How do I know if I should leave my church?

[Zenmaker]

Hello all,

I hope some of you can give me some direction. I have prayed to God that he will speak to me through some of you, so please be open and let Him use you. I also ask whenever possible, give me scriptures that I can read to back up your advice. Thank you.



I have been struggling for the past 6 months or so, wondering if I should leave and seek a new church. I have only recently become strong in my faith. I was lost for many years, but about 3 years ago, I came back to the Lord and my life changed quite a bit. At the time that I was going through the change, I was seeking a church, and I was guided to this church by a friend of mine.

The Church is fairly new itself. It also started about 3 years ago, so it is a young ministry.

I am having some issues with the Pastor of the church as well as the leadership surrounding him. The Pastor is acting very hippocritical, preaching one message, and living another. He acts full of pride, and is concerned about how the world views the church, and makes a lot of his decisions based on the world. The church started with family members, so a lot of the congregation is related to the Pastor as well as many members of the church board.

To make a long story short, there are a lot of problems in this church. People are being misled, and the focus of the church is more businesslike than spiritual. The Praise and Worship is wonderful, but the actions outside the church, and the church works are very misled.

On top of this, I have felt like I am not really a good fit in this church. I get along with many of the congregation, but I feel like I am viewed on a lower level than most. I have tried to find a place in the ministries of the church, and it just feels like I am not really being accepted.

I have talked to many people about this, and I have stuck with the church. Overall, my faith is very strong, and I feel like I have been getting very close to God. I have been focusing on getting myself rooted in the Word, and just building my own solid and close relationship with God. I have been trying not to let all of this personal worldly stuff bother me, but I am human... It has been wearing on me a bit. I feel like if I leave, then nothing will ever change... Many people will be misled. Many very strong Christians have left the church already.

So I guess what I am asking is if I should stand my ground, suffer the persecution, and hopefully work as a light and an example for some of the others in the church. Or should I seek another church where I can truly be fed since I am a growing Christian myself? I just don't want to quit, but I am not sure if I am really in the position to affect change. If I stay in a church that is a mess, am I going to suffer in my salvation for staying?

Please let me know what God tells your heart when you read this. I need some guidance and some input to help me make a real decision. Sometimes I want to take the easy route, but I wonder if that is what God really wants me to do. The Bible says we will all suffer persecution... the world will hate us. And the Purpose Drive Life says that I will never find a perfect church.

Oh, and not that it really matters, but I am a white male, and the church is mostly made up by blacks. That doesn't seem to be an issue, but others have told me that I will never be fully accepted in that church because of that. To me that is so non-Christian it makes me sad, but I am just confused at the moment.

Thank you for your time, and God Bless You all.

 

[fishstix]

You're never going to find an absolutely perfect church. Churches are made up of imperfect people, so there will always be some problems. But if you are really feeling out of place and that you are not being fed at your current church, it can't hurt to look around to see if there is another church that might be a better fit for you.

 

[bliz]

Neither course of action - going or staying - is inherently bad or good, right or wrong. The question is, which is God calling you to do?

I have been in a very bad church situation and I know how painful it is and how confusing. It certainly sounds like there are some major flaws in your church, and the problems you describe are fundamental, not minor or inconsequential. The question is, is God calling you to stay and fight this battle? Just becasue you see a need, and you are capable of helping in that situation does not mean that God wants you to serve Him in this way.

Make this a prime matter of prayer and ask friends outside of the church to pray that God will clearly guide and direct you. I know that He will.

 

[madison1101]

I have been in situations where I left churches to go onto another church. Be open to God's leading as you do this. You should look for church to be a place where you can use your spiritual gifts for the building up of the body of Christ. Pray and ask the Lord for guidance in this matter.

 

[Zenmaker]

Thank you all for your input. I have definitely been praying. I ask you all to pray for me as well. I want to do God's will, and I am more than willing to stay in this church and stand for God no matter how rough it gets. I just wonder also if it would do any good for me to go to the Pastor and say anything? I know other people who have and it just seems to make things worse for them. They get shut out, talked about, and nothing changes. My course of action so far has been to just stand for the truth and do my best to be a good example of how things should be. I will continue to seek a clear answer from God. Again, I thank you for your input. God Bless you all!

