How to abstain from kissing???

[pleasehelp55]

I am 17 years old and still under my parents rules/guidelines for my relationship. I really really want to honor my parents wishes. That means no kissing for a very long time. My girlfriend and I both have very high sex drives though and it just makes it really hard. We have a very mature relationship and are very much in love. Its not a normal teenage relationship, she is in college and I homeschool myself... We love each other so much and express it through many other ways but we still have that extremely high desire to kiss.

I'm afraid I will slip up. Does anyone have some good advice on how to make it easier not to? Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks

 

[adamjthompson]

Hello!

I'm currently engaged, and my fiancee and I have not yet kissed...we're saving that for a wedding day. So maybe I can give you a little advice.

You are doing the right thing by respecting your parents rules. I think you're coming at it from the right perspective - realizing that it is a matter of honoring and obeying your parents (among other things, such as avoiding temptation and fleeing sin). Accepting the fact that you have two options (obey or disobey) does help make things simpler. For me, at least.

Here are a few practical suggestions, though:

1: Severely limit your opportunity. Try to spend your time together with someone who will hold you accountable nearby (they don't have to be with you, necessarily...just in the next room or whatever.)

2: Pray. God does want us to be chaste and obedient in our relationships and He will help you do so if you diligently seek Him.

3: Help each other. Work to not tempt each other and agree that if one of you starts to flirt or tease or get too close, the other will back off.

Hope that helps. Remember, these aren't biblical rules you have to follow, but guidelines to help you pursue purity and obedience.

 

[xxJaydie]

That's awesome!! I get so excited when Christian's are so serious about being righteous It's SO fantastic that you guys are refraining from kissing, it's awesome. Keep it up!

I've been in a courtship for a while now and one thing I have had a lot of trouble with is my thoughts, which kind of triggers everything else... it really, really helps when we can get our thoughts under control!

I learned to have the same boundaries in my mind as I do physically. So pretty much, we've decided there will be no kissing = I'm not going to imagine kissing him. You may already do this, but if not, it's so helpful to get that in our heads when we're young and courting! (Let your girl know that one too because us girls need to be careful with our romantic imaginations!)

Now, the ONLY way 'I've' found it possible to refrain from kissing him in my thoughts (or out of them) is purely though the help of the Holy Spirit, because I CAN'T do it on my own. Personally, I prayed this prayer "Lord, please put my sexual desires back to sleep, they are not suppose to have awaken yet" ... and he turned off my sexual desires. It was AMAZING! God is amazing!

But the thing I have to be really careful of is that it awakens again if I overstep my boundaries ('too much' hugging etc.) or start getting slack with not watching 'romantic' scenes in movies - that's a killer, always shut your eyes and block your ears - and I have to repent AGAIN which is not good. So I'm learning not to go there.

Yeah so that might help with the sex drive too, really seek God to put it to sleep until you get married. And don't be worried it wont come back, like I was (silly me), I'm pretty sure it will awaken again easy on your wedding night!

Keep it up!! Don't know if that helped at all but hey, I gotta give it a try!

 

[The Nihilist]

Hello!

I'm currently engaged, and my fiancee and I have not yet kissed...we're saving that for a wedding day.

Seriously? Where do you live, the town in Footloose?

But aside from being silly, that might also just not be a fantastic idea: Pucker Up! What Science Is Discovering About Why We Kiss - US News and World Report

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

Ahh, leave it to The Nihilist to call someone an idiot in more words because they act differently than him.

 

[The Nihilist]

Ahh, leave it to The Nihilist to call someone an idiot in more words because they act differently than him.

Whoa whoa whoa, wait just a minute. Calling someone an idiot is mean-spirited, and has no place here. A friendly, good-natured ribbing? Totally different.

Seriously, though, makeouts are important, and not just for reasons that are both sexy and awesome. All the secret and mysterious things that happen when someone falls in love? Lots of them are pretty closely related to kissing.

