Okay so a few days ago my wife really hurt me emotionally. Is rather not say what it was because I'm afraid that people will call me out and judge me as stupid. It is a semi stupid thing to be mad and hurt about. I mean its not like she cheated on me or anything like that. That would be a real reason to be mad and hurt. But basically I cannot stop bringing it up and she is crying every time and says how sorry she is and how much of a b word she was being. And yeah I agree with her she was being a you know what. But since she is so sorry and since Christ told us to forgive others I really WANT to forgive her. But... I can't. I am just so hurt inside and I cannot stop thinking about it. I've tried praying to God multiple times about it and its like he's just saying "yeah, you need to forgive her". And that's something I already know! But... I don't know how to do that I am just so hurt inside. I have told my wife that I'm sorry and I forgive her and then like an hour later it comes up and we start fighting again. How do you forgive others who have wronged you? I mean it IS a small thing when you think about it but I just can't forgive and forget. I'm not God.
You are the one who needs to ask her for forgiveness and look in the mirror as the man and head of he house you are behaving like a selfish fool and holding this grudge is going to produce a great resentment in her as you keep pushing her face in her failure rather than loving and restoring her. You are being a jerk. You might say you love her, do you? Here is a quick summary of the definition of love .
4 Love suffers long
and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But whether
there are prophecies, they will fail; whether
there are tongues, they will cease; whether
there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
are you suffering long and being kind? No
are you behaving rudely? yes
are you provoked? yes
are you baring all things, believing all things, hoping all things? no
are you failing? yes
you see you are using her offense as a license for your reaction. You must choose to stop. It is not a process but a repentance from holding one heart full of bitterness to one of restoration. The laws of reaping and sowing are in full effect and you need to humbly try to pull up the weed you have sown withe your wife and start planting some flowers. This sort of change can only be by the Holy spirit and if you go to James and look up what is the wisdom of the world and compare it with the wisdom that comes from God you can see your actions do not life with the wisdom from above.
3 Who
is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct
that his works
are done in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom does not descend from above, but
is earthly, sensual, demonic. 16 For where envy and self-seeking
exist, confusion and every evil thing
are there. 17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. 18 Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.