How are you feeling? **Trigger**

[shazabella]

I'm in a massive funk atm - prayed to God last night and he showed me why ...

subconsiously I am trying to self sabotage a wonderful thing so both of us don't get hurt and I'm also afraid of co-dependence which means my boundaries are so thick that no one can get in. I'm pushing him away and yet i think he's pushing me away when he's not doing anything.

It just proves that i am still wearing the scars from all the stuff thats gone on in particular the trust issues. I trust him with my life that is the hard bit but yet i just can't let it go. Counselling was really bad so I'm off to see an intake officer at another centre monday and today seeing friends i haven't seen since i left their church almost 10 months ago.

- Shaz

 

[FallingWaters]

I'm in a massive funk atm - prayed to God last night and he showed me why ...

subconsiously I am trying to self sabotage a wonderful thing so both of us don't get hurt and I'm also afraid of co-dependence which means my boundaries are so thick that no one can get in. I'm pushing him away and yet i think he's pushing me away when he's not doing anything.

It just proves that i am still wearing the scars from all the stuff thats gone on in particular the trust issues. I trust him with my life that is the hard bit but yet i just can't let it go. Counselling was really bad so I'm off to see an intake officer at another centre monday and today seeing friends i haven't seen since i left the church almost 10 months ago.

- Shaz

It's understandable that you would be struggling with trust issues. It's so wonderful when God gives us insight like that because that's the only way to be healed and grow. I hope and pray He shows you how to lean on Him in this, and that your friend will be a help to your progress, and not a hindrance.

 

[Surviving]

I'm in a massive funk atm - prayed to God last night and he showed me why ...

subconsiously I am trying to self sabotage a wonderful thing so both of us don't get hurt and I'm also afraid of co-dependence which means my boundaries are so thick that no one can get in. I'm pushing him away and yet i think he's pushing me away when he's not doing anything.

It just proves that i am still wearing the scars from all the stuff thats gone on in particular the trust issues. I trust him with my life that is the hard bit but yet i just can't let it go. Counselling was really bad so I'm off to see an intake officer at another centre monday and today seeing friends i haven't seen since i left their church almost 10 months ago.

- Shaz

Trust will always be hard for those that have been hurt in the past. We all have boundaries, and we want to feel safe in those boundaries. Anything that is different to what we are use to having in our boundaries will always be hard to accept. (I spoke about boundaries and trust with my councelor on Tuesday!)

Lift your worries and your boundaries to the Lord. He will be there to protect and guide you in what you are doing. Take care.

 

[Surviving]

I really appreciate everyone's welcome. I am looking forward to getting to know each of you and I am always glad to pray and be prayed for..

Someone asked my age.. I am 52. I am married with a 19 year old son. My story in brief.. I was sexually abused by my stepfather. My Mom is still married to him. For me, my Mom's betrayal has probably been a deeper wound than my stepfather's abuse. Trust is a huge issue for me also.

But with the Lord's help.. I am learning to trust my heavenly Father.. who is always faithful.. always in control (so I don't have to be).. always loving.. always protecting me.. all the things I never had when I was a child.. I have now.. The issue now is believing it! Trusting Him!

God bless you all.

We are looking forward to getting to know you as well.

I am sorry for what you experienced, and it's always harder when you feel let down and betrayed by your own family.

Remember Psalm 121...God will watch over you. He does not sleep and will not let you fall.

 

[shazabella]

How is everyone doing ?

I have my first intake session with the new counsellor and started to read a few really good survivor books ... I'm feeling a little weird atm , just very tired

so how has your week been ?

- Shaz

 

[Surviving]

How is everyone doing ?

I have my first intake session with the new counsellor and started to read a few really good survivor books ... I'm feeling a little weird atm , just very tired

so how has your week been ?

- Shaz

I hope and pray that your first intake session goes well. Let us know how you are getting on. What books are you reading at the moment? I'm reading Beauty for Ashes by Joyce Meyer. She is so inspirational.

 

[Surviving]

Thanks for the encouraging words. I have had a really peaceful, joyful day. Praying for you all on this thread. God bless!

I'm so glad that you have had a peaceful and joyful day. Keep this day in mind if things ever start to look blue.

