Concern for a Brother Who Has Abandoned the Church

[EnriqueNye]

Forgive the length of this post, but I want to be clear.

Recently, a brother and active member of our church, a congregation of about 400, suddenly resigned his membership and ceased attending. He had significant responsibilities: leading a ministry, occasionally speaking at events, and shepherding a youth Bible study. For some time, those closest to him sensed something was wrong, as he began pulling away from ministries he once faithfully served. He ultimately resigned via an email to the church office and his small group leader, without seeking any counsel from the pastors or elders apart from private conversations with myself and two others.

His stated reason for leaving centers on Calvinism. Now, I understand that Calvinism is a topic of debate in the broader evangelical world. But that is not the real issue here. Our church is broadly Reformed, but Calvinism is hardly emphasized. It is rarely even mentioned from the pulpit. Our pastors themselves have varying views on some aspects. In short, Calvinism is not a defining or dividing issue in our body.

However, this man’s position has become extreme. He now believes that any church which teaches any form of Calvinism is preaching a false gospel. Beyond that, he asserts that true believers are under no obligation to show any evidence of transformation, growth, or fruit in their lives after professing faith.

This is not merely an overreaction to theological differences. It is a fundamental departure from the Gospel itself. Scripture is abundantly clear.

• "Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire" (Matthew 7:19).
• "Whoever says, 'I know him' but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him" (1 John 2:4).
• "By grace you have been saved through faith... not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works" (Ephesians 2:8–10).

We are not saved by works, but true saving faith inevitably produces works. Transformation is the fruit of genuine salvation (2 Corinthians 5:17; James 2:17).

This brother has gone further still. He now rejects the necessity of self-examination and repentance, accusing faithful teachers such as John Piper, Paul Washer, and John MacArthur of preaching a "works-based gospel." His reasoning is that he believes so strongly against the presence of transformation that examining yourself for sin or misalignment is doing so. He refused to meet with our leadership to discuss his concerns, directly violating the biblical pattern of addressing issues within the church (Matthew 18:15–17; 1 Timothy 5:19–20).

Moreover, when challenged on why he would leave without the Lord first establishing him elsewhere, he cited Hebrews 11:8 — comparing his departure to Abraham’s obedience in leaving Ur. A tragic misapplication. Abraham left paganism at God's clear command; this man is forsaking a faithful, biblical church under his own impulse.

At first, I thought he was merely misguided, perhaps overly zealous over a secondary issue. But in light of his accusations, his refusal of shepherding, and his rejection of basic Gospel fruit, I now see this not as a theological disagreement but a potential spiritual shipwreck.

When a man abandons the Word of God in favor of his own interpretations, spurns the leadership Christ has placed in the church, and divorces salvation from transformation, he reveals a heart in rebellion, not merely confusion. "Reject a factious man after a first and second warning, knowing that such a man is perverted and is sinning, being self-condemned" (Titus 3:10–11).

My question for the forum is this:

• Is this a case of mere theological error?
• Or are we looking at a man who, by his fruits, may never have truly known Christ (Matthew 7:21–23)?
  I appreciate your insights, and I would value your prayers for his soul.

 

[PloverWing]

My question for the forum is this:

• Is this a case of mere theological error?
• Or are we looking at a man who, by his fruits, may never have truly known Christ (Matthew 7:21–23)?
  I appreciate your insights, and I would value your prayers for his soul.

It sounds like a case of theological disagreement. He has come to disagree with the church he was formerly affiliated with.

I can't possibly evaluate the spiritual state of someone I've never met, but if he's still talking in the language of grace vs. works in salvation or God leading Abraham out of Ur, he's probably still intending to be Christian.

Is he your actual brother? Do you have a close enough relationship with him that you could sit down over coffee or dinner and talk about what he's working through theologically, what insights he's come to, maybe what theologians he's been reading or what Scriptures he's been wrestling with? It can't have been easy for him to give up all the church responsibilities you've listed; he must have some deep convictions, to make such a costly move.

I'm hearing some strong emotions here. He, apparently, thinks your church preaches a false Gospel, and you think he's fundamentally departed from the Gospel. The only way I see a productive conversation happening is if both of you are willing to leave your weapons at the door, at least for a couple of hours, while you talk to each other.

You mentioned that he's refused "shepherding". What would that consist of? It sounds like some kind of meeting with church leaders. Would they have listened to his concerns and explorations, or would they just have rebuked him? ("Shepherding" isn't a word my church uses, so I'm not sure what's involved.) If it's just rebuke, he may not have viewed such a meeting as productive.

It's tough, leaving one theological tradition within Christianity and seeking out a new theological direction. If possible, walk alongside him for a while and hear him out while he tries to follow God's leading.

