How are you feeling? **Trigger**

[Surviving]

I am a little nervous today...got my first counciling session tonight.

 

[CelticGoth]

I'm currently feeling very much like the song "Hate Me" by Blue October:

I have to block out thoughts of you, so i don't loose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted this

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing that I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinoins on things like hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I found out I can't make it go away, just make it stop
Come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How could you did this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you, for you, for you, for you...

 

[cherylhaynes]

I'm currently feeling very much like the song "Hate Me" by Blue October:

I have to block out thoughts of you, so i don't loose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted this

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing that I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinoins on things like hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I found out I can't make it go away, just make it stop
Come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How could you did this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you, for you, for you, for you...

That made me cry celticgoth. I am scared to find the music. I will you think of you in my prayers this morning.

 

[Surviving]

CelticGoth, this is quite a deep song with alot of emotions running through it. Please take note though, that you are worth something. I hope that you are feeling a bit better.

 

[l0v3n]

I'm feeling a little down because the people I once knew arent as close as I thought they were. They depress me so it makes me sad. I cant wait to meet new people who are christain rather then not. I guess it makes a difference in the way others treat you.

 

[Surviving]

I'm sorry to hear that you have been let down. It's always hard when a friend lets you down, especially a close one. You kind of feel that a part of you has been taken away. I hope that you find the support that you need on this forum...there are certainly plenty of friends about.

Just keep in your mind, that no matter how many people come and go in your life, God is always there right by your side. Have you heard of the poem footprints in the sand? I find this very fitting in this kind of situation. Here it is:

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."​

 

[shazabella]

I'm sorry to hear that you have been let down. It's always hard when a friend lets you down, especially a close one. You kind of feel that a part of you has been taken away. I hope that you find the support that you need on this forum...there are certainly plenty of friends about.

Just keep in your mind, that no matter how many people come and go in your life, God is always there right by your side. Have you heard of the poem footprints in the sand? I find this very fitting in this kind of situation. Here it is:

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."​

Hey Surviving ,

how did u you go with your first session ?

- Shaz

 

[Surviving]

Hey Surviving ,

how did u you go with your first session ?

- Shaz

Hmmmmm. I think it was ok. I need to try and remember to keep an open mind at the moment and not to judge things on the first session. I guess I am hoping for a quick fix, but it's not going to be like that. I'm going again next week. Thank you for asking me.

 

[shazabella]

Hmmmmm. I think it was ok. I need to try and remember to keep an open mind at the moment and not to judge things on the first session. I guess I am hoping for a quick fix, but it's not going to be like that. I'm going again next week. Thank you for asking me.

Counselling is hard because you have no idea where to start when you start with them for the first time and there is normally alot of protocol to go through for the first visit. Pray about it and just trust where God leads you in what to discuss at the session

- Shaz

 

[FallingWaters]

Counselling is hard because you have no idea where to start when you start with them for the first time and there is normally alot of protocol to go through for the first visit. Pray about it and just trust where God leads you in what to discuss at the session

- Shaz

That is a great suggestion. I don't have a Christian counselor available to me, so I try to remember to pray beforehand that God would lead our conversation and make it fruitful, that He would give the counselor insight on my behalf, and stuff like that.

Besides counseling, I use self-help books at the same time, so I can make some emotional progress between the times I see her. If I just show up not having thought about anything all week, I just feel like I'm wasting our money.

I have a great book written by a Christian British woman, Mary Pytches. I had to buy it used on the internet. It's called "Yesterday's Child". It has little thinking and writing exercises in it that have helped me be proactive in my emotional healing process.

 

[Surviving]

thanks for the suggestions Shaz and FallingWaters. I will try and bear them in mind. I like the sound of this book.

 

[shazabella]

thanks for the suggestions Shaz and FallingWaters. I will try and bear them in mind. I like the sound of this book.

I had a fantastic coffee day with a very special friend so that was awesome ... I'm tired so I'm starting to stress out over certain things ...my mood has just dropped and parts of today really challenged me re: memories but i think i handled it really well. I have therapy tomorrow and not exactly keen on that. I'm totally mixed atm so happy i saw my friend today but also wanting to cry ... bah blame it on hormones or other things ...

how is everyone else doing ?

- Shaz

 

[FallingWaters]

those nasty hormones! they do me that way, too!

