Fear of losing salvation

[DeerGlow]

I can hardly bring myself to do anything right now, all I can do is focus on my fears. I want to die but fear death more than I ever have. I just want peace with Christ. I fear that the LORD hates me. Like the passages with Esau, He might hate me and there's nothing I can do. (Like: "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated." And that Esau could not get his birthright even seeking it WITH TEARS)

I hear so many people bringing up the literal wording of the unpardonable sin passages and saying they hate people twisting blasphemy (which is modernly defined as defiant irreverence or slander) into persistent unbelief. That people do this to deny that some living people have done something to secure their condemnation while they're still alive. This, and Jesus's own words "By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." Make me fear. So I'll ask, and please refrain from calling me dramatic this is no small business, is there hope? Is it forgivable only in ignorance? Impulsive thoughts? As long as you don't mean it? Once you stop living that way? Can anyone be forgiven as long as they have physical breath?

Is the sin WILLING or WILLFUL? Speaking certain words or deliberate disbelief?

I fear I will never have peace again. I miss the days where I could lay in the sunshine and appreciate God's love and His amazing creations but now I can mainly just fear.

 

[TaylorSexton]

Without diminishing your anguish, dear sister, what you are describing really sounds to me like the fruit of a regenerate heart. In my estimation, an unregenerate person would seldom (if ever) experience the fears you are experiencing. Most of the time, they are happy in their sin. You, however, seem to be very disturbed by the reality of your sin.

Now, I realize that this is easier said than done, but take comfort in the fact that you feel this way. It means your heart is sensitive to things that displease God and harm you.

Also, and most importantly, remember that your salvation is in no way dependent on how you feel or how you perform. Salvation is by God's grace alone, totally apart from any works (and that includes sin). Lay hold of the promise set forth in Christ and he will save you. He is a good, sufficient, and perfect Savior.

I will be praying for you, sister.

 

[Aldebaran]

I can hardly bring myself to do anything right now, all I can do is focus on my fears. I want to die but fear death more than I ever have. I just want peace with Christ. I fear that the LORD hates me. Like the passages with Esau, He might hate me and there's nothing I can do. (Like: "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated." And that Esau could not get his birthright even seeking it WITH TEARS)

I hear so many people bringing up the literal wording of the unpardonable sin passages and saying they hate people twisting blasphemy (which is modernly defined as defiant irreverence or slander) into persistent unbelief. That people do this to deny that some living people have done something to secure their condemnation while they're still alive. This, and Jesus's own words "By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." Make me fear. So I'll ask, and please refrain from calling me dramatic this is no small business, is there hope? Is it forgivable only in ignorance? Impulsive thoughts? As long as you don't mean it? Once you stop living that way? Can anyone be forgiven as long as they have physical breath?

Is the sin WILLING or WILLFUL? Speaking certain words or deliberate disbelief?

I fear I will never have peace again. I miss the days where I could lay in the sunshine and appreciate God's love and His amazing creations but now I can mainly just fear.

Have you asked Christ to forgive you of your sin? I ask because I didn't see you mention it. It is through Christ that we have forgiveness and the peace you are seeking.

 

[jsimms615]

I think it is important to based thoughts on actual facts and facts taken from the Bible and not feelings. The Bible is clear that Jesus died for sinners while they were yet sinners and we did nothing to deserve it. Being God, he can see your past, present and future all at once. When he saves he sees it all and forgives it all. We have to realize I think that while our sin is bad, it is actually far darker and worse than we realize, but God's grace and love is also far greater than we realize.

 

[TaylorSexton]

Like the passages with Esau, He might hate me and there's nothing I can do. (Like: "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated." And that Esau could not get his birthright even seeking it WITH TEARS)

Remember that Esau willingly and selfishly gave up his birthright. He may have sought it with tears, but only after he gave it up for a bowl of food. His was a act of faithlessness.

 

[DeerGlow]

Have you asked Christ to forgive you of your sin? I ask because I didn't see you mention it. It is through Christ that we have forgiveness and the peace you are seeking.

I've asked, but if someone commits the unpardonable sin they could ask for all of eternity (hypothetically since humans don't live that long) and not be forgiven.


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[DeerGlow]

Remember that Esau willingly and selfishly gave up his birthright. He may have sought it with tears, but only after he gave it up for a bowl of food. His was a act of faithlessness.

That's part of my struggle. I had impulsive thoughts and I realise now impulsive evil thoughts, whoever they're about, are not all it takes for the unpardonable sin. But once while I was really low, hadn't slept right in weeks, I called the Holy Spirit evil names because I just wanted the worry to end. Then I realised I made it worse, and now I feel like Esau seeking repentance and faith and salvation, even to sickness and tears, but to God it might not matter. I might be dead to Him.


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[CodyFaith]

I can say that I for a long time continued in consistent unbelief of Christ, hardening my heart against Christ, etc. Many times, off and on.

But a part of me was still searching. A part of me was still seeking Christ. And God sees that part.

That's all I can really comment on as I'm not wise enough for the rest. Hopefully it gives you some peace and hope.

