About 2 years ago I met a wonderful woman where I work. A few weeks before Christmas of '09 she approached me with tears in her eyes and told me that her ex-husband wasnt paying his child support and that she was not going to be able to give her two girls(ages 7 and 4) any gifts for Christmas, and she asked if I knew of a way that she could get some help. My heart broke at that very moment and I told her I would see what I could do. I approached the head of our department and told him about her situation and asked if we could do a private fundraiser where other employees were asked to contribute.
My department head is a devout Christian man and without hesitation he approved the idea and put me in charge of making it happen. We raised a modest sum of money and those funds were used to buy gifts for her two girls. I asked if I could deliver the gifts and my department head approved.
A few days before Christmas I arrived at her house with the gifts and proceeded to carry them inside. She made me a cup of coffee and we both talked about a myriad of things as we both wrapped the presents. A short time later her ex-husband arrived with her two daughters and that's when I met two of the sweetest angels that God has seen fit to put on this earth.
Ever since that day we have become close friends. Knowing that I am also a Christian, she has told me a lot of things about her past and has confided a lot of things to me that others might have judged her harshly on.
This is where my question(s) about certain behaviors of hers stems from.
I believe in unconditional love, and as a Christian and a friend I never try to judge another person, so this is where it gets complicated.
A few weeks ago she called me and told me that she had recommitted herself to God at her church, and that she wasnt proud of how she has handled herself as a Christian due to how she had been bringing multiple strange men into her home, and around her two daughters, since her divorce. I told her that I would pray for her and that I was glad that she had made the decision to re-dedicate her life to God.
Well, since the day that she told me about her re-dedication, I have found out that she continues to have strange men, that she meets on a whim, into her home for one-night stands. Being her friend and respectful of her privacy I decided not to approach her about this when I found out about this.
Earlier today she called and asked if I would like to come over and have dinner with her and her two girls. I graciously accepted and arrived a little early so as to spend some time teaching her oldest daughter how to throw and catch a softball. When I arrived there was an unknown man getting into his car to leave. I could see from the look on her face that she wasnt happy with knowing that I had seen this guy, but I shrugged it off and focused my attention on getting the ball and gloves with her daughter. She went back inside to get dinner finished and I stayed outside with her daughter playing catch.
After a few minutes of playing catch I could sense something was wrong her daughter, so I asked if everything was ok. Her daughter proceeded to tell me that she didnt like the man that had just left because he had yelled at her mommy and made her cry. I told her that he was gone now and that everything would be ok and shifted the focus back to how she could improve her throw. I was a complete mess at this point and had to fight to contain myself knowing that someone had verbally abused my friend.
After dinner the kids went outside to play and I decided to ask about the man that was leaving and told her what her daughter had told me. She grew angry with me and told me that it was none of my bussiness and started to cry. At this point I asked if there was anything I could do and she simply asked me to continue to pray for her. I didnt pry any further and after a few minutes I said goodbye to her and her daughters and went home. About an hour later she called me and asks if I was upset with her due to leaving so soon after the discussion. I told her that I was not upset with her, but that I was concerned about her daughters and the message that she was sending them by repeatedly bringing strange men into her home, especially in light of this last guy verbally abusing her.
She agreed, but she threw in the caveat that God and only God will hold her accountable in the end, and that as her friend I shouldnt judge her. I told her that I wasnt judging her, and all that I would ask of her is that she consider her two daughters in all of this and continue to ask God for guidance.
I know this is a long post, and I really appreciate anyone who spends the time to read all of this and provide some guidance for my questions:
I know that being a friend and a Christian arent mutually exclusive, but I'm really having a hard time not wanting to hold her accountable as a friend. What I mean by that is that I have always been taught that birds of a feather flock together, and that people choose their social groups(friends) based on compatible beliefs and whatnot, and if I see a friend in need of guidance I feel compelled to offer advice in a tactful, Christian manner.
As a child of God I really love this woman. I see so much potential in her and I know that God had some great plan for her, but where do we as Christians draw the line with behavior that we do not consider appropriate from people who are friends?