 

[jmldn2]

Forgive the length of this post, but I want to be clear.

Recently, a brother and active member of our church, a congregation of about 400, suddenly resigned his membership and ceased attending. He had significant responsibilities: leading a ministry, occasionally speaking at events, and shepherding a youth Bible study. For some time, those closest to him sensed something was wrong, as he began pulling away from ministries he once faithfully served. He ultimately resigned via an email to the church office and his small group leader, without seeking any counsel from the pastors or elders apart from private conversations with myself and two others.

His stated reason for leaving centers on Calvinism. Now, I understand that Calvinism is a topic of debate in the broader evangelical world. But that is not the real issue here. Our church is broadly Reformed, but Calvinism is hardly emphasized. It is rarely even mentioned from the pulpit. Our pastors themselves have varying views on some aspects. In short, Calvinism is not a defining or dividing issue in our body.

However, this man’s position has become extreme. He now believes that any church which teaches any form of Calvinism is preaching a false gospel. Beyond that, he asserts that true believers are under no obligation to show any evidence of transformation, growth, or fruit in their lives after professing faith.

This is not merely an overreaction to theological differences. It is a fundamental departure from the Gospel itself. Scripture is abundantly clear.

• "Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire" (Matthew 7:19).
• "Whoever says, 'I know him' but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him" (1 John 2:4).
• "By grace you have been saved through faith... not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works" (Ephesians 2:8–10).

We are not saved by works, but true saving faith inevitably produces works. Transformation is the fruit of genuine salvation (2 Corinthians 5:17; James 2:17).

This brother has gone further still. He now rejects the necessity of self-examination and repentance, accusing faithful teachers such as John Piper, Paul Washer, and John MacArthur of preaching a "works-based gospel." His reasoning is that he believes so strongly against the presence of transformation that examining yourself for sin or misalignment is doing so. He refused to meet with our leadership to discuss his concerns, directly violating the biblical pattern of addressing issues within the church (Matthew 18:15–17; 1 Timothy 5:19–20).

Moreover, when challenged on why he would leave without the Lord first establishing him elsewhere, he cited Hebrews 11:8 — comparing his departure to Abraham’s obedience in leaving Ur. A tragic misapplication. Abraham left paganism at God's clear command; this man is forsaking a faithful, biblical church under his own impulse.

At first, I thought he was merely misguided, perhaps overly zealous over a secondary issue. But in light of his accusations, his refusal of shepherding, and his rejection of basic Gospel fruit, I now see this not as a theological disagreement but a potential spiritual shipwreck.

When a man abandons the Word of God in favor of his own interpretations, spurns the leadership Christ has placed in the church, and divorces salvation from transformation, he reveals a heart in rebellion, not merely confusion. "Reject a factious man after a first and second warning, knowing that such a man is perverted and is sinning, being self-condemned" (Titus 3:10–11).

My question for the forum is this:

• Is this a case of mere theological error?
• Or are we looking at a man who, by his fruits, may never have truly known Christ (Matthew 7:21–23)?
  I appreciate your insights, and I would value your prayers for his soul.

I do not pretend to know what has happened in this man's heart/soul/ Only God Almighty knows the status of his heart. My first thought is perhaps he has had a faith crisis or someone has led him down a another road. So it would beg that prayers should be going up for him. The fact he left so abruptly is up for serious prayers. I, too, no longer attend nor am involved in church. However, I have never abandoned my Lord and never will. I feel disappointment in churches in general in today's world. As for fruit bearing, it does not have to be done just in church. I have no argument for those who are dedicated to church and am happy for those who are. I guess my point is simply that we can bear fruit, work for and live our lives as best we can without the church structure. I am a Christian forgiven sinner. I will never be perfect, sinless, etc. I will send up a prayer for this person. I suggest others do the same and leave the judgment of his soul up to the Lord God Almighty

 

[EnriqueNye]

I do not pretend to know what has happened in this man's heart/soul/ Only God Almighty knows the status of his heart. My first thought is perhaps he has had a faith crisis or someone has led him down a another road. So it would beg that prayers should be going up for him. The fact he left so abruptly is up for serious prayers. I, too, no longer attend nor am involved in church. However, I have never abandoned my Lord and never will. I feel disappointment in churches in general in today's world. As for fruit bearing, it does not have to be done just in church. I have no argument for those who are dedicated to church and am happy for those who are. I guess my point is simply that we can bear fruit, work for and live our lives as best we can without the church structure. I am a Christian forgiven sinner. I will never be perfect, sinless, etc. I will send up a prayer for this person. I suggest others do the same and leave the judgment of his soul up to the Lord God Almighty

Hebrews 10:25 does not permit us to neglect being part of a church regardless of how we feel.