 

[coastie]

I recommend garlic. Oysters may work too. Oh oh oh... Dr. Pepper usually gives me pretty raunchy breath too.

I know my temptation to kiss would be totally subverted by bad breath.

 

[IDDQD]

Take SSRI's. That'll kill a sex drive pretty quick. (;

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

You know, I always thought I wouldn't kiss until I was engaged.

I'm glad I didn't wait. Personally, I need the kissing. It's part of how I show love and how he receives love.

The lack of touch is okay for people who their primary love language is gifts or quality time, or something other than touch.

But if you felt most loved by your parents when they hugged you and kissed you on the forehead, then you're gonna have a hard time feeling loved by your s/o if you don't do that stuff.

 

[Melethiel]

I'm glad I didn't wait too...for one, it positively proved to me that he's the right guy. Plus, we're long distance, so we don't get to see each other that often. It's nice to have a bit of affection when we do.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

I'm glad I didn't wait too...for one, it positively proved to me that he's the right guy. Plus, we're long distance, so we don't get to see each other that often. It's nice to have a bit of affection when we do.

Bingo. I was long distance from him too.

 

[alfrodull]

Kissing or no kissing, you should be following your own convictions, not the convictions of your parents. If you are not willing or able to freely decide for yourself how to express affection, you should not be in a serious relationship.

 

[pleasehelp55]

Ok maybe I should set things straight again lol... I would like some advice on how to honor my parents by not kissing. Not because I think its wrong... because its a sin to disobey my parents.

I honestly do not have a problem with kissing. I don't have a problem with making out either. I am positive I will make out with this girl as soon as I turn 18 and can without dishonoring my parents.

For now I am in a serious relationship... not because I wanted it to become so serious... it just kinda happened and I'm stuck with my parents rules and guidelines. Is there that many of you that actually think I should just forget what my parents said??? lol jk

BTW I'm actually not even allowed to hold her hand or hug her... I see this girl 1 time a week too... but yet we still love each other more than the world and it is a very mature relationship. I think we have something special and don't see any problem with waiting til I'm allowed to kiss, to actually do it. lol

 

[98cwitr]

wow...im glad I was raised in a liberal home...not being able to kiss would seriously detriment my ability to show affection.

Flowers are great, chocolates, other gifts, time spent, movies watched (all tangible and monetary in their own rights)...nothing conveys love like a meaningful kiss imho. Oh and it's free...and the best things in life are free.

 

[The Nihilist]

Ok maybe I should set things straight again lol... I would like some advice on how to honor my parents by not kissing. Not because I think its wrong... because its a sin to disobey my parents.

I honestly do not have a problem with kissing. I don't have a problem with making out either. I am positive I will make out with this girl as soon as I turn 18 and can without dishonoring my parents.

For now I am in a serious relationship... not because I wanted it to become so serious... it just kinda happened and I'm stuck with my parents rules and guidelines. Is there that many of you that actually think I should just forget what my parents said??? lol jk

BTW I'm actually not even allowed to hold her hand or hug her... I see this girl 1 time a week too... but yet we still love each other more than the world and it is a very mature relationship. I think we have something special and don't see any problem with waiting til I'm allowed to kiss, to actually do it. lol

Obedience is a boy's duty, responsibility is a man's. If you are showing affection based on what you are allowed to do, then you are not, friend, in a mature relationship.

 

[pleasehelp55]

Obedience is a boy's duty, responsibility is a man's.

Are you trying to say that I'm not a man?

If you are showing affection based on what you are allowed to do, then you are not, friend, in a mature relationship.

I beg to differ... How does not being allowed to show your affection translate into the maturity of a relationship?

I mean yes I can see what your talking about in sense... but in that sense you could say that a mature relationship would only be one of having sex with your gf or bf.

I can't be in a mature relationship because I base my affection on what I am "allowed" to do according to my parents?

No Christian can be in a mature relationship because they are showing their affection on what they are "allowed" to do according to Gods Word by not having sex with their partner before marriage?

