Everything is about to unravel...(Moved from Christian Advice)

[jason202]

So.. here I am, contemplating my life and how its all about to dramatically unravel to its core...

I'm gay. To type it out, let alone say aloud, is something incredibly surreal. Something i'm still getting used to. i've known this fact subconsciously from a young age, and came to terms with it consciously when i was around 13. I'm now 21. I don't want to trivialize anyone's coming-out experience, but i can't help feel that I have it particularly hard.. being a christian and all, its not exactly the most honorable position to be in! my family, my parents, my friends, MY WHOLE WORLD is seemingly opposed to this way of life and i'm terrified to tell ppl. but to be true to myself, honest to myself and those i care about, i need to let it be known. i'm sick of the lies, the covers, the hurt and the disappointment.

I think i'm ready to come out... but so terrified. i've been through many dark days of depression, and I'm sick of pretending to be something i'm not. i'm scared of what ppl will think, but i have to learn not to. i realise there's a huge support network out there for G/L ppl, im not denying that. it just kinda feels like that the ppl in my CIRCLE, the ppl that comprise of my world won't understand, empathise, or truly relate. im scared their opinion of me will become undone and that i'll be treated like an outcast, or someone to be pitied. its going to be horrifying to see the "world" i live in completely change. i know a lot of them will love me either way, and wish the best for me.. but as i said, being a christian, this is potentially the biggest bombshell i could ever drop. it will be slightly epic...

I know everything will change dramatically.. and that terrifies me. A part of me is truly excited about it... for the first time in my life - the opportunity to be REAL.. the chance to drop the facade. butterflies in my stomach!

I love Jesus with all my heart, and want to please him and honour him completely with my life. I'm worried particularly because i hold a certain degree of influence / leadership at church, and fear this will come crashing down, and i'll dissapoint various ppl who look up to me. I hope that we're all over the "its a choice" routine - obviously its not.

I would appreciate anyone's thoughts or encouragement. This is a very hard time.

 

[Sketcher]

Well, something that will make it easier rather than harder:

Don't adopt a defiant attitude which justifies your sin. We all sin all the time, but most of the time we're at least humble enough to admit that our sins really are sins, and we work at it to sin less. If you don't embrace this sin or justify yourself, then you're going to have more Christians pulling for you than you otherwise would.

I can't predict how the people you know will react, I can't control that. Maybe it will help if you slip out of leadership before telling a select FEW who you know can keep a secret. In any case, cover your bases so that you won't be seen as the defiant type who justifies his sin or someone who would prey on others. Not saying you are that way, but those are the first two questions a lot of Christians would ask upon hearing the news. Some might react negatively despite this, but do what I'm telling you anyway because it's the right thing to do.

 

[EazyMack]

twistedsketch is right.

And just a reminder... God judges the heart. If the heart is repenting, He knows it. If the heart desires transformation so as to glorify Him, He knows it. And if the heart is proud of its sin, justifies its sin, & desires more sin, He knows that too.

So if you are "coming out" to seek prayer & help, great! I'm praying already. But if you are "coming out" to make a stand, that's another thing. Either way, I'm praying. God bless!

 

[drich0150]

but as i said, being a christian, this is potentially the biggest bombshell i could ever drop. it will be slightly epic...

You being a sinner or the fact that you are susceptible to sexual sin, shouldn't be the Earth shattering thing that it will most likely will be. I have found that people tend to take a more harsh stand or a more self righteous stand on sins that they themselves don't feel like they could commit. They even seem to give a pass to the sins that God says he hates the most, just because they are more popular like Gossip, and self righteousness.

Your coming out can be turned into a very scripturally healing moment for you and your loved ones if you orchestrate it properly.. Your sin can have those all around you examine themselves, and redefining your sinful natures with a more biblical definition.. Because right now it sounds like you present your sin very high on a scale of evil. When in fact any sin no matter how small if broken, condemns us as if we were to break the law in it's entirety. So there isn't a scale of evil. Just another version of man's self righteousness and pride in ourselves, and those who we love.. The biggest thing you maybe guilty of here is destroying perception, and family pride..

God loves you, know that. But just like anyone else you are expected to love him first with your entire being, and apart of that is how you manifest your love in your behavior. If you truly are a Christian then instead of "coming out" (Meaning a selfish expression of making the pride you may have in your sexual orientation known regardless of the consequences.) Use this opportunity in a humble way, by gathering information on those support groups and find out from others what would be the best way to approach your family and friends. Take the reigns, and use them to direct all who will be effected through the grieving process. (Because of the loss of their pride in who they think you are or the job the did raising you.) Rather than surprising everyone and letting them just deal with it.