 

[faithgoeson]

I am feeling confused, sad, and thankful all at once. My step-father has always been such a mean-spirited person. The horrors he put our family through growing up still send chills up my spine. My mother got involved in full-time ministry 5 yrs. ago. She has finally rubbed off on him. He, praise God, has accepted Jesus as his Saviour. I went to his Baptism yesterday. I just feel so sad that had he done this years ago, our lives would be so different. It's confusing. I am happy for him and my mother. Maybe he can finally be the husband she longs for. It makes me sad, though. I wish it had happened when I was a child.

 

[FallingWaters]

I am feeling confused, sad, and thankful all at once. My step-father has always been such a mean-spirited person. The horrors he put our family through growing up still send chills up my spine. My mother got involved in full-time ministry 5 yrs. ago. She has finally rubbed off on him. He, praise God, has accepted Jesus as his Saviour. I went to his Baptism yesterday. I just feel so sad that had he done this years ago, our lives would be so different. It's confusing. I am happy for him and my mother. Maybe he can finally be the husband she longs for. It makes me sad, though. I wish it had happened when I was a child.

Hi. Welcome to this thread. I understand what you're saying and I don't blame you for feeling that way.

I sometimes hear mothers who came to the Lord after their kids are grown, regretfully express how they wish they had come to the Lord sooner so that they could have been a better mother to their kids.

It's normal to have regrets. It's sad. It's something we grieve, we accept, we forgive, and we move on.

 

[shazabella]

how is everyone doing ?

I saw a bit on oprah where she was talking to Mary J Blige and it really spoke to me ... we don't have to be captive anymore

- Shaz

 

[Surviving]

I am feeling confused, sad, and thankful all at once. My step-father has always been such a mean-spirited person. The horrors he put our family through growing up still send chills up my spine. My mother got involved in full-time ministry 5 yrs. ago. She has finally rubbed off on him. He, praise God, has accepted Jesus as his Saviour. I went to his Baptism yesterday. I just feel so sad that had he done this years ago, our lives would be so different. It's confusing. I am happy for him and my mother. Maybe he can finally be the husband she longs for. It makes me sad, though. I wish it had happened when I was a child.

This must be really hard for you at the moment. It is really good to see someone accept Jesus into their life, but it is hard when that person has hurt you so much. You must be confused about how to accept him. I can't offer any advice on this unfortunately. All I can say, is now that he accepted Jesus, he must know that what he did to you was wrong, and he has to live with that now. Be happy that he has come to Jesus. It might be easier said than done, but it's better than him not knowing Jesus and he is still doing what he did. Hope this makes sense!

 

[Surviving]

how is everyone doing ?

I saw a bit on oprah where she was talking to Mary J Blige and it really spoke to me ... we don't have to be captive anymore

- Shaz

It sounds like you were inspired by this. I don't watch Oprah and I haven't heard of Mary J Blige. What was it about. Hope you are ok.

 

[kathleenmary]

i am feeling happy at the moment

 

[raztaz]

I don't know if people are happy to do this, or if this is appropriate. Basically, all you do is say how you feel. I have found this on other forums, and found that it can really help us by supporting each other with words of comfort, etc. If people aren't happy to do this then i'll understand. I'll start...

I'm very tearful at the moment.

i feel broken and used

 

[Surviving]

i am feeling happy at the moment

Glad to hear that you are feeling happy. What is making you happy?

 

[Surviving]

i feel broken and used

Sorry to hear that you feel like this. If you ever need to chat, you have come to the right place. Take care.

 

[FallingWaters]

i feel broken and used

I'm sorry to hear that. Welcome to CF. Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings here. You can also start your own blog here at CF.

 

[kathleenmary]

Glad to hear that you are feeling happy. What is making you happy?

well, i got a new cross today and its really pretty =]

 

[Surviving]

well, i got a new cross today and its really pretty =]

That sounds really nice.

 

[faithnprayer]

I don't know if people are happy to do this, or if this is appropriate. Basically, all you do is say how you feel. I have found this on other forums, and found that it can really help us by supporting each other with words of comfort, etc. If people aren't happy to do this then i'll understand. I'll start...

I'm very tearful at the moment.

if i could possibly wrap my head around being sad that I'm still so angry..... or tired of being sad..... or angry that i'm so tired and sad...... maybe i might possibly quit being one long enough to work thru being one of the other. It seems an endless cycle and somehow I continue to make the same mistakes in different forms that all stem from an abusive past that i should've healed from long ago. AArghhh......... it seems like neverending madness......