritually strengthened, sharpened, and supported in order to survive in this world.
Would you stop looking for one, if something went wrong with the one you're in now? No, if it doesn't work out, go find another assembly.
Why, because despite your experience, you need to survive in this life is more important.

Unless going to church shatters your spirit.

I have walked out of church services because of panic attacks and discomfort. I don't get the warm fuzzies at church other people seem to think are normal.

 

[A_Thinker]

I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is so painful.

Speaking as someone like you in many ways, ... I have found community in a smaller church (100-200 attendees). I would seek out a smaller church, where the people are genuinely glad to see you every week. Then, get involved with one or more of the ministries (greeting, singing, teaching, food preparation, etc.). This is how you become more than just another visitor after services are complete. Many of the cliques you see are, likely, small ministry groups making plans for future service.

Using this approach, you will soon come to know ... and become known by most of the members of the church. Aside from gaining many friends, I, ultimately, met someone in the church who is now my wife.

God bless you in this effort ...

 

[Halbhh]

I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

Go to a small church. Leave if you don't see this Christ said-- John 13:35 By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another." .. Seriously, if this isn't visible, leave.

 

[FireDragon76]

Go to a small church. Leave if you don't see this Christ said-- John 13:35 By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another." .. Seriously, if this isn't visible, leave.

Good advice. There is no point investing your time in any religious institution when you are getting nothing out of it. I know that's not "pious", but Christian piety is often a weapon that will be used against you to engage in self-betrayal.

 

[salt-n-light]

Speaking as someone like you in many ways, ... I have found community in a smaller church (100-200 attendees). I would seek out a smaller church, where the people are genuinely glad to see you every week. Then, get involved with one or more of the ministries (greeting, singing, teaching, food preparation, etc.). This is how you become more than just another visitor after services are complete. Many of the cliques you see are, likely, small ministry groups making plans for future service.

Using this approach, you will soon come to know ... and become known by most of the members of the church. Aside from gaining many friends, I, ultimately, met someone in the church who is now my wife.

God bless you in this effort ...

You know that is so true, many of the cliques are part of a ministry, it's the ones not involved and don't plan to be involved (or those who decide to leave) usually that eventually fade out.

There are exceptions though, where as much as you are involved, you're still distant enough to not be included in things outside of the church, which is my predicament right now.

 

[Halbhh]

Good advice. There is no point investing your time in any religious institution when you are getting nothing out of it. I know that's not "pious", but Christian piety is often a weapon that will be used against you to engage in self-betrayal.

Maybe a good sermon in many churches would be Love or Death. Or am I too blunt.

 

[Danthemailman]

My wife and I really like the church that we attend now. I'll never forget the first church we attended after our conversion was a Baptist church that was strict on how to dress (men in suits, women in long dresses) and the people there were somewhat legalistic about certain things like that. The women there reminded me of the Stepford wives! Anyway, after being there for 6 months, I remember getting fed up with people's behavior there (too judgmental towards others they felt were less holy than themselves/self righteous etc..) and I turned to my wife during a service one Sunday and said to her, "saved or not saved, people are still people!" Sadly, it can seem like that at times, but there are still some good healthy churches out there with wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ to fellowship with.

 

[Bobber]

You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

Well you know this might be a sign you're in the place you need to be. You're insinuating the church there wasn't altogether friendly. Well maybe you're going there you can become a glowing example of what it means to be a loving person. If you're strong strengthen those around you who are weaker. You might just be an answer to the Pastor's prayer...God bring into our congregation people who can inspire people to love.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique.

Well I'll just rejoice along with you as you keep planting your seeds of love the harvest will come up.

 

[StillGods]

Churches arent easy.
I had a bad church experience where i lost God for 10yrs (He didnt lose me though). So i left the church for a long time.
Thing is, God intervened long story, and now even though i still find church difficult due to past experience i do believe God wants me in my current church so it sort of works somehow.
So i guess what i'm saying is if you decide to try another church in the future try and be in a church God leads you to and that you know He wants you in. Then even if people are jerks (and some will be) then somehow it still will work out because you'll have a peace from God about going there and find yourself drawn there each week.
(Good on you for toughing out the other one that takes guts)
I agree a more traditional smaller church might be good to try when youre ready to maybe try again.

 

[FireDragon76]

I go to church less and less now days, and I feel conflicted about it. I only tend to go for major feasts like Pentecost, Easter, etc. Otherwise, I feel like I'm not missing my pastor's sermon and his narrow theology. But I feel sad because... the people at church will miss me, or at least they say they do. But I really feel like I don't belong there. I resent the "love bombing". I want people to love me for being me, not because I'm a warm body in church. And I want the church to be a place I can bring my pain and my life's story, and it's not. I feel like church is a place for normies, or else you face some degree of ostracism and criticism, even if its relatively benign and passively aggressively delivered.

THere's this one older German woman there who is a nice person but she is always trying to make me smile or feel better . But darn it, I'm autistic and my life isn't happy all the time and I'm tired of being told I need to do this or that. It's aggressive in its own way. I think I would just settle for a hug or a handshake rather than trying to change me into something I'm not.

 

[Saucy]

I think a lot of Christians get church wrong. They 'church shop' as if looking to buy a new car. It has to be perfect and have all the right amenities for them. They go in demanding to be served, the music must perfectly match what they like, etc. Members within the church will fight over the dumbest things and leave because someone took the chair they've sat in for years.

This isn't church. Church is supposed to be a place where you serve your community. I bet if you put yourself in the position to help out, maybe met with the pastor and asked how you can serve the community, you'd break through all the cliques. By the sound of it, you just kinda stood there and waited for everyone to come to you. That's not really how friendships are made.

 

[FireDragon76]

I think a lot of Christians get church wrong. They 'church shop' as if looking to buy a new car. It has to be perfect and have all the right amenities for them. They go in demanding to be served, the music must perfectly match what they like, etc.

Or maybe churches just need to become more relevant to peoples lives and stop wasting our time. It is always the voice of the powerful telling the powerless to sacrifice more, to give of themselves more, that the burden of community is on them. And it's disgustingly unjust.

The first person you have to learn to love and value is yourself. If church isn't helping you do that, leave.

 

[dabro]

I have an anxiety disorder. Church never bothered me about talking to ppl.

When I preach it’s going to be about repentance. When my OCD flared up to it’s worse I couldn’t listen to services about judgment because it triggered me so much.


I have finally come out the other end more bold then before.

I would encourage you to find another church. The right one is around.

 

[A_Thinker]

I think a lot of Christians get church wrong. They 'church shop' as if looking to buy a new car. It has to be perfect and have all the right amenities for them. They go in demanding to be served, the music must perfectly match what they like, etc. Members within the church will fight over the dumbest things and leave because someone took the chair they've sat in for years.

This isn't church. Church is supposed to be a place where you serve your community. I bet if you put yourself in the position to help out, maybe met with the pastor and asked how you can serve the community, you'd break through all the cliques. By the sound of it, you just kinda stood there and waited for everyone to come to you. That's not really how friendships are made.

I feel that the OP made a commendable effort. He just needs a few suggestions from those who have more experience. I'm not sure that a large church would work for me either ... and some churches can be cold.