How do I know whether God is calling me to full-time or part-time vocational ministry? To rephrase my question - how do I know if God is calling me to study in seminary and (possibly) pursue ordination as a Christian minister?
Background information about me (long post):
I was born prematurely...3 months early. The doctors only gave me a 50% chance of survival. As soon as I was born, I was rushed to a university NICU (intensive care unit for newborns) by ambulance. My dad drove behind the ambulance to the university NICU. As he drove behind the ambulance, Dad prayed to God and promised that if He allowed me to live....I would go to seminary and become a Christian pastor.
I spent 52 days in an incubator before my parents were allowed to take me home.
When I was 12 years old, Dad chose to tell me the story of my birth. He also told me that since he had sworn an oath to God, I was to go study in seminary and become a pastor.
During my childhood and teen years, Dad was physically and verbally abusive….constantly shouting and yelling. Thankfully, the physical abuse ended during my second year of university. Unfortunately, Dad’s verbal abuse has not stopped and continues to the present day.
Because Dad was physically and verbally abusive, I began to rebel against him during my high school and university years. I promised myself that I would never become a pastor.
Although I had attended church continuously from the time I was born, I became a Christian in 1996 when I was a high school student. Also in 1996, Dad graduated from seminary and was ordained as a Christian minister.
I graduated from university in December of 2002. In May of 2003, I was supposed to go on a short-term mission trip with a team from my church. Dad sat me down and said that he would prevent me from going on the short-term mission trip unless I applied for admission to seminary.
The pastor of our church did not want to recommend me for admission to seminary because I had not been serving in any capacity in the church. As a result, the pastor wrote me an unfavorable recommendation. I was admitted to the local evangelical seminary, but as a part-time student. Unhappy with the seminary’s decision to admit me as a part-time student, Dad coerced me into applying to teach English in Korea. Under coercion, I applied to be an English teacher in Korea and went to Canada with my short-term missions team.
Literally 3 days after I got back from my short-term mission trip, I got on an airplane and flew to South Korea to begin teaching English in the public schools.
In 2006, I once again applied for admission to the same evangelical seminary that I had applied to in 2003. This time, the seminary accepted me for admission as a seminary student. In May of 2008, I quit my English teaching job and returned to the United States so that I could begin my seminary studies in August 2008.
However, living in Dad’s house again was like excruciating torture. One week before seminary classes were to begin, I returned to South Korea without telling my parents where I was going.
Fast forward 2 years. In September of 2010, I enrolled in seminary night classes that my church was offering. Fast forward another 2 years to 2012. I decided to visit my family in the United States. The morning after I arrived at home, Dad woke me up early and took me to a local park. He told me that I should return to the United States and enroll in seminary. Without hesitation, I agreed to Dad’s request.
Because the application deadlines had already passed, I returned to the United States and enrolled in a local Korean-language seminary for one semester. I enrolled in 2 or 3 classes, but I did not enjoy my studies. I had difficulty concentrating and focusing on my seminary studies.
In December of 2012, I applied yet again to the evangelical seminary that had accepted me in 2003 and 2006. I was accepted for admission and studied at that seminary for 3 semesters. Unfortunately, I did not enjoy my seminary studies. I managed to start some friendships, but for the most part…I felt a gnawing sense of loneliness when I was supposed to be studying in the library and completing my seminary assignments.
In the summer of 2014, I was suspended from the seminary for a one year period because I posted a threatening blog post on my personal blog.
I decided that I was done with seminary, and I applied to a Marriage and Family Therapy counseling degree program.
In the summer of 2015, I was accepted for admission to the MFT degree program and earnestly began my MFT studies. Three weeks into my MFT studies, I made a social media threat to the seminary that had suspended me for one year. I was immediately expelled from the seminary.
The administrative officials of my MFT program cancelled my class registration and decided that I should re-apply to the program.
I re-applied for admission to the Marriage and Family Therapy degree program, and I was accepted for admission in May of 2016. Before I began MFT classes in August of 2016, I postponed my enrollment to August of 2017.
At the end of January 2017, I began to look for ways to move out of Dad’s house. I began to look for English teaching jobs in China and South Korea.
2 weeks ago, I applied for admission to another local seminary. Less than one week later, I was accepted for admission to that seminary.
In the sense of being called to be a Pastor, while your testimony is important, I see nothing in it that shows how you understand God calling you to be a Pastor. I do see sinful pressure from your father, abuse and lots of confusion, but I see nothing in what you wrote on why you want to or should become a Pastor. I am not saying that God is not calling you to be a Pastor, but nothing in what you wrote shows that.
Becoming a Pastor is a very serious calling and decision and God will hold you to very high account. If you are pressured into by someone else, it is clearly not a calling. If you are doing it to please someone else, it is clearly not a calling.
If you have seriously and prayerfully asked God to reveal to you if He is calling you to ministry, and you meet the qualifications of an overseer as defined in 1 Timothy 3:1-7, and you know there is nothing else in life that you can do with satisfaction, God may be calling you to Pastoral Ministry.
1 Timothy 3:1-7 The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. (2) Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, (3) not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. (4) He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, (5) for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? (6) He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. (7) Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.
It is not an absolute requirement that you are married.
Are you above reproach?
Are you sober minded?
Are you self-controlled? From what you wrote, it sounds like you have to figure who is controlling your life, you or your father.
Are you respectable?
Are you hospitable?
Are you able to teach? Have the Elders in your church prayerfully evaluated your teaching ability? If you do not have the ability to teach, you are probably not being called to Pastoral ministry.
Are you a drunkard? Moreover, is there some unrepentant sin in your life that you are not dealing with?
Are you gentle? Can people approach you?
Are you quarrelsome? Are you argumentative for the sake of arguing?
Are you obsessed with money and possessions?
Can you manage your own household?
If you are married and have children, do your children obey and listen to you? This is not to say that they may not at times, but the overall pattern is that the children follow you.
Are you are recent convert? Do you have issues with pride or arrogance or conceit?
Do non-believers think well of you?
These are questions you need to examine yourself. You don't owe me an explanation, but if you cannot go through these questions and examine your own heart, are you still believing you are being called to the Ministry?