This is what I meant when I said this is an opportunity for all involved to have a more scriptural understanding of sin, and the nature of forgiveness. You will be expected to shoulder most of the work and responsibility, but through all of this you will grow tremendously in your relationship with God.. If you use this as a point of repentance and not as an announcement of your sexual intent.

 

[DreamsAreFree]

Before you come out, I just wonder if you have talked this through with someone 'safe' who will not judge you but help you weigh up the decision to come out. This could be a counsellor BUT I would caution you that you may find yourself with a counsellor who will impose their values rather than be objective - and may need to search for the right one.

If you wonder how your friends will react, this will sort out who your true friends that love you unconditionally are. We don't have to agree with our friends to love them.

I would say, though, that you will almost certainly be removed from church leadership if you come out. It will be taken very seriously. If this is the price of 'being real', you have to decide how you will handle it. Some may accept your 'gayness' if you don't enter into a relationship and decide to be single and unconnected and abstain from sexual relations. If you are going to enter into a gay relationship, the church will react strongly. My hope would be that they will love you anyway.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Let GOD'S WORD BE YOUR GUIDE:


" Romans
Chapter 13:




13 let us conduct ourselves properly as in the day, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in promiscuity and licentiousness, not in rivalry and jealousy.

14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the desires of the flesh.





Romans
Chapter 1:






26 Therefore, God handed them over to degrading passions. Their females exchanged natural relations for unnatural,

27 and the males likewise gave up natural relations with females and burned with lust for one another. Males did shameful things with males and thus received in their own persons the due penalty for their perversity. "



You know you are ashamed of these acts so why would yo want to impose those acts on others by admitting them?


TURN AWAY WHILE YOU STILL HAVE TIME!




JESUS IS RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AT!!! EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T SEE HIM!!!

( left click and hold over the above to see your personal message )

 

[Bellicus]

I don't have any clever words, but I think you are right that it will be good to not live like in a theater play where you pretend to be someone that you are not. God loves you like you are, so why worry about what others would think.

Blessings.

 

[wonderwaleye]

We all need to HEED!



" 2 Timothy 4:


3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;




1 Peter 5:


8, Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.




1 Timothy 4:


1, Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils.




Colossians 2:


8, Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.



Proverbs 14:


12, There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. "


JESUS SAID:


" THOSE THAT ARE LUKEWARM OR COLD HE WOULD SPEW THEM OUT OF MY MOUTH "


Folks come here for CHRISTIAN ADVICE so therefore:



" Proverbs 23:


16 My inmost being will exult
when your lips speak what is right.




17 Let not your heart envy sinners,
but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day.
18 Surely there is a future,
and your hope will not be cut off.





Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding "




JESUS IS RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AT!!! EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T SEE HIM!!!

( left click and hold over the above to see your personal message )

 

[bsd13]

If I were you I would spend 21 days fasting and praying for healing. Because you are ill. I don't mean to be offensive, or hurtful but honest. I don't know if God will make you straight, and that's not even the point to the exercise. It's to truly seek out the will of God in regards to if you should or should not come out.

I believe the Lord would have you come out, but He does not want you to come out to scorn and public shame. He wants to handle it in a gentle and delicate manner. Which means He wants you to have discernment about who you tell, how and when.

Am I advocating homosexuality? By no means.

 

[wonderwaleye]

If I were you I would spend 21 days fasting and praying for healing. Because you are ill. I don't mean to be offensive, or hurtful but honest. I don't know if God will make you straight, and that's not even the point to the exercise. It's to truly seek out the will of God in regards to if you should or should not come out.

I believe the Lord would have you come out, but He does not want you to come out to scorn and public shame. He wants to handle it in a gentle and delicate manner. Which means He wants you to have discernment about who you tell, how and when.

Am I advocating homosexuality? By no means.

How might someone come out without continuing to commit the act? Where might I find in GOD'S WORD that the LORD would have him COME OUT? GOD handles it with hell, do you think that's gentle and delicate? Could you please tell me how you would handle your advice before the LORD with discernment?



JESUS IS RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AT!!! EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T SEE HIM!!!

