I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.
To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.
This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.
I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.
So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.
Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.
You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.
Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.
At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.
You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.
Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.
The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.
Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.
Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.
I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.
The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.
Hello North90 - God Bless
The UK is very Lukewarm spiritually speaking at this moment in time. Finding people to relate to as a Christian is tough both in School and in he work place. You can end up socially isolated if you are not careful.
From your description it sounds like the church is aimed at a Youthfull audience which to me is not that bad. The total opposite is an older congregation with very few youth to mix with. Try finding friends or a suitable marriage partner in that situation. Where else do you get a handshake at the door ( even if it seems fake )? They are making an attempt to make you feel welcome. The guy on the door has to do that one thousand times - he or she probably also gets many limp handshakes in return with a few grunts thrown in
I bet they often feel rejected themselves.
Most new Christians are still stuck in their cultural worldy behaviour so don't expect them to be that different from the rest of society . It takes a lifetime of growing, learning and adapting to change. You inlcuded.
Getting a 1000 congregation in the UK is no small feat. I'd say your leaders are very experienced to get that far so I wouldn't judge them that quickly.
I'd say you need to do some growing both spiritually and socially. Churches are a great blessing and a shelter from the storms of life. Out there in the world it's tough, they don't play by the rules, they judge people negatively and it's a rat race. If you think the people in the church are bad wait until you meet the rest the guys in the work place.
You seem to be struggling socially and pointing the finger at everyone else for their faults. The man in the bible beat his own chest and said forgive me I'm a sinner. You might also want to add that you are struggling socially and need to do plenty of work in that area of your life. Churches are great but you must grow socially so that you can handle yourself in society where many are not Christians. You don't learn life skills in a church - you learn it out there in the world. It's tough being a Christian in a competitive world that geared towards self independence and winning and losing.
From experience - I'd say you need to put effort into growing as a Christian and also getting more social and worldly wise. Read some fiction books - get some self help books on social psychology. Mix with people and get out more. Join some clubs and activities. Christianity is meant to be enjoyable and liberating - not to be a prison where you can't function.
God sees you in the crowd - he knows you, he cares for you even if no-one else appears to notice you.
Develop a close relationship with God - read his word when you can - pray about your problems but be prepared to put the work in on your part. You need to be thinking about your career and social life as well as church. Become a well balanced Christian and develop your personality.
Being honest - I've struggled with some of those issues - many of us have.
Be a listener and do what you know you need to do. It takes work and effort. Be responsible for you own problems and change the things you can change.
I hope this helps.
I
