Female Accountability Thread

[Freegirl555]

You are not alone. We are stronger together, shedding a light om the darkness, than we are alone. If you'd like to partner more actively by phone or text, in addition to this forum, I'd be honored to come alongside you. Be blessed.
My story is under the March 2017 entries.

Freegirl555

Hello. I just joined this forum. And I am struggling so much with sexual sin and self pleasure. I'm 35 years old and single. And I try so hard to stop the urges and I can stop for a while but then I fall. I always fall. I am filled with so much shame. I'm so scared that I will lose God's love. I don't want to displease Him. I don't want to keep failing. I feel so alone. I have prayed and begged for these urges to stop. For these thoughts to stop invading my brain. I feel so weak.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

You will not lose God's love. We are sinful beings, and His grace is sufficient. Urges continue for us, regardless of what we struggle with. The question is what do we do when we do have these urges to act upon them? Do you have any kind of plan for distraction such as prayer, moving away from the room you are currently in or going outside into a public setting? Do you find you are able to redirect your thoughts, or do you focus on them to continue the urges? Just asking, as these are some of the questions I've struggled with when trying to change my urges.

 

[IneedHisgrace]

Can I join? I wrote out my story on the forums last night (called I need to tell someone) and I could definitely use a place to keep me accountable. I struggle with my thought life and the urge to linger on those thoughts.

My mind wanted to think about inappropriate stuff last night, and I did a little bit but I really tried to stop myself from staying on those thoughts. Instead I forced myself to stay up late and read the word so I would be tired when I went to bed and would be filled with his truth. I focused on James 1:14-15 "but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death." I talked to God about my struggles and confessed that I could not stop sinning on my own. It's impossible for me to stop without him, I'm not strong enough and I need his grace. After that I was able to go to sleep without wrong images and fantasies and I woke up and was able to focus on good things. I can't help the images from coming into my mind, that is out of my control, but I can choose to not focus on them and focus on Jesus instead. And I think the more I do that, the less the images will come (at least I hope). And hopefully, the more I focus on Jesus, the less desires there will be (at least I hope haha).

Please pray for me that I will have the strength to choose God over sin (it's not easy and even right now is a struggle).

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Of course you can join IneedHisgrace. We are in this together. We are struggling together, and reaching out for support and accountability. So glad that you were able to overcome last night. Please post here as often as you need to. I'll be praying for you, and each of you.

 

[IneedHisgrace]

Thanks!
I failed miserably last night and this morning. But I'm not going to feel guilty, God never shames us. This morning, after failing, I grabbed my bible and I prayed and I felt SO much better after. What I did was wrong, but God is good and faithful and when I sin he's not going to shun me, he's there with open arms accepting me. He knew the sins I would commit before he sent Jesus to die for me. As long as I come to him, he forgives me no matter what. I need to remember this.

I pray that all of us, as we struggle, remember God is always there to run to no matter what we've done.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

His grace is sufficient. Bob Carlisle We Fall Down

 

[Freegirl555]

You will not lose God's love. We are sinful beings, and His grace is sufficient. Urges continue for us, regardless of what we struggle with. The question is what do we do when we do have these urges to act upon them? Do you have any kind of plan for distraction such as prayer, moving away from the room you are currently in or going outside into a public setting? Do you find you are able to redirect your thoughts, or do you focus on them to continue the urges? Just asking, as these are some of the questions I've struggled with when trying to change my urges.

Praise the Lord everyone! Well this has been my first week. I'm so pleased to report that God is teaching me to walk in freedom in a way very different than before.

Kristen.Newcreation, what I've learned and applied so far is this: 1) there is great power in public confession and accountability ladies. Don't let fear hold you back from receiving the gifts and strength that God delivers to you when you shed light on the things that are dark in your life.
2) My hardest challenge is bed time. Often I don't have the luxury of leaving the room or doing another activity as I may only have a few precious hours before I have to deal with the coming day. Hence why its been easy in the past for me to justify masturbating. That said, God has made very clear to me that my sleep time and the sleep chamber that He in his goodness has provided, is a special place and time for uninhibited communication and interaction with Him. He showed me that I've been desecrating this place with my sin, cutting off contact and help from Him, and allowing myself to be used to empower demonic power and oppression over me in my life; which inturn has blocked my breakthrough. Once I understood that this act of momentary pleasure was a trick to use me to keep myself in bondage ... it's been a different game!

