Have you ever kept attending a church while feeling you weren't part of the clique?

[justme6272]

What do (or did) you think while watching all the greeting and backslapping every week when people just saw each other 3 to 7 days ago, yet act like it's been months or years?

Do (or did) they not see you as one of them cause you were just sitting there minding your own business rather than assuming the role of a social butterfly who can't sit down for long?

Do (or did) you ever wonder if you were in a church or a country club?

Did you decide that all churches are the same, so there's no point in changing?

Have you ever mentally distinguished between 'friends' and 'church friends,' the latter being people that you only saw at church or official church functions but never anywhere else, doing anything else?

 

[Dave-W]

Dude - you need to find a better congregation. The entire group is supposed to be ASSEMBLED, not just collected together once or twice a week. Everyone needs to be a part of other congregants' lives.

Ephesians 4:16
from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint** supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.

** Joint = interpersonal relationships within the congregation, aka the local body.

 

[JustRachel]

Perhaps you need a smaller church where it's easier to get to know each other. As Dave said, we are supposed to build each other up. I am much closer to my church family than anyone else.

 

[devin553344]

What do (or did) you think while watching all the greeting and backslapping every week when people just saw each other 3 to 7 days ago, yet act like it's been months or years?

Do (or did) they not see you as one of them cause you were just sitting there minding your own business rather than assuming the role of a social butterfly who can't sit down for long?

Do (or did) you ever wonder if you were in a church or a country club?

Did you decide that all churches are the same, so there's no point in changing?

Have you ever mentally distinguished between 'friends' and 'church friends,' the latter being people that you only saw at church or official church functions but never anywhere else, doing anything else?

You should be making friends at church and doing extra activities with the friends you find. That's what I did when I attended church and it made it more pleasant. Sure they're not good friends but those are hard to come by. And greeting people at church should be super friendly IMO. Invitingly/Accepting friendly.

 

[rockytopva]

clique, klick/ noun - small group of people, with shared interests or other features in common, who spend time together and do not readily allow others to join them.

Unfortunately that is a reality here in the old dominion.

 

[topher694]

I'm going to recommend inner healing and deliverance. The bitterness in these past few threads has been off the charts. This kind of attitude helps no one, especially you. Find some healing or you'll never be happy with any church.

 

[spiritualchristian7]

Dude - you need to find a better congregation. The entire group is supposed to be ASSEMBLED, not just collected together once or twice a week. Everyone needs to be a part of other congregants' lives.

Ephesians 4:16
from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint** supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.

** Joint = interpersonal relationships within the congregation, aka the local body.

If you read his username you'll know why his posts are always so unrelatable.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

What do (or did) you think while watching all the greeting and backslapping every week when people just saw each other 3 to 7 days ago, yet act like it's been months or years?

Do (or did) they not see you as one of them cause you were just sitting there minding your own business rather than assuming the role of a social butterfly who can't sit down for long?

Do (or did) you ever wonder if you were in a church or a country club?

Did you decide that all churches are the same, so there's no point in changing?

Have you ever mentally distinguished between 'friends' and 'church friends,' the latter being people that you only saw at church or official church functions but never anywhere else, doing anything else?

Follow Jesus Instructions. Somewhere in the NT: WHEN you go to/ arrive at/ a new town, seek out those who are faithful Ekklesia there, and remain with them - do not keep moving around house to house or place to place (locally).....

It may take some time to find faithful Ekklesia, or Yahuweh could direct you together quickly (in an hour), all as He Pleases....

 

[Dave-W]

If you read his username you'll know why his posts are always so unrelatable.

I understand, if he has been in congregations where that stuff is going on, why he feels alone.

 

[jsimms615]

I've been in the same type of congregation. I feel ignored and it feels tough just to keep going

 

[anna ~ grace]

What do (or did) you think while watching all the greeting and backslapping every week when people just saw each other 3 to 7 days ago, yet act like it's been months or years?

Do (or did) they not see you as one of them cause you were just sitting there minding your own business rather than assuming the role of a social butterfly who can't sit down for long?

Do (or did) you ever wonder if you were in a church or a country club?

Did you decide that all churches are the same, so there's no point in changing?

Have you ever mentally distinguished between 'friends' and 'church friends,' the latter being people that you only saw at church or official church functions but never anywhere else, doing anything else?

I stopped worrying about the social aspect.

At first, it bothered me a good deal, and made me irritated, sad, and a bit bitter.

