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Harm OCD / PTSD

Discussion in 'Anxiety, Panic & Agoraphobia' started by Flag777, Feb 17, 2017.

  1. Flag777

    Flag777 New Member

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    hey everyone, first off I hope your having a great day.


    I'd like to get some encouragement regarding my ptsd / harm ocd.

    I am a Christian (have been my entire life) I am also a law enforcement officer currently off work do to ptsd and harm ocd.

    I have had very instructed thoughts about hurting myself and others. By hurting I mean I have had very real thoughts of killing people. The thoughts are very instrusive and have been losing my career and it seems my mind as well. I have been seeing a pastor and psychologist.

    I was diagnosed with PTSD and OCD do to the many traumatic incidents I have been apart of as a cop.


    I started really studying the Bible to help with my issues. While reading the Old Testament I really hit a hard bump in the road. One day after reading how god commanded the killing of several nations etc in the other testament I had a thought "maybe this is god telling me to hurt someone" since that day I have had extreme anxiety attacks and have a hard time picking up the Bible.

    Can any of you relate? Also , what's a good way to tell gods voice from the devils?

    I don't believe god would ever command this of anyone in the new covenant but I need someone to confirm this.

    God bless you, sorry for the long post but I'm lost. Thanks

    Kyle
     
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. LiW

    LiW New Member

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  3. teresa

    teresa Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Because you state that you are Christian, perhaps you would be helped by posting your concerns on our prayer wall here:

    Prayer Wall
     
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  4. teresa

    teresa Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Also, consider consulting with one of our chaplains in private here:
    Chaplains Office
     
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  5. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

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    God would never tell your to hurt people...never. As someone. Who struggles with anxiety and intrusive thoughts... I can tell you ... Those thoughts aren't from God and your mind is sick and you just need help.
     
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  6. Flag777

    Flag777 New Member

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    Thank you for the response . I am currently being treated for my PTSD. I hope you all have a blessed day.
     
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  7. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

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    You too,never be ashamed to come to us with your problems...were here to be a listening ear :)
     
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  8. kodadog1024

    kodadog1024 Well-Known Member

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    Kyle, you're not alone. I went through this awhile back (maybe 5 years ago and remains an underlying theme for me, one that I always fear, but now is more controllable. At my peak (worst time) I had visions/thoughts that revolved around me hurting my family, mainly my wife and myself. It was devastating. I remember reading Rick Warrens's The Purpose Driven Life and my heart sank and thought to myself, "what if this is God's purpose for me, to be a murderer/killer/monster" and I was meant for nothing more than to go to Hell? That thought broke me, because if God was not for me, I had no hope. I woke up with intrusive thoughts and went to bed with them, day in and day out. I was EXHAUSTED, mentally and spiritually. I remember reading some OT too, where Isaiah took his son to be sacrificed and I almost threw up after those intrusive thoughts... What if I had to sacrifice someone, myself?

    After therapy, new medicine, a new job and some other things, it finally subsided after about a year. That was my darkest valley I've ever walked through, by myself, but as I look back, this was God's plan for me. My greatest weakness (worry/anxiety) is where I would find Christ's grace and love. So I walk with Him daily and stick close to Him. Do I still get intrusive thoughts? Yea, but now they are much more ?... tolerable, controllable. It's that thorn in my side that will always make me rely upon God's strength, NOT my own. You WILL get there. I feel for you, BUT you are not alone in this. Manly hugs....
     
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  9. Flag777

    Flag777 New Member

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    Thank you so much for this post. It seems like we went thru the exact same thing. It's been the worst nightmare imaginable . I know god wouldn't ask any of us to hurt one another, but you know how the mind works with these instrusive thoughts. The battle sucks, thanks again for the post
     
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  10. Bashmash85

    Bashmash85 New Member

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    Hello flag77.

    I've been suffering with harm/self harm OCD since a bit before Halloween of 2016. Doesn't seem like much to others who've suffered longer, but before that I had OCD about me dying randomly or passing out, and before that, I had harm OCD as a kid with bad thoughts about my mom and sister. It's come and gone my whole life, but one thing I can assure you is that God would never want/ask you to commit sin. God also knows how much each of us can take individually and would never give you too big of a burden. I know it feels like absolute hell some days, like you're going to die or kill others because the thoughts don't shut up, but I can assure you that God is with you and to fear not! I recently stumbled across a great article about writing a truth book. What that entails is you write each fear you may have, and write truthful scripture next to it. For example, God hates me and wants me to kill others. I'm sure there's scripture that clearly states otherwise. If you continue to write your fears and then look at the Bible truth, the truth will set you free! Be kind to yourself and remember that this is a journey and God wouldn't have let you have OCD unless he knew you could handle it andmaybe help others one day. I have many books in my possession I think coulddo a great deal of help for you, but start with going to harmocd.com and reading theGod memorandum. It shows truly how much Godcares. Read that every night before bed for 100 days and I promise you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know 100 days might seem like an eternity, but each day you will get better, I promise you that. Remember, you're not crazy and you're not alone ever! It's just your OCD that's it and always it! There are many people like you praying for you and struggling as you have. It's hard to say this, but I used to cry and beg God for him to take it away, I used to cry why me!!! Lord save me! Now I've changed and inmost days I say, "why not me!" If God is with me,who is against me! Remember that. Take care my friend. I will pray for you. Please respond anytime with any questions or concerns
     
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