 

[jmldn2]

Hebrews 10:25 does not permit us to neglect being part of a church regardless of how we feel.

What is the church? It is not a building but Christians/ Body of Christ. It also says where 2 or 3 are gathered together Jesus is with them.

 

[jmldn2]

What is the church? It is not a building but Christians/ Body of Christ. It also says where 2 or 3 are gathered together Jesus is with them.

 

[jmldn2]

KJ21
I now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up that which is lacking of the afflictions of Christ in my flesh, for His body’s sake, which is the church,
ASV
Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and fill up on my part that which is lacking of the afflictions of Christ in my flesh for his body’s sake, which is the church;
AMP
Now I rejoice in my sufferings on your behalf. And with my own body I supplement whatever is lacking [on our part] of Christ’s afflictions, on behalf of His body, which is the church.

 

[JEBofChristTheLord]

This brother has gone further still. He now rejects the necessity of self-examination and repentance, accusing faithful teachers such as John Piper, Paul Washer, and John MacArthur of preaching a "works-based gospel." His reasoning is that he believes so strongly against the presence of transformation that examining yourself for sin or misalignment is doing so.

I'll have to suggest that the issue is not Calvinism at all, but something else going on, where he regards transformation as anathema, in direct contradiction to so much of what the Lord has said. I'll have to think that he knows no transformation in himself, and therefore denies its existence in others. This is quite common unbeliever behavior. Consider that no one knows God, except by act of God, according to Christ the Lord! And even pastors can be found, who got their credentials through dissent (or assent) in hidden places in oft-worthwhile seminaries. Such people are often the victims of those who try to convince and convert using sinful human logic. There is always more sinful human logic, which points away.

 

[timf]

Sometimes a person can switch doctrines after a measured and prolonged consideration. Other times it can be quite sudden. Given his emotional component, he might be feeling betrayed if he had put his heart into something he now sees as false. The intensity of these feelings can be strong for some.

One person who made a theological switch commented , "Who should I be mad at. those who taught me or myself for not questioning". The answer is there is no need to be mad. Given the centuries Satan has had to work, one should expect the church to be crippled and divided.

One organizational problem is that a denomination tend to promote its doctrine as final and complete. The implication is that others are in error. This lends itself to contentions. Organizational systems tend to function in this mechanical way. Sadly, Christianity was never intended to be run as a system It was supposed to be about relationships (Us with God and each other). In a relational world, one makes allowances for different stages of growth and even error.

It might be helpful for your friend to remain accepting of him and perhaps later even curious about his new perspective. Anger is similar to disappointment and frustration. It usually results from a conflict between what we expect and reality. If we can modify our expectations closer to reality, we will get angry less often. If you can help him understand that in this world one should expect to not have all understanding offered on a platter, it may help him become less angry.

 

[Godsunworthyservant]

My question for the forum is this:

• Is this a case of mere theological error?
• Or are we looking at a man who, by his fruits, may never have truly known Christ

Well, from the limited information given in your post, I really believe that the possibility exists that the "problem" (if it is indeed a problem) may be neither of the above. He may truly be redeemed and the problem is one of theological error with the church which he has left and not himself. To assume that the problem is either he is not saved or he has made a theological error makes the question a binary one where either way he's at fault in some way. What if the issue happens to be a theological error on the part of the church in question? We may be looking at someone who simply decided that the church in question wasn't preaching or teaching the truth of Christ's message. You mention what your church doesn't teach (Calvinism) but there's no mention of exactly what it does teach. Personally, I have issues with much of the Calvinist teaching, particularly their beliefs on predestination, and if I found myself in a congregation where it was taught I would disassociate with it post haste. You also don't mention what this person actually believes. If you have actually spoken with him about it, please elaborate. To make a decision of what is the issue here without this background information would be nothing but pure speculation and conjecture.

 

[seeking.IAM]

I am confused as to whether this person has abandoned the Church or has abandoned your church. I think there is a difference. There are people who think their iteration of Christianity is the repository of all that is true and good while other iterations of Christianity are in error and the paths to perdition. I have always rather liked what the Orthodox have to say on the subject, which how I have heard it is, "We know where God is; we don't know where God isn't." Could it be that this person has merely changed some theological perspectives that have motivated a change in how they practice the faith?

I have traveled the road of realignment of faith affiliations, so I think sometimes it raises opportunity to strengthen one's faith, not weaken it. I also know it takes some folks some time leaving one church home before being ready to find or commit to another.

 

[jmldn2]

Sometimes a person can switch doctrines after a measured and prolonged consideration. Other times it can be quite sudden. Given his emotional component, he might be feeling betrayed if he had put his heart into something he now sees as false. The intensity of these feelings can be strong for some.