 

[mysparrow]

Hello all,

I hope some of you can give me some direction. I have prayed to God that he will speak to me through some of you, so please be open and let Him use you. I also ask whenever possible, give me scriptures that I can read to back up your advice. Thank you.



I have been struggling for the past 6 months or so, wondering if I should leave and seek a new church. I have only recently become strong in my faith. I was lost for many years, but about 3 years ago, I came back to the Lord and my life changed quite a bit. At the time that I was going through the change, I was seeking a church, and I was guided to this church by a friend of mine.

The Church is fairly new itself. It also started about 3 years ago, so it is a young ministry.

I am having some issues with the Pastor of the church as well as the leadership surrounding him. The Pastor is acting very hippocritical, preaching one message, and living another. He acts full of pride, and is concerned about how the world views the church, and makes a lot of his decisions based on the world. The church started with family members, so a lot of the congregation is related to the Pastor as well as many members of the church board.

To make a long story short, there are a lot of problems in this church. People are being misled, and the focus of the church is more businesslike than spiritual. The Praise and Worship is wonderful, but the actions outside the church, and the church works are very misled.

On top of this, I have felt like I am not really a good fit in this church. I get along with many of the congregation, but I feel like I am viewed on a lower level than most. I have tried to find a place in the ministries of the church, and it just feels like I am not really being accepted.

I have talked to many people about this, and I have stuck with the church. Overall, my faith is very strong, and I feel like I have been getting very close to God. I have been focusing on getting myself rooted in the Word, and just building my own solid and close relationship with God. I have been trying not to let all of this personal worldly stuff bother me, but I am human... It has been wearing on me a bit. I feel like if I leave, then nothing will ever change... Many people will be misled. Many very strong Christians have left the church already.

So I guess what I am asking is if I should stand my ground, suffer the persecution, and hopefully work as a light and an example for some of the others in the church. Or should I seek another church where I can truly be fed since I am a growing Christian myself? I just don't want to quit, but I am not sure if I am really in the position to affect change. If I stay in a church that is a mess, am I going to suffer in my salvation for staying?

Please let me know what God tells your heart when you read this. I need some guidance and some input to help me make a real decision. Sometimes I want to take the easy route, but I wonder if that is what God really wants me to do. The Bible says we will all suffer persecution... the world will hate us. And the Purpose Drive Life says that I will never find a perfect church.

Oh, and not that it really matters, but I am a white male, and the church is mostly made up by blacks. That doesn't seem to be an issue, but others have told me that I will never be fully accepted in that church because of that. To me that is so non-Christian it makes me sad, but I am just confused at the moment.

Thank you for your time, and God Bless You all.

What has God said to you about it ? Race shouldnt really be a deterrent for having a position in the church as most churches are very multi racial . I see the problem as it being founded by a family, and mostly family members in charge, that usually causes some problems in the business aspects, on the day to day running of the church. If there is a deacon board, or something of that nature, and are the congregants able to vote on things? Or are decisions made and then told to the congregation? The main thing is to pray, and ask God to show you, it could be that you are being led away, or it may be that God wants you to go to the pastor, and voice your concerns in love. Pray. We can give advice, based on what we are told , but the bottom line is , only you know what God wants for you, and the best way to find out is ask him. He is faithful to show you. Ill be praying for you.

 

[Zunalter]

My thought would be that you should do whatever you can to reform your church. If you feel that there is something wrong with your church, if your congregation is not holding to the doctrines clearly perscribed in the Bible, then you should do any and everything that you can to get things fixed up and get your people back on track for the Lord. It is true that you will never find a perfect church, as there are no perfect people. However, I think that the context of that statement is that there will never be a church without problems. But, if a church is willingly rebellious, blind to their sin, if they drive out dissenters in a VERY unChristlike manner, and are unopen and unwilling to believe that they are not righteous - then it is truly not a church of the Lord.