 

[Aldebaran]

I've asked, but if someone commits the unpardonable sin they could ask for all of eternity (hypothetically since humans don't live that long) and not be forgiven.


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Is there a particular time in your life that you seriously believe you committed the unpardonable sin?

 

[DeerGlow]

Is there a particular time in your life that you seriously believe you committed the unpardonable sin?

Either that or came as close to the line as you can get. I was struggling so much with impulsive terrible thoughts about the Holy Spirit for so long, I couldn't sleep, I always felt worried, cold, and often sick, so to make the worry stop I said an evil thing about Him that I didn't mean but it also seemed too willing and too carnal for a Christian to say.


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[Aldebaran]

Either that or came as close to the line as you can get. I was struggling so much with impulsive terrible thoughts about the Holy Spirit for so long, I couldn't sleep, I always felt worried, cold, and often sick, so to make the worry stop I said an evil thing about Him that I didn't mean but it also seemed too willing and too carnal for a Christian to say.

Wow! That reminds me so much of what happened to me when I was much younger. I was going to a bible study and had so many questions about my salvation and always had my doubts about whether or not I was saved. Then there was a point where I got really frustrated about the whole thing and just wanted to give up worrying about whether I was saved or unsaved, so I told God to take His Holy Spirit back and that I no longer wanted anything to do with Him or his spirit, and "I blaspheme your spirit now!" It was a fit of anger, and I thought it would at least take away my confusion.

But...that was around 25 years ago, and He's still in my life. I still want to follow Him. If God had taken His Spirit from me, I would have no desire at all to follow Him. The only thing I'd care about is my own will, my own desires, and wouldn't give a single thought about God. After all, it's His Spirit that draws us to Him. If I had truly blasphemed His Spirit, I'd no longer be drawn to Him.

 

[BeStill&Know]

That's part of my struggle. I had impulsive thoughts and I realise now impulsive evil thoughts, whoever they're about, are not all it takes for the unpardonable sin. But once while I was really low, hadn't slept right in weeks, I called the Holy Spirit evil names because I just wanted the worry to end. Then I realised I made it worse, and now I feel like Esau seeking repentance and faith and salvation, even to sickness and tears, but to God it might not matter. I might be dead to Him.Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

1 John 1:9
1. If we confess our sins to Yeshua,
2. He is faithful and just
3. to forgive us our sins
4. and to cleanse us from all wickedness.

 

[Griswold]

If you couldn't be forgiven for a seemingly violation of such a decree than neither could the Apostle Peter. In Matthew 10:33 Jesus Himself said anyone who denies Him before men He will deny (written as "reject" in the Amplified version) before the Father. So what about Peter? He heard these words, he knew the terms, and he...failed miserably just a few chapters later in the same book (Matthew 26:69-75). Peter, like you, wept bitterly (v. 75). Jesus knew this about Peter long before Peter did it (Matthew 26:34). And as jsimms615 stated, you can't let Christ down. You can't catch Him who is all-knowing off guard. When He called you in the first place He knew all that would be you and He still called you. Peter knew what Jesus decreed, that Jesus would reject anyone who denies Him before the Father, yet even though Peter committed exactly this, Jesus didn't? So where did that sin go? The answer; the same place yours did, it was charged to the cross.

It's actually a blessing to be in the turmoil you are in. You certainly don't see it when you are in the turmoil (which feels torturing I know). However, why did Jesus tell Peter that Peter would deny Him in advance? This was for Peters benefit. Without going into detail, I'm convinced this battle of yours is to your benefit as well. Having gone through similar circumstances I have some inclinations why; and I'm convinced that some day you will look back on it and thank God for His orchestration in your life for this time just as I'm sure Peter is thankful (though at first he wept bitterly, v.75) for God's orchestration in His life. Couldn't God have taken Peter away from the opportunity to deny Him? Sure thing He could. Did He? No. Why? God had a good plan for Peter who was considered to be the rock on which Jesus would build His church upon (Matthew 16:18).

There are stories listed by others in this post that are sharing their experiences with you of God's faithfulness even though they failed. Peter will tell you the same thing, God is faithful, God is gracious. If I may give you two verses that God shared with me in a similar struggle.

"Cease striving and know that I am God" - Psalm 46:10a

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” - 2 Cor. 12:9a

Additional info:

http://graceprovoked.org/index.php/theological-studies/331-can-we-lose-our-salvation

http://graceprovoked.org/index.php/...ubt/chapter-5-reprogramming/the-apostle-peter

 

[Kit Sigmon]

I can hardly bring myself to do anything right now, all I can do is focus on my fears. I want to die but fear death more than I ever have. I just want peace with Christ. I fear that the LORD hates me. Like the passages with Esau, He might hate me and there's nothing I can do. (Like: "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated." And that Esau could not get his birthright even seeking it WITH TEARS)

DeerGlow: God rejected Esau as father of the Israelites, God choose Jacob to be the father of His chosen people(Israelites). Esau would be the father of the Edomites....Esau(was also called Edom).
Go and read Genesis 33:9 and the whole chapter 36 of Genesis, there you will read that Esau be blessed by the Lord in other ways.
This rejection("hate"...lesser definition) was also seen in the lives of Isaac and Ishmael...this "hate" for Ishmael be rejection...God had willed that Isaac be the "chosen one", not Ishmael... God had told Abram that'd he and Sarai would have a son, Isaac be the child of Promise and would get the covenant blessings. The Lord would also have Abram and Sarai's names changed....Abraham; Sarah.

