How does an autistic person accept themself?

[BryanJohnMaloney]

In contemplating this, I have come to a realization. God does not expect us to accept or love ourselves. We are to accept and love God. Of course, that also means learning to not listen to Satan. It is Satan who whispers "You do not deserve love. You have too many flaws. Look at how you fall short."

You fall short. You will ALWAYS fall short. So does everyone else. How can that be? Because the standard is God, and we are explicitly told that the standard for comparison is God (Matthew 5:48). We are explicitly told that we must be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect. Who can do this? That is the standard we are all measured by. When the standard is 144,000 miles, what does a difference of six inches or a foot in height matter? All fall short by nearly the same amount.

Why command us in such a way? Specifically because we do all fall so very far short of God that comparisons among ourselves amount to cockroaches squabbling over which cockroach is the cockroachiest cockroach and which one isn't enough of a cockroach.

 

[Jack Meredith]

I struggle to understand how God can expect me to accept myself and love myself when he has created me defective, mandated that the entirety of the first 22 years of my life be one of rejection and bullying, humiliation and everything else.

How does God command me to be full of joy and peace yet rob me of the things that usually make life worth living?

How can I accept myself as autistic? I reject myself!

Everyone is made defective. It is just more obvious with some. And if there are enough people with your particular defect, you get to call yourself normal. Who wants to be normal? Not me!

 

[Rescued One]

I struggle to understand how God can expect me to accept myself and love myself when he has created me defective, mandated that the entirety of the first 22 years of my life be one of rejection and bullying, humiliation and everything else.

How does God command me to be full of joy and peace yet rob me of the things that usually make life worth living?

How can I accept myself as autistic? I reject myself!

Hi, Ben! Remember me? I'm still praying for you. I don't think you're anymore defective than the rest of the world!

Oh! I just noticed that other people have said the same thing. There are encouragers and discouragers on this planet.

 

[luckswallows]

I struggle to understand how God can expect me to accept myself and love myself when he has created me defective, mandated that the entirety of the first 22 years of my life be one of rejection and bullying, humiliation and everything else.

I am autistic as well.

There are indeed bad and dysfunctional things about being autistic. But it's not all bad. There's a place in this world for neurodiversity. I cannot firmly assert that the world would be a better place if everyone were neurotypical.

Some of the most talented people ever to existed were autistic... and this is perhaps partly not a coincidence.

We don't have broken brains. We have ultra specialized brains. Or different brains. It just so happens that it makes it hard to have common sense and function the way most people function.

If 99% of people were autistic and 1% of people weren't... society would be very different and it would be the non-autistic people who were said to be "defective", if we exclude those with severe low functioning autism.

But when it comes to severe low functioning autism... that comes back to the problem of evil in general. There are some people who are born without limbs, or born with cancer... or born stillborn. So the broader question is: Why does God allow any of these things? And that is a question that theologians, and plenty of Christians in general, do try to answer.

I'm sorry that you are struggling so much with your autism. I myself am autistic and it's a big part of my identity. I struggle with life a lot because of it. But I wouldn't have me any other way. I love myself very much.

 

[Amy Cortright]

I am autistic as well.

There are indeed bad and dysfunctional things about being autistic. But it's not all bad. There's a place in this world for neurodiversity. I cannot firmly assert that the world would be a better place if everyone were neurotypical.

Some of the most talented people ever to existed were autistic... and this is perhaps partly not a coincidence.

We don't have broken brains. We have ultra specialized brains. Or different brains. It just so happens that it makes it hard to have common sense and function the way most people function.

If 99% of people were autistic and 1% of people weren't... society would be very different and it would be the non-autistic people who were said to be "defective", if we exclude those with severe low functioning autism.

But when it comes to severe low functioning autism... that comes back to the problem of evil in general. There are some people who are born without limbs, or born with cancer... or born stillborn. So the broader question is: Why does God allow any of these things? And that is a question that theologians, and plenty of Christians in general, do try to answer.

I'm sorry that you are struggling so much with your autism. I myself am autistic and it's a big part of my identity. I struggle with life a lot because of it. But I wouldn't have me any other way. I love myself very much.

Luckswallow I agree with what you say. People have to love themselves first. Also one has to learn to laugh at one's self and one's mistakes. I am sure one will see that laughing at any mistake they make socially or otherwise will open up huge doors for being accepted. If you don't like yourself no one else will. You also can't be doormat you need to stand up for yourselves. Everyone is liked by at least one person so even if you think no one likes you someone always does.

 

[luckswallows]

Luckswallow I agree with what you say. People have to love themselves first. Also one has to learn to laugh at one's self and one's mistakes. I am sure one will see that laughing at any mistake they make socially or otherwise will open up huge doors for being accepted. If you don't like yourself no one else will. You also can't be doormat you need to stand up for yourselves. Everyone is liked by at least one person so even if you think no one likes you someone always does.

Thank you Amy. I will also point out that although I'm lucky because I've always loved and accepted myself... I used to get very frustrated with myself in the past. And I don't anymore. My self-compassion has increased a lot. I think the purpose of the past is to learn from it. So I see any mistake as a learning exercise nowadays. Perhaps if I believed in God I would think that every mistake was a test.