 

[Surviving]

Sorry to hear that you've not been in a great mood. Blaming it on the hormones is great though...I like that idea! Glad you also had a good coffee with your mate. It's always good when you catch up with people.

As for me, I don't know what I am feeling. I am really happy that I have got a new car at the weekend. My husband has treated me because I helped him out so much a couple of weeks ago. I have also been offered a new job within the company I work for, which will be abit of a step up. They have given me first refusal. i am also starting to get nervous about tomorrow now, as it is my second session in counseling.

 

[FallingWaters]

Sorry to hear that you've not been in a great mood. Blaming it on the hormones is great though...I like that idea! Glad you also had a good coffee with your mate. It's always good when you catch up with people.

As for me, I don't know what I am feeling. I am really happy that I have got a new car at the weekend. My husband has treated me because I helped him out so much a couple of weeks ago. I have also been offered a new job within the company I work for, which will be abit of a step up. They have given me first refusal. i am also starting to get nervous about tomorrow now, as it is my second session in counseling.

Dear Father, I pray for Surviving that You open the eyes of her heart to see the good blessings You have waiting for her as she steps out of her comfort zone and into the place where the light and truth can be shed upon the hidden deeds of darkness. I pray Lord Jesus that she would know the truth, and the truth would set her free. I pray Holy Spirit that You lead the conversation, that You give the counselor the right questions to ask, lead Surviving in what she should talk about it, lay it clearly upon her mind and heart. I pray Your holy, supernatural presence would be in that room in all power for manifestation of healing. In Jesus' name. Amen

 

[shazabella]

Sorry to hear that you've not been in a great mood. Blaming it on the hormones is great though...I like that idea! Glad you also had a good coffee with your mate. It's always good when you catch up with people.

As for me, I don't know what I am feeling. I am really happy that I have got a new car at the weekend. My husband has treated me because I helped him out so much a couple of weeks ago. I have also been offered a new job within the company I work for, which will be abit of a step up. They have given me first refusal. i am also starting to get nervous about tomorrow now, as it is my second session in counseling.

Just came back from therapy ... it was a hard session today and i just feel numb ... I had a few lightbulb moments which made sense which was good but still bad at the same time. I feel like I've run an emotional marathon.

surviving & fallingwaters

- Shaz

 

[CelticGoth]

I just realized this forum is for survivors of abuse...

I was abused as a child very briefly, but I don't know that I have a right to post here. Sorry.

*mods can feel free to delete this post and my previous one*

 

[Surviving]

I just realized this forum is for survivors of abuse...

I was abused as a child very briefly, but I don't know that I have a right to post here. Sorry.

*mods can feel free to delete this post and my previous one*

This forum is for survivors of abuse of any type, and it doesn't matter how long you were abused for, whether it be 2 days or 10 years. The fact remains is that you were abused, and, unfortunately, that cannot be taken away.

There is no boundaries that stops anyone from posting here. You are more than welcome. So, CelticGoth, welcome to the forum and I hope that we help each other along the way.

 

[Surviving]

Just came back from therapy ... it was a hard session today and i just feel numb ... I had a few lightbulb moments which made sense which was good but still bad at the same time. I feel like I've run an emotional marathon.

surviving & fallingwaters

- Shaz

Shaz, I'm sorry to hear that you had a hard session. I suppose we have to go through these to be able to move on. We have to face the bad things, in order to experience the good. I'm glad that you were able to see a few lightbulb moments in the midst of darkness. Take care.

 

[Surviving]

Dear Father, I pray for Surviving that You open the eyes of her heart to see the good blessings You have waiting for her as she steps out of her comfort zone and into the place where the light and truth can be shed upon the hidden deeds of darkness. I pray Lord Jesus that she would know the truth, and the truth would set her free. I pray Holy Spirit that You lead the conversation, that You give the counselor the right questions to ask, lead Surviving in what she should talk about it, lay it clearly upon her mind and heart. I pray Your holy, supernatural presence would be in that room in all power for manifestation of healing. In Jesus' name. Amen

FallingWaters, thank you so much for praying for me. What you have said has given me great encouragement. I'm going to print this out, if you don't mind, and take it with me tonight. I will try to remember to pray it before I go into my session. Thank you and may God bless you.