Romans 12:8 says - If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

So, we should definately try to make peace with our brothers and sisters, and do everything we can to preserve the peace of the Body...but never at the expense of God's Word. So, if you feel there is something wrong, you SHOULD say something. Now, for the problem of whether or not to leave if you feel persecuted....

This is much more about God's leading. I would say that God would never want you to live in soil choked with weeds - however, He may want you to stay and reform His church - this is of course a matter of prayer. I would just encourage you to do what you already know to do - pray constantly and be sensitive to the Lord's leading. You seem to be set in following Him wherever He will lead - and God is faithful. As long as you are truly seeking His will in all things, you will know the right thing to do when it comes down to it. Take heart, if you need anything else, feel free to pm me or anything, just let me know. Good luck!

 

[Zenmaker]

Thank you all for your input. I believe God wants me to stay and do as much as I can to straighten things out. There are many that believe that there will never be a change, but I know that all things are possible through Christ Jesus.

I also have decided that I can do both. I can stay and fight in the weeds, and still seek refuge in other ministries to build my own strength. There are many powerful churches in this area that I can sit in on. Stand for truth at 11AM, feed at 6PM.

Thank you again for all your input. God Bless You all!

 

[live4G0D]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

"You're never going to find an absolutely perfect church. Churches are made up of imperfect people, so there will always be some problems. But if you are really feeling out of place and that you are not being fed at your current church, it can't hurt to look around to see if there is another church that might be a better fit for you."

amen to that. lol i recently changed churches and am much happier now, and am being used in so many amazing ways. if you feel that youre being called to stay there then by all means thats what you should do, but if you feel that youre being called away you need to get out knowing that God surely has something better in store for you

 

[Lauri4Him]

1Th 5:21 Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.

1Th 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.

1Th 5:23 And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

1Th 5:24 Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.


1Pe 1:6 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:

1Pe 1:7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:


I would carefully counsel that you examine where you are being led by this church. Do they seek the truth and pray for GOD'S HELP TO LIVE IT? Or do they make excuses why they don't have to follow what the Bible teaches or worse refuse to look at scripture that would bring conviction?


Heb 4:12 Forthe word of Godis quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Heb 4:13 Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do.


Jer 29:13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

I would agree that you are not going to find a perfect group of people. But you should be able to find people within a group who are sincerely seeking God and truth in their lives.

For me this is essential, the love of the truth will lead you home to God.

May God bless your Christian fellowship.

Lauri

 

[dodad91]

If you hold to the view that God has a work for you to do there, then stay and do it, because "obedience is better than sacrifice." But, if they will not receive you, as you stated, then you certainly must sense the Holy Spirit leading you to stay. Therefore, stay and do the work that God would have you to do, then leave as you're led to leave.

Don't let your growth be hindered!!

 

[LauraCristinaD]

Reading your post it sounds like i was saying the words myself not too long ago. i went thru the same thing and i knew i had to leave it took 6 months of prayer and fasting, along with seeking god on it before i finally felt it was right. i was in the main worship team in that church so i scheduled a meeting with the music ministry dirrector and his wife and told them that i felt i had served my purpuse there and that it was time for me to go else where. i gave them a months notice so they would have time to replace my voice in the group and 4 weeks later i left. it was bitter-sweet. however the only differnece is i'm hispanic and this was a mainly hispanic church.
i do understand why you are hurt by people making comments about race when to be honest racisum should not be even near church it is. not that i am saying that is the case. but that comment was very wrong. and you are obviously not happy there anymore and god doesn't want you to be un-happy so HE can have what he wants it doesn't work that way. we are his children and what father wouldn't want his children who love him and adore him to not be happy?

many blessings.

 

[whitedove7]

I believe you already know the answer.

 

[Godslilgurlalways]

For me even though I was with my mom. I could tell when it was time to leave I was a a church I kinda didn't fit in with the group they thought I did but, I knew for some reason I it just wasn't it not finish finish later

 

[gadiscinta]

A church is like this:

"I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor. For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building." 1 Corinthians 3:6-9

And this is what a church does:

"By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds it. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames." 1 Corinthians 3:10-14

Let the presence of the Lord be your guidance.

