Have I committed the unpardonable sin?

[Galnaros]

Hello all,

I have already shared my story on this forum somewhere about a year ago. I'm still stuck in the same predicament and I've been wondering if I have committed the unpardonable sin. To summarize my story: I was depressed, as an atheist, around the later part of 2015. Then I prayed, because I was so desperate and my prayer was answered. I found God and I learned what the Holy Spirit was and what It did in my life. I had really never felt better than ever before, it felt as if I became a new human being. I started walking,talking, thinking and doing everything in a new way. I was so happy that I found God and wanted to become a better person after He'd shown me that I was a great sinner before.

Then I started backsliding, severely, and ignoring the revelations and guidance of the Holy Spirit. I didn't want to do certain things that God wanted me to do, because that meant giving up on sin. So I started to love sin again and was a great partaker in it. I kept doing this until my mind got, what I believe is called 'reprobated'. Emotionally flat, no interest in anything, mentally turned inwards and hella confused, concentration and sleeping problems. Summarized: I have nothing left to live for, I don't even love my closest family anymore.

Life is so hard right now and I can't take it much longer. All of this writing doesn't come from actual despair, I don't feel anything at all. I don't even seem to care about God and my past sins anymore, my conscience is seared and it doesn't stop.

I quit smoking weed and drinking alcohol 3 weeks ago , but it hasn't changed anything for me. Hebrews 6 4-6 isn't even bothering me anymore even though I know I fit the picture and I certainly can't be returned to a repentant state. I have rejected the gift of salvation and I'm therefor hellbound. I even saw a part of me slipping into a great red wall of fire when I was on a shrooms trip áfter I had lost the Holy Spirit or close to the end of losing It and I actually felt the heat for a brief moment. I took these shrooms because I wanted to get another revelation. I heard my parents cry that I was gone and then saw that part of me sinking in a pit of fire. I was ungrateful, only loved sin after I had been born again and I'm a terrible person.

Also, there is no actual hatred of self anymore, I don't have to 'forgive myself',because I don't even feel that there's something to forgive. As if I have forgotten about everything I've done in the past. My mind is a mess.
So my question is: Can I fix this situation or am I done here and should I just accept my fate?

 

[A_Thinker]

Hello all,

I have already shared my story on this forum somewhere about a year ago. I'm still stuck in the same predicament and I've been wondering if I have committed the unpardonable sin. To summarize my story: I was depressed, as an atheist, around the later part of 2015. Then I prayed, because I was so desperate and my prayer was answered. I found God and I learned what the Holy Spirit was and what It did in my life. I had really never felt better than ever before, it felt as if I became a new human being. I started walking,talking, thinking and doing everything in a new way. I was so happy that I found God and wanted to become a better person after He'd shown me that I was a great sinner before.

Then I started backsliding, severely, and ignoring the revelations and guidance of the Holy Spirit. I didn't want to do certain things that God wanted me to do, because that meant giving up on sin. So I started to love sin again and was a great partaker in it. I kept doing this until my mind got, what I believe is called 'reprobated'. Emotionally flat, no interest in anything, mentally turned inwards and hella confused, concentration and sleeping problems. Summarized: I have nothing left to live for, I don't even love my closest family anymore.

Life is so hard right now and I can't take it much longer. All of this writing doesn't come from actual despair, I don't feel anything at all. I don't even seem to care about God and my past sins anymore, my conscience is seared and it doesn't stop.

I quit smoking weed and drinking alcohol 3 weeks ago , but it hasn't changed anything for me. Hebrews 6 4-6 isn't even bothering me anymore even though I know I fit the picture and I certainly can't be returned to a repentant state. I have rejected the gift of salvation and I'm therefor hellbound. I even saw a part of me slipping into a great red wall of fire when I was on a shrooms trip áfter I had lost the Holy Spirit or close to the end of losing It and I actually felt the heat for a brief moment. I took these shrooms because I wanted to get another revelation. I heard my parents cry that I was gone and then saw that part of me sinking in a pit of fire. I was ungrateful, only loved sin after I had been born again and I'm a terrible person.

Also, there is no actual hatred of self anymore, I don't have to 'forgive myself',because I don't even feel that there's something to forgive. As if I have forgotten about everything I've done in the past. My mind is a mess.
So my question is: Can I fix this situation or am I done here and should I just accept my fate?

