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How to say no without getting put out?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Far Side Of the Moon, Sep 19, 2017.

  1. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

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    As much as I love my jobs and work is fulfilling...I feel like they're a curse sometimes. My dad decided to spontaneously quit his job and mom hits me up for cash...I do help her with some bills... But its like I can never save.

    I'd do anything for my mom...but within reason... Like she asked me to help pay for a car for my brother... I thought that was kinda crazy because one, my brother is nearing 30 and 2) I have my own tuition to pay and 3) he's been working his job for a couple years ...he could have saved to have gotten 2 cars...

    I personally feel that's my brothers responsibility...like she would never ask my brother to chip in to pay my tuition.. And he shouldn't have to...I wouldn't allow it..not while I'm working.

    Idk sometimes I just wonder like.. How does my mom expect me to move on if I'm being bled dry?

    I said no this time....

    But I know other times will come though...I just wonder how can I say no without looking like the bad guy...because I love my mom so much...but

    I see no point in having a job ...especially 2 if I can't save .


    Please...I need advice lol
     
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  2. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    :heart: KEEP your job. In the meantime listen to some messages from Dave Ramsey. He has his own website and he's also on Youtube.

    No matter What you do, or what happens, KEEP your job, And find some support for making solid plans to move on.

    And in case, if i haven't said it already, KEEP your job.

    Praying (((hug)))
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2017
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  3. S.O.J.I.A.

    S.O.J.I.A. Dynamic UNO

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  4. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

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    Lol trust me I'm not quitting. Thing is..I know how to save but I can't if my mom always needs help u know? I don't mind helping her but ill never have a check if I did every little thing...but then ill feel bad if I don't ...such a toss up.
     
  5. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    :heart: Girlfriend, you needs some solid and wise encouragement and counsel. You will need to think beyond your mom, bless her heart and all she may be inclined to do. Dave Ramsey has solid advice and counsel on these same kinds of issues.

    Praying (((hug)))

    And if i haven't already said so, KEEP your job.
     
  6. Instrument150

    Instrument150 Active Member

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    I think Mathew 25 can be of help in this question. You are very loving to even require to ask this question.

    Ultimately, it is important that you listen to the Holy Spirit when it comes to grey area matters. I would imagine this is situation would depend on your abundance. You may also consider that your giving in this way may be a stumbling block for your family, enabling them to think that they should rely on your work instead of their own. All depends on the circumstances. I will say that your brother does not "need" a car. Perhaps you could meet them in the middle and buy him an annual bus pass? Perhaps this willl provide incentive to save for his own vehicle, if vehicle he desires.
     
  7. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

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    You need to know that your homelife and family relationships are on the dysfunctional side of life. That doesn't mean that you don't love each other but rather that your mom has a hard time seeing what is reasonable and normal. Keep reminding your mother that you love her (and your brother) but that your money isn't "extra lying around, but necessary for you to pay for your school bills." Your goal should be to eventually become independent and then you don't have to worry about what happens when you say "no". Just realize that you are doing right in focusing on paying for school and your bills, and it is okay to say "no" to this. It isn't like you are saving up for a trip to Disneyland...but then if you were, it wouldn't be their business because it is your money. Like you said, he should be saving up to buy his car.
     
  8. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    Dave Ramsey has a "No" video, but you might not want to watch it till you move out of the house.

    ^_^
     
  9. timewerx

    timewerx the village i--o--t--

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    Sorry to hear Far Side.

    I am in a somewhat similar situation. However, in my case, it was no one's fault. External factors beyond our control and no one to help but me. Sorry, I got no advice for you except maybe find ways to make more money and perhaps talk to your brother and tell him to save his money.
     
  10. Divide

    Divide Well-Known Member

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    Learn to say no. Not to your mother's needs, but to frivolous others. Yes they will get mad. Expect it. But then, they will either get over it...or show their teeth.

    I'm experiencing the same with my Brother and his druggie daughter who bleeds him dry.
     
  11. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    I'm sorry to hear that. It's a tough and angst-filled situation. I've been there. Moon may not want to say "no" till she leaves her mom's house LOL!
     
  12. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

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    Lol yeah xD I don't want to be homeless lol...i don't want to be starting threads saying, " mom kicked me out, I'm homeless..now what?" :D Lololol
     
  13. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    hahaaa Yes that is very wise :D
     
  14. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

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    But if she never says "no", she may never be able to afford to leave. It is not her job to help finance a car for her adult brother. My answer might be different if the car was for mom or if big brother lives with them and he needs the car to get to and from a job that provides a significant part of the household expenses that she benefits from . Start researching other places you may be able to live while in school if mom continues to believe that your tuition money is part of the general pot for the whole family to spend.
     
  15. turkle

    turkle Blessed

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    It sounds like you are afraid to say no because of how your mother might react. But fear based decision are rarely wise. Worrying if speaking the truth will upset her is codependent. It sounds like the most reasonable response would to be to tell your mother exactly what you can do to help the family (in dollars), and what you can't do (help your adult brother get a car.) I think if you set aside a portion of your income every payday for the family, then they will know exactly what to expect and stop asking for unreasonable contributions.

    It appears that you are in this position because your dad, the head of the household, was irresponsible and quit his job without another one lined up. He needs to step up and be the leader of the family. It should not be your problem that he acted foolishly.
     
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  16. Poppyseed78

    Poppyseed78 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I agree with all of this 100%. I think it's great advice.
     
  17. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

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    Yeah I do set aside money for my mom... I think ill set aside more ..like maybe 100 if I can.
     
  18. Penny Feeley

    Penny Feeley Devout Christian Supporter

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    I agree with you so much he does not need a car he justs needs transportation. It seems like he may have somewhat of an expensive car therefore he should downgrade.
     
  19. messager777

    messager777 New Member

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    Jesus Christ did not come down to earth to destroy the Law.(MATTHEW.5:17) So, "You shall love your neighbor/friend as yourself and hate your enemy" still applies. Sometimes your family can be your greatest enemy, eg the family of Jesus.(MARK.6:4, MATTHEW.10:21)

    At ACTS.15:24-29, God has exempted new Gentile Christians from any law of Moses which is a burden, eg circumcision and kosher foods. They are not exempted from any law which is not a burden, esp morality laws, eg the Ten Commandments(EXO.20), DEUT.18:9-14, LEV.10:9 & 18:22, etc.
    ....... In comparison, new Jewish Christians are required by God to continue to keep as many law of Moses as possible because it is not a burden to them.

    Those Christians who wantonly or ignorantly break God's Law will risk losing their salvation, like the wife of Job who cursed God/Jesus and died while suffering for Job's ignorant sin.(1COR.5:1-5 & 11:30 & 6:9-11, REV.22:12-15)
     
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