It doesn't quite apply in the same sense that you are talking about but I have a youth pastor that didn't kiss his wife until the day they were married. I know his wife was the one that enforced that. He was not "allowed" to kiss her...Does that mean that they didn't have a mature relationship up until that day?

Don't get me wrong though... I mean if I could I would be all over this girl all the time. I would do just about anything to be able to show my affection to her by kissing her but I can't.

This is a really hard thing to deal with... but I guess I'm the one who dug myself into a hole by falling in love with her. lol

 

[alfrodull]

Are you trying to say that I'm not a man?



I beg to differ... How does not being allowed to show your affection translate into the maturity of a relationship?

I mean yes I can see what your talking about in sense... but in that sense you could say that a mature relationship would only be one of having sex with your gf or bf.

I can't be in a mature relationship because I base my affection on what I am "allowed" to do according to my parents?

No Christian can be in a mature relationship because they are showing their affection on what they are "allowed" to do according to Gods Word by not having sex with their partner before marriage?

It doesn't quite apply in the same sense that you are talking about but I have a youth pastor that didn't kiss his wife until the day they were married. I know his wife was the one that enforced that. He was not "allowed" to kiss her...Does that mean that they didn't have a mature relationship up until that day?

Don't get me wrong though... I mean if I could I would be all over this girl all the time. I would do just about anything to be able to show my affection to her by kissing her but I can't.

This is a really hard thing to deal with... but I guess I'm the one who dug myself into a hole by falling in love with her. lol

I think you're missing the point here. First of all, I don't think anyone suggested that a person's level of maturity corresponded to the amount of physical affection they are willing to show. Secondly, there is a difference between being "allowed" by personal convictions or logic or what have you and being permitted to do something by a superior. Religious and moral standards fall under the former, as you consent to them willingly. God doesn't follow you around actively policing your actions, he isn't going to smite you with lightning should you disobey, and he certainly didn't force you to believe in him in the first place. Likewise, both romantic partners have the right to leave a relationship if their standards are incompatible.

Unless I'm understanding you incorrectly, you have no moral objection to premarital kissing. By your own admission, you feel obligated to refrain from kissing because you consider yourself under the authority of your parents, in other words, not mature enough to decide on your own. There is nothing wrong with this. But you cannot be in an adult relationship until you are mentally an adult.

 

[pleasehelp55]

Unless I'm understanding you incorrectly, you have no moral objection to premarital kissing. By your own admission, you feel obligated to refrain from kissing because you consider yourself under the authority of your parents, in other words, not mature enough to decide on your own.

We need to separate maturity from age.

That is true if you judge a persons age by maturity level but if you don't than it is false...I am mature enough... just not old enough.

There is nothing wrong with this. But you cannot be in an adult relationship until you are mentally an adult.

I am mentally an adult... in the sense of I carry myself, act like, make decisions like a young adult would... I am as mature as a lot of adults.

By age I am not lawfully an adult.

Can I be in a relationship that is as mature as an adult relationship in every sense besides being unable to show my affection by kissing?

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

I am sorry, I hate to break it to you, but EVERY 17 year old thinks they are as mature as adults.

A few years down the line, they discover the truth of who they are now vs. what they were then, and find that they weren't mature at all.


Get ready for your awakening.

 

[pleasehelp55]

I am sorry, I hate to break it to you, but EVERY 17 year old thinks they are as mature as adults.

A few years down the line, they discover the truth of who they are now vs. what they were then, and find that they weren't mature at all.


Get ready for your awakening.

What is your definition of maturity?

I started my own business when I was 12 years old. I started working with men doing a mans job when I was 13. I have run multiple successful internet business. When I was 15 I owned my own internet electronics store with $160,000 in consignment. I have moved on from all of that to pursue a better career. I homeschool myself. I interact with adults like an adult would. I make better decisions than most adults would. I am not a normal 17 year old.