- Jun 19, 2005
- 1,594
- 84
- 53
- Country
- Australia
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- AU-Labor
I found this on the liberal_christ board that I'm subscribed to. Haven't had a good laugh in ages. 
Conservative Books for Dummies: Becoming a Conservative Author in Eight
Easy Steps
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bennet-kelley/conservative-books-for-du_b_22600.html
You too can become a best-selling author of conservative books in eight
easy steps -- really. This is made possible by conservative publishers
applying the lessons of Henry Ford's assembly-line production to the
publishing industry by following a proven formula to churn out book
after book, each guaranteed early best-seller status through bulk sales
to conservative groups.
For example, Ann Coulter's newly released Godless: The Church of
Liberalism is her fourth book in five years. Your path to replicating
her success is only eight steps away.
Rule 1: Liberal, Liberal, Liberal
Use the word liberal like it is the foulest word in the English
language, but still use it a lot.
Rule 2: Apocalypse Now
Your target for vilification, whether it be the Clintons, feminists or
some other lucky group, must lead to the immediate ruin of our
democratic system, Judeo-Christian values and/or Western Civilization
and you are leading the charge to, in the words of Michael Savage, "beat
back the tentacles of today's ever-expanding liberalism, which even now
threatens to corrupt and ultimately destroy America's most cherished
institutions."
Rule 3: The Oppressed Conservatives
The corollary to the second rule is that you and your conservative
brethren are the oppressed underdogs even if they control all branches
of government and the media. For example, Ms. Coulter complains that
liberalism has become the nation's "official state religion [while]
Christianity and Judaism are prohibited by law." This would be news to
the Democrats who still cower at the thought of being branded with the
"L" word, but Ms. Coulter recognizes that the perception that this might
or could someday be true is certain to sell books.
Rule 4: Reagan = Good, Clinton = Bad
Always remember that anything good happened because of Reagan and
anything bad happened because of the Clintons -- no exceptions. For
example, Reagan brought us "Morning in America" but is never responsible
for the huge deficits of the 1980s that lead to the 1987 stock market
crash (which either were immaculately conceived or the result of the
big-spending Democratic Congress). At the same time, Clinton is as a
"tax-and-spend liberal" for eliminating the deficits he inherited from
Reagan and the elder Bush, but the economic boom that followed was
solely the result of Reagan's policies and a Republican Congress.
Rule 5: Happy Days Are Here Again
Your vision of America must be something close to a cross between Little
House on the Prairie and Happy Days, where white men were in charge,
women stayed at home and what was good for GM was good for America --
that is until the liberals ruined it all. Nobody excels at conservative
nostalgia like Ms. Coulter, who wants to repeal every law since the
Emancipation Proclamation (including women's suffrage) and concedes she
longs for the Cold War days when "at least our enemies were white."
Rule 6: Conservative Calumniations
To make your case you can cite one example of something that might have
happened in Walla Walla, Washington as a sign of a national movement
(e.g., John Gibson's "war on Christmas") or you can just make stuff up
(it saves on footnotes). For example, Spinsanity described Ms. Coulter's
Slander as "riddled with factual errors, egregious misrepresentations
and a constant stream of broad, inflammatory claims about liberals." Why
do research, when you can appear on the O'Reilly Factor instead?
Rule 7: Be Very Nasty
Your book must deliver the joy of hate to your readers, which is why
liberals are not just wrong, they are, in the words of Ms. Coulter, Mona
Charen, Mike Gallagher and Michelle Malkin, "traitors," the "spawn of
Satan," "unhinged" and "useful idiots" who are trying to destroy "every
value and standard, principle and ideal, concept of God, family, honor,
duty, country and decency that we hold dear." There is one caveat to
this rule -- you should be careful not to go after widows, orphans,
cripples or people like Mother Theresa as you should save them for your
next book instead.
Rule 8: The Importance of Good (Contra-)Diction
To be anointed as the next hot conservative author, you must be ready to
spout pithy poison darts and gloss over the obvious inconsistencies in
your message in all media appearances. For example, you must be able to
claim that conservatives are for a strict interpretation of the
Constitution according to the Framer's intent except when it means
upholding separation of church and state, limiting the authority of
President Bush or selecting a president. Don't sweat this rule too much
since you always have Rule 7 to fall back on if you get in trouble.
