First date... first kiss?

[CoreyO]

Here's the scenario...

I met this woman about two weeks ago online... I came across her blog and I wasn't even looking for anything more than just a good blog to read. However I come to find out we have literally almost identical interests and life views, she's my age, AND she lives in my area! I still wasn't going to... but I realized it was out of fear and so I just said to heck with it and asked her out for coffee.

I've been down the "online" road, and I had vowed not to go down it again, but I figured if we're this alike, what's the harm in asking? With most of the same interests at the very least I figure we could have a good, intelligent conversation with each other.

So I have a date this week... hopefully. Unfortunately we've been playing IM-tag, and it's been a little difficult settling on a time, but hopefully we can work it out for this week since I have a few days off.

Now, from reading her blogs and some of the messages she's sent, it seems she's really into the whole "first kiss" on the first date thing.

And I've never kissed a girl before... so naturally I'm terrified.

I'm terrified that if the date is only so-so and I go for it, she'll reject me. But on the other hand, I'm afraid that if I don't go in for it and it went better than I hoped, that she'll think I'm a chicken or something.

So here's the dilemma... let's say things go well, because I expect it to. Since it's only a coffee date... should I go for it? Or should I just straight-out tell her that I think a first kiss should wait until a second more formal "date"? (like a dinner or something).

Grr. I'm such a newb.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

You could kiss her on the cheek...

 

[deliciousBass]

Haha, honestly man. I think you're thinking about it too much. If it happens, let it happen naturally. You don't need to type up some operations order with contingency plans and logistics and manpower ops for a kiss.

Simply, if you are into her, and if she is into you, and if she wants to kiss, and if YOU want to kiss, then kiss her!

And quit being so terrified. If you are meant to be, you will be. Even if things suck this first date.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Yeah a couple at my Bible study told us that on their first kiss (which was over 2 years ago btw) the guy tried to kiss her and ended up kissing her eye. They're still together so even if you goof up, if things are meant to be, they will be, like DB said.

 

[deliciousBass]

I think I've ended up kissing a girls nose before

 

[Inkachu]

I'd talk about it up front. The whole "omgosh what do I do" freak-out thing is very unnerving on both ends, and really unnecessary. You aren't going out with her TO kiss her. You're trying to know her. I do not kiss on first dates, because IMO, my kisses are special and deserve to be earned, not handed out. If I met a guy who was used to getting kissed on a first date, I'd tell him up front that that isn't how I operate. Saves us both a lot of nervousness and awkwardness, and it lays a nice foundation for openness and honesty down the road.

So if you want to try and get a kiss on the date, go for it. If you don't (because you're nervous OR because you just want to wait), tell her. She should admire you for being honest and having convictions. If she gets upset about it, she isn't worth the date.

 

[CrusaderKing]

They're still together so even if you goof up, if things are meant to be, they will be, like DB said.

The moral of this story is that if you spew and she comes back, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, then it wasn't meant to be. That was a long way to go for a Wayne's World reference.

Don't worry about it so much. I don't like kissing on the first date, but that's just a personal preference. I certainly don't go into a date saying I won't kiss her on the first date, but it usually ends up that way. You just have to develop a feel for these things.

 

[GQ Chris]

You gotta start somewhere....


You might also enrage the "no kissing till marriage" camp.

 

[CoreyO]

Thanks for your input guys. That's how I view it. I want to earn the right to kiss her, I don't want her to think that's all I want, because it's NOT.

I am somewhat notorious amoung those I know for overthinking and overanalyzing... and I've really gotten better at just lettings leaving things alone and letting them happen in their due time. I guess that should apply to this situation as well.

Thanks ya'll!

 

[Inkachu]

Just remember .. all physical contact LEADS to more physical contact .. it's just the natural progression of things. And if he/she isn't your spouse, you have no business puttin' your hands in certain places.

So the idea of no kissing till marriage, Chris...is not a bad idea. At all.

I'm not part of that camp, but I think it's awesome if people decide to go that route, and I'd be more than willing if I could find a guy who was willing. Would save mondo amounts of temptation and frustration.

 

[Princess Pea]

Inkabink speaks wisdom.

The first thing that struck me upon reading your post is that SHE is into the FKOTFD thing. SHE is. That does not mean YOU have to be! If you're not comfortable with the idea, please don't feel pressured to do it. Personally, I think it's unfortunate that she has been so obvious about this preference, because it just makes things weird for you. If I were you, I think I'd try to treat it like any other coffee date, and pretend you didn't know about the FKOTFD thing at all. When you get to the end, do what feels natural, and don't think too much about what she might be thinking. You have a right to be comfortable too, you know?

Good luck!

 

[soccerdad66]

....When you get to the end, do what feels natural, and don't think too much about what she might be thinking. You have a right to be comfortable too, you know?

Good luck!

Exactly! Don't force it, and try not to think about it, otherwise, the date might be over long before you need to worry about your first kiss.

If the kiss doesn't happen, no worries, you had a good time right? You will if you don't stress about the kiss.

Don't pucker up either, looks stupid and you'll end up with hard lips. Just relax.

 

[CoreyO]

Lol yeah, I hate puckered lips too... looks like something from Aliens!

 

[Inkachu]

Just a thought: Doing what "feels natural" is what leads to trouble, all too often Thinking AHEAD OF TIME, and doing what your beliefs and convictions tell you is proper and right, is sometimes a good idea

When is this date, cause now we all want details afterwards, lol.

 

[CoreyO]

Don't have an exact time or day. Just sometime this week we're going to try and get together for coffee, and then see if things go good we might do something else.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

You gotta start somewhere....


You might also enrage the "no kissing till marriage" camp.

Is there anything that doesn't enrage that camp?

 

[deliciousBass]

Is there anything that doesn't enrage that camp?

Flannel shirts and the Book of Deuteronomy?

 

[puddleoffaith]

I think first kisses on first dates are only for those that KNOW the person in real life before that date (they are friends, etc). Otherwise, it's a "let's-get-to-know-you" thing. BUT if it's totally awesome and you want to kiss her and she looks like she would like you to...just do it.
Seriously, kissing is easy as long as there's no tongue involved (then it gets tricky...lol).

 

[CoreyO]

Is there anything that doesn't enrage that camp?

I'm not part of that camp, and I don't really care if I enrage anyone that does subscribe to that particular thought process. Personally I think it's everyone's own decision. If I think it's right to kiss a girl after we've been together a while then I'll do it, but if I don't think it's right with a certain girl until marriage then I won't. But I won't know until the time comes.

 

[CoreyO]

Flannel shirts and the Book of Deuteronomy?

ROTFL.

Reps for that DB... reps for that.