How are you feeling? **Trigger**

[FallingWaters]

Just came back from therapy ... it was a hard session today and i just feel numb ... I had a few lightbulb moments which made sense which was good but still bad at the same time. I feel like I've run an emotional marathon.

surviving & fallingwaters

- Shaz

I know exactly how that feels. I've described it as a wrung out dish rag.

 

[FallingWaters]

FallingWaters, thank you so much for praying for me. What you have said has given me great encouragement. I'm going to print this out, if you don't mind, and take it with me tonight. I will try to remember to pray it before I go into my session. Thank you and may God bless you.

I'm glad that my prayer ministered to your heart. I feel honored that You would print it out and take it with you. I hope and pray you are encouraged by your progress, even though the way is difficult.

 

[shazabella]

I just realized this forum is for survivors of abuse...

I was abused as a child very briefly, but I don't know that I have a right to post here. Sorry.

*mods can feel free to delete this post and my previous one*

You are very welcome here celtic as is anyone who wants to talk

for you

- Shaz

 

[shazabella]

Shaz, I'm sorry to hear that you had a hard session. I suppose we have to go through these to be able to move on. We have to face the bad things, in order to experience the good. I'm glad that you were able to see a few lightbulb moments in the midst of darkness. Take care.

Thanks again surviving

Today's session was about putting the blame where it belongs and dealing with the feelings of worthlessness ... its hard because i'm getting it from all angles atm. Dad is up to his old tricks and i hate being home atm ... i just want to cry but I've done way too much of that today.

- Shaz

 

[shazabella]

I know exactly how that feels. I've described it as a wrung out dish rag.

i came home and bashed the keyboard playing pepsi pinball today i just needed to escape from everything and didn't speak to people for about 2-3 hrs after i got home.

- Shaz

 

[CelticGoth]

I'm feeling sick, emotionally, spiritually, and physically today.

I think some of my problems stem from my abuse, but I'm not sure...

 

[FallingWaters]

i came home and bashed the keyboard playing pepsi pinball today i just needed to escape from everything and didn't speak to people for about 2-3 hrs after i got home.

- Shaz

Yes. I know what you mean. People can be so draining.

I might have to try that game.

 

[FallingWaters]

I'm feeling sick, emotionally, spiritually, and physically today.

I think some of my problems stem from my abuse, but I'm not sure...

I'm sorry that you feel so badly. You might do well to write down how you're feeling in a journal or in a private online blog where you can get all your feelings out. And then pray and ask God to heal what's broken.

 

[lilymarie]

I feel good today.

I still pray for my enemies to be blessed, and this helps me a great deal.

Good morning hugs everyone!

 

[FallingWaters]

Thanks again surviving

Today's session was about putting the blame where it belongs and dealing with the feelings of worthlessness ... its hard because i'm getting it from all angles atm. Dad is up to his old tricks and i hate being home atm ... i just want to cry but I've done way too much of that today.

- Shaz

Feelings of worthlessness are so insidious because they permeate everything aspect of your life. I struggled with that for years. I received a major healing and breakthrough when I was being prayed for and someone said, "You were worth the Blood of Jesus." Just then I had a vision of Jesus dying on the cross for me, and I received it as truth, and the lie was erased from my heart.

Something is only worth what someone else is willing to pay for it.

Jesus was willing to leave His glorious position in Heaven and become a humble man for the purpose of being mistreated, abused, beaten, ridiculed, insulted, spit upon, whipped, betrayed, cold, hungry, to suffer incalculable human suffering, to bleed... to be the Perfect Sacrifice for our sins that we could be rescued from the power of darkness and our destiny in the fiery pit of Hell.

Jesus was willing to pay that for you.

 

[FallingWaters]

I feel good today.

I still pray for my enemies to be blessed, and this helps me a great deal.

Good morning hugs everyone!

Praying for my enemies is such an important element in my continued recovery, and I forget to do it. Thank you for the reminder.

 

[lilymarie]

Praying for my enemies is such an important element in my continued recovery, and I forget to do it. Thank you for the reminder.

Praying for my enemies to be blessed helps a great deal for me, too!

I can't really put it into words how or why it helps in my continued recovery, but it just does!