Amen.

gadiscinta~ the girl who loves without boundaries.

 

[Zenmaker]

I believe you already know the answer.

I believe I do. I have faith in God to guide me. Thank you for all your input everyone. This has most definitely helped in my understanding.

 

[Godslilgurlalways]

Amen they are right it's inside you, you know it now it's just time to find it

 

[livinglife]

Hi Zenmaker,
I wasn't sure if I should reply, given all of the replies thus far have been fantastic and very helpful, but I decided to anyway, why not?
7 years ago, it dawned on my that my 3 daughters and husband didn't know Christ personally, they knew what I had taught them, they knew the bible, but they didn't have that personal relationship with Him, and the sudden knowledge of that crushed me. We didn't have a church to go to, so my search began. After researching the churches around our home, I picked one to go to.
My oldest daughter told me she didn't like it, but I kept telling the 3 of them they had to get used to going, they had to meet people, that kind of thing. Little known to me was the fact that this church had huge problems that had been brewing long before we started going there. I met a few people, and we tried to address these problems. Things escalated to the point where I actually began to fear bodily harm from one person in particular. This person even began to take things out on my daughters.
That was the final straw for me. I could deal with the issues aimed at me personally, but when this person started glaring at my daughters and making them uncomfortable being at church to worship God, I felt that was enough.
We tried to get the reverend there to help. He recognized the problem, but refused to address it. I decided to talk to the person one on one, and it turned into a situation with her screaming at everyone during a prayer meeting. That was it. Our last day there. Yes, I did struggle with wondering if I should stay and try to help things, but I felt 2 years was enough time and it was becoming dangerous spiritually. I was terrified my family would never set foot in another church again after this experience.
3 months after leaving this church, a friend invited us to her church.
the experience and the people there were like night and day compared to the first one. All of us are involved in various ministries in the church, the Holy Spirit is so evident there, it's unbelievable. What I learned was the difference between a Spirit led church and one that's not. We learned what a church is supposed to be like. Sure, none of us are perfect there, but we all try to live as Christ did, and that one element alone eliminates alot of problems. The difference between the two churches blows me away.
My advice to you would be this. Stay and do what you can, I pray it changes for the better for you, however, if at any time you feel yourself being closed off spiritually, if you don't feel God there, if you wake up and dread going to services, knowing it is going to be so tense there it will get in your way of proper worship, then leave and find a different church. I believe the Lord would rather have you leave a situation that gets in your way of being able to worship Him, and gets in the way of your relationship with Him, than stay and try to fix something that may not be able to be fixed. I've learned if the people there don't want things fixed, then your attempts and best intentions are going to be futile.
I will be praying for you.
In Christ, Livinglife

 

[Zenmaker]

Thank you again for all your suggestions and stories. Thank you for sharing... I have felt the same things you describe. What I have decided to do... I have withdrawn from the ministries that I was working with through the church. Nothing productive was happening... nor had happened for many months/years. I have focused on other ministry opportunities that are turning out to be much more productive. I am still attending a certain bible study, as well as occasional services. I am visiting other churches to get a feel and hopefully find another permanent home. I know I am not going to find a perfect place, but I am searching for a place where the Spirit is evident to me. I will still keep in contact with the people who want things to change in the church, and do everything I can to help remedy the problem, but I am looking for a place where I can Worship and be fed spiritually. A refuge from the spiritual war so to speak.

Thank you all again. God is leading me in the right direction, and I trust in Him. That's all that matters. God Bless You all...

 

[agyevesam]

Follow your heart. Do what God has called you to do. It is a hard decision to find a new church. I had to go through the same experience about 1-2 years ago. It takes time to find the right fit. When you are in the right place you will know. You will also be able to know when it is the wrong place. God bless and stay close to God, he will lead you where he wants you. You are in my prayers.