By simply following these eight rules, you can become a best-selling
author and member of the new conservative elite overnight. So skip the
research and start typing and soon you will join Ann Coulter, Sean
Hannity and others in toasting to the true hero of today's media
conservatives -- Dr. Faustus.
----------------------
Comments:
These "authors" have found a way to profit from dividing us, and divide
us they have. They have effectively caused a verbal civil war in
America. No longer do conservatives ASK a liberal's opinion, they TELL
them their opinion, and any attempt the liberal makes to dispute their
claim is called "whining".
I quit a job over this, and I no longer have room in my life for 5 of my
brothers. I hate visiting my in-laws. I'm tired of being told that I
sympathize with terrorists. I'm tired of being told I have no family
values. I'm tired of being told I want no one to be rich, and everyone
on welfare. I'm tired of being told I worship Bill Clinton like a god.
Conservatives (the ones I know, anyway) seem to be devoid of empathy.
They look at someone who is unemployed or poor, and immediately jump to
a conclusion, without ever asking "how did you get to this point?" Sick
and uninsured people hear, "not my problem, I got mine".
Conservatives tend to be LUCKY, so when things go smoothly for them,
they can't understand why someone else might have a problem...so they
blame and accuse and insult the person, without ever asking to hear from
them. If a conservative runs into bad luck, he blames the government, or
liberals, or the UN. Personal responsibility only applies to the left.
"TELL ME YOUR STORY" can go a long way to help people understand each
other, but those days are gone (if they ever existed). THERE, BUT FOR
THE GRACE OF GOD, GO I...it doesn't register with conservatives, because
they never hear the details...because they never ask...because their
minds are made up...because Rush told them what to think.
Yesterday on HuffPo, I suggested that the divide has reached a point of
no return, and it's time to start thinking about splitting up the real
estate. They hate us, we hate them. We may as well be Iraq.
Sorry for the long rant, but this seems to be the only troll free zone
I've found this morning, and I needed to spew.
Conservative Books for Dummies: Becoming a Conservative Author in Eight
Easy Steps
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bennet-kelley/conservative-books-for-du_b_22600.html
You too can become a best-selling author of conservative books in eight
easy steps -- really. This is made possible by conservative publishers
applying the lessons of Henry Ford's assembly-line production to the
publishing industry by following a proven formula to churn out book
after book, each guaranteed early best-seller status through bulk sales
to conservative groups.
For example, Ann Coulter's newly released Godless: The Church of
Liberalism is her fourth book in five years. Your path to replicating
her success is only eight steps away.
Rule 1: Liberal, Liberal, Liberal
Use the word liberal like it is the foulest word in the English
language, but still use it a lot.
Rule 2: Apocalypse Now
Your target for vilification, whether it be the Clintons, feminists or
some other lucky group, must lead to the immediate ruin of our
democratic system, Judeo-Christian values and/or Western Civilization
and you are leading the charge to, in the words of Michael Savage, "beat
back the tentacles of today's ever-expanding liberalism, which even now
threatens to corrupt and ultimately destroy America's most cherished
institutions."
Rule 3: The Oppressed Conservatives
The corollary to the second rule is that you and your conservative
brethren are the oppressed underdogs even if they control all branches
of government and the media. For example, Ms. Coulter complains that
liberalism has become the nation's "official state religion [while]
Christianity and Judaism are prohibited by law." This would be news to
the Democrats who still cower at the thought of being branded with the
"L" word, but Ms. Coulter recognizes that the perception that this might
or could someday be true is certain to sell books.
Rule 4: Reagan = Good, Clinton = Bad
Always remember that anything good happened because of Reagan and
anything bad happened because of the Clintons -- no exceptions. For
example, Reagan brought us "Morning in America" but is never responsible
for the huge deficits of the 1980s that lead to the 1987 stock market
crash (which either were immaculately conceived or the result of the
big-spending Democratic Congress). At the same time, Clinton is as a
"tax-and-spend liberal" for eliminating the deficits he inherited from
Reagan and the elder Bush, but the economic boom that followed was
solely the result of Reagan's policies and a Republican Congress.
