- Feb 21, 2017
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How do I know whether God is calling me to full-time or part-time vocational ministry? To rephrase my question - how do I know if God is calling me to study in seminary and (possibly) pursue ordination as a Christian minister?
Background information about me (long post):
I was born prematurely...3 months early. The doctors only gave me a 50% chance of survival. As soon as I was born, I was rushed to a university NICU (intensive care unit for newborns) by ambulance. My dad drove behind the ambulance to the university NICU. As he drove behind the ambulance, Dad prayed to God and promised that if He allowed me to live....I would go to seminary and become a Christian pastor.
I spent 52 days in an incubator before my parents were allowed to take me home.
When I was 12 years old, Dad chose to tell me the story of my birth. He also told me that since he had sworn an oath to God, I was to go study in seminary and become a pastor.
During my childhood and teen years, Dad was physically and verbally abusive….constantly shouting and yelling. Thankfully, the physical abuse ended during my second year of university. Unfortunately, Dad’s verbal abuse has not stopped and continues to the present day.
Because Dad was physically and verbally abusive, I began to rebel against him during my high school and university years. I promised myself that I would never become a pastor.
Although I had attended church continuously from the time I was born, I became a Christian in 1996 when I was a high school student. Also in 1996, Dad graduated from seminary and was ordained as a Christian minister.
I graduated from university in December of 2002. In May of 2003, I was supposed to go on a short-term mission trip with a team from my church. Dad sat me down and said that he would prevent me from going on the short-term mission trip unless I applied for admission to seminary.
The pastor of our church did not want to recommend me for admission to seminary because I had not been serving in any capacity in the church. As a result, the pastor wrote me an unfavorable recommendation. I was admitted to the local evangelical seminary, but as a part-time student. Unhappy with the seminary’s decision to admit me as a part-time student, Dad coerced me into applying to teach English in Korea. Under coercion, I applied to be an English teacher in Korea and went to Canada with my short-term missions team.
Literally 3 days after I got back from my short-term mission trip, I got on an airplane and flew to South Korea to begin teaching English in the public schools.
In 2006, I once again applied for admission to the same evangelical seminary that I had applied to in 2003. This time, the seminary accepted me for admission as a seminary student. In May of 2008, I quit my English teaching job and returned to the United States so that I could begin my seminary studies in August 2008.
However, living in Dad’s house again was like excruciating torture. One week before seminary classes were to begin, I returned to South Korea without telling my parents where I was going.
Fast forward 2 years. In September of 2010, I enrolled in seminary night classes that my church was offering. Fast forward another 2 years to 2012. I decided to visit my family in the United States. The morning after I arrived at home, Dad woke me up early and took me to a local park. He told me that I should return to the United States and enroll in seminary. Without hesitation, I agreed to Dad’s request.
Because the application deadlines had already passed, I returned to the United States and enrolled in a local Korean-language seminary for one semester. I enrolled in 2 or 3 classes, but I did not enjoy my studies. I had difficulty concentrating and focusing on my seminary studies.
In December of 2012, I applied yet again to the evangelical seminary that had accepted me in 2003 and 2006. I was accepted for admission and studied at that seminary for 3 semesters. Unfortunately, I did not enjoy my seminary studies. I managed to start some friendships, but for the most part…I felt a gnawing sense of loneliness when I was supposed to be studying in the library and completing my seminary assignments.
In the summer of 2014, I was suspended from the seminary for a one year period because I posted a threatening blog post on my personal blog.
I decided that I was done with seminary, and I applied to a Marriage and Family Therapy counseling degree program.
In the summer of 2015, I was accepted for admission to the MFT degree program and earnestly began my MFT studies. Three weeks into my MFT studies, I made a social media threat to the seminary that had suspended me for one year. I was immediately expelled from the seminary.
The administrative officials of my MFT program cancelled my class registration and decided that I should re-apply to the program.
I re-applied for admission to the Marriage and Family Therapy degree program, and I was accepted for admission in May of 2016. Before I began MFT classes in August of 2016, I postponed my enrollment to August of 2017.
At the end of January 2017, I began to look for ways to move out of Dad’s house. I began to look for English teaching jobs in China and South Korea.