What is it that you want ???

Do you want relationship with God ... or not ???

 

[Galnaros]

What is it that you want ???

Do you want relationship with God ... or not ???

I don't know what I want. I certainly know that I had a relationship with God before and those months it lasted were the best months of my life. I'd lie if I said that I actually wánt a relationship with God, but I know that I nééd a relationship with God in order to be fixed. Also , I forgot to mention that I have been in psychiatry for over 18 months now and they haven't been able to fix me. Not even slightly. This mental confusion doesn't ever stop. I asked God to forgive me every day ever since, but those attempts were not genuine, if you know what I mean. Not from the bottom of my heart that is.

 

[Tolworth John]

I've been wondering if I have committed the unpardonable sin.

What is your relationship with Jesus?

Do you still see him as your Lord and Saviour?
If you do you have not committed the unpardonable sin.

May I suggest that you continue attend your church and maybe seek to talk with your minister.

 

[Galnaros]

I want to be able to be so happy again that I write textbooks full with words like: God is great, God is love etc. I still have a notebook which I kept save that shows that I was totally in love with God back then.

What is your relationship with Jesus?

Do you still see him as your Lord and Saviour?
If you do you have not committed the unpardonable sin.

May I suggest that you continue attend your church and maybe seek to talk with your minister.

I am sure that he is my Lord and Saviour and I have told him before. During my 'spiritual experience', let's call it that, I made promises to God and I haven't kept them, not even close. I have found an Evangelic Christian community which welcomed me with open arms. I will meet the head of the community coming sunday. He told me that it was God who brought us together and that everything will be fine after all. Our meeting via e-mail so far, has managed to give me some hope, so I'm not 100% hopeless..for now.
[EDIT] I can't even get around the fact that He ís my Lord and Saviour, but it doesn't come from actual faith anymore. It's because I have experienced the power of the Holy Spirit. The way it transformed me was wonderful to say the least. All my friends told me aswell.

 

[fat wee robin]

May we know what age you are ,and are you living with your parents ?

 

[Galnaros]

May we know what age you are ,and are you living with your parents ?

Ofcourse. I am 21 years old, turning 22 tomorrow and I'm currently living with my mother,stepfather and stepsister. When all the miraculous things happened to me I was living in Rotterdam together with 2 of my friends. They have seen me change over a couple of months. Then they left me (I suppose God arranged it to be that wayso I could sort out things with my new spiritual life).

 

[Tolworth John]

I want to be able to be so happy again that I write textbooks full with words like: God is great, God is love etc. I still have a notebook which I kept save that shows that I was totally in love with God back then.


I am sure that he is my Lord and Saviour and I have told him before. During my 'spiritual experience', let's call it that, I made promises to God and I haven't kept them, not even close. I have found an Evangelic Christian community which welcomed me with open arms. I will meet the head of the community coming sunday. He told me that it was God who brought us together and that everything will be fine after all. Our meeting via e-mail so far, has managed to give me some hope, so I'm not 100% hopeless..for now.
[EDIT] I can't even get around the fact that He ís my Lord and Saviour, but it doesn't come from actual faith anymore. It's because I have experienced the power of the Holy Spirit. The way it transformed me was wonderful to say the least. All my friends told me aswell.

Great that you are meeting with your pastor.

Have you ever read John ch 10 and the verses 28 -30.
Jesus is saying that He holds on to our faith, that after all he goes through on calvary, he is not letting us just wander away.

 

[Petros2015]

I quit smoking weed and drinking alcohol 3 weeks ago , but it hasn't changed anything for me.

I know a guy who had a direct vision from God, was on fire for a year or two, backslid, lost it, went back to being a crack addict for 8 years. God brought him back and took him back and he is a strong Christian now, it's been about another 8 years since he came back. I can tell you the Holy Spirit is real in his life, as it ever was, and that it was gone from his life for a time.

Psalm 51 is a good Psalm to read. It was David's Psalm after he had a man murdered to take his wife. I don't think you are beyond hope. How much time you want to do in the wilderness though, that's up to you. Look at the Prodigal Son, He said, "I'll come back as a servant to my Father" and the the Father welcomed him back as a Son again, ran to meet him.

