Marital Sex Life While Still Living in Parents' Home

[Kanakoa]

Aloha,

I'm a 33 year old male who will be soon marrying a 35 year old woman from the Philippines. My fiance just turned 35 a few days ago.

We plan on living with my parents on their property, while we are building a separate home that is on the same land as my parents. This would help us save money rather than renting a home for ourselves.

My parents and my fiance are in support of this. However, when I discuss the issue of being intimate with my significant other, she is somewhat shy and nervous about the possibility of us having sex in my parents' house. My fiance thinks it might be disrespectful but I'm trying to persuade her that it isn't, since there are couples out there who are intimate while they are living with families. My parents' house is fairly big, and we can find privacy for our time to be intimate. Although, my fiance still kind of nervous about it, and I'm kind of frustrated that I won't be able to be intimate with her if she is not willing to be intimate with me in my parents' place. It will take probably 6-8 months for our house to be built on my parents' land. I want to save money just as much as my fiance, and just as my parents want us to save money. We are blessed with our situation.

However, I'm often anxious about the prospect that my fiance is getting older, and that we have only so many years to have a child of our own. We both want a child, at least two children. Of course, to do so means we have to be regularly engaged in sex.

Likewise, my fiance has a lower sex drive than me. We discuss this openly that I need more intimacy than she does, and that my fiance even proposed to have only three times a week of sex, but I think it should be at least once a day, or once every other day.

So, I suppose my question is how do I get my fiance to feel comfortable about us having sex in my parents' home, and also how do I reconcile our sex drives? How do I get my fiance to be as interested in lovemaking as I am?

Mahalo,
Kana

 

[bèlla]

Congratulations on your impending nuptials. May the Lord bless and prosper your union with much love and fruit. In response to your question meet her concerns with reassurance and patience. Give your fears and frustrations to the Lord and ask him to help you to address the matter lovingly as Christ would.

It isn't your responsibility to convince her. Your job is to love and support her through her uncertainty until she's comfortable relating without shame. Nor should you burden yourself with the fear of age or fertility. God opens wombs. Pray for her ardently and your future children and leave the conception in His hands.

In the meantime, I recommend Awakening Fertility by Heng Ou. She provides useful information on pregnancy preparation for both. You'll benefit from western and Chinese medicine. Ideally, you begin the process one year before you plan to conceive but the more time you have the better for you and the baby's health.

35 isn't old! Women have conceived safely much later. If you adopt a whole foods diet rich in nutrients and limit processed and genetically modified foods you'll have no problem conceiving. Hopewell Heights is an excellent resource and fount of encouragement. She'll teach her how to implement the strategies that will heighten your vitality and childbearing.

You may also be enriched by The Power of Praying series by Stormie Omartian. In particular:

The Power of a Praying Husband
The Power of a Praying Wife
The Power of Prayer to Enrich Your Marriage
The Power of a Praying Parent

And if needed, Prayers for Emotional Wholeness by the author.

~bella

 

[eleos1954]

Aloha,

I'm a 33 year old male who will be soon marrying a 35 year old woman from the Philippines. My fiance just turned 35 a few days ago.

We plan on living with my parents on their property, while we are building a separate home that is on the same land as my parents. This would help us save money rather than renting a home for ourselves.

My parents and my fiance are in support of this. However, when I discuss the issue of being intimate with my significant other, she is somewhat shy and nervous about the possibility of us having sex in my parents' house. My fiance thinks it might be disrespectful but I'm trying to persuade her that it isn't, since there are couples out there who are intimate while they are living with families. My parents' house is fairly big, and we can find privacy for our time to be intimate. Although, my fiance still kind of nervous about it, and I'm kind of frustrated that I won't be able to be intimate with her if she is not willing to be intimate with me in my parents' place. It will take probably 6-8 months for our house to be built on my parents' land. I want to save money just as much as my fiance, and just as my parents want us to save money. We are blessed with our situation.

However, I'm often anxious about the prospect that my fiance is getting older, and that we have only so many years to have a child of our own. We both want a child, at least two children. Of course, to do so means we have to be regularly engaged in sex.

Likewise, my fiance has a lower sex drive than me. We discuss this openly that I need more intimacy than she does, and that my fiance even proposed to have only three times a week of sex, but I think it should be at least once a day, or once every other day.

So, I suppose my question is how do I get my fiance to feel comfortable about us having sex in my parents' home, and also how do I reconcile our sex drives? How do I get my fiance to be as interested in lovemaking as I am?

Mahalo,
Kana

The bible teaches not to have sex before marriage ... it don't matter where you do it .... your should marry.

 

[linux.poet]

The bible teaches not to have sex before marriage ... it don't matter where you do it .... your should marry.

He’s going to marry her, but he wants to get married before the house is built.

As for her fear, it’s normal for a virgin woman, the “what is going to happen to me?” fear when engaging in intimate behavior for the first time. Also, not knowing how to do something, and being expected to do it on a daily basis, that’s a lot of pressure.

You need to take the pressure off. Start slowly with hugs, move on to kisses, and let her learn with you. Move on when she’s ready to learn the next thing. She needs to learn that she can trust you through the process and that this is not something to be afraid of. Once she learns and becomes confident, then you can ask for more. You need to become intimate with her mind as well as her body.

If worse comes to worse, know that having sex three times a week is enough to get pregnant. You’re going to be okay.