Rule 5: Happy Days Are Here Again
Your vision of America must be something close to a cross between Little
House on the Prairie and Happy Days, where white men were in charge,
women stayed at home and what was good for GM was good for America --
that is until the liberals ruined it all. Nobody excels at conservative
nostalgia like Ms. Coulter, who wants to repeal every law since the
Emancipation Proclamation (including women's suffrage) and concedes she
longs for the Cold War days when "at least our enemies were white."
Rule 6: Conservative Calumniations
To make your case you can cite one example of something that might have
happened in Walla Walla, Washington as a sign of a national movement
(e.g., John Gibson's "war on Christmas") or you can just make stuff up
(it saves on footnotes). For example, Spinsanity described Ms. Coulter's
Slander as "riddled with factual errors, egregious misrepresentations
and a constant stream of broad, inflammatory claims about liberals." Why
do research, when you can appear on the O'Reilly Factor instead?
Rule 7: Be Very Nasty
Your book must deliver the joy of hate to your readers, which is why
liberals are not just wrong, they are, in the words of Ms. Coulter, Mona
Charen, Mike Gallagher and Michelle Malkin, "traitors," the "spawn of
Satan," "unhinged" and "useful idiots" who are trying to destroy "every
value and standard, principle and ideal, concept of God, family, honor,
duty, country and decency that we hold dear." There is one caveat to
this rule -- you should be careful not to go after widows, orphans,
cripples or people like Mother Theresa as you should save them for your
next book instead.
Rule 8: The Importance of Good (Contra-)Diction
To be anointed as the next hot conservative author, you must be ready to
spout pithy poison darts and gloss over the obvious inconsistencies in
your message in all media appearances. For example, you must be able to
claim that conservatives are for a strict interpretation of the
Constitution according to the Framer's intent except when it means
upholding separation of church and state, limiting the authority of
President Bush or selecting a president. Don't sweat this rule too much
since you always have Rule 7 to fall back on if you get in trouble.
By simply following these eight rules, you can become a best-selling
author and member of the new conservative elite overnight. So skip the
research and start typing and soon you will join Ann Coulter, Sean
Hannity and others in toasting to the true hero of today's media
conservatives -- Dr. Faustus.
----------------------
Comments:
These "authors" have found a way to profit from dividing us, and divide
us they have. They have effectively caused a verbal civil war in
America. No longer do conservatives ASK a liberal's opinion, they TELL
them their opinion, and any attempt the liberal makes to dispute their
claim is called "whining".
I quit a job over this, and I no longer have room in my life for 5 of my
brothers. I hate visiting my in-laws. I'm tired of being told that I
sympathize with terrorists. I'm tired of being told I have no family
values. I'm tired of being told I want no one to be rich, and everyone
on welfare. I'm tired of being told I worship Bill Clinton like a god.
Conservatives (the ones I know, anyway) seem to be devoid of empathy.
They look at someone who is unemployed or poor, and immediately jump to
a conclusion, without ever asking "how did you get to this point?" Sick
and uninsured people hear, "not my problem, I got mine".
Conservatives tend to be LUCKY, so when things go smoothly for them,
they can't understand why someone else might have a problem...so they
blame and accuse and insult the person, without ever asking to hear from
them. If a conservative runs into bad luck, he blames the government, or
liberals, or the UN. Personal responsibility only applies to the left.
"TELL ME YOUR STORY" can go a long way to help people understand each
other, but those days are gone (if they ever existed). THERE, BUT FOR
THE GRACE OF GOD, GO I...it doesn't register with conservatives, because
they never hear the details...because they never ask...because their
minds are made up...because Rush told them what to think.
Yesterday on HuffPo, I suggested that the divide has reached a point of
no return, and it's time to start thinking about splitting up the real
estate. They hate us, we hate them. We may as well be Iraq.
Sorry for the long rant, but this seems to be the only troll free zone
I've found this morning, and I needed to spew.