2 weeks ago, I applied for admission to another local seminary. Less than one week later, I was accepted for admission to that seminary.
Background information about me (long post):
I was born prematurely...3 months early. The doctors only gave me a 50% chance of survival. As soon as I was born, I was rushed to a university NICU (intensive care unit for newborns) by ambulance. My dad drove behind the ambulance to the university NICU. As he drove behind the ambulance, Dad prayed to God and promised that if He allowed me to live....I would go to seminary and become a Christian pastor.
I spent 52 days in an incubator before my parents were allowed to take me home.
When I was 12 years old, Dad chose to tell me the story of my birth. He also told me that since he had sworn an oath to God, I was to go study in seminary and become a pastor.
During my childhood and teen years, Dad was physically and verbally abusive….constantly shouting and yelling. Thankfully, the physical abuse ended during my second year of university. Unfortunately, Dad’s verbal abuse has not stopped and continues to the present day.
Because Dad was physically and verbally abusive, I began to rebel against him during my high school and university years. I promised myself that I would never become a pastor.
Although I had attended church continuously from the time I was born, I became a Christian in 1996 when I was a high school student. Also in 1996, Dad graduated from seminary and was ordained as a Christian minister.
I graduated from university in December of 2002. In May of 2003, I was supposed to go on a short-term mission trip with a team from my church. Dad sat me down and said that he would prevent me from going on the short-term mission trip unless I applied for admission to seminary.
The pastor of our church did not want to recommend me for admission to seminary because I had not been serving in any capacity in the church. As a result, the pastor wrote me an unfavorable recommendation. I was admitted to the local evangelical seminary, but as a part-time student. Unhappy with the seminary’s decision to admit me as a part-time student, Dad coerced me into applying to teach English in Korea. Under coercion, I applied to be an English teacher in Korea and went to Canada with my short-term missions team.
Literally 3 days after I got back from my short-term mission trip, I got on an airplane and flew to South Korea to begin teaching English in the public schools.
In 2006, I once again applied for admission to the same evangelical seminary that I had applied to in 2003. This time, the seminary accepted me for admission as a seminary student. In May of 2008, I quit my English teaching job and returned to the United States so that I could begin my seminary studies in August 2008.
However, living in Dad’s house again was like excruciating torture. One week before seminary classes were to begin, I returned to South Korea without telling my parents where I was going.
Fast forward 2 years. In September of 2010, I enrolled in seminary night classes that my church was offering. Fast forward another 2 years to 2012. I decided to visit my family in the United States. The morning after I arrived at home, Dad woke me up early and took me to a local park. He told me that I should return to the United States and enroll in seminary. Without hesitation, I agreed to Dad’s request.
Because the application deadlines had already passed, I returned to the United States and enrolled in a local Korean-language seminary for one semester. I enrolled in 2 or 3 classes, but I did not enjoy my studies. I had difficulty concentrating and focusing on my seminary studies.
In December of 2012, I applied yet again to the evangelical seminary that had accepted me in 2003 and 2006. I was accepted for admission and studied at that seminary for 3 semesters. Unfortunately, I did not enjoy my seminary studies. I managed to start some friendships, but for the most part…I felt a gnawing sense of loneliness when I was supposed to be studying in the library and completing my seminary assignments.
In the summer of 2014, I was suspended from the seminary for a one year period because I posted a threatening blog post on my personal blog.
I decided that I was done with seminary, and I applied to a Marriage and Family Therapy counseling degree program.
In the summer of 2015, I was accepted for admission to the MFT degree program and earnestly began my MFT studies. Three weeks into my MFT studies, I made a social media threat to the seminary that had suspended me for one year. I was immediately expelled from the seminary.
The administrative officials of my MFT program cancelled my class registration and decided that I should re-apply to the program.
I re-applied for admission to the Marriage and Family Therapy degree program, and I was accepted for admission in May of 2016. Before I began MFT classes in August of 2016, I postponed my enrollment to August of 2017.
At the end of January 2017, I began to look for ways to move out of Dad’s house. I began to look for English teaching jobs in China and South Korea.
2 weeks ago, I applied for admission to another local seminary. Less than one week later, I was accepted for admission to that seminary.