Now when I enter my bedroom, I recognize it as a place to meet God. I pray over it, submit the room, the bed and myself to God as this is a place to meet Him. Now, I look so forward to going to bed ... in expectation of getting to spend uninterrupted time with God. It's become and is becoming a sacred place in my mind and heart.

Had a strong attack last night ... but because of this new nunderstanding and increased spiritual strength gained as I've been focused on God and not myself in bed, I found that for the first time although my body wanted the usual order, my mind and heart empowered by the Holy Spirit was able to recognize what was going on, allowing me to cry out to God KNOWING that if I continued to do so God would remove the attack .... and He did Saints!!! I've never experienced such strength and faith under an attack before ... now that I know that's possible I can't wait for the next battle to see what God does.

2) Other than the above, I abstain from watching, listening or reading anything involving romantic or sexual content, ecspecially close to bed time.

3) As I'm seeing someone I abstain from too much interaction with him outside of the times we arrange to meet. I also am not physical with him ... aside from hugging or nudging or being in close proximity with him. It helps us both maintain a healthy level of intimacy so we can really get to know each other as friends and not jump the gun into the physical which would trigger me. It also helps us both honor our committmets of celibacy until marriage to God. Additionally, it helps to keep my mind on things other than 'relationship', which also helps to discourage obsession and tendencies to fantasize.

Q: What recommendations do you guys have when a relationship is getting serious that have been helpful to you?

Be blessed, encouraged and don't give up!!

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

FreeGirl, I'm so pleased to read your post. praying for you and for your endurance.

 

[Ndutah]

Hi, I seriously need an accountability partner who I can openly talk about my struggles with masturbation and inappropriate contentography.. Pardon my bold move of putting my email here as I am in crisis mode. Please reach out to me <staff edit>.. I really need help.
Teresa, from Kenya.
<staff edit>

 

[kdm1984]

I'm still having MAJOR issues in this area. Even though I'm no longer actively and intentionally looking at handsome guys whom I know will excite me carnally, I still am constantly tempted to WANT to look, and give in, and this persistent urge will NOT go away. It's made worse when I try to consult theological experts on the subject, most of whom vehemently insist that only men can be tempted visually, and that women are supposedly "different." Came across a post the other day where some guy insisted that it was "proved" women don't lust visually, based on some "study." Well, the "study" involved a mere 20 people, and not all of them were women. I can't believe someone could logically think they can extrapolate that study to billions of other people on the planet. Yes, this problem may be less common in females, but that doesn't mean it NEVER exists. It's a HUGE temptation for me to want to look at hot guys, their bodies, and revel in the carnal pleasure it brings. It's hard as HELL for me to resist. The fact that so many men and women deny this exists, makes my journey that much harder. There's no support, no accountability, because few understand.

I hate this. I don't know what to do about it.

 

[LoyalToGod]

I haven't masturbated for 8 days. Thank you God and Jesus!

 

[salt-n-light]

Hey everyone!

I don't know how frequently watch this thread is, but I really do need an accountability partner that can check on me regularly as I'm dealing with my struggles with inappropriate contentography and my lustful attraction towards men and women.

If you can't at least pray for me, its hard.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

What kind of support would help? What kind of check in would be helpful? Do you have any particular ideas of what you would benefit from? I'd be happy to help you be accountable.

 

[salt-n-light]

What kind of support would help? What kind of check in would be helpful? Do you have any particular ideas of what you would benefit from? I'd be happy to help you be accountable.

God bless you.

