How to say Hello?

[graciesings]

I am really tired of people saying, "Hello, how are you?" Because, often, it's none of their business. When they ask me how I am, they're forcing me to either reveal private information, lie about how I'm feeling, deflect the question, or simply refuse to answer it.

Honestly, saying I'm "great!" all the time doesn't make me any happier. It just makes it more instinctive/normal for me to hide problems and feelings I need to address.

I think, as a rule of thumb, that you shouldn't ask someone how they're doing unless you are OK with them answering honestly and it's a time and place where they can do that. You can replace "How are you" with "I'm glad to see you," if you must have an extra nicety to greet someone with.

Am I the only one who feels this way?

 

[Travelers.Soul]

I think the "how are you" is more of a pleasantry than it is an honest question. Some ask it honestly but for most it's a force of habit. Does it get on my nerves sometimes? Yes, especially when I know they don't really want an answer or if my pain level is higher than normal. Should this greeting be changed? Perhaps but in reality I doubt it will. For now this phrase is too ingrained in the culture but that doesn't mean individuals can't make the conscious effort to change the way they greet another person.

 

[MiniEmu]

I prefer people singing "hello, is it me you're looking for?" or perhaps "hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name?". Singing greetings makes it all so much better.

The hello-how-are-you-great dance is do ingrained in the pleasantries of life that I don't view it as a probing question. Unless you know someone and they're asking with the tone that says "look, I care about you, keep me informed on your life" it's just politeness.

When I was younger it irked me, because I was less settled emotionally. It felt like the expected answer was a lie, the phrase was meaningless, and everything was just intensely irritating. Then I got a little older, and realised just how important the superficial pleasantries are in society. Throw in a "I'm absolutely brilliant, how about you?" now and then though, just to make people pause a little.

9/10 times I genuinely want to know how the person I'm asking is doing. But then I rarely follow up with "how are you?". Mostly I stick to singing good morning/afternoon/evening at them. Change starts with the person who thinks it should happen, change it up with enough people and they too will start to change.

The interconnectedness of life.

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

Yeah I agree with dream.. I just think it's habit..

We all say the same no one is actually going to say well wait a moment I have this problem....

We all hide behind masks every single one of us.

 

[Messy]

I am really tired of people saying, "Hello, how are you?" Because, often, it's none of their business. When they ask me how I am, they're forcing me to either reveal private information, lie about how I'm feeling, deflect the question, or simply refuse to answer it.

Honestly, saying I'm "great!" all the time doesn't make me any happier. It just makes it more instinctive/normal for me to hide problems and feelings I need to address.

I think, as a rule of thumb, that you shouldn't ask someone how they're doing unless you are OK with them answering honestly and it's a time and place where they can do that. You can replace "How are you" with "I'm glad to see you," if you must have an extra nicety to greet someone with.

Am I the only one who feels this way?

If you ask a Dutch person how are you doing be prepared to hear their life story lol and better listen. I never say it just to be polite while not interested in the answer. Nice to see you is better.

 

[Messy]

Lol a collegue asked another collegue how his dog was doing and had to listen for half an hour about everything that happened when they went to the vet.

 

[Messy]

Yeah I agree with dream.. I just think it's habit..

We all say the same no one is actually going to say well wait a moment I have this problem....

We all hide behind masks every single one of us.

If it's someone I don't really know and don't want to bother them I just say: great or fine. There was one Word of Faith preacher here who had a cold and snot blubbering all over the place. Someone said: How are you doing? GREAT!!! AMAZING!! HALLELUJA! ! Hahaha I always think of that man when I say great if I feel bad.

 

[sundewgrower]

It's just generic stuff. How are you? Good. Or. Well doing alright. I tend to toss jokes at that generic phrase.

 

[graciesings]

Exactly. I know it's just a formality and a lot of them are doing it without really thinking about it. But it still irks me. I mean, I understand that it is a cultural thing, but I feel like it shouldn't be.

@MiniEmu actually I do that too. When people ask me how I'm doing, I like to use a really big word or a multiple word answer, just to make them stop. Like, if I'm doing well, instead of saying "Great" I'll say, "I'm really excited about choir tomorrow!" It makes them realize what they just asked, haha. I also sometimes say "tired" or "stressed with school but otherwise alright."

I guess part of it is that I want them to know how I'm actually doing, part of it is that I want to remind myself what is actually going on, and part of it is that if I trust them with an actual emotion instead of just saying "great" they're more likely to open up to me when I turn the question around. (I don't always want to turn it around, but it would be rude if I didn't.)

 

[Tom Mix]

If you do not feel like answering then just reply, "whats it to ya punk?".

I am being serious. If it is too hard to just say "ok" then just spit out what you feel

They asked, be truthful.

 

[Cearbhall]

Am I the only one who feels this way?

Not the only one, I'm sure. But culturally, it's generally understood that the question isn't exactly literal. The message that's being communicated is just a polite greeting, and the standard response of "Fine/good, how are you?" indicates that the respect is mutual. Thinking that the person is asking for a rundown of your day seems a bit Amelia Bedelia to me (unless you have an emotional connection to the person).

This is why this particular exchange is one of the first things that a lot of foreign language classes teach. The robotic "¿Muy bien, y tú?" is how you get off on the right foot with someone, especially a stranger.

 

[Goodbook]

Ca va?
Ca va bien merci.

Its just a call and response.
Im fine thanks, or Im good, or not too bad is enough. Ive never told anyone Im great though..that would be overstating it a bit.

I have a friend who rings me up. She asks me how I am. Im fine thanks, how are you? Then she says im good, how are you? Lol she already asked me that! Its automatic.

Then I say im fine thanks again, but if I said im fine thanks how are you? Shed have to answer again.
This can go on ad nauseum. The perils of conversational English.

 

[Messy]

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[Messy]

 

[EyesOfKohl]

Majority of the time when people ask me that I always say 'I'm good' or 'not bad', even if it is the complete opposite lol.

 

[Orange Crow]

Majority of the time when people ask me that I always say 'I'm good' or 'not bad', even if it is the complete opposite lol.

Hahaha I do that so often too.
Got too much on my mind to really explain how I'm doing and after rounding it all up I'll just say I'm good.

 

[Orange Crow]

If you ask a Dutch person how are you doing be prepared to hear their life story lol and better listen. I never say it just to be polite while not interested in the answer. Nice to see you is better.

Yeah exactly I don't want to explain everything again each time I meet someone.

 

[Messy]

Heeeey long time no see, how are you doing??

 

[EyesOfKohl]

Hahaha I do that so often too.
Got too much on my mind to really explain how I'm doing and after rounding it all up I'll just say I'm good.

Yeah, because if you tell them the truth, they want to know more details, which either takes time, or you leave it and they get that funny attitude/thought 'somethings wrong' and all concerned xD

 

[Rajni]

You can replace "How are you" with "I'm glad to see you," if you must have an extra nicety to greet someone with.

I run a cash register, so the "Hi / How are you?" exchange happens
repeatedly, customer after customer. "I'm glad to see you" is a
nice alternative.

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