Ishmael was blessed in other ways, God would make nations of Ismael's offspring too.




I hear so many people bringing up the literal wording of the unpardonable sin passages and saying they hate people twisting blasphemy (which is modernly defined as defiant irreverence or slander) into persistent unbelief. That people do this to deny that some living people have done something to secure their condemnation while they're still alive. This, and Jesus's own words "By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." Make me fear. So I'll ask, and please refrain from calling me dramatic this is no small business, is there hope? Is it forgivable only in ignorance? Impulsive thoughts? As long as you don't mean it? Once you stop living that way? Can anyone be forgiven as long as they have physical breath?

Is the sin WILLING or WILLFUL? Speaking certain words or deliberate disbelief?

I fear I will never have peace again. I miss the days where I could lay in the sunshine and appreciate God's love and His amazing creations but now I can mainly just fear.

Go by scripture, read and check other relating verses...you find out what is being said...an/or find out what it means. You dig into God's Word, this ain't a quick thing, it takes time... it be good if you take notes when you be studying the scriptures. Also, talk to your preacher/bible study teacher etc. I also recommend joining a bible study group or getting connected with a mature Christian mentor.

Another thing...your mental issues not unknown to the Lord, just as he be aware of Thomas(disciple in the bible who doubted). I ain't found nothing in the bible that say the Lord cast off Thomas or said he'd committed the unpardonable sin.

The unpardonable sin be accounting the work of the Holy Spirit to being that of the devil...this is what the religious leaders did and they didn't care. Not one word of regret is noted of those religious leaders who blasphemed the holy spirit!
The same religious leaders continually rejected/hated Jesus, the scripture say that they plotted to have Jesus killed...read chapter 26 of Matthew. This shows that they were set in they ways and had no desire to change.

I see nothing of their nature/ways in your words...you convey the struggle that many with mental illness have, know this...Jesus be the one who keeps you, he keeps all that seek him for salvation(take refuge in him).

 

[timewerx]

Then I realised I made it worse, and now I feel like Esau seeking repentance and faith and salvation, even to sickness and tears, but to God it might not matter. I might be dead to Him.

Don't worry about it.

We give far too much value to our own lives and even to our eternal fate. The only thing that matters is God and His Will.

I won't lie to you but if the Synoptic Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke is genuine, then you have lost your salvation.

I'm also uncertain of my salvation. I only count upon the hope that God upholds justice in the end regardless of my eternal fate.

 

[Tchiakovsky]

Life has alway been simple to me...

I once told a pastor my Belief "the whole point of life is to get what you want"
pastor "No, it is to serve the Lord."

I changed my belief right then to serve the Lord

 

[YouAreAwesome]

I called the Holy Spirit evil names because I just wanted the worry to end

If you called me evil names I'd laugh and say, "It's okay, you'll be alright" with a big smile on my face.

The Holy Spirit is THE COMFORTER! He doesn't get offended easily, He's not insecure or worried what you think of Him, He just loves you. He likes you.

If you want your worry to leave say out aloud, "Holy Spirit, I'm sorry for saying evil things about you, will you forgive me?" You have already confessed your sin here on the forum. He will embrace you with such a loving presence that you will feel overwhelmed! IN JESUS NAME!

 

[Alithis]

If you called me evil names I'd laugh and say, "It's okay, you'll be alright" with a big smile on my face.

The Holy Spirit is THE COMFORTER! He doesn't get offended easily, He's not insecure or worried what you think of Him, He just loves you. He likes you.

If you want your worry to leave say out aloud, "Holy Spirit, I'm sorry for saying evil things about you, will you forgive me?" You have already confessed your sin here on the forum. He will embrace you with such a loving presence that you will feel overwhelmed! IN JESUS NAME!

And he must repent of doing so and not go back to it

 

[DeerGlow]

Don't worry about it.

We give far too much value to our own lives and even to our eternal fate. The only thing that matters is God and His Will.

I won't lie to you but if the Synoptic Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke is genuine, then you have lost your salvation.

I'm also uncertain of my salvation. I only count upon the hope that God upholds justice in the end regardless of my eternal fate.

If it's genuine? I'm already dead?


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[YouAreAwesome]

If it's genuine? I'm already dead?


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It's not genuine. You're not dead. YOU ARE LOVED AND ACCEPTED AND FORGIVEN! What is holding you back? Do you feel you need to apologise to someone? Forgive someone? What is holding you back? You have not blasphemed the Holy Spirit by saying mean things to Him! He can handle it! He's been around for a while! He's had worse! He can shake it off and forgive you SO EASY!