Stay sober, seek God, place yourself in His service. This is not a God that is looking for excuses to damn you. This is a God that will do everything He can to save you.

 

[Galnaros]

Great that you are meeting with your pastor.

Have you ever read John ch 10 and the verses 28 -30.
Jesus is saying that He holds on to our faith, that after all he goes through on calvary, he is not letting us just wander away.

I am not so well read if it comes to the Bible. I had great support from the Bible during my euphoric fase, but I never got so far to actually study it , because I fell off the faith train pretty fast. I understand that Jesus doesn't just let us wander away, but I have wandered away a lot.

 

[paul1149]

Whatever you do, keep moving forward. One step and then another. Don't let the doubts stop you. The Lord is faithful beyond our wildest imagination.

 

[Galnaros]

I know a guy who had a direct vision from God, was on fire for a year or two, backslid, lost it, went back to being a crack addict for 8 years. God brought him back and took him back and he is a strong Christian now, it's been about another 8 years since he came back. I can tell you the Holy Spirit is real in his life, as it ever was, and that it was gone from his life for a time.

Psalm 51 is a good Psalm to read. It was David's Psalm after he had a man murdered to take his wife. I don't think you are beyond hope. How much time you want to do in the wilderness though, that's up to you. Look at the Prodigal Son, He said, "I'll come back as a servant to my Father" and the the Father welcomed him back as a Son again, ran to meet him.

Stay sober, seek God, place yourself in His service. This is not a God that is looking for excuses to damn you. This is a God that will do everything He can to save you.

It's good to hear about the guy that backslid and found faith in God again. But to make things clear, one of my revelations(I know I'm not supposed to share anything concerning revelations, but I have to, to make things clearer) was that I was facing an all or nothing situation. Either become the man God wanted me to become or become nothing, and I'm certainly nothing now.
God requested me to do something, to be someone. I felt elected to perform a certain role when I deciphered all the revelations and my own thoughts and then I couldn't meet up to the requirements to actually take the steps in order to get there and doing so I lost my faith and started sinning gravely.

 

[fat wee robin]

Ofcourse. I am 21 years old, turning 22 tomorrow and I'm currently living with my mother,stepfather and stepsister. When all the miraculous things happened to me I was living in Rotterdam together with 2 of my friends. They have seen me change over a couple of months. Then they left me (I suppose God arranged it to be that wayso I could sort out things with my new spiritual life).

You have not commited the unpardonable sin .God loves you ,I am sure of that .
You are so young and have experienced already difficulties in your life ,much of them family, by the look of it . You are lost and depressed , and it is easy to understand why ,as all the upsets in family life affect us ,even when we think we have forgotten .
You say that you see a psychiatrist ,but unless they
are speaking from the point of view of being a person who loves God they can be useless, and even dangerous ,as the road to God is full of Light ,while hard line athiests , which you are Not ,will cut you off from that Light .
You evidently need someone who is a warm hearted Christian ,not like some here who lack the 'spirit'and are not helpful at all to talk to and guide you . Have you tried finding a kind pastor ,church ? Remember it is people like you whom Jesus came for like the 'prodigal son ' story , which you should read .
I am concerned for you as your main problem seems to be be a lack of guidance and love .
The more you stay away from Jesus, the more depressed you will become ,so even if the answers seem to not be coming at first ,you need to go on your knees every evening ,and talk to HIM ,just keep talking ,crying if you feel like it .
It will take time ,as all you instincts have been tuned from the Holiness of your Creator ,they are not connecting, and you cannot hear Him . But He is there always .
Think of it like you cannot connect to the internet, first without a computer plugged to the electric point ,and then to the internet . I remember when I didn't want to pray on my knees, I realised that if I wanted to connect to the net ,I had to plug in and prayer plugs you into God .Takes a few moments but is worth it .

So pray today for yourself asking God to help to heal you and strengthen you and pray the Lord's prayer which Jesus gave us specifically thinking of all the words EVERY DAY .
Praying for you dear young man.

