I was taught by my non-Christian parents that it was OK and "normal" to pleasure myself. I also am the victim of childhood sexual molestation/ abuse and also have experienced date rape as an adult. Recently I have been trying to quit the self pleasuring, as I spoke with my pastor and asked her if it was a sin. She said our church does not have an official statement about it that she knows of, but she understood that it was a kind of self-love and not healthy or encouraged.
I have prayed about it a lot, but when the "feeling" overcomes me, I seem powerless to prevent it. I say to myself, "I am not going to do to myself what my molesters did to me!" And yet, I end up doing just that not long after that decision sometimes! I ask the Lord to give me the strength to fight it, (and it seems like there is a demon or a spirit trying to get me to do it too) and I just do not know how to fight it! The urge is overpowering. Then too, there is a side of myself that wants it, because I am used to it and it feels good.
I have wanted to stop now for about 6 months. Please pray for me. This is a life-long habit that is so hard to break. Godly advice accepted.
This is what has helped me.
I highly recommend this book called " Anxious For Nothing: Calm in A Chaotic World". Although it did not specifically target masturbation, it breaks down the pattern of someone who is anxious, and that can be applied here.
Anxious people try to be perfect. It's like a defense mechanism against self-guilt. Usually, we get into a habit to self-correct ourselves whenever we face a temptation. We treat temptation as sin. Three major way people unhealthily deal with it, they either try to be perfectly good (deny and hide), perfectly bad (embrace and pursue), or perfectly imperfect (dwell on it, or be a slave to it). In all these cases, its trying to keep up a justifiable image, while not dealing with the root of it in a healthy way. So even if you find some sort of resolve, the guilt is still there, and anxiety flares up.
So with touching yourself, I usually see three things, either " Ive masterbated but I can quit anytime", " Ive masterbated and its ok", or " I can't help masterbated". It doesn't deal with the why you are masterbating, what goal are you trying to get from masterbating, and how to overcome, its makes the temptation the "thorn on your side", its self-defeat before the battle. Usually, with every sin, if you even look back on the Garden of Eden, Eve had holy desires, to be wise, to enjoy beauty, those are things that God want us to enjoy and cultivate, in its essence, those are not bad things. But in the root of it, she was also going against God. She tried to get a holy end from unholy means. That is what masturbation does. The desire to be intimate, to feel loved, to feel good, are not bad things, but to get those through masturbation distorts what God have for you. The unhealthy way is to shame yourself to the point of no desire, or to be numb to the means of getting desire. Healthy way is to discern your desires and the means.
The apps to block it and accountability partners can only take you so far, but until you break the cycle of self-guilt, and walk in the assurance that as long as you walk with Christ, that you are already presented perfected, until you face that this is what you are doing, get to the bottom of it, and give yourself grace to actually heal, its always gonna be an open wound that never closes. Self guilt will kill you.Purpose in your mind to get that wound closed and dressed properly today. Deal with it healthy, and keep the Kingdom at hand, tell God " Despite the desire to touch, I know you have better in store for me.God give me the tools and strength needed to overcome this. Change my desires to be towards the things of you, so that I don't miss out on your blessing and showcasing your glory." And don't doubt God, He will come through.
I pray that you be anxious for nothing, but by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, make your request be known to God and that the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and mind. Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
My advice: Practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
(Phillipians 4:6-9)