( left click and hold over the above to see your personal message )

 

[Bellicus]

Remember that this is not a forum for debate. The OP chooses who he wish to listen too, and when it comes to homosexuality there is many opinions where everyone think they are right.

All I can think of that is smart to do is to hang on to God and don't give up on the faith. Following Him will lead further then following any of these advice.

 

[capnator]

Is your coming out an admission of a weakness in your life that you see a need to overcome?

Or are you just going to declare I am Gay, that's who I am and how I am happy to be?

 

[Prizm]

Hi Jason,

I would recommend speaking to a pastor in your church about it. During this time, you definitely need to step down from ministry while you focus on this issue.

"Coming out" tends to be either an expression of pride, or an expression of admitting defeat and giving yourself over to the sin. I would not "come out" but rather take it to some Godly men in private you can trust.

The only type of counseling you need is Godly, Biblical council, and I hope you have wise and understanding pastors in your church that can help you make the right decisions at this time.

Never fall for the beliefs that you're born gay or that you can't change. Homosexuality is just like any other sin, it can be repented of. God can help you through and change your desires. But it sounds like it's something you'll really have to strive for. Knock and keep on knocking, as Jesus said. Knuckle down into personal prayer each day and up the bar in your spiritual walk.

Fasting may also be an option, as mentioned by bsd13. You don't have to do 21 days, but if you want deliverance (and the key is that we must honestly want it and seek it), whatever fasting you can do is sure to help. Whether it be a day or two, or a week of only eating dinner, etc. Jesus said in reference to a certain type of spirit "This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting" (Mark 9:29).

Don't give up.

 

[jason202]

Is your coming out an admission of a weakness in your life that you see a need to overcome?

Or are you just going to declare I am Gay, that's who I am and how I am happy to be?

Well lets get this much straight - currently, no, I'm not happy to be gay. I don't think any christian who goes through this finds it the least bit fun. It's the complete opposite, actually. I don't plan on coming out with the rainbow flag draped around me whilst singing gay anthems! I don't plan on running to the nearest gay club and pursuing a hook up / relationship with another guy. At that though, its also not going to be a "oh, woe is me, I'm going to hell, cast these gay demons out of me, bla bla bla..."

It's an honest, simple admission of: i am attracted to the same sex, i always have, its not something i ever chose or am planning on pursuing, but it is what it is. i am gay. its why i dont have a girlfriend, its why i've been miserable, confused and depressed for several years. its not something i want, but something im coming to terms with as just something that wont go away.

As I said, my first and foremost desire is to love, honour, and please God for all my days. I'm just currently evaluating what exactly that means.

 

[jason202]

Hi Jason,

I would recommend speaking to a pastor in your church about it. During this time, you definitely need to step down from ministry while you focus on this issue.

"Coming out" tends to be either an expression of pride, or an expression of admitting defeat and giving yourself over to the sin. I would not "come out" but rather take it to some Godly men in private you can trust.

The only type of counseling you need is Godly, Biblical council, and I hope you have wise and understanding pastors in your church that can help you make the right decisions at this time.

Never fall for the beliefs that you're born gay or that you can't change. Homosexuality is just like any other sin, it can be repented of. God can help you through and change your desires. But it sounds like it's something you'll really have to strive for. Knock and keep on knocking, as Jesus said. Knuckle down into personal prayer each day and up the bar in your spiritual walk.

Fasting may also be an option, as mentioned by bsd13. You don't have to do 21 days, but if you want deliverance (and the key is that we must honestly want it and seek it), whatever fasting you can do is sure to help. Whether it be a day or two, or a week of only eating dinner, etc. Jesus said in reference to a certain type of spirit "This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting" (Mark 9:29).

Don't give up.

Thanks for your words. I am really challenged with a lot of what you say.
You say not to believe that you're born gay - may I ask what you believe causes someone to become attracted to their same sex? I truly believe its not a choice - why would anyone willingly chose to be gay? I don't think i need to go through the list of reasons why not...

Believe me, I have been praying seeking begging pleading and hoping on every last bit hope for "deliverance" for YEARS - but nothing. in fact, there's hardly any evidence out there supporting the whole "god can change your sexual orientation". i'm not limiting what i perceive God can do, but I have to seriously question what His heart is on this issue if there's no evidence of suddenly having homosexual desires replaced with hetereosexual ones.