I guess if you or anyone can send an encouraging scripture via message now and again (and i'll return the favor) and check my progress on things, it would be so helpful. Right now, I don't feel comfortable sharing this with anyone currently in my life, so trying to not feel so alone in my thoughts...

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

I can totally understand that

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

This scripture I find helpful.

Second Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, " my of grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so the Christ's power may rest on me.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Hi everyone,

How are you doing with things? I'm doing OK and pressing forward. What struggles are you having today? What is going well today? What are you doing to cope today? And how are you feeling today?

Perhaps one thing that we can do is check in each day to help be accountable so we know how to pray for each other and to send warm thoughts to each other. We have a lot of things to work on in a variety of areas are a lives at least I do. This is just one area where we can find a victory or we can find support and we know are not alone.

I look forward to hearing from you all.

 

[Redeemed2000]

I am so pleased to have found this website and this thread.

I have been married for 31 years and I believe in the sanctity of marriage. My husband and I were both pretty rotten at the start and the first 18 years were pure <staff edit>--but, through the ministrations of our current pastor, the Holy Spirit changed both our hearts and we both treat each other with great honor now.

I love him; however, only as a friend. It was that way from the start, but I lied to myself. I know well that love is an action, not merely a feeling. In all those rotten years, I never cheated physically (though once it was surely direct divine intervention on the spot that prevented it). But I have gotten serially smitten with many guys over the years--and in fact am very smitten with one now. It has happened all but one time with good Christian men, so it's not as though there was any dirty talk or lasciviousness involved--but there always ended up being a real sexual attraction.

Usually in the past these emotional affairs led to exposure (whether through confession or not) and humiliation, both for me and my poor husband. Until this last time. I was on a website, and I met this man (also married, and avowedly very happily so). I admired him deeply. He said publicly that he admired me, too. We both exhibited very godly activity on the website, both to each other and the other members. There were never any extraneous private messages or improper cross-communication.

Nevertheless, I was so hung up on him that I couldn't leave the website for three years. I prayed for conviction in my spirit for what I knew was a sin (coveting at least). Finally in October I got the grace to leave. I miss the guy horribly.

I realize that this has been a huge spiritual breakthrough for me: this is the first time I have ever walked away from an illicit emotional attachment of my own free will without having first been caught.

The pain is getting easier to bear little by little.

Here's the current problem: I wish this serial temptation to crave other men would go away once and for all.

I work hard to combat it.

I pray.

When thoughts pop into my mind of other men, I pray for my husband instead. I remind myself not to give bad thoughts any quarter of any kind--just brush them away as though they were gnats. (That's more effective than beating yourself up and it accomplishes the purpose faster).

I have wondered if perhaps bad thoughts about men are my lifelong "thorn in the side," and I'll just have to keep enlisting the Lord's help in triumphing over it.

I can handle that. I've got a lot of good weapons to fight the battle.

But there's a place where my faith is very weak. No matter how good my husband is to me or how good I am to him or how nice we are to each other during sex, or even how fervently I pray, I have a very sad feeling that I will never love him in a deep, emotional way--and that vacant hole will keep on being my achilles heel.

I have come to terms with that fact that, just as not everybody gets to sing in the Metropolitan Opera, so not everybody gets to have a soulmate in this life. In heaven we won't care! Our attention will be on Jesus!

For me, a soulmate has been an idol--so no wonder God hasn't seen fit to give one to me.

But I still struggle with emptiness and loneliness and lack of gratitude for the good man I have. I am always very cooperative with him, but I dread, dread, dread when it's time for sex.

Please pray for me. If you have a struggle, i will pray for you.

I am so pleased to have found this website and this thread.

I have been married for 31 years and I believe in the sanctity of marriage. My husband and I were both pretty rotten at the start and the first 18 years were pure <staff edit>--but, through the ministrations of our current pastor, the Holy Spirit changed both our hearts and we both treat each other with great honor now.