One person who made a theological switch commented , "Who should I be mad at. those who taught me or myself for not questioning". The answer is there is no need to be mad. Given the centuries Satan has had to work, one should expect the church to be crippled and divided.

One organizational problem is that a denomination tend to promote its doctrine as final and complete. The implication is that others are in error. This lends itself to contentions. Organizational systems tend to function in this mechanical way. Sadly, Christianity was never intended to be run as a system It was supposed to be about relationships (Us with God and each other). In a relational world, one makes allowances for different stages of growth and even error.

It might be helpful for your friend to remain accepting of him and perhaps later even curious about his new perspective. Anger is similar to disappointment and frustration. It usually results from a conflict between what we expect and reality. If we can modify our expectations closer to reality, we will get angry less often. If you can help him understand that in this world one should expect to not have all understanding offered on a platter, it may help him become less angry.

This is a great post.

 

[jmldn2]

KJ21
I now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up that which is lacking of the afflictions of Christ in my flesh, for His body’s sake, which is the church,
ASV
Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and fill up on my part that which is lacking of the afflictions of Christ in my flesh for his body’s sake, which is the church;
AMP
Now I rejoice in my sufferings on your behalf. And with my own body I supplement whatever is lacking [on our part] of Christ’s afflictions, on behalf of His body, which is the church.

Yes

 

[jmldn2]

Even when we help and/or pray for a fellow christian, the judging should be left up to God.

 

[Tor0]

Forgive the length of this post, but I want to be clear.

Recently, a brother and active member of our church, a congregation of about 400, suddenly resigned his membership and ceased attending. He had significant responsibilities: leading a ministry, occasionally speaking at events, and shepherding a youth Bible study. For some time, those closest to him sensed something was wrong, as he began pulling away from ministries he once faithfully served. He ultimately resigned via an email to the church office and his small group leader, without seeking any counsel from the pastors or elders apart from private conversations with myself and two others.

His stated reason for leaving centers on Calvinism. Now, I understand that Calvinism is a topic of debate in the broader evangelical world. But that is not the real issue here. Our church is broadly Reformed, but Calvinism is hardly emphasized. It is rarely even mentioned from the pulpit. Our pastors themselves have varying views on some aspects. In short, Calvinism is not a defining or dividing issue in our body.

However, this man’s position has become extreme. He now believes that any church which teaches any form of Calvinism is preaching a false gospel. Beyond that, he asserts that true believers are under no obligation to show any evidence of transformation, growth, or fruit in their lives after professing faith.

This is not merely an overreaction to theological differences. It is a fundamental departure from the Gospel itself. Scripture is abundantly clear.

• "Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire" (Matthew 7:19).
• "Whoever says, 'I know him' but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him" (1 John 2:4).
• "By grace you have been saved through faith... not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works" (Ephesians 2:8–10).

We are not saved by works, but true saving faith inevitably produces works. Transformation is the fruit of genuine salvation (2 Corinthians 5:17; James 2:17).

This brother has gone further still. He now rejects the necessity of self-examination and repentance, accusing faithful teachers such as John Piper, Paul Washer, and John MacArthur of preaching a "works-based gospel." His reasoning is that he believes so strongly against the presence of transformation that examining yourself for sin or misalignment is doing so. He refused to meet with our leadership to discuss his concerns, directly violating the biblical pattern of addressing issues within the church (Matthew 18:15–17; 1 Timothy 5:19–20).

Moreover, when challenged on why he would leave without the Lord first establishing him elsewhere, he cited Hebrews 11:8 — comparing his departure to Abraham’s obedience in leaving Ur. A tragic misapplication. Abraham left paganism at God's clear command; this man is forsaking a faithful, biblical church under his own impulse.

At first, I thought he was merely misguided, perhaps overly zealous over a secondary issue. But in light of his accusations, his refusal of shepherding, and his rejection of basic Gospel fruit, I now see this not as a theological disagreement but a potential spiritual shipwreck.

When a man abandons the Word of God in favor of his own interpretations, spurns the leadership Christ has placed in the church, and divorces salvation from transformation, he reveals a heart in rebellion, not merely confusion. "Reject a factious man after a first and second warning, knowing that such a man is perverted and is sinning, being self-condemned" (Titus 3:10–11).

My question for the forum is this:

• Is this a case of mere theological error?
• Or are we looking at a man who, by his fruits, may never have truly known Christ (Matthew 7:21–23)?
  I appreciate your insights, and I would value your prayers for his soul.

I got into religion, not relationship with God after falsely misinterpreted scripture and got lead by a demon down the wrong path. Not knowing I was worshiping the demon, I thought it was God. I was still saved though (but I fell into works) maybe show him some testimonys and pray for God to reveal himself to him. God bless you! I hope he come back to Christ If he is truly saved.