Thanks for your encouragement nonetheless. I definetely need to up the bar of my spiritual walk as you say. I think its SO difficult for gay ppl to explain to straight ppl that who they find attractive is certainly not a choice... just like your eye colour, or height. it seems almost pointless trying to argue the point. i am open howoever to someone explaining to me a logical alternative if they have one.
And for the record, I live in a fmaily with a happily married mum and dad who have had a stable marriage my entire life. I get along just fine with my Dad, and my Mum is not overbearing. I was not raped as a child.

 

[Bellicus]

It's an honest, simple admission of: i am attracted to the same sex, i always have, its not something i ever chose or am planning on pursuing, but it is what it is. i am gay. its why i dont have a girlfriend, its why i've been miserable, confused and depressed for several years. its not something i want, but something im coming to terms with as just something that wont go away.

I hope you will find understanding from those close to you, and that they will be of support for you. Also hope that it will make you feel better in some ways to not having to hide it from others. And I can certainly not see any reason for why you should not be honest about this. "The truth shall set you free". Said a prayer for you. Hope you will stick around on the forum, it has been a place where I've found blessings in many things.

 

[Bellicus]

Here's a video I found for you.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=fayxh8Uqes0&feature=related

 

[DreamsAreFree]

Question: If you don't intend to persue a gay relationshp. as you stated above, why do you need to 'come out'? If you plan to remain single and not have any relationships, is it actually anyone's business? It's not necessary for a heterosexual who decides to be single and not have relationships to declare their sexual orientation. Why would it be different for a homosexual? Unless you plan on persuing a relationship with another man, why does anything need to be said at all? I do understand the whole thing about wanting to be true to yourself and not hiding part of oneself and that this no doubt makes you want to 'come out'. Just be prepared that you might get a stronger reaction than you are expecting so weigh it up carefully as to whether you make it public or not.

 

[Sketcher]

Thanks for your words. I am really challenged with a lot of what you say.
You say not to believe that you're born gay - may I ask what you believe causes someone to become attracted to their same sex? I truly believe its not a choice - why would anyone willingly chose to be gay? I don't think i need to go through the list of reasons why not...

You can't choose how you're tempted, but you can choose how you'll respond to the temptation. With God's help, may you always resist it.

 

[heron]

Question: If you don't intend to persue a gay relationshp. as you stated above, why do you need to 'come out'?

I like what DRich said about orchestrating it properly. You already know the general stance of the people around you, and even if God protects you from chaos and harsh words, there will still be rejection. There will be a request that you leave church leadership positions.

But as for random acquaintances, is it really important that they know? I don't ask acquaintances if they are committed to singleness, or dating workaholics. I don't want to know about their physical relationships.

People gossip, and they turn subtle confessions into something that was never meant to be. The best people will get the story wrong, or tell the wrong people. No matter how well anyone handles a public confession, there is always a twisted story passed around. It is not just Christians, or just gay issues, or just you. It is just the nature of people, to want to put themselves above others.

So in orchestrating, I would suggest that you decide exactly who needs to know, and then what you need to do to prepare. Step back from leadership in a responsible way, allowing time for substitutes being trained. I know it seems unfair that you should have to give this up, but even if there is only one person in the church who objects, they will make this miserable for everyone.

It is about working within the premise and standards of the organization, and representing all it stands for. I have given up positions before when I felt like outside concerns were weighing so heavily that I was not spiritually lifting others up like I should. (Family issues, deaths and illnesses, work overload, my own negativity...) It's not responsible to just drop things suddenly, or give up when we feel imperfect, but there are many valid reasons to step back .

Your parents should know. But remember that each person close to you, when dealing with their reactions, will feel the need to tell one more person. So plan on that ripple effect, and make your preparations with a wise cushion.

it just kinda feels like that the ppl in my CIRCLE, the ppl that comprise of my world won't understand, empathise, or truly relate. im scared their opinion of me will become undone and that i'll be treated like an outcast, or someone to be pitied. its going to be horrifying to see the "world" i live in completely change.

That is just a life lesson that we all have to go through. People will never completely love and support us. So it is good to take in the support while we have it, but not rely on it happening.

But don't fuel the fire. It's important to be honest, but also discreet and wise. If you got an "A" in Spanish, or took a vacation in Florida, you wouldn't make a formal public announcement. A school bully might steal your homework, and a thief might target your house. There are some things the general public simply doesn't need to know.

You wouldn't put it on a job application. Protect your future with the information that you already know. Don't expect people to be more tolerant or responsible than you know they are. Work with what you have in front of you.