 

[FallingWaters]

Praying for my enemies to be blessed helps a great deal for me, too!

I can't really put it into words how or why it helps in my continued recovery, but it just does!

Well, for one, when we do it, we are obeying Jesus' command:
Luke 6: 27"“But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. 29To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. 30Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. 31And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.
32“But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. 35But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. 36Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.""
underline mine

BTW- turning the other cheek has to do with being insulted (not literally being slapped)

My pastor counseled me to pray for my abusers, and I believe it's a good idea especially when bad memories pop back into my head because it's like being proactive against the enemy. He can't find a foothold. Who can be bitter, angry or resentful against someone they are praying for?

 

[Surviving]

I know exactly how that feels. I've described it as a wrung out dish rag.

A wrung out dish rag? I will have to remember this one. I suppose it's like feeling drained! (if we want to keep on the washing theme! ) I feel like that at the moment.

 

[Surviving]

Shaz, I hope that your session today has helped you. I'm sorry to hear that things aren't well for you at home at the moment with your dad. I hope that it will improve for you. If you feel like you need to cry, then go ahead. Emotions are hard to deal with at the best of times. if you bottle it up, it will end up coming out when you don't expect it.

 

[Surviving]

Actually, I feel like I want to cry at the moment!

 

[FallingWaters]

Actually, I feel like I want to cry at the moment!

Didn't you have a meeting today with your counselor? How did it go?

 

[Surviving]

Didn't you have a meeting today with your counselor? How did it go?

Yes I did. I was still a little nervous this week. Last week I didn't bring enough money with me, so I have been worried all week about it. She said that I shouldn't have worried, and that I was really brave to make the step in actually coming to see her.

We talked more about me and how I felt about myself in the way that I am always worried about what other people think about me. We spent most of the time kind of going over details about couseling and what she offers, etc. It's only the second session, so I am not really covering much ground. i'm kind of dreading the day when I do though and I end up crying in front of her.

I'm just really tired now and I feel very emotional. It's going to be that time of the month soon, so I am not going to be in the best of moods over the next couple of days.

Sorry I've gone on...thanks for asking though.

 

[FallingWaters]

Yes I did. I was still a little nervous this week. Last week I didn't bring enough money with me, so I have been worried all week about it. She said that I shouldn't have worried, and that I was really brave to make the step in actually coming to see her.

We talked more about me and how I felt about myself in the way that I am always worried about what other people think about me. We spent most of the time kind of going over details about couseling and what she offers, etc. It's only the second session, so I am not really covering much ground. i'm kind of dreading the day when I do though and I end up crying in front of her.

I'm just really tired now and I feel very emotional. It's going to be that time of the month soon, so I am not going to be in the best of moods over the next couple of days.

Sorry I've gone on...thanks for asking though.

You haven't "gone on". We care about you here.

I know what you mean about that need for approval from other people. God gave me some revelation about that a couple of weeks ago. What was it... It had to do with the way I have gone through my whole life feeling defective, and that for me, feeling defective causes the need for approval, i.e., if I get approval, that means I'm not defective. The more I am healed of feeling defective, the less I will hunger for approval from others.

 

[shazabella]

to everyone

I had a good night's sleep ( praise God) and now have another 600 words to write of my essay and then off to post it as well as doing another test and then I get a break til the 18th of Oct when my next piece of assessment is due. I feel really tired atm and need to get focused on this assignment ... thanks for the really awesome words i needed them atm.

i think the worst thing we do is be way too harsh on ourselves and look at our failures as catastrophic when its not at all , people make mistakes and we are only human. ( ... no idea where this is going ). If you are angry because of what happened , use it - not to hurt other people but to motivate yourself to do something good about the situation ... my anger is what is pushing me to fight everyday and is my drive to win. If you want to "stick it" to the person who hurt you the best thing you can do is not give up but fight with everything you have , it may be a little or a lot on some days and just never give up ... you are worth so much more then people have shown you , as falling waters said you are worth Jesus dying on the cross for you ... because he loves you, no-one can take that away from you. In enduring abuse they take away everything , they try to break our spirit but this is the one thing they can't take - the greatest love that has ever known.

for everyone

- Shaz