If we dont condone certain behaviors, does that mean as Christians we are being judgemental? I dont want to dump her as a friend, but I also cannot condone what she is doing and am having a difficult time with this.
I really need some Christian advice.
My department head is a devout Christian man and without hesitation he approved the idea and put me in charge of making it happen. We raised a modest sum of money and those funds were used to buy gifts for her two girls. I asked if I could deliver the gifts and my department head approved.
A few days before Christmas I arrived at her house with the gifts and proceeded to carry them inside. She made me a cup of coffee and we both talked about a myriad of things as we both wrapped the presents. A short time later her ex-husband arrived with her two daughters and that's when I met two of the sweetest angels that God has seen fit to put on this earth.
Ever since that day we have become close friends. Knowing that I am also a Christian, she has told me a lot of things about her past and has confided a lot of things to me that others might have judged her harshly on.
This is where my question(s) about certain behaviors of hers stems from.
I believe in unconditional love, and as a Christian and a friend I never try to judge another person, so this is where it gets complicated.
A few weeks ago she called me and told me that she had recommitted herself to God at her church, and that she wasnt proud of how she has handled herself as a Christian due to how she had been bringing multiple strange men into her home, and around her two daughters, since her divorce. I told her that I would pray for her and that I was glad that she had made the decision to re-dedicate her life to God.
Well, since the day that she told me about her re-dedication, I have found out that she continues to have strange men, that she meets on a whim, into her home for one-night stands. Being her friend and respectful of her privacy I decided not to approach her about this when I found out about this.
Earlier today she called and asked if I would like to come over and have dinner with her and her two girls. I graciously accepted and arrived a little early so as to spend some time teaching her oldest daughter how to throw and catch a softball. When I arrived there was an unknown man getting into his car to leave. I could see from the look on her face that she wasnt happy with knowing that I had seen this guy, but I shrugged it off and focused my attention on getting the ball and gloves with her daughter. She went back inside to get dinner finished and I stayed outside with her daughter playing catch.
After a few minutes of playing catch I could sense something was wrong her daughter, so I asked if everything was ok. Her daughter proceeded to tell me that she didnt like the man that had just left because he had yelled at her mommy and made her cry. I told her that he was gone now and that everything would be ok and shifted the focus back to how she could improve her throw. I was a complete mess at this point and had to fight to contain myself knowing that someone had verbally abused my friend.
After dinner the kids went outside to play and I decided to ask about the man that was leaving and told her what her daughter had told me. She grew angry with me and told me that it was none of my bussiness and started to cry. At this point I asked if there was anything I could do and she simply asked me to continue to pray for her. I didnt pry any further and after a few minutes I said goodbye to her and her daughters and went home. About an hour later she called me and asks if I was upset with her due to leaving so soon after the discussion. I told her that I was not upset with her, but that I was concerned about her daughters and the message that she was sending them by repeatedly bringing strange men into her home, especially in light of this last guy verbally abusing her.
She agreed, but she threw in the caveat that God and only God will hold her accountable in the end, and that as her friend I shouldnt judge her. I told her that I wasnt judging her, and all that I would ask of her is that she consider her two daughters in all of this and continue to ask God for guidance.
I know this is a long post, and I really appreciate anyone who spends the time to read all of this and provide some guidance for my questions:
I know that being a friend and a Christian arent mutually exclusive, but I'm really having a hard time not wanting to hold her accountable as a friend. What I mean by that is that I have always been taught that birds of a feather flock together, and that people choose their social groups(friends) based on compatible beliefs and whatnot, and if I see a friend in need of guidance I feel compelled to offer advice in a tactful, Christian manner.
As a child of God I really love this woman. I see so much potential in her and I know that God had some great plan for her, but where do we as Christians draw the line with behavior that we do not consider appropriate from people who are friends?
If we dont condone certain behaviors, does that mean as Christians we are being judgemental? I dont want to dump her as a friend, but I also cannot condone what she is doing and am having a difficult time with this.
I really need some Christian advice.