 

[Galnaros]

You have not commited the unpardonable sin .God loves you ,I am sure of that .
You are so Young and have experienced already difficulties in your life ,much of them family by the look of it . You are lost and depressed and it is easy to understand why as all the upsets in family life affect us even when we think we have forgotten .
You say that you see a psychiatrist ,but unlees they
are speaking from the point of view of being a person who loves God they can be useless and even dangerous ,as the road to God is full of Light ,while hard line athiests ,which you are Not will cut you off from that Light .
You evidently need someone who is a warm hearted Christian ,not like some here who lack the 'spirit'and are not helpful at all to talk to and guide you . Have you tried finding a kind pastor ,church ? Remember it is people like you whom Jesus came for like the 'prodigal son ' story , which you should read .
I am concerned for you as your main problem seems to be be a lack of guidance and love .
The more you stay away from Jesus the more depressed you will become ,soeven if the answers seem to not be coming at first ,you need to go on your knees every evening ,and talk to HIM ,just keep talking ,crying if you feel like it .
It will take time as all you instincts have been tuned from the Holiness of your Creator ,they are not connecting and you cannot hear Him .But He is there always .
Think of it like you cannot connect to the internet, first without a computer plugged to the electric point ,and then to the internet . I remember when I didn't want to pray on my knees, I realised that if I wanted to connect to the net ,I had to plug in .Takes a few moments but is worth it . So pray today for yourself asking God to help to heal you and strengthen you and forget the

Thanks for your reply. I read that you think that I have actual family problems, that is not the case. I used to love my family a lot and we were always close. It was this spiritual experience that's made me void of love. I never had any problems with my family and I'm certainly not depressed. I have taken all possible meds(not exaggerated) to combat the emotional numbness but they all resulted in nothing. My psych has never seen someone being so numb after what they believe 'a psychotic episode'. I am quite sure that I'm a, not so proud, owner of a 'reprobate mind' and that there is little to no chance for returning to a repentant state.

 

[A_Thinker]

I am not so well read if it comes to the Bible. I had great support from the Bible during my euphoric fase, but I never got so far to actually study it , because I fell off the faith train pretty fast. I understand that Jesus doesn't just let us wander away, but I have wandered away a lot.

Luke 15

3 So Jesus told them this story: 4 “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? 5 And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. 6 When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!

 

[A_Thinker]

It's good to hear about the guy that backslid and found faith in God again. But to make things clear, one of my revelations(I know I'm not supposed to share anything concerning revelations, but I have to, to make things clearer) was that I was facing an all or nothing situation. Either become the man God wanted me to become or become nothing, and I'm certainly nothing now.
God requested me to do something, to be someone. I felt elected to perform a certain role when I deciphered all the revelations and my own thoughts and then I couldn't meet up to the requirements to actually take the steps in order to get there and doing so I lost my faith and started sinning gravely.

Right now, God just wants you to be a sheep ...

John 10

27 "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, 29 for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand."

 

[Galnaros]

Luke 15

3 So Jesus told them this story: 4 “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? 5 And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. 6 When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!

I can't wait for this moment to come. Maybe I'll be renewed again on my birthday tomorrow. That would be great. Only thing about this verse is. I am not just a regular sinner who still feels any guilt for what he's done. I am so careless if it comes to my consience and the sins I have committed to sear that consience that it's scary. I'm like a zombie. Hebrews 6 4-6 teaches us that someone who's experienced what I have and falls away later, can't be brought back to a genuine repentant state for that would require another crucifixion of Jesus Christ and that is totally out of the order. That's what I'm dealing with now. The carelessness regarding my past sins.

 

[Galnaros]

Right now, God just wants you to be a sheep ...

John 10

27 "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, 29 for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand."

No one? Not even someone who commited the unpardonable sin? Sorry if I come across so negative all the time, but I always have something in reply that shows that such verses might not actually apply to me.

 

[fat wee robin]

What is it that you want ???

Do you want relationship with God ... or not ???

What are you trying to achieve with this post ?
Trying to drive him away before you know his story .Where is the love ,the patience, required from a Christian ?

 

[Galnaros]

What are you trying o achieve with this post ?

I'd like to find someone who's experienced something likewise and got to resolve the predicament they were in and then tell me how they did it so I can start living again instead of considering to end my life anytime soon, like everyday since July 2016.
[Edit] I am sorry, that was not directed to me.