I am not so well read if it comes to the Bible. I had great support from the Bible during my euphoric fase, but I never got so far to actually study it , because I fell off the faith train pretty fast. I understand that Jesus doesn't just let us wander away, but I have wandered away a lot.
Sir, it does not matter how many times you wander away, the Great Shepherd- Jesus Christ, will always bring you back.
I'll be 29 in 2 weeks. I knew Jesus since I was a child. Although my parents were Christians and I attended church every Sunday as a kid and a teenager, my relationship with Jesus wasn't a church thing. I had my very own intimate relationship with him. He was everything to me, my invisible friend in the school halls, the one who would listen when no one else would, the one I could cry to, the one I'd write notes to before leaving for school (because I was bullied so badly). He was my friend. The point is, he is a FRIEND. He is your friend, not your enemy.
I left the Church at 17 and met a guy double my age. I then started clubbing 3 times a week and my life got out of control. I lost my mind at 21 and developed an alcohol addiction. The relationship with the older guy brought me so much pain & heartache because of his lies and because he was abusive. I even self harmed at one point and I always felt like I was constantly surrounded by darkness and I could not get free. I was enslaved to this lifestyle for years, not knowing who Jesus Christ really is.(wondering where he was and believing that he didn't love me anymore). He was an old friend that I couldn't find. And then at 25, I moved out, had stopped drinking but hadn't really healed on the inside. I was still so desperately sad.
I went through a few years of something incredible when I had moved out. I see it now, Jesus finally had me to himself. I gave up on all the relationships that I should never have been in. I let God heal me. I let him love me. I let him reveal his true self to me. I found deliverance. Not even in a Church but in the confines of my home. I started reading the word. I starting realising who Jesus is. I spent all my time with him. I'd had prophecies in my troubled years of who I was and finally I was seeing myself blossom. I had Joy that I had never ever had before. I had always wondered what those other Christians were talking about!! I even experienced visions and dreams, this actually started happening in the later of my troubled years but especially after deliverance. I've had one particular vision in my worship time with Jesus that would blow anyone's mind. I can tell you that if you ever doubt, there is a man on the throne and he truly is Jesus Christ of Nazareth who died for us all.
Do you think I ever slipped back into an old pattern, even after deliverance?
Yes.
Have I drank again? yes.
Have I made mistakes? yes.
One terrible mistake in particular. The holy spirit warned me, but I shrugged it off. This was through a period of depressiveness and confusion. I know what depression can do to the mind. Your own thoughts can ruin things for you. We sometimes see Jesus through the eyes of our warped thinking.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I still have those days where I think it would be easier to be an ant. Seriously.
Quit the drugs. Completely. They're ruining you. Do you know satan doesn't have to try? We use our own hands to ruin ourselves.
Spend your time in the word- the Bible, even if you don't feel like it. Keep feeding that Spirit. It is your weapon, your sword.
You know what the Holy spirit said to me?... "You might give up on yourself, but I will never give up on you".
He will never give up on you. YOU belong to HIM.
There's a snow patrol song called 'Open your eyes'. Listen to it.