I love him; however, only as a friend. It was that way from the start, but I lied to myself. I know well that love is an action, not merely a feeling. In all those rotten years, I never cheated physically (though once it was surely direct divine intervention on the spot that prevented it). But I have gotten serially smitten with many guys over the years--and in fact am very smitten with one now. It has happened all but one time with good Christian men, so it's not as though there was any dirty talk or lasciviousness involved--but there always ended up being a real sexual attraction.

Usually in the past these emotional affairs led to exposure (whether through confession or not) and humiliation, both for me and my poor husband. Until this last time. I was on a website, and I met this man (also married, and avowedly very happily so). I admired him deeply. He said publicly that he admired me, too. We both exhibited very godly activity on the website, both to each other and the other members. There were never any extraneous private messages or improper cross-communication.

Nevertheless, I was so hung up on him that I couldn't leave the website for three years. I prayed for conviction in my spirit for what I knew was a sin (coveting at least). Finally in October I got the grace to leave. I miss the guy horribly.

I realize that this has been a huge spiritual breakthrough for me: this is the first time I have ever walked away from an illicit emotional attachment of my own free will without having first been caught.

The pain is getting easier to bear little by little.

Here's the current problem: I wish this serial temptation to crave other men would go away once and for all.

I work hard to combat it.

I pray.

When thoughts pop into my mind of other men, I pray for my husband instead. I remind myself not to give bad thoughts any quarter of any kind--just brush them away as though they were gnats. (That's more effective than beating yourself up and it accomplishes the purpose faster).

I have wondered if perhaps bad thoughts about men are my lifelong "thorn in the side," and I'll just have to keep enlisting the Lord's help in triumphing over it.

I can handle that. I've got a lot of good weapons to fight the battle.

But there's a place where my faith is very weak. No matter how good my husband is to me or how good I am to him or how nice we are to each other during sex, or even how fervently I pray, I have a very sad feeling that I will never love him in a deep, emotional way--and that vacant hole will keep on being my achilles heel.

I have come to terms with that fact that, just as not everybody gets to sing in the Metropolitan Opera, so not everybody gets to have a soulmate in this life. In heaven we won't care! Our attention will be on Jesus!

For me, a soulmate has been an idol--so no wonder God hasn't seen fit to give one to me.

But I still struggle with emptiness and loneliness and lack of gratitude for the good man I have. I am always very cooperative with him, but I dread, dread, dread when it's time for sex.

Please pray for me. If you have a struggle, i will pray for you.

I'm struggling on/off with masturbation. When the feeling kicks in it completely consumes me. God has helped me in the past and he continues to however I'm tired of the guilt and disgust I feel after giving in. I'm tired of that battle and I need other women as accountability partners to help me through this .
I have been struggling with this sin even prior to me being saved. Christ has led me a way from watching inappropriate content and using Sex toys. It seems though the inappropriate contentographic images are burned into my memory and Satan/ or my flesh are quick to play them in my mind. Lucid wet dreams are another trick that Satan uses on me after extended lengths of time where I haven't given in. Anyways I'm confessing this to my fellow believers because I'm over this sin and there is strength in numbers. Jesus died once and for all so we can be free from the bondage of sexual immorality. I'm here to walk it out sent out by the Holy Spirit!