 

[Sandiamoon]

I struggle to understand how God can expect me to accept myself and love myself when he has created me defective, mandated that the entirety of the first 22 years of my life be one of rejection and bullying, humiliation and everything else.

How does God command me to be full of joy and peace yet rob me of the things that usually make life worth living?

How can I accept myself as autistic? I reject myself!

 

[Sandiamoon]

As soon as we Aspies are conscious of ourselves (likely in the church nursery) we learn quickly we are mysteriously rejected.
As a result of enduring stigma, we Rejects give our prophetic voice to the world. Our rejected gifts, needs, visions and lives become the prophetic object lesson. “Whoever claims to love God yet hates his (Aspie) brother or sister is a liar” John 4:20 “When [they] didn’t do it to the ‘least of these’, [they] didn’t do it to [Jesus]” Matt 25:45. Our lights shine out this scriptural truth, because the world hates us. We are the light of the world.

 

[HouseCat71]

cockroaches squabbling over which cockroach is the cockroachiest cockroach and which one isn't enough of a cockroach.

I'm more fascinated by this than anything.

 

[JesseRaymondBassett]

I accept myself for who I am. Every fault, blessing, etc. I know who I am in Christ.

 

[Amittai]

... So does everyone else. ... Specifically because we do all fall so very far short of God that comparisons among ourselves amount to cockroaches squabbling over which cockroach is the cockroachiest cockroach and which one isn't enough of a cockroach.

The ones that bullied you & me are falling short - genes are far more complex and less important - our tastes are a clue to our aptitudes.

It took me decades to learn initiative. In my mind I am "in my face" but I like me. Everyone else is strange - like the other animals in that are here in Zoo World as well.

 

[SANTOSO]

I struggle to understand how God can expect me to accept myself and love myself when he has created me defective, mandated that the entirety of the first 22 years of my life be one of rejection and bullying, humiliation and everything else.

How does God command me to be full of joy and peace yet rob me of the things that usually make life worth living?

How can I accept myself as autistic? I reject myself!

Hello Ben,
I don’t know where you find that God expect you to accept yourself and love yourself; can help me where you find it is written in the Bible?

If God expect you to accept yourself and love yourself, I don’t see any need for God to send His Son to die for you.

If God expect you to accept yourself and love yourself, I don’t see any need for the Lord to send His Holy Spirit to help you.

If you are robbed of things that make worth living, you think God is the robber or the devil?

If you are robbed of things that make worth living, I want to understand what make life worth living for you. Does it nothing to do with God ? If it doesn’t, why you think that God has to be concerned with this. If it does, why when you are suffering for God that does not make you happy. It means that you have understood God your own way, but you have not understood God according to what He has spoken concerning Himself in the Bible.

If you have understood according to what He has spoken in the Bible, I believe you find many examples of those who are rejected like Joseph, Job, David and Jesus —- they all lead a triumphant life.

So consider how they lead their life victorious despite rejection that you may spend the rest of your life victoriously.

 

[Emily Write]

I don't me being autistic as a bad thing entirely and see no reason why a person should hate themselves for it. Yes, you have negative things you have to deal with, but there are positive sides as well like special interests and complex structures. It's just a different set of abilities than what is and way of experiencing the world from those who are not that way and it should not be shamed.

 

[JoyfulFollower]

I know this is a long time later, but maybe you'll see this. I have a younger brother with autism. God knows your situation and loves you.
Sometimes the things that are hardest for us can also be great blessings and demonstrations to others of His power and grace in our lives. I have definitely seen this in my own life which has had hard trials. God can use difficulties in your life to draw you closer to Him and to depend on Him and to be a witness and encouragement to others. Keep going in His strength!

 

[TheRealAriel]

I see this is a really old thread, but for anyone who comes to look at it now who may feel the same way as the OP... I am a mother of a child with autism. I believe the love a parent has for a child is merely a small shadow of the love God has for us, so let me tell you how I perceive my son to offer a tiny glimpse of the love God surely has for you.

I have never seen someone more loving than my child. He is mostly nonverbal, but the words he can say are names for "his people" like mama, Peepaw, Meemaw, etc or words of kindness "thank you" and "please." How incredible that with so few outlets of speech he chooses to communicate love? He doesn't process situations like neurotypical kids do. We can go to a zoo and instead of looking at all the animals we can spend 30 minutes watching a butterfly or laughing at the way it sounds when he stamps his feet on a wooden bridge. What a gift of sight he offers to find and reveal the beauty in such little things! He can hum a tune with perfect pitch after hearing it one or two times, he's laser focused on puzzles and problem solving so he can figure out things that amaze me, and he gets so incredibly excited for his victories after we work so hard to overcome his unique challenges that it can't help but fill everyone around him with joy. A lot of things in this world don't come easy for him, but he's so strong and such a fighter. He doesn't need to achieve all the things his peers do to make him worthy, his differences are beautiful. I love that child so much and I could never think a thought less of him and every bit of who he is.