Over the years, though, I think I've come to accept that I'm just not that outgoing, don't click with most people, and am not wired to be social the way that most people seem to be. And that's ok.

I try to make church about God, now, whever I wind up. And nod politely to folks on the way out, and that's pretty much it.

 

[Lady Bug]

I stopped worrying about the social aspect.

At first, it bothered me a good deal, and made me irritated, sad, and a bit bitter.

Over the years, though, I think I've come to accept that I'm just not that outgoing, don't click with most people, and am not wired to be social the way that most people seem to be. And that's ok.

I try to make church about God, now, whever I wind up. And nod politely to folks on the way out, and that's pretty much it.

Is it easier to do that if you're already married or have a family though? I can't imagine a single person who has no family or friends and who wants to make friends be OK with it.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Is it easier to do that if you're already married or have a family though? I can't imagine a single person who has no family or friends and who wants to make friends be OK with it.

It helps if you either have a spouse, or have simply chosen to turn off the "I would like to make friends here" part of your brain off. Some folks may have an easier time doing this than others. For me, though, it's helped a lot.

 

[ChicanaRose]

What do (or did) you think while watching all the greeting and backslapping every week when people just saw each other 3 to 7 days ago, yet act like it's been months or years?

Do (or did) they not see you as one of them cause you were just sitting there minding your own business rather than assuming the role of a social butterfly who can't sit down for long?

Do (or did) you ever wonder if you were in a church or a country club?

Did you decide that all churches are the same, so there's no point in changing?

Have you ever mentally distinguished between 'friends' and 'church friends,' the latter being people that you only saw at church or official church functions but never anywhere else, doing anything else?

Everywhere you go, there will be both loving and unloving people. I hope you find the loving ones and focus on your friendship with them.

Someone asked on a radio if he should leave his church. The host told him that he should first pray about it. But if he cannot overcome his frustration with his church, it is better to find another one than to keep going there and be frustrated all the time. I think this is a good advice.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

Seems no matter where we go
there will be cliques
at some I fit in a little
at others I prefer the sideline
and some are best avoided.
M-Bob

 

[seeking.IAM]

This thread begs the question why do we go to church? It is to worship and praise God publicly in the company of like-minded people? Or is it to find social connection and feel a sense of belonging?

 

[Mountainmanbob]

This thread begs the question why do we go to church? It is to worship and praise God publicly in the company of like-minded people? Or is it to find social connection and feel a sense of belonging?

To give glory to God.

 

[jsimms615]

This thread begs the question why do we go to church? It is to worship and praise God publicly in the company of like-minded people? Or is it to find social connection and feel a sense of belonging?

Why can't it be both? There are plenty of places in scripture that encourage us to be a part of community. Isn't the greatest commandments in the Bible about our relationship with others? To love God and to love others.

 

[seeking.IAM]

This thread begs the question why do we go to church? It is to worship and praise God publicly in the company of like-minded people? Or is it to find social connection and feel a sense of belonging?

Why can't it be both? There are plenty of places in scripture that encourage us to be a part of community...

Yes, I think we are called to be part of a community, but toward what end? Are we to be part of a community to lift our voices in unified prayer and worship? Or it to combine our resources to serve others as the Body of Christ? Or is it for mutual support? Or is it for like-minded friendship? Or is it to provide religious instruction and moral principles to our children lest they fall victim to the world? Is it some of those or all of those? Or is it something else?

In my church we try to recognize that different people want different things from church. Our goal when engaging inquirers is to find out what interests them, what they are seeking when they walk through our doors, and then to help connect them within our church to satisfy that for which they have come to church. We are not all alike.

 

[thecolorsblend]

What do (or did) you think while watching all the greeting and backslapping every week when people just saw each other 3 to 7 days ago, yet act like it's been months or years?

Do (or did) they not see you as one of them cause you were just sitting there minding your own business rather than assuming the role of a social butterfly who can't sit down for long?

Do (or did) you ever wonder if you were in a church or a country club?

Did you decide that all churches are the same, so there's no point in changing?

Have you ever mentally distinguished between 'friends' and 'church friends,' the latter being people that you only saw at church or official church functions but never anywhere else, doing anything else?

I figured that it was a big evangelical community (and it was) and my association with that clique would be brief (and it would've been) and so there was no reason to worry about that clique (and at the time there wasn't).

But then they turned on me and the next thing I knew, I got disfellowshipped by some busybody nitwit "pastor" who didn't even try talking to me first to figure out what was going on.

How negative an environment is your current community? Depending on the answer, run. I say again, RUN!