As I read your post, my heart ached for you. I can identify with how you feel in regards to your husband, and I know the guilt and shame that comes along with that. I was married 4 years ago and on my wedding day, I recall feeling like I had made the worst mistake of my life. I knew that I did not feel that passionate love for my husband as you described, but I also knew that he was an wonderful man and I was scared to pass up the blessing that I was convinced came from the Lord. I prayed everyday that God would help me to love him as a wife is supposed to love a husband. I never cheated, but my heart and mind was extremely adulterous. I was never satisfied by him sexually and I could not not make myself enjoy him physically no matter how hard I tried. What was worse was the fact that I knew I had to spend the rest of my life with him because I knew God would not be pleased with divorce. This made me bitter. I started to find evidence that he was having inappropriate conversations with other women and looking at inappropriate content. This only fueled my anger and bitterness, because although I had these feelings and thoughts, I never allowed them to manifest into action. About 4 months ago, it was revealed to me that he had been having an affair with a woman from work. The affair had been going on over a year. As hurt as I was, I also knew this was the time to leave the relationship and do so in a way that justified that decision. Although I never cheated while we were together, I constantly suppressed sin. About 2 months after I left, I acted on the sin that had been in my heart the whole time. Now, I feel terrible because I judged my husband so harshly as if to go as far as to question the authenticity of his faith. I guess my point in sharing this is to say that even though I never acted on the sin while we were together, it didn't matter because I was just as guilty of adultery. Jesus said when we look on someone with lust in our heart, we have already committed the sin. I don't have any answers for you, because I am still struggling with the same thing. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. One thing I do suggest is to come clean about the sin that resides in your heart even now, before it manifests itself in the physical. God bless.

 

[Redeemed2000]

Reading these posts have been so encouraging to me.I am dealing with such regret, shame and hopelessness as a result of my sin. Before surrendering my life to Christ I was in a relationship with a man for years. I ended up having a son with this man. He was my everything. He was my idol, and he hurt me in ways that I cannot begin to describe. No matter what he did, I could not find the strength to leave him. Even though he was terrible for me, he was also the only one I felt understood or cared for me. He was there at some of the darkest moments of my life. At the end of the relationship, I knew if I didn't leave I would end up dead or out of my mind. I surrendered myself to Christ and God opened the door and gave me strength to leave. I moved out of the town he lived in, but I could not get him out of my mind no matter what I did.

About a year after leaving him, I met someone else in church. I knew that if I was with someone, I wanted it to be right in the eyes of God. I didn't want to live in sin. This man asked me to marry him. At the time, I knew deep in my heart I was still in love with my ex, but I was terrified of going back to him. The man who purposed to me was a believer and a kind, gentle man. I convinced myself that I could grow to love him, and by being married to him I would be safe from the toxic relationship with my ex. We got married, and on my wedding day I remember being overcome with sadness because I knew I had just made a life-long commitment to a man that I was not in love with in the presence of God. I did not believe in divorce, so I thought I was be unhappy and discontent the rest of my life.

Having sex with my husband was a terrible battle. The shame and guilt of missing my ex and comparing my husband to him plagued me. I ended up finding out my husband was having an affair. Part of me was so bitter and angry because even though I battled the thoughts and feelings of adultery, I never acted on them. I was hurt and betrayed, but at the same time I knew this was my opportunity to be free. My shame and guilt about how I felt, and the deception in my heart was also driving a wedge between me and God. I couldn't understand why God would not take the evil desires from my heart. I did everything I knew how to put these things to death in me, but nothing seemed to work.

I have been separated from my husband now for about 4 months. Last week I started talking to my ex again. I know what this man has the ability to do to me, but I couldn't deny how good it felt to finally be able to have a conversation with him. On Friday, I spent the night with him and we had sex. The next morning I left and immediately felt empty and guilty of my sin. I don't want to sacrifice my relationship with God for a relationship that will destroy me. No matter what I do, I can't get this man out of my heart and mind. I have not spoken with him since that night, and I pray that God will give me the strength to overcome this. I'm scared that he will turn me over to my sin and that would be the worst thing that could happen to me.

 

[Cali5220]

Hi Ladies, I’m so glad I have found this forum. I have been married 21 years to a wonderful Christian man. We have had a good marriage, but not perfect. I have struggled all my life with sexual fantasies. When we son went away to college, I fell into depression and started talking to men online. I am so ashamed of sexting and talking to those men. I confessed to my husband bc I could not give this one married man up and it had been a year. My husband was heart broken, but wanted to work on our marriage and for that I am so thankful to God. It has been three months since I have not had any contact with the married man, but think about him. I know this man did not love me like he said. I do love my husband, but struggle with the guilt and shame. I am in IC and we are in MC. I would like to know of anyone would like to be my accountability